Discl. Thanks to Josh as usual…

My thank yous go to my loyal readers and reviewers, thanks for sticking with me, you mean the world to me! Tx to I-believe-in-the-butterflies (J), JenJenxx, Rainygal, Leentje, Kym, The-OC-roxmysox, kursk, megan, maddy-sparkles, welcometotheoc (15x), GalootMaster (sorry), ocobsessedrachel2 and liz. Thank you guys so much for the encouraging and comforting words, I really appreciate it…

Chapter 15

It was getting darker around him and he enjoyed the freedom and peace out here on the cliffs. Nobody to judge, to accuse him of disappointing his family. For the sixth time his cell phone started vibrating in his pocket, calling for him to pick up. Reaching for it, he checked the numbers, seeing that Seth and Alyssa had tried to contact him. He was tempted to call his daughter back, letting her know why he had to do this, making her understand that she would have a better life with the Cohen's, not cursed by the bad luck of the Atwoods.

The phone vibrated again, this time he didn't recognise the number. Knowing that the mailbox would take the call he was just about to put it away when the curiosity hit him. His cell phone number wasn't known to anyone at the company, so who could possibly be calling him? He looked at the number again, no idea who it could belong to. Shrugging he dialled the number of the mailbox, listening to the messages. Seth and Alyssa both told him that they were worried and that he should let them know where he was. He didn't know the voice of the last caller:

"Mr. Atwood, this is Newport County Hospital calling. It's about your son, please come by as quickly as possible."

His heart stopped beating for a second, his brain trying to absorb the message he had just heard. Were they talking about David? Did Dr. Hanson not turn off the devices? Was there a chance that his son was still alive?

He didn't give it any more thoughts but got up, walked over to his car, started the engine and drove off.

When he reached the hospital his hands were wet of sweat, his heart beating quickly, his mind racing. Rushing through the entrance he ran over to the receptionist, asking:

"My son? You called…"

"What's your name please, Sir?"

"Atwood, my name is Atwood" Ryan replied out of breath.

"Oh yes, Mr. Atwood, your son was delivered to the hospital with a cut on his hand and in a drunken state."

Ryan just looked at the nurse, no idea what she was talking about.

"I'm sorry, but you must be wrong. My son was born tonight, there must be a mix up" the adult told the receptionist irritated.

Suddenly a doctor appeared, asking:

"Are you Mr. Ryan Atwood?"

"Yes for God's sake!"

"Ok, follow me…" the doctor replied, leading the confused architect to an examination room. They entered together and the doctor explained:

"The boy was delivered an hour ago, he was drunk and had a rather deep cut on his right hand. He was unconsciousness, so we were not able to ask for his name. But we found your card in his wallet, no ID card or anything. So, do you know him?"

Pulling the curtain away, the doctor showed Ryan the bed with the sleeping boy inside. The adult sighed deeply when he recognised Colin. Walking up to his bed he gently took the boy's hand, his heartbeat slowly steadying, the numb feeling of before again settling into his system.

"The boy's name is Colin, I'm afraid I don't know his last name, and he is most definitely not my son…" Ryan told the doctor, too tired to explain why Colin had his business card on him.

Suddenly Colin was stirring, moving his hand slightly.

"Colin?"

"Ryan?" the boy asked surprised, when he recognised the adult on his bed, his voice hoarse and weak.

"What happened Colin?"

Touching his hurting head, Colin tried to find out where he was, what the awful smell in his nose meant.

"Where am I?"

"You're at the hospital Colin… You cut your hand… and you were drunk…" Ryan explained softly.

"Oh… right…now I remember… I had a fight… with mum… I stole her Champagne, drunk it… she shattered the bottle and I cut myself… then I ran away…."

"You gotta call her Colin, she must be worried sick…

"Ok…" Colin answered, already regretting his action of earlier, happy to have an adult around he could trust, making his feeling of loneliness fade slowly. Sitting up in bed and taking a closer look at Ryan, he realised that the adult looked horrible. His eyes were red and unusual dark. His hair dishevelled, his clothes crinkled, his glance absent.

"Are you ok Ryan?"

"Yeah…. I'm fine…." Ryan answered, trying to find a reason to get out of here as soon as possible. Too many bad memories were now linked to this place and he couldn't bear the thought of staying here one minute longer than necessary.

"I'm sorry Colin, but I gotta go, there are things I have to take care of…. "

"How is your wife?" the boy asked politely, getting the slight feeling that something was pushing the architect over the edge.

Tears were suddenly filling Ryan's eyes, the pain coming back to his heart, his glance scaring the hell out of Colin.

"She…. she died tonight…."

"I… I'm so sorry…." Colin answered shocked, now definitely sure that Ryan was not at all ok. Desperate to keep the adult at his side, but not really sure how to do so, he asked:

"I really don't want to bother you… but I'm really scared of my mum… Would you… would you please wait with me until she arrives?"

Ryan sighed heavily, trying to find an excuse to leave, but not able to withstand the pleading look in the boy's eyes.

"Ok, you call your mum and I'm gonna find some coffee"

Marissa was driving down the streets, looking for her son, when her cell started ringing.

"Cooper?"

"Mum? It's Colin…"

"Colin! Thank God you're alright, where are you?"

"Don't freak out mum… I'm at the hospital…"

"What! Oh my God! Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, they took care of the cut… could you please come and get me?"

"Sure honey, I'll be there in a few minutes!" Marissa replied, ending the call, turning her car and driving to the Newport County Hospital.

A few minutes later she reached the building, hurried inside, walked up to the nurse and asked:

"I'm looking for my son, Colin Cooper?"

"I'm afraid I can't find a patient called Colin Cooper" the nurse answered, after checking her files.

"He just called me, he's 12… he has a cut on his hand?" Marissa tried again.

"Oh, of course, the boy sans identification…. your husband is already with him"

"Who?" the model asked startled, no idea who the nurse was talking about.

"Your husband. It's the second door on the right, down the hall."

The nurse turned away, starting to fill out some papers, ignoring the model who was standing there, lost at the words of the receptionist.

Marissa slowly started to walk down the hall, looking for the room the nurse had told her. Turning around the corner she immediately recognised Ryan's figure standing at the coffee machine. She had never before seen him in such a miserable state. His whole body yelled "sleep", his clothes looked like he hadn't changed in a few days. Marissa could see that he was in pain.

Her first reaction was panic. Did he know about Colin? Could she pass him without him noticing? But then she realised that he probably was at the hospital for matters regarding his wife or his son. Although she knew that Colin was waiting for her and she was curious about the so-called husband waiting for her at his bed, she immediately knew that Ryan needed her more right now. Knowing that her boy was ok, as he had told her on the phone, she decided to first take care of his father.

Stepping back behind the corner, she took out her cell, dialling the last recorded number.

"Cohen?"

"Seth, I found Ryan. He's at the hospital, and he looks awful…" Marissa told Ryan's brother in a low voice.

"Ok, we're on the other side of town, but we'll be there in about 30 minutes, try to keep him there, ok, bye – oh, and Marissa, thanks…."

"No problem" the model answered, ending the call.

Taking a deep breath she walked around the corner , trying to figure out what she was gonna say to Ryan.

When she approached the adult, he was facing the coffee machine, not seeing her coming. His whole posture screamed defeat and the model's heart was overflowing with love for the man she had once known better than herself.

Softly tapping his shoulder she greeted him:

"Hey"

Ryan flinched, nearly spilling his coffee all over the place at the unexpected gesture, before placing the mug on the table and turning around to face Marissa.

"Hey…"

They silently looked at each other for a few seconds. Marissa had to pull herself together in order not to start crying. The adult in front of her was a mess. She had never seen so much pain in his eyes, so much hopelessness and loneliness. Tears started filling her eyes, imagining how much he had loved his wife, how lonely he must feel now.

Instinctively she reached out, pulling him into an embrace, softly stroking his back.

"I'm so sorry… so deeply sorry… it's gonna be ok… one day it's gonna be ok" she soothed, trying to express all her support and love for him.

Ryan was obviously thankful for her presence, as he reached around her, holding her close, resting his head on her shoulder. They remained in the same position for a while, not talking, just gathering strength.

Finally Ryan let go of her, mumbling: "My coffee is getting cold…"

Placing himself on a chair next to the machine he sighed, taking a sip of his coffee, trying not to show how happy he was to see her.

Marissa sat down next to him, not sure whether he was ready to talk about his feelings.

"You heard?"

"Yes, Seth told me… I'm so deeply sorry… Is there anything I can do?"

"Turn back time…" he smiled sadly, not looking at her, fearing that she might see how he felt, figuring out what he was about to do earlier.

"I miss her so much… she has always been here for me… and my son… you know how I always wanted a son and now… chances are gone… forever…"

Marissa gulped slightly, her heartbeat quickening, her mind balancing the possibilities. Should she tell him that he already had a son? Would it be too much? Would he push her and his son away for not telling him? He needed to grieve first, she decided, there was plenty of time telling him, now that she was back.

"If you want to talk…. you know where to find me…." she told him instead.

"Yeah… I mean… no… I don't know… will you be there?"

"I'm sorry… what?" Marissa replied startled, not knowing what he was talking about.

"There were times when I needed you… badly…. but you weren't there…."

"Oh… that…." the model replied uneasy.

Turning around to face her teenage love, directly looking into his eyes, she told him:

"I promise Ryan, I will always be here for you… the time of hiding and shutting you out of my life is over. I want us… I want this to work… at least as friends…."

Ryan's eyes expressed thankfulness and a desperate hope that he could believe her this time, that she was really back for good. He couldn't admit it right now, but he knew that the only future he possibly had with a woman would be with Marissa or no one. There was no way he could ever love another woman like he loved her, never feel any similar connection to any female being than to the model sitting next to him, promising him, that she would never leave him again. But could he trust her? Could he really trust a woman again, after all he had been through with the ones he let into his life, his heart?

Ryan didn't know, all he knew was that at the moment, he was happy to be sitting next to his teenage love, experiencing the same feelings he had when he first met her, the butterflies in his stomach, the quickened heartbeat... Although feeling slightly guilty for admitting that he still loved Marissa, he knew that Bernadette would have understood, that she knew anyway. She had never told him, but in his heart he was sure, that she didn't expect him to stay a widower for the rest of his life, not for him and definitely not for Alyssa. And by inviting Marissa into their home, when she knew that she was going to die, she had opened the closed door between the two of them, giving them the chance to re-connect, apologize for the things they had said, make up for the lost time they had spent to convince themselves that they were over each other. Maybe this wasn't the end, but the beginning of a life he should have started living 12 years ago….

A/N: I'll be leaving for my holiday tomorrow, and I won't have internet access nor PC access at all, so the next update will take a while, probably on Tuesday or Wednesday in 1 ½ weeks…. I know I'm mean, leaving you with a cliffhanger, but the chapter would have been too long if I had added the long awaited Ryan/Marissa/Colin scene, but now you know what you are looking forward to…