Authors Note: It's hard to believe that it's the tenth chapter. Tenth chapter... like woah... I look at this fic and it just seems weird that I was the one who wrote it... As a special tenth chapter treat, this chapter is abnormally long and it has violence for those who like violence and cursing for those who like cursing and perverted jokes who are perverts (...me). Reviewers! You are all inflating my ego and I love you all! Thank you Jaguira (imposing? are you kidding? You're a reviewer and I love you), Lady Samurai (yes, Riku's a slut :) that's the way I see him, though...), Kanilla (who said anything about a bed? ;), shadowsdancingdragon (hia! I'm so glad that you read this!), Queen of the Insects (Sora was the one that opened the door for Riku's parents, he was the one that was called monkey-boy), RikuRox (yay! I'm glad you like this fic!), BlueEyedDemon1 (it will be a crime to all humanity if Riku were to keep his hands to himself!), Aeshma-daeva (I'm glad that you thought it was funny!), chocoholic freak (I'm just happy that you're happy), and Lack Thereof (don't apologize! I'm glad that you enjoyed it!)

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, but I own the story, so read and enjoy but please do not take.

Summary: One day a man in a wet shirt and leather pants shows up on Sora's doorstep. So, Sora gets a roommate, a young artist named Riku who turns out to be the most charming person person he has ever met. So charming, infact, that he proceeds to charm the clothes right off of all of Sora's friends. But that's okay, because Sora doesn't know. Yet.

Riku walked out of his room, wiping his hands on his pants. He looked at the clock, and then he heard the cheerful music coming from the TV. He looked down and tried to rub a spot of purple paint from his elbow. "What are you watching, Sora? Cartoons?" Riku smirked and looked up.

"AAAAUUUGHHHHH!" Riku screamed when he saw the screen, stopped paying attention to where he was walking and stepped on a sheet of paper. The paper slid on the carpet taking his foot, and, subsequently, his whole self, with it. Riku fell on his butt with a thump. "What are these papers doing on the floor and what the hell are you watching!"

Sora took a handful of popcorn and tried to stuff it all into his mouth. "That's my final essay. I got an A and scattered it in happiness."

Riku picked up the sheet of paper on which he tripped. It definitely did not have an A on it. Riku stood up, brushed himself off and plopped down on the couch next to Sora. "So what are we watching?"

"We're not sure, it's in Spanish, you see. But we think that it's porn," came a voice from the other side of Riku. Riku turned around and grinned.

"Hello! We haven't really been introduced, have we? You're Tidus, right?"

Tidus grinned. "Yeah, hello Riku." They shook hands before turning back to the TV. Riku took the bowl of popcorn from Sora's hands. Sora glanced at him but didn't protest.

"Oh, look, you're wearing a shirt..." said Sora but the screen re-captured his attention almost instantaneously. He forgot that he no longer had the bowl of popcorn and stuffed some air into his mouth.

"So, what are they doing to each other?" asked Riku.

"As I said, we don't really know, but the word 'penetration' comes to mind." There was a moment of silence.

Riku nodded. "Why areher-"

"His," corrected Tidus.

"Really? Well... why are his legs are bending that way...?" It wasn't really a question, so his only answer was silence."I didn't even know that there was Spanish porn..."

Tidus and Sora nodded. "Well, we just turned the TV on and there it was!" said Tidus, motioning towards the screen.

"Really? What channel is it?"

"We don't know, we're afraid that if we check, it will go away."

Riku sat for a moment, and then popped a piece of popcorn into his mouth. And then he spit it out. "How much butter did you put in it?" he yelped. Sora shrugged. Riku felt a little bad for spitting on the carpet, but this feeling quickly subsided when he realized that even if it left a stain, the color of the carpet would mask it quite well.

The doorbell rang but no one payed it any attention. It rang again. And again. And again...

Finally Riku stood up with a sigh. "I'll get it..." He dropped the bowl of popcorn back into Sora's lap. Sora didn't notice.

Riku made his way towards the door, still managing to stare at the TV screen. And then he opened the door and forgot all about the Spanish porn.

"RIKU!" yelled the person who was standing on the other side. "RIKU, YOU BASTARD!"

Sora and Tidus looked up. Riku grinned apologetically. "Just an old friend of mine," he explained, "I think I'll talk to him outside..."

"I AM NO FRIEND OF YOURS, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!"

Riku stepped into the corridor and closed the door behind him. He smiled in a friendly manner. "What brings you here, Seifer?"

Seifer grabbed Riku by the collar of his shirt. Riku winced as he was slammed into the wall. "You know why I'm here, you little rat!"

Riku was quick to recover; he narrowed his eyes as the smile left his face. "Believe me, I have no idea."

Seifer leaned in so close that Riku saw his own reflection in the blond man's eyes. "I'm here to beat the crap out of you, you disgusting slime!"

Riku narrowed his eyes before kneeing Seifer in the crotch. Seifer sank down to the ground with a rather loud sound of agony. Riku stepped back from the wall and fixed the collar of his plain shirt. "How rude," he said before stepping away from the wheezing blond on the ground.

"Oh, go fuck a duck," spit out Seifer, looking up into Riku's eyes. "Oh, I forgot, you already have!"

Riku rubbed his temples. Now he was getting angry. "How many times do I have to tell you? That was just a rumor sent around by my ex-girlfriend when she found out I was cheating on her with the girl's soccer team. And those photos were obviously fake!"

"Yeah, yeah, that's what they all say!"

"Do you want me to kick you?"

Sora stuck his head out of the apartment. "Are you two alright? We heard some yelling and some thumps..."

Riku turned to Sora and the smile returned to his face. "We're just fine! My friend, here, has fallen, you see. But he's just peachy!" Seifer noticed that Riku was distracted and took his chance to pounce. He sprang up, his hands out, ready to grab Riku's shirt and pull him down to the floor. Riku elbowed Seifer in the face. The blond fell back to the floor, but then tried to grab Riku by the ankle. Riku retaliated by stepping on the offending hand. Seifer tried the same thing with his other, but groaned in pain when Riku ground his heel into Seifer's palm. "I said," said Riku, "that he was just peachy!" He glared at Seifer.

Sora hadn't looked convinced before and now just looked confused and slightly scared. Still, he thought that Riku being who he was, this might be some kind of strange greeting ritual between him and his old friends. "If you say so, I guess..." He went back into the apartment and closed the door gently behind him.

Seifer motioned at the now closed door with his head. "Is he your new chump?" he asked once Riku removed his foot.

"I wouldn't call him a chump, but yes, he's my new roommate."

"What is it with you and the pretty brunettes?"

Riku shrugged. "It was purely accidental."

Seifer stood up carefully. He cradled his hand to his chest and his nose was bleeding.

Riku crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. "Look, can we get this over with? I've got things to do, people to see..."

Seifer seemed to be in a lot of pain. "Yeah, damn right we're gonna get this over with! Just... later."

"It's now or never, because if you come to me with the intent to do me harm ever again, I won't hold back."

Seifer ground his teeth together. "Alright," he said after a moment. "I won't come back, but only if you answer a question for me."

Riku uncrossed his arms and stood up straighter. "Fine. Ask the question."

There was a moment of silence during which Seifer looked uncharacteristically ashamed. He took a deep breath. "Alright... Why?"

Riku grinned. "Why? What a generic question. But since you want to know, I'll tell you. I do it because that's how I get inspiration for my art."

Seifer stepped back. "WHAT? You ruined my life just so that you could paint a picture?"

Riku made a noncomitted noise. "Pfft. I would hardly say that I ruined your life. I just let you know what kind of people were in it. I even helped you, in a way."

"HELPED ME? The love of my life left me because of you!"

Riku paused. "She left you? That's a bit hypocritical! She was even less reluctant to get into bed than you were..."

Seifer's eyes widened. "What? She would never...!"

Riku laughed. "So she not only cheated on you, but then she also lied about it? No, I feel that I helped you. Otherwise you would have gone on to marry her. And then she would have cheated on you anyway. You should be grateful."

Seifer only felt surprised and angry. So he spit at Riku, missed, and left the building. And at least Riku thought that he was helping people, so that was good.

Authors Note: I bet you didn't see that coming! Or maybe you did. And don't worry, Riku did NOT fuck a duck, and he NEVER WILL. Anyway. I hope you guys like it...

Next Chapter: Riku and Sora eat some pie