My Impractical Hurricane – 5
Where am I going with this? Utterly nowhere. Don't expect this story to have an underlying moral beyond that which is stated in the summary. :D You guys are cool. Glad you like it so far, hope you still do.
This…is…not the sort of relationship you have with your brother-in-law!
If there was any actual benefit to ripping your own hair out and slamming your head into the wall, Reed certainly would have done it by now. This was some mad, mad, reality show freak fest—that had to be it. Any moment now Ashton Kutcher would leap out from behind the door with a, "Mr. Fantastic, you been Punk'd!"
He paced until he was positively dizzy. He had to avoid Johnny at all costs. Well, this was one of his laboratories; he would never have a reason to come in here. Damnit, that wasn't true. Johnny had a neat little habit of barging into anywhere he didn't belong. Such as people's offices, people's bedrooms, people's pants…Or Reed's arms, or his lap, or his lips, and—Ahhh! This was all so wrong. This was all so very, very wrong. Just what was he supposed to do now? How was he supposed to function? He was going to marry Sue, sure, but then you have the family reunions, the sibling hang outs, and oh, yeah—the being on a super hero team together thing. He couldn't get away from this. So what options did that leave him with? Confrontation? He couldn't even process the situation, he couldn't imagine what the others would do if they found out.
He was startled out of his inner headless chicken panic when there was a knock at his door. Oh if ever a sweet and merciful lord existed, let it be Ashton Kutcher… "Come in." Reed said calmly.
The door opened to reveal Sue, who eyed him and smiled. "Hey there. What've you been doing hiding in here all day?"
"Who's hiding? Just…rearranging some things." Reed lied easily, aimlessly straightening out a stack of important looking papers.
"Well I made some lunch…you know, if you can spare the time." She offered.
"Sounds great." Reed nodded, casually following her out the door and into the kitchen.
"You know," Sue started as they walked. "I'm really worried about Johnny…"
Reed felt light-headed. "…Really?"
"Yeah, he hasn't gotten out of bed all day. I mean I know he's sick, but that's never stopped him before. And he's a lot more…violent than usual."
"I guess…the flu effects us all a little different. Sometimes I get a little snappy when I'm sick too." Reed attempted to justify the situation.
"You?" Sue laughed outright and Reed lowered his head sheepishly. "Sorry Reed, but I don't think I've ever seen you really temperamental before."
"Well…snappy by my standards, anyway." He smiled weakly and sat at the counter next to Ben, who was eating what looked like soup.
"You talkin' about Johnny?" Ben snorted upon their arrival. "Kid's just throwin' a tantrum."
"I don't know. He hasn't made one of his stupid jokes all day. It's starting to scare me." Sue said as she placed a bowl of soup and a sandwich in front of Reed.
Reed tensely fumbled with a spoon, nodding a thank you. "I'm sure he'll get over it."
"I hope so." Sue bit her lip. "I can't remember the last time he was like this."
Reed nodded again and reached for his glass, almost knocking it over in the process. Ben gave him a look.
"Well I'm gonna go see if he wants anything." Sue picked up a glass of orange juice and headed off towards Johnny's room.
"Uh, Sue, I wouldn't—" Reed started, but she was already down the hall. He sighed and fidgeted nervously in his spot, picking up his sandwich. "…So…how is everything, Ben?"
"Reed," Ben started, sizing him up. "We've been friends a long time, huh?"
Reed paused and arched an eyebrow, looking over a shoulder briefly and taking a bite. "Yeah. Of course. Through thick and thin—why?"
"So maybe you wanna tell me what's goin' on with you?"
Reed almost choked. "What do you mean?"
"You think you can fool me?" Ben sighed. "You're strung higher than a kite. So spill it, what's the deal?"
"It's just the sickness, Ben, I'm getting over it." Reed stirred his soup and shook his head. "You're making something out of nothing. Really."
"I still ain't buyin' it." Ben looked around and leaned in a little closer. "Somethin' to do with Sue? It's alright, you can tell me."
"No, it's nothing like that…" Reed sighed. "I-I mean…it's nothing, period, I don't know what you're talking about."
"What then, the fame and glamour startin' to get to you?" Ben took a drink and chuckled. "I'm tellin' you, if I get one more urge to throw one of those snivelin' little paparazzi clowns out an eight story window, I'm gonna do it. You know I got asked to do a Pepsi promotion? Me!"
"It's not that, Ben." Reed rubbed his forehead and discarded his food.
"Yeah? Then what?" Ben shrugged.
"Get that away from me!" cried a voice down the hall suddenly. "I hate orange juice!"
"Since when?" Sue's voice joined in.
Reed licked his lips anxiously and drew in a breath, looking over his shoulder again before scanning the room and leaning in much closer. "Look…Ben…If I tell you something, you have to promise me you're not going to so much as hint that we ever had this conversation to anyone."
"You kiddin'? Come on, who'm I gonna tell?"
Reed nodded hesitantly. "…Okay…Alright, well…I don't even know how to…Or even if I should. I'm not even really sure…"
"Look, Reed, would you tell me already? You're kinda startin' to freak me out." Ben encouraged.
"W-well uh…" he held out a hand, trying to explain. "J-Johnny and I uh…sort of…"
Ben stared blankly. "…yeah?"
"…kissed." Reed shuddered and swallowed hard against his dry throat.
The soup that had been resting on Ben's spoon was now suddenly a splatter against the counter. Reed added another long, awkward silence to his collection. Maybe he had miscalculated the logic of letting this little incident slip out. He waited for the axe to fall. "…What did you just say…?
"I-it's not like—I-I didn't even—"
"You kissed the kid?" Ben repeated.
"It was an accident. Okay? An accident. Well—er, at least—the first time was, and—"
"The first time?" Ben was reeling, nearly falling off his stool.
Reed buried his face into his hands, clutching at his hair. "I don't know what's wrong with me…"
"I'll say!" Ben was still staring in shock. "I mean no matter how drunk you are, Sue and Johnny ain't exactly identical twins, you know?"
"I wasn't drunk. Neither was he." Reed defended. Defended? Defended what?
"You're not helpin' your case."
"It was—it was just some stupid thing, alright? But now I…God, if he tells Sue, I don't know what I'm going to do…"
"Um…well, uh, you know…" Ben cleared his throat uncomfortably and scratched at the back of his neck. "S-sometimes it happens…I guess…I mean not to me, but for some guys, uh,"
"You're not helping." Reed decided.
"What do you want me to say? This is like tellin' me Mother Teresa was a chain smoker; I don't know what I'm supposed to say." Ben turned up his hands.
Reed pointed a finger and grunted. "We were just messing around, there wasn't anything like that between us, i-it happened before I knew it was happening. And then later he just wouldn't take his stupid orange juice and—"
"Okay, okay, I don't think I wanna hear the details." Ben stopped him.
"He's in a great mood." Sue huffed as she came back into the room. "You'd think I was trying to pull a tooth, I was just trying to get him a drink."
Ben looked over at Reed, then to Sue with a shrug and a nervous sort of chuckle. "Maybe we all just better…stay away from him for a while."