Author's Note: This chapter's long, so I'll try and keep this short. Thanks to: The Kawaii Rijekuto (I'm sorry that it took so long for this chapter...), Jaguira (I'm sorry... but this fic is about over...), BLACKSHEEEP (I'm glad that you like the fic!), Aeshma-Daeva (I hope that you like it!), SAGA123 (thank you for the confirmation :) thank you for commenting), Kurama'slil'Neko (I don't like Kairi, either...), lucky-g (good luck trying to steal the throne from Riku!), and Cacao Me (Riku hasn't fooled around with the cook, yet) for their lovely reviews. :) Sorry this is so late, but my internet died...

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, but I own the story, so read and enjoy but please do not take.

Summary: One day a man in a wet shirt and leather pants shows up on Sora's doorstep. So, Sora gets a roommate, a young artist named Riku who turns out to be the most charming person he has ever met. So charming, infact, that he proceeds to charm the clothes right off of all of Sora's friends. But that's okay, because Sora doesn't know. Yet.

Riku followed Selphie as she wove through the crowd. He was about to catch up to her... And then someone grabbed onto his sleeve and yanked him backwards, almost causing him to fall over. Almost.

"Hey, Riku! How the hell have you been doing, kid!"

Riku looked up. "Uncle Cid! It's really nice to see you, but I am in the middle of something..."

Cid laughed. "Nonsense! I haven't seen ya in a damned long time, kid!"

"Yes, uncle Cid, but I've really got to go..."

"Don't be silly! What can be more fun than hanging out with your cool uncle Cid? Now,have I told you about time I accidentally blew up your father's car? No? Well..."

"Well, boy, you really shouldn't use that shampoo, that's probably why your hair sticks up the way it does," drawled the elderly lady. Sora nodded attentively. "I use Janol® VitaMoist Shampoo, my hair is silky smooth." The old lady looked at Sora. "Here, touch it." He did. "I told you, silky smooth!"

Sora nodded. "Yes, ma'am."

"Now, if you can't find Janol® VitaMoist Shampoo, the next best thing is Paul Mitchell® Moisture and Shine, especially for your hair type... Do you have dry hair?"

Kairi sighed quietly. She looked at her watch. She figured that the old lady would probably keep Sora busy for some time yet. And then she decided to slip away.

Sora didn't even notice. He was far too busy writing notes with the pen the lady had provided.

"And make sure to rinse thoroughly, you hear? That's what causes dandruff, you know..."

"...and that's why I'm wanted in Paris, kid! I gotta admit, your old man was hot in drag!"

Riku nodded. "Yes. I'm sure that my father would appreciate-" Riku felt a tug on his arm. He turned around to see Kairi.

"Look, Riku, do you mind if I talk to you?"

"Not at all... Uncle Cid, you don't mind do you?" Riku asked.

Cid shook his head. "For a hottie like this, I'll forgive you." Cid winked as Riku and Kairi walked away.

"Look, Tidus, I've got to tell you something," said Wakka in a guilty sort of voice. Tidus looked at him.

"...Okay..." Tidus wasn't sure that he wanted to hear what Wakka had to say.

Wakka looked down at his feet.

"...Look... I cheated on you." Wakka said after a while. He looked up. "But it was only once, I swear!" he said defensively.

Tidus took a sip of his punch. "Oh. That. I know. Me too. To get back at you, you know."

Wakka blinked. "Oh. Okay then."

Tidus nodded.

There was a pause.

"So who'd you cheat with?" asked Tidus after a while.

Wakka looked into his glass of punch. "Riku."

"Aw shit," said Tidus. "Me too."

Once they were at the edge of the ballroom Kairi stopped and turned to Riku. "Riku... I wanted to tell you... I... miss you." She looked up at him.

Riku was surprised. He didn't let it show, of course. "What do you mean?" he asked.

Kairi looked down at the floor. "Well... I thought that maybe you would come up to me again, but you didn't, and..." She looked up at him. "Basically, I think that I would really like... being with you... again..."

Riku blinked. "Sure thing, love." He smiled. "There's a nice little room not far from here... How about we slip on down there?"

Kairi smiled in response. "Of course! Let's go..."

Tidus tapped his foot.

"This is bad, ya?" said Wakka.

"Yeah," said Tidus. "This is really bad. Especially considering the fact that Kairi called me a while back and told me that she had cheated on Sora. Judging on how our friend Riku has gotten around, I have a good guess of who she cheated with."

"D'you think that we should go tell Sora?"

Tidus thought for a moment. "Yeah. Yeah, I think that now would be a good time."

They headed towards where they had seen Sora last. "I thought from the beginning that Riku was a bit shifty," said Wakka.

Tidus rolled his eyes. "Oh please. You thought that he had a nice ass."

"You evil bastard!" Cloud exclaimed. Sephiroth set down his glass on a conveniently placed table.

"I assure you, I had a father. Which is much more than I can say for you," he said with a dangerous glint in his eyes.

With a yell Cloud swung at Sephiroth's face. Sephiroth ducked. "Well. That was rather rude of you. If you'd care to apologize, I won't make curtains out of your skin."

Cloud narrowed his eyes and swung again. This time Sephiroth grabbed his fist and jerked him forward, causing him to crash headfirst into the wall. While Cloud recovered, Sephiroth took off his vest and jacket before rolling up his sleeves. "Let's see you try that again, hmm?"

Sora blinked in surprise when Tidus and Wakka ran breathlessly up to him.

"Sora," panted Tidus.

"Sora, we've got to tell you some bad news," said Wakka.

"...Alright..." said Sora uncertainly.

"Sora, we think that Kairi's cheating on you with Riku," said Tidus.

Sora blinked. "...What makes you say that?"

"She told us," said Wakka.

"Well... she told me," said Tidus.

"Not the bit about Riku, we figured that out ourselves."

Sora furrowed his brow. "I don't think that she could do that..." he said doubtfully.

Tidus looked around. "Speaking of Kairi, where is she?"

There was a knock on the door. "Riku! Riku, I've got to talk to you!"

Riku pulled away from Kairi and opened the door. Selphie was standing on the other side. She took in Kairi's disheveled appearance and Riku's unbuttoned shirt.

"Dammit," Selphie said. "Can't you keep your hands to yourself for a single minute?" She took Riku's arm and pulled him out of the closet. She turned back to Kairi. "I'll only be a moment," Selphie promised before closing the door in Kairi's bewildered face.

"What is it?" asked Riku.

"They know," said Selphie.

Riku ran a hand through his hair. "All of them?"

"Well... Sora doesn't really believe that his girlfriend's cheating on him, but he'll know for sure soon, won't he?" asked Selphie accusingly while glancing meaningfully at the door.

"I'd better go, then," said Riku. He gave Selphie quick hug. "You're the bestest friend I've ever had," he said before walking away hastily. Selphie looked after him.

"The things I do for that idiot," she muttered. "He could at least repay me with a call sometime..."

Sephiroth ran a hand through his slightly disheveled hair before putting his jacket back on. He nudged Cloud, who was lying prone on the floor, with his toe. "Looks like you're getting too old for this," Sephiroth said. He ran a hand through his hair once again. He picked up his glass of wine and took a sip. He left, and therefore didn't see the lazy grin that blossomed on Cloud's battered and rather bloody face
Riku rushed out the back door of the mansion. He realized that it would have been a good idea to ask Selphie for her keys. He buttoned up his shirt as he headed across the lawn. Once he reached the street he didn't bother to look both ways, and simply rushed onward. And then he got hit by a car, which could have been funny, but since he was now dead, it really wasn't.
Authors Note: So the moral of the story is - if you're going to have sex with everyone, watch out for cars :) And yes, I realize that I have made Cid Sephiroth's brother. I realize that this was a totally horrendous thing to do, and I'm sorry. But I had to put Cid in. I hope that you all will understand.
Also: those shampoos I mentioned? They actually exist, and they're highly recomended for dry hair. I have no idea where you could get it, though :)
And I've been editing this chapter endlessly, I finally decided to just post it, because it isn't getting any better, anyway.

Next Chapter: The battle against cross-overs.