One day, Alphonse was walking home from the store. He had went to the store to buy milk, and Ed didn't want to come. Alphonse buying milk is quite irrelevant, since Ed doesn't drink it and neither does he. Anyways, Alphonse continued walking, humming a merry tune since that is just his nature, all happy and cute and everything else we love about him, when he came upon a box with five little kittens! Because he had taken quite a liking to the feline creatures, he just had to look at them. Well, more like ogle.
Immediately, Alphonse's beady eyes grew into large, sparkly ones, as he 'oohed' and 'awwwed' at the fuzzy critters. Then he noticed the writing on the box: Free kittens to a good home. Alphonse contemplated his brother's reaction. In Alphonse's thought bubble, there was a chibi-Ed with pointy teeth ranting on about how Alphonse can't keep bringing cats home because they can't afford to take care of it and Al seemed to be very irresponsible when it comes to a litter box. But then Al switched to a different thought bubble, one thinking of what would happen to the poor defenseless kittens if nobody took them. There they were, mewing in a manner which could make one's heart shatter as if it were made of glass. Al chose to take the kittens, but he had to devise a tactical plan.
Alphonse poured the kitten into his suit of armor, which also contained the carton of milk he had bought. Al was proud of his clever plan, so he continued walking home humming the the same tune he previously had hummed, which was "If You're Happy and You Know It."
Edward met Al at the door. "Al, why did it take so frickin' long?" Ed asked with an emotion of worry mixed with anger. A little vein popped out on his forehead, one of those quirks which make fan girls go boom.
Alphonse looked down on his older brother and nervously said, "Long line in the store! You know how popular milk is these days! Oh, wait, you wouldn't know because you don't like milk and... I'll shut up now." Alphonse sweat-dropped.
Ed glared at Alphonse. "I still don't see why you need it! Tell me what you plan to do with it!" Ed paused for a moment which didn't allow Al enough time to reply, and continued speaking himself. "Wait, never mind. I really don't think I want to know."
A sigh of relief came from Al's metal body. As Edward was walking away, a soft mew emanated from Al's armor.
Ed heard the mew, and turned to Al, arching a golden eyebrow. "What was that?" he asked, though he had a very good idea of what it was. He's just that smart.
"I-I was just imitating a cat! Mew! See?" Al stuttered nervously, giving a horrible imitation of a kitten's meow.
"Whatever you say," Ed muttered, but then turned back to Al.
"Hey, Al? Can I have that milk? I'd like to burn it," Ed said, malice evident in his words. Another "fan girl boom" moment.
"S-sure," Alphonse said, still shaken from almost being discovered. He sneakily removed the milk from his body, not allowing Ed to see. Alphonse handed the carton to Ed casually.
Ed held the milk in front of him, examining the vile substance. He saw tiny teeth marks on it, the white liquid dripping from them. "Al," Edward said, like a mother to a deviant child, "why are there teeth marks on this carton?"
As Al fumbled around for a believable answer, Ed sniffed it. "Smells like cat," he stated.
Al froze. "Uh-oh," he said in his metallic voice.
"Alphonse, show me the cats," Ed said patiently, knowing his younger brother always obeyed him. They had a good sibling relationship, all those family strengthening classes really paid off.
Al drooped his metal head defeatedly, as he opened his armor revealing five content-looking kittens.
Ed rubbed his chin, closing his amber eyes, deep in thought. "Al," he said, "I think I may have an idea."
Ed and Al visited the military the next day, the five kittens in tow. They first met up with Armstrong.
"Hey, Armstrong!" Ed said, smiling his toothy smile. "Would you like a kitten?"
On cue, Al raised a brown and white kitten, which meowed happily.
Armstrong looked at the kitten and smiled gleefully, little hearts bubbling around him. "Of course, Edward! Did you know it is in the Armstrong family tradition to have a cat? We believe that cats are loyal, trustworthy animals! I shall call you..." Alex looked at the kitten thoughtfully. "A-chan!"
"A-chan?" Al asked.
"Ahahaha," Armstrong said, laughing heartily. "Yes, A-chan, as in 'little Armstrong'! That name has been passed down the Armstrong family line for many generations!" Armstrong exclaimed, taking the kitten.
"One down," Edward said, looking at his brother, "four to go."
The two brothers saw Hughes, and decided to try him. "Hey, Hughes!" Ed called. "Would you like a kitten?"
As before, Alphonse held up a kitten, but this one was a pure white with a fluffy coat.
Maes excitedly looked at the kitten. "Yes! Elicia has always wanted a kitty!" Hughes said, taking the kitten. "And she said if she did get one, she'd name it Fluffy! So Fluffy it is!" Maes continued babbling as he left the two Elrics.
"Easy," Ed said.
Ed and Al saw Mustang, so they decided to ask him. Ed didn't have very high hopes, though.
"Would you like a kitten?" Ed asked the Flame Alchemist, as Al held up a black kitten with white paws.
Roy looked at Ed with an annoyed expression, as he said, "Why would I want a filthy cat? I have enough work as it is."
Riza happened to come by, and said, "I'd like one!"
Al handed the kitten to Hawkeye. Hawkeye ruffled the small cat's fur and said, "I'll call you Socks because it looks like you're wearing socks!"
Roy immediately changed his mind, deciding to try and impress Riza (even though he absolutely despised felines, canines are better in his opinion), and took the reddish-brown cat Al was holding. "Well, I guess it couldn't hurt," Roy said, grinning an obviously fake grin. Roy held the cat with one hand and stroked his chin with the other. After a moment, Roy said, "I'll call you Flame, because you remind me of myself!" Roy cackled, and then smiled, his teeth shining unnaturally.
"Yeah, he's ugly like you," Ed muttered, a repulsed expression upon his face. Do I hear fan girls?
The boys then decided to leave for home. "We still have one left, brother," Al said, holding the last kitten, the smallest, which was obviously the runt.
"Well," Ed said, thinking.
"Can we keep it!" Al asked excitedly, hopping up and down.
"No," replied Ed sternly.
On their way home, they met with Winry.
"Hey, guys," Winry said smiling. "What are you doing?"
"None of your business!" snarled Ed.
"Brother," Al said. "Could she take the kitten?"
"Yeah, Al!" Ed said happily.
So, in the same fashion they had used earlier, Edward asked, "Would you like a kitten?" and Al held out the cat.
"Sure!" Winry said, taking the cat. "Hey, Ed, it looks like you!"
"ME? ARE YOU SAYING I'M TINY? I'M THE SIZE OF A KITTEN? THE RUNT OF THE LITTER?" yelled Ed.
Winry only smiled wider. "Maybe," Winry said, petting the kitten's brownish fur. "Hey, since you remind me of Ed, I'll have to name you after him!" Winry told the cat which was now purring.
"You wouldn't dare," growled Ed.
"Okay! You are Eddy!" Winry said, raising the cat above her head. She giggled at Ed's angry expression.
"I'M NOT A KITTEN!" yelled Ed, running away quite quickly.
"I better go get him. See you later, Winry," Alphonse said, waving to Winry as he ran in the direction that Ed went.
"'Bye," Winry said, grinning evilly.
The End