Chapter Four: This pain is everything

Edward's hand was curled into a trembling fist, shaking painfully against the doorframe. Roy could find no words of consolation for Fullmetal, despite his want to. His face stayed firm, placid even, as Edward listened to the screaming that echoed through the thin, stilted frame.

"Are you going to go in, Fullmetal, or hang around all day?" Roy asked softly, lessening the bite in his tone. The shouting from beyond the door had quieted now; the silence was just as heart wrenching as the screams had been. Edward froze, his hand slowly uncurling from its tensed position. He took a tentative step forward, his hand trembling slightly as it hovered above the doorknob. Inhaling deeply, he turned the knob.

Edward was greeted by a stone faced 1st Lieutenant, Riza Hawkeye. She nodded once, firmly, her hand rising to her forehead in a salute, golden bangs curling over her fingers. Edward managed a weak smile, but she made no move to return one. Roy kept his ebony gaze glued to her russet eyes.

"A moment, Lieutenant." Roy said curtly, voice hard. She nodded once more, her hand returning again to her side. She cast Edward a sympathetic glance, and followed her superior out the door. Hand resting on the faded doorknob, Roy said softly, "Just a few minutes, Fullmetal." Edward nodded, turning to face his brother; the door closed firmly behind him, the click of the old, metal lock sliding into place. He felt his face flush and his eyes burn as he took in the sight of what he had done.

Alphonse lay with his back to Edward, bandages covering his every surface; arms encased in cocoons of gauze, ankles bound and ribs encased, scars and bruises lining his pale skin. Edward choked back a horrified sob, maintaining composure for now.

"Al… Alphonse?" he breathed, voice catching in his throat. He saw Alphonse's ears perk at the sound of another voice. With the slightest yelp of pain, the boy's head turned. Not a day older than ten, gleaming blue eyes glared ferociously at his brother, dried tearstains evident upon satin cheeks.

"Al… do you remember me, Al?" he said softly. Alphonse continued to glower at the figure that stood meekly before him, as timid as warring tribes making a peace offering. "Alphonse, come on. It's me, Edward. Ed, your brother." Alphonse's face softened for a moment, then returned to its suspicious stare.

"Br-brother?" Alphonse managed, pushing the words past his lips as though spitting out poison. "I have… I have no brother." Edward took a horrified step back, breath escaping him. Sweat dripped down his face, mingling with the slow tears that had begun leaking from his eyes.

"Al, come on, it's me!" Edward half-shouted, "please, Al, it's me! Remember, remember how you and me and Winry used to play back home? Four years ago, Al? We used to make Winry little toys from transmutation circles, and show them to Mom?"

"Mom?" Alphonse's voice cracked with confusion. "Winry?"

"Don't tell me you don't remember Mom, Al," Edward tried to say lightly, as though kidding around. "You adored her; we both did. She was our hero. You always bragged about how beautiful and perfect she was… can't you remember, Al?" His voice split sharply upon the expression in Alphonse's eyes; his own locked onto his brother's, drinking in the confusion, anger… and fear.

"Who… who are you!" Alphonse shrieked, rolling over, backing rapidly against the wall in a hurried attempt to get away. Edward took a step forward, extending a quivering hand.

"It's me, Al." he whispered, voice quaking. "It's me." Alphonse clenched cerulean eyes closed, a screech escaping through parched lips.

"KEEP AWAY FROM ME!" he screamed, thrusting bandaged arms toward Edward's approaching form. Edward could take this pain no longer. A horrified shout erupted from his throat; he raced forward, putting gloved hands upon his shoulders.

"AL! It's ME! IT'S EDWARD!" he screamed, shaking Alphonse back and forth, tears welling in golden eyes. "Your brother! YOUR BROTHER!"

The door flew open with a clang against the hollowed wall. Roy strode in rapidly, wrenching Edward from his brother. Riza followed suit, keeping cool and composed, gently taking the shrieking Alphonse into her arms. Her lips moved, but made no sound.

"Fullmetal, what are you trying to do!" Roy shouted, infuriated. "What were you doing!" Edward fought against Roy's arms as hard as he could, trying with all the power in him just to escape his grasp. Just to get to Alphonse; he had to, somehow, get through to Alphonse.

"Al! AL, PLEASE!" He screamed. Alphonse had to understand. He couldn't forget; he couldn't. "No, let go of me, Colonel! Damn it, DAMN IT, LET ME GO!"

"FULLMETAL! We're LEAVING!" Roy dragged Edward out the door, slamming it firmly behind them; with a burst of infuriated flame, the golden knob snapped off in his hand. He dropped it, singed and broken to the ground, tossing Edward with it.

"What…" he panted, his gaze gleaming with rage. Leaning against the wall, his eyes slid closed, exhausted. "What were you trying to prove in there, Ed? Didn't I tell you that Al didn't remember anything yet?" There was no reply from the form upon the floor. After a pause, Roy opened his eyes again, casting a stare at Edward.

"Fullmetal?" Edward slammed a clenched fist against the door, his head falling sharply against his chest. His breath came in slow, shallow gulps; sweat trickling like spattered ink blots from a pen down his pallid face.

"He… h-he didn't r-remember me…" he whispered. Roy straightened up, listening closely. "He said he didn't… didn't have a brother… he was afraid of me. Colonel… my brother was afraid of me…" His voice trailed off into a stifled whisper. Behind golden bangs, tears dripped off the teen's face.

"Edward,"

"I've dealt with so much… lost so much." Roy stopped, confused by Edward's tone. His voice raised slightly, to a feeble tenor. "I lost my mother, to a sickness, Nina… to the hands of someone I once respected, Brigadier… General Hughes… to a twisted homunculus," Edward winced as he felt Roy stiffen, as he himself choked on every name. "And I lost Al's body because of my own stupid mistake… but none of that pain was anything compared to this…" Roy's face softened. He kneeled down next to Edward and put a gloved hand on his shoulder. Words couldn't say what they should; silence lingered between them for a moment.

"I always told myself, 'this pain means nothing'… because that was just it. It was nothing compared to the thought of losing my best friend, my brother." Edward's voice fell to a whisper once more, tears burned ferociously in translucent eyes. "And now… it feels like I have." His eyes clenched closed once more.

"…and this pain is everything."

"Edward?"

Drowsy eyes pushing open, Edward sat up from the hard wooden desk, the engraved lines from years of age were imprinted on the side of his face. Sciezka chuckled, indicating it. Edward rolled his eyes.

"Did I dose off?"

"Again, yes."

"Sorry."

The night had passed uneventfully. Roy put Edward up in a hotel outside of Central's headquarters and had informed Riza that Ed was not permitted to see Alphonse.

"Colonel, I don't know if…" Riza began; her voice was tentative and thin. Roy shook his head, silencing her.

"After what I heard from Ed after we kicked him out of there last night," he replied softly. "I know for sure that he can't see Al again. Not until we restore his memory."

"But how…"

"I don't know." Roy interrupted, voice caustic, throwing Riza off balance. His tone softened upon seeing her spurned reaction. "I don't know. But we're alchemists. Surely we must serve some purpose."

Edward had returned to Central's headquarters the next morning, having Sciezka make copies of all papers regarding Dovries, Omegas Glyph, and the Omega itself. He decided not to read over the papers until he had gotten on his way.

"Finished!" she exclaimed brightly, handing Edward the last stack of papers, which he slipped into a knapsack.

"Thank you, Sciezka." He said softly, rising. Sciezka's face lost some of its cheerful splendor. Edward turned to leave.

"Ed?" she asked, confusion evident in her eyes. Edward cast a glance over his shoulder. "It doesn't take glasses for me to see something's wrong." She said softly. Edward managed a feeble smile.

"Just wish me luck. I'll be fine." She nodded, worried. Edward walked slowly out the door, his hand resting on the knob. "Oh, and Sciezka?"

"Yes?" Edward paused, then asked softly,

"Would you look after Alphonse?" She looked taken aback, but she smiled brightly, nodding.

"Now get outta here." He grinned, and set off down the hall. He just had to stop in and check with Roy, and then he was on his way to Dovries.

"Yo, Flame Alchemist." Ed said disrespectfully, plopping down into a chair. Roy cast him a glare that left Edward unperturbed. He tried to mask annoyance unsuccessfully.

"You're headed to Dovries. You can get many of the required materials from the list Sciezka gave you once you arrive there. You may also want to check out Rush Valley, to see who knew Glyph and add some stuff up about how he died. It'd solve another one of our case files." Roy said voice hard. Edward nodded, face firm. "You've got food, money and a train ticket. Get going." Edward stood and cast a solid salute. Roy returned it with a wan smile.

"Good luck, Fullmetal." Edward smiled softly.

"Thanks, Colonel."

Edward turned to head out the door, slinging his bag over his shoulder. Behind him, the phone on Roy's office desk rang. He heard Roy distantly answer it, and then say his name. He stopped, attention captured, turning to face Roy again. Roy set the phone on his desk, confusion and melancholy holding a faraway glow in blackened eyes.

"It's for you." He said quietly. Edward looked perplexed.

"Who is it?" Roy extended the phone, eyes glancing down at the wooden floorboards. Edward approached and took it into his hand.

"Hello?" he said slowly, trying not to appear at a loss.

"Edward?"

"Yes?" He heard a small sigh of relief on the other line. The tone was familiar, but quieter than he remembered.

"Good to talk to you again, Ed." Came the voice. "This is Gracia. Gracia Hughes.

A/N: Well, how do ya like? More soon, I promise. Thanks to Alex for helping me choose which ending. .