Men at Work

It was late in the evening after that fateful night at the Department of Mysteries. All the Ministers and Aurors had left, with nothing left to investigate. Nobody was left to see or hear the screams of broken lives and promises unfulfilled.

Two men stood amongst the destruction and rubble. The elite of their profession, only these two could put right the wrongs of this fateful night, and sort all of this out.

"Wha' the chuffin 'ell 'appened 'ere Ivor?"

"Eh?"

"Clean out ya ear's ya dozy old coot."

"Eh?"

"Never mind Ivor." H sighed and looked around

"What the hell happened H?"

"That's what I'd like to know Ivor"

"Eh?"

"Oh put a so-so-so, oh shut it."

Ivor looked around huffing. "What do you recon eh, eight hours double bubble?"

H rubbed his chin which was thick with stubble; he rubbed his hands together and smiled ravelling his missing teeth. "Yeah I suppose so mate."

"Where do we start then H?"

"Lets 'ave a brew first Ivor and maybe some snap."

"You know H there's a reason your in charge, you make the big decisions."

Forty minuets later and the men were on their forth cup of tea. Ivor took hold of his paper and huffed. "Seams old Clammy has gotten done again H"

"Oh why's that then?"

"Well you know them chickens he tried to breed."

"Yeah they started breathing fire." H chuckled to himself.

"Well his done it again hasn't he, breed a chicken with three legs."

H looked impressed. "Well I've always said you need another leg on a chicken."

"Your not wrong mate, you're not wrong. Well that's the problem see."

"Oh why's that mate?"

Ivor looked left and right, and then behind himself checking nobody was listening. "Well the trouble is they can't catch the sodding things can they. As fast as there hatching their off. His farms over run with the things."

"I recon you'd get that Ivor, yeah bad form that."

Ivor nodded his head in response.

Ivor reached over and placed the kettle back on to the make shift stove they had made. After their fifth cup of tea H started on his lunch.

"Hey Ivor guess what I've heard?"

"What's that then mate?"

"Well I 'ered it from the Department source."

"You mean you were fixing the cooling charms and you were listening in."

"Yep got it in one mate." H smiled once again showing his blackened teeth. "Anyway there's this tribe see, in Africa you know Pigmy's, you know little folk." H raised his hand up to his waist to show the height.

"Well their supposed to be really magical see, some say the most magical in the world."

"Really H you don't say, well what's wrong with em then?"

"Well Ivor they recon they just got up and vanished, gone of the face of the planet. There normally well hidden see, on the account their Pigmy's see. 'Cause they live in tall grass, some would say about six foot tall."

Ivor blew out a long breath. "Well what's the name of this tribe then?"

H screwed up his face in concentration. " 'Ang on a mo' Webber, no that's not it. Westlife, no that's not it. Werethe, that's it Werethe now what was the last part?" H walked about clearly trying to remember, he suddenly snapped his fingers together. "I got it, it's Efarewe."

"Efarewe mate?"

"Yes mate the tribe are called Werethe-Efarewe."

"Blimey H." Ivor sighed "I've said it before and I'll say it again. Everyday is a school day." I'll tell you something else H."

"What's that mate?"

"I'd marry my daughter off to your fine lad anyday. Once she gets over her little problem." Ivor suddenly looked very flustered.

"She's up the duff 'aint she?"

"It wasn't her fault the charm back-fired. How did you know anyway?"

"My boy Stan he told me, they were quite friendly awhile back."

Ivor sighed again. "Yeah charms were never Daisy's strong subject. Divination was her strongest subject."

"Bet she never seen that one coming did she?"

"What was that?"

"I said we'd better get going and move something."

"Oh right you are mate."

H didn't get up at first as he was thinking back to the night his son took Ivor's daughter on a hot date. Apparently Stan took her to Abergavenny on the knight bus. He also gave her a tooth brush he swore was Harry Potter's

He was broken from his train of thought by Ivor.

"Come on H, we got to get these statues together."

H looked around, the Centar was trotting around the place, the House Elf was tidying up and the goblin was holding a piece of the Centar's ear biting into it checking the value of the gold.

"Well 'ow we goner do all this then Ivor?"

"I say we stun them H, all but the House Elf, his doing a grand job cleaning."

"Right you are mate."

One hour later and it was pandemonium, "Where did you learn 'ow to stun H? You couldn't wilt a ruddy Daisy.

H got upset and sent a stunner at the Centar which ricochet of its hind quarters and hit Ivor square in the chest, who promptly slumped to the floor.

"Bugger." H ran over to Ivor and tried to revive him "Evern-Evern-Evern Knickers Knackers Knockers. He'll wake up in a bit. I'm going to get me snap.

Forty minuets later Ivor stumbled over to H. "What 'appened H I feel like I got hit by your lads Knight Bus?"

"Centar ran into you mate"

"Well where are they all?"

"Well I made a cage see and the House Elf helped me round them up."

"Blimey H, got to give it to ya."

Both stood up as they heard voices approaching. Both were distressed to see Minister Fudge walking up to them as well as Rufus Scrimgeour.

"Look sharp H Fudge is coming."

H shot up and started levitating pieces and placing them onto a pile.

Fudge walked up to them "Ah Mr Biggun, how are you doing?"

"Fine sir, fine couldn't be fairer."

"And Mr?"

"Shunpike sir, Horatchio Shunpike sir."

"Splendid and Mr Biggun I don't recall your Christian name."

"Ivor sir, Ivor."

We don't have time for this Cornelius. We have a busy night ahead." Scrimgeour spoke up.

"Yes, yes of course Rufus, let's get going."

Ivor spoke up. "Minister I don't suppose now is the time for a pay rise is it?"

Ivor stepped back at the look Scrimgeour gave him.

"We'll get on with this shall we then sir's, you have a good night then."

Both Ivor and H bowed low as the Minister and head of Aurors Department walked off.

"Bloody git's you wait mate, we'll get that pay rise one way or another."

"How do you recon H?"

"Do you recon rain or hail stones?"

"Cats and Dogs mate, cats and dogs, but Ivor, lets get it right this time and not real Cats and dogs, that last time made a right mess."

"You're not wrong mate, you're not wrong."