Ginny's Trip to Azkaban
Chapter 1: An Unfortunate Spoon Incident aka Death By Spoon
"What do you think of these?" Hermione asked Ginny, pointing at a set of vanishing silverware.
Ginny regarded them thoughtfully for moment before replying, "Well Harry might think it were good joke but, it would be a waste of money since we'd never be able to find our silverware again." She gazed searchingly about the store before regarding Hermione once more. "I didn't think it would be so hard to find a gift for our first anniversary! Honestly if Fred and George hadn't tipped us off that that Harry wanted new silverware I wouldn't have known what to get him!"
Hermione remained silent since she knew perfectly well that Fred and George had only been joking when they had said that, but Ginny had deluded herself into believing them in her desperation to find a gift for Harry. Hermione had suggested that she buy Harry something he might actually want but Ginny had brushed off her suggestions, saying, "Harry would never want the new Firebolt Elite." Hermione knew that she was not getting to Ginny so she had just stopped trying. Maybe Ginny wants new silverware and she knows Harry probably wouldn't get her any. That would explain why she seems so adamant on getting cutlery. Or maybe Fred and George Confunded her, I wouldn't put it past them and she does seem to be Confunded. Apart from Ginny's obvious trip to Idiot Ville, Hermione was in a foul mood because she'd run into Lavender Brown in Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes earlier in the day. She still hadn't forgotten the days in sixth year when Lavender had been permanently attached to Ron's face. Lavender obviously remembered as well since she had fixed Hermione with a withering look that had made Hermione's blood boil. It had taken all of her self-control not to curse her on the spot.
Hermione recalled the encounter bitterly as she looked uninterestedly at the shelves of Witch's Domestic Dreamland. Horrible nincompoop! She's just mad because she's still single! It's not hard to see why! Hermione then pictured herself punching Lavender and grinned in smug satisfaction. Ginny interrupted Hermione daydream, much to Hermione's disappointment since she had had Lavender in a headlock and was about to knee her in the stomach.
"I like these ones, what do you think Hermione?" Hermione looked where Ginny was pointing, the sign under the cutlery read:
Crevinbaums' Complimentary SilverwareThey compliment your cooking!
Great for building a cook's confidence!
Warning: If the silverware does not like your cooking, they tend to be very vocal about it. Please try not to be offended.
"Well I suppose they look alright," Hermione said truthfully, "But I think they would get irritating very quickly."
All of a sudden, a voice piped in, "Oh so you think we're annoying, do you? I don't know what you're talking about since you have the most annoying know-it-all manner of speaking which makes me want to throw up!" Hermione looked to see which utensil it was that had spoken, it was a particularly vicious looking knife.
"Oh never mind her voice," one of the forks suddenly said. "Have you seen her hair? Is she trying to look like a lion or something? Because if she is, she's not too far off!"
"Maybe it was a transfiguration that went wrong!" One of the spoons suggested.
Hermione had had enough, being insulted by cutlery was indeed a new low in her life. She pulled her wand out of her pocket and muttered through clenched teeth, "Silenco!" The silverware glared at her as they walked away. Feeling affronted by the encounter with the enchanted eating utensils, Hermione told Ginny, "I have to go to the bathroom I'll be right back." She didn't really have to go to bathroom, she just wanted to make sure her hair didn't look as bad as the fork has said.
While Hermione made her trip to the bathroom, Ginny searched hopelessly for something for Harry for their anniversary. She passed by many sets of cutlery but found none that appealed to her. As she looked at a set of kitchen utensils, Hermione suddenly reappeared.
"Hi Ginny!" She said brightly as she had ascertained in the bathroom that her hair looked fine. "Find anything good?"
"No," Ginny replied gloomily and they continued with their quest for the perfect silverware for Harry. Ginny stopped to look at a set titled "The Dullest Silverware Ever Made." Well they do certainly look very plain and boring, Hermione thought disdainfully.
Suddenly Ginny said despairingly, "I don't think we're going to find what we're looking for!"
"What exactly is it that you're looking for?" A voice asked behind them.
When they turned to see who had spoken, Ginny's jaw clenched and her eyes shown with hatred, standing before them in a Witch's Domestic Dreamland staff robe was none other than Cho Chang.
"Oh," she said coldly when she realized who they were. Hermione never knew why but for some odd reason Cho had always hated her. She also had a grudge against all Weasley's since Fred and George had 'accidentally' slipped some of their homemade Rapid Action Hair Growth Solution into her tea in an attempt to punish her for her treatment of Harry in fifth year. All the hair on her body instantly began to at an alarming rate, an inch a minute, and she was in St. Mungo's for a month and they could find no counter curse. Of course, a counter curse existed, since Fred and George made up both the curse and counter curse, but nothing in the world would have made them share what it was. After a month, the curse's effect finally ceased and Cho hair growth rate returned to normal, but she never forgave Fred and George for what they did. I'm not sure who actually told her that it was them. I bet it was Percy! It seems like the type of thing he'd do, seeing as how he's such prat and all. Cho interrupted her musings.
"Aren't you married to Harry Potter now?" She asked Ginny with a look of amusement on her face.
"Yes," Ginny grated through her teeth. "What's it to you?"
"Well I'm just amazed that anyone would want to marry him, he's such an insensitive jerk! I can't understand how anyone would like him! He has the brain power of a dead fish and he looks like a dork fish!"
At those words Ginny whipped out her wand but before she could curse Cho Hermione had her wand out, "Expelliarmus!"
Ginny wand flew out of her hand and landed about six shelves over, Cho had her wand out as well. "Ladies let's not fight! There's no need to resort to violence," Hermione said, neither one of them seemed to be listening to her but instead were glaring at each other viciously.
"Cram a pie in it!" Cho and Ginny said simultaneously, which only made them madder and assume an expression that said, 'quit copying me!' Hermione made an attempt to grab Ginny and drag her away, but to her surprise Cho screamed, "Immobulus!"
That bitch! Hermione thought in disbelief as she stood frozen on the spot. Oh, if Ginny doesn't kill her I will!
"So you didn't like me insulting your dear Harry Potter? I'm just telling the truth you know!" Her tone was now unmistakably jeering.
"You're just jealous because he picked me over you!" Ginny said vehemently.
Cho opened her mouth in shock. Hermione of course knew that his was true as about a year before Ginny and Harry got married. Cho had accosted him one day telling him about how sorry she was, how she'd never stopped thinking about him and asking him for another chance. Harry, however, told her in no kind terms to "piss off!" Serves her right! She was only after Harry because he's famous and rich!
"That's not true!" Cho denied unconvincingly. "I just don't know what you see in him, he's ugly, he's a horrible person and he's really stupid!"
That struck a nerve in Ginny, she suddenly launched herself at Cho, knocking her wand out of her hand and forcing her to the ground. Ginny grabbed the closest thing to her, which happened to be a blunt spoon, and stabbed at Cho with it. It indeed was an extremely blunt spoon and did not tear the skin, but left a huge red mark. Ginny, however, was undaunted by this and continued attacking Cho's chest with her ineffective weapon. After a few blows, blood came rushing out of her chest and Cho did her best to escape Ginny's fury. Cho lunged for her wand, but Ginny got their first and performed the Full Body Bind without hesitation. Cho's arms and legs instantly snapped to her sides and she fell face first onto the floor. Ginny then discarded the wand and reclaimed her precious spoon. She forcefully drove the spoon into Cho's back and there was an audible snap when Ginny wrenched the blood-covered spoon into Cho's spinal chord. Satisfied with her work on her back, she turned her over and began attacking her face with the spoon.
"Out vile jelly!" She screamed as she removed Cho's eyeballs piece by piece. Blood was now in puddles everywhere on the floor and pieces of Cho's eyeballs and skin could be found on the walls and shelves easily. She finished massacring Cho's face and moved onto her stomach. Her robes and face were covered in blood and pieces of Cho. Her spoon sunk directly into her stomach as the skin broke and she pulled out part of Cho's intestines along with the spoon. She pulled out the rest of Cho's intestines and stabbed at them with her spoon before returning to the rest of her stomach. Cho's stomach area was now bereft of skin and Ginny attacked her innards with her spoon until it was all in pieces.
As she paused for breath, she realized that Cho was no longer alive. She stared incredulously around her. There was blood everywhere, pieces of Cho's eyeballs, intestines, stomach, liver and kidneys were all over the walls and floor. Hermione was looking at her in horror, she was still under the effect of the freezing charm so she did not move, but her disgust was apparent on her face. Suddenly Ginny was seized by dozens of hands and the last thing she saw before she fainted was the mangled form that was Cho Chang's body.