Remember My Last by Twix

I had been sitting at the kitchen table for hours before I realized how late it was. The clock chiming two o'clock in the morning woke me out of my stupor. I glanced around the dark, lonely flat and rubbed my tired eyes. I hated being here these days. Ever since Sirius had left to go into hiding, the flat felt lonelier and emptier than ever. It was impossible to fall asleep without Sirius next to me.

And I was confused as to why I missed him so much. Ever since this war broke out, there have been more and more secrets between the two of us. We no longer trust each other. I don't even know if still I love him.

It all started when Dumbledore said there was a spy among us. No one could be trusted anymore. At first, I refused to believe Sirius was working for Voldemort. Sirius Black, who hated all things involved with the Dark Arts, side with Voldemort? It was almost laughable. However, now, it was so hard to tell. He stopped talking to me at night, the few days he would actually come home.

He had dark shadows under his eyes, which had lost their normal, mischievous sparkle. Those beautiful grey eyes were now dull and empty. The man whom I loved had changed so much. It was difficult to believe so many things.

Whenever I asked him where he would go, he'd ask me the same thing, and the conversation would end there. I had my own orders and business from Dumbledore. And he told me it was important I didn't tell anyone where I went. Not even Sirius.

It was exactly half past two when Sirius burst in. Staring numbly into my empty teacup, I jumped when the door opened. The only light was in the kitchen, but I could tell it was him. Quickly, I stood up and went to turn on another lamp. Sirius shut the door sharply behind him and turned around.

He looked terrified. His eyes were wide and bloodshot. His robes were wrinkled and it looked as if he had been wearing them for several days in a row. He was extremely pale and his hands shook violently as he put his wand in his robe pockets.

"Sirius!" I exclaimed, shocked at his appearance. "What's--"

Sirius shook his head. "Not now, Remus."

I continued talking. "Aren't you supposed to be in hiding?" I knew he wouldn't answer me, but I asked anyway, "You've heard something about James and Lily, haven't you?"

Sirius made a sudden movement, cutting me off. He stepped forward so that we stood very close. When he spoke, his voice seemed to hold a challenge. "What do you know? Have you heard--" He fell silent and stared into my eyes intently, as if looking for something in them, an answer that couldn't be spoken outright, even if I had known what answer he was looking for.

I didn't break eye contact. "No, I haven't heard from them," I said truthfully, and a little suspiciously. Why would he ask a question like that? James and Lily went into hiding two weeks ago. Sirius knew that.

We stood there for several minutes staring at each other, our bodies just barely touching. Then suddenly, Sirius grasped my shoulder and said quietly, "Remus, I can't stay long, but I have to ask you something."

I exhaled nervously. "Ask me anything. I'll do my best to answer."

"Do you love me?"

Nothing could have prepared me for that question. My eyes widened, and I grasped his shoulders with both hands. "Sirius, what are you--"

"Remus," he said firmly, his eyes suddenly full of hunger and urgency, "Do you love me?"

Did I love him? How could I answer that? There was a part of me that was able to confirm instantly that yes, I did love him. But then . . . I remembered how little I knew this man anymore. How could I possibly love him?

I stared deep into his eyes, and I realized that, somehow, none of that mattered. He was still Sirius. I could see him sometimes when a shadow of a smile would come across that handsome face and his eyes would make an attempt to sparkle. When he kissed me, I could sense him.

I slowly reached up and touched his face. "Yes. I love you."

He looked at me for a long moment. I noticed his shadowed eyes were unusually soft, but before I could think anymore, Sirius pressed his lips against mine fiercely. As he kissed me hungrily, he wrapped his arms around my back, pulling me closer. I moaned and kissed him back--it had been so long since he'd touched me like that. I had begun to forget what it was like. Every part of my body was buzzing. He pulled back after a long time, but I stepped forward to kiss him again, wanting more. Instead, Sirius put my head in his hands and kissed my forehead, my eyelids, my jaw, and then my mouth. With his eyes still closed, he whispered against me, "I love you."

He then abruptly stepped backwards, looked at me one last time, and then Disapparated and was gone.

The next I heard of Sirius was in The Daily Prophet the following morning.

MASS MURDER: BLACK IN AZKABAN, LIFE SENTENCE!