In The Time We Have Remaining

by Twix and Mum

Following PoA, Sirius is on the run, and there is only one person he can trust with his life and his heart. He and Remus work to rebuild what was destroyed all those years ago, and their struggle is, at turns, comic and poignant. COMPLETE.

3. Sirius to Remus, Mid June

Mid-June

Dear Remus,
I haven't lost my knack for getting you in trouble, have I, old friend? That makes the 7,548th time, and I should know because I've been keeping track. I've been in touch with Harry, and he says you left Hogwarts after that night. That's exactly the sort of thing you would do, isn't it, Moony? I take much comfort in knowing that some people can still be counted on. Unlike me.

I have so many regrets, Remus. Mostly, though, I've been wishing we'd had time that night to talk. Just talk. I'll tell you now what I wish I could have told you then: that I bear you no animosity for believing that I betrayed James and Lily to Voldemort all those years. Under the circumstances, how could you have done anything else? I agonize over what sort of misery that must have been for you.

What happened to us, Moony? How did we ever wind up suspecting and second-guessing each other after . . . everything, when the truth should have been so obvious. Please forgive me for doubting you, for not knowing any better, for not trusting my heart.

One more thing, Remus. In the folly of our youth, when we thought we were invincible and indestructible, we made rash promises to each other, you and I. Promises that couldn't possibly have taken into consideration everything that happened after. I would not hold a grown man to the vows made by a boy still wet behind the ears, vows I suspect you would bind yourself to even if you've long since had a change of heart. So much time can never be reclaimed and shared now, and I know I cannot keep the promises I made to you either, not at the present and certainly not in the way I intended. For that, I also beg your forgiveness. It seems as if every time I come near you, I hurt you. God, Remus, there is so much to forgive!

This much I can do: I'm enclosing the key to my Gringott's vault. It's Number 711, you know. I can't use it from here, and I've got twelve years' worth of compound bloody interest accrued, so you might as well make use of it. I absolutely forbid you to be a prat about this, Moony. Get a decent place to live, make sure you eat right, and for Merlin's sake, buy the goddamned potion. Don't make me have to come home and kick your bony arse.

Yours always, I hope,
Sirius

P.S. Take a gander at the bird I'm using to get this to you. Wouldn't James just shit and fall back in it? The island girls are beautiful here, Moony. Pretty much wasted on a middle-aged poofter like me, eh? I feel just like that, too. Like I woke up one morning and was middle-aged. There's nothing much else to do here but get pissed as a newt on silly fruit drinks with umbrellas that jab you in the eye and watch my decidedly Northern European complexion blister in the sun. Having fun. Wish you were here.

Paddy