Title: Fastest Man Alive - With a Limp
Author: girlinterrupted
Summary: It's Bruce and Diana's wedding day. Unfortunately, things start screwing up, and it's up to Flash to set everything right.
Whoops, I forgot to add a disclaimer.
I don't own Justice League...sniffle
Replies to the reviews are here:
SLytheringurl650: Thanks for the review.
Trepverter: LOL. I didn't even think about going THAT far as to make him wear it to the wedding...haha. That is, if there will be a wedding. That'd be hilarious, though. Thanks for the review!
Skite: What the hell is a brad pit! HAHA. Ask alllll the questions you want. I like seeing them, it's fun. However, the only question I can answer is the last one. Diana probably got permission to marry Bruce, but that's not really relevant to the outcome of the story, so that's why I'm answering it. Yeah, I don't like WW/Flash fics either. Thanks for the review!
DianaRulz: I'm so happy you found it funny. Thanks for the review.
M.: Thanks for the review. I'm glad you found it funny.
Gotham's Princess: Orly? As in, Orlando Bloom? No offense, but ew! Not that I like Brad Pitt that much, but still! Thanks for the review.
balletangel19: Ah, I didn't really feel like explaining how Hades got out of hell. You can call it laziness. I call it a plot apostrophe. Thanks for the review.
doc-trigger: I'm so happy you found it funny. I know the chapter was short, and I'm sorry, but thanks! And Thanks for the review!
Icha: I'm back now, heh heh. You'll find out what happens to Flash soon enough. Thanks for the review.
Wolf-blades-wings: Thanks for the review!
- Chapter 4 -
Flash arrived in Central City ten minutes after he let Hades into Diana's room. Hades wanted to be part of the wedding so badly, that he would even be the flower girl. Diana denied that he was her father. Personally, Flash didn't believe it himself. Nothing that ugly could make something that beautiful. But, then again, Diana wasn't created the "regular" way. Sucks to be Hippolyta.
Entering his cluttered apartment, he took off his mask and listened to the only message on his answering machine.
"Wally. This is John. We need you at Wayne Manor, right now. Get here as fast as you can…don't stop at Burger King on the way, this is pretty urgent."
Nothing was more urgent than satisfying his hunger. Wally groaned, put on his mask and zoomed out the door.
John, J'onn, Clark, and Bruce were all dressed in their tuxedos and waiting for Flash in the main foyer of the mansion.
"I told you already I am not going to be a part of this wedding."
Bruce suddenly lunged at him, grabbing him by the neck. He pinned Flash's front against the wall, twisting his arm behind him.
"OW!"
Flash was supposedly the fastest man in the world. Yet, Bruce grabbed him as though he was a tortoise.
"Is there anything the Batman couldn't do? Oh, that's right, he can't smile."
"I can't find—well, someone stole the wedding rings," John said, gravely. Bruce was looking peevish, but then again, he always looked like that. This time, however, he looked pale, as well.
"Someone got past the Justice League and stole the wedding rings!" Flash said, bewildered, finding it hard to talk as his face was against the wall. "Am I the only one who thinks this wedding was just not meant to be?"
Nobody said anything, except Bruce, who muttered, "If you try to run I'll break your arm."
"It would probably be hard when you have something stuck up your AOW!"
VERY wrong answer. Bruce twisted Flash's arm even more.
"Let me guess, you want me to find the rings?" Flash muttered, rolling his eyes.
"Since you decided last minute to back out on my wedding day, it's the least you can do!" Bruce barked into his ear.
"No, the least I can do is nothing at all!" Flash replied. "And I thought I made myself clear that I have no recollection of any wedding plans…" He grunted, looking from Clark to John to J'onn, as Bruce let go of him.
"Flash, I already told you that you're in denial," John murmured. "We don't know who stole the rings, so you have to help us find it."
"I know who stole the rings," Bruce cut in. "But we have to be at the church in half an hour. Since you have no desire to a part of this celebration, you can find the rings," he ordered the scarlet speedster.
"Hey, hold on a second. Why should I do it? You're Batman. You're supposed to be the smart, cool one. I'm the fast one."
"Exactly, dipwad," Clark said, folding his arms. "Since you have more speed than brains, we need you to take care of this. Bruce is getting married in half an hour. We need them now."
"But I—ok, fine…" Flash saw the look on Bruce's face. He was not about to disobey a guy who could probably bench press something twice the weight of Superman.
"So, who stole them?"
"Catwoman."
"Catwoman! You're joking, right…"
Bruce narrowed his eyes at Flash. Evidently, he was not joking. Batman never. EVER joked. Maybe that's why he and the Joker were arch-nemesis.
It only took Flash five whole minutes to zoom through all of Gotham's streets, but he was tipped off that Catwoman was in an abandoned banquet hall on the lower west-side of the city. Batman must have really frightened people, because as soon as Flash said he was affiliated with him, the guy gave him the information at once.
Flash arrived at Mascotti Banquet Hall, looking for any evidence of cats, even a speckle of kitty-litter. He wondered if Catwoman did use kitty-litter. He shook the thought out of his head before he freaked himself out. As he did literally did that, a black-tights-clad woman landed in front of him with a bemused look on her face.
"You're not Batman."
"Thank gosh for that..."
"I knew he'd be too chicken to show up."
"Batman, the chicken? Are we talking about the same person?"
"He's chicken when it comes to women."
"Like I said before, are we talking about the same person?" Flash said, thinking about how many times he'd seen Bruce on the news for being Gotham's most popular playboy.
"Run along home now, kid. I have no time for this," Catwoman said, strutting away. Flash zoomed and appeared in front of her so suddenly that she bumped into his chest.
"I need those rings."
"Why, are you planning to get married?" Catwoman sneered, trying to hide her surprise at how fast Flash was as she backed away.
"If you weren't so hot, I'd have punched you by now," Flash said, approaching the retreating cat-burglar.
"Sorry, little boy, you're just not in my league. The rings are mine."
"Look, we can work something out. You give me the rings and I take you out sometime," Flash shrugged, almost hopefully.
"I have a better idea. How about I keep the rings and you keep your skinny little butt away from me?" Catwoman said, with sarcastic perkiness. Flash tried hard to hide his bruised ego, as she walked away smirking. Once again, he ran in front of her.
"Why did you take those rings in the first place?" Flash muttered, folding his arms.
"That's none of your business," Catwoman said, the smirk fading from her face, as she turned her back to him.
"Was it for the monetary worth?"
"I have enough money. The rings have more of a sentimental value that anything else, when it concerns Bruce. They belonged to his grandparents. And why would I break into his house just to steal some old rings?"
Catwoman knew that she had what she didn't want to divulge.
"Yes, why would you? You're jealous, aren't you?" Flash cooed. This time it was Catwoman who turned to face him.
"Jealous? HA! Yeah, I'm jealous that Bruce finally pulled out the stick that was wedged into his butt," she said, rolling her eyes.
"So you're still in love with him, huh?" Flash concluded, judging from Catwoman's shaky voice.
"I was never in love with that idiot," she muttered, angrily. "He was too busy running around in tights for me."
"But now that he has settled down—and not with you—you're angry. You didn't want the wedding to happen. So you stole the rings," Flash said, thoughtfully.
"I was going to kidnap him, but it was hard enough getting the rings from under his nose," Catwoman huffed in admittance.
"You know, for someone of your caliber, you act like no other man will be attracted to you. There's plenty of other eligible bachelors out there. If you like the kind who wear tights, I can help you out," Flash smirked, raising an eyebrow. Catwoman snorted, but she knew he was right.
"So, what, you're the Justice League's date service spokesman, or something?" she said.
"No, I'm too busy with the ladies to do something like that," Flash bragged, looking at his fingernails.
"Oh yeah, especially making lemonade for your granny," Catwoman chuckled.
"Heyyyy….you keep Granny Flash out of this."
Flash arrived at Wayne Manor clutching the two wedding bands. He would give them to Alfred. To his surprise, however, J'onn, John, and Clark were still there.
"Um, aren't you guys going to be late? And you know how Bats feels about tardiness."
No one bothered to tell Flash to shut up. All three of them looked as though they had seen Doomsday, or something.
"What's wrong?" Flash said, holding up the rings, "I got them back!"
"He's gone," Clark muttered, ignoring him.
"Huh? Who?"
"Bruce."
"Gone? What do you mean, gone?"
"He took off. Told us he was going to use the bathroom; took about twenty minutes. When we broke open the door, the washroom was empty. The window was open; he ran away," John explained.
"Bruce ran away from his own wedding?" Flash said, in disbelief.
"And I can't seem to contact him or pinpoint his location. He must have some sort of stasis machine," J'onn mumbled.
"What do we do?" Clark asked. J'onn paused.
"We'll have to tell Diana the situation. The wedding's off. We have a runaway groom."
"No, it's not off. I'm going to find him," Flash said.
To be continued
A/n: I'm back from my vacation. I've learned some Italian words:
1) Permiso (means 'excuse me')
2)Gelato (means 'ice-cream')
3)Pollo (means 'chicken')
Unfortunately, I never got the chance to say, "Excuse me, I would like some chicken-flavoured ice-cream."
Review! (If you ever go to Italy, try the gelato! It's AMAZING...)
-me