Disclaimer: As Usual.

I'm quite encouraged by the reception I recieved on the more, ah, agressive side of Goku. Thanks to tigermink, iceblitz, altered carbon, and SanzoxGoku Lover for feeding my ego.

Sound of the Night

Chapter 12: Balance

For years, Gojyo had maintained that he didn't know what love was. In all honesty, he still felt that way. It was all a big myth, a conspiracy formed and supported by bleeding hearts, romance novels, and melodramatic teenagers who thought that because they had just gotten laid that they'd be together for the rest of their lives.

Gojyo had found the truth in it and had taken the only thing that was real time and time again. The happiness you seek will always be for yourself. You can never tell what someone else is thinking. You never know what's there, floating under the surface. So you just ignore it and promise youself that by morning you'll be gone anyway so it doesn't matter what happens after.

That happiness never lasts. It's all about the moment. You just have to keep chasing that moment until you die. That's the way life works, right? You live to die with a smile on your face.

So why now was he thinking that he wanted the moment to last just a little longer? He wanted the party to never reach the West. He wanted to stay in the jeep with Sanzo's bitching and Goku's whining and Hakkai's nagging until the flesh fell from his bones and he's die living in that moment.

Most of all, he wanted Hakkai to stay close.

For years, Gojyo and Hakkai had maintained a delicate balance. There were certain things that they didn't talk about and certain things they didn't do. They were friends, close friends. Very close friends. Both of them wanted it to stay that way, having experienced the 'complications' that come with something else.

So yeah, he wanted Hakkai. And yeah, Hakkai was probably the most important person in his life.

But Gojyo would do anything to maintain the balance they held. He knew that eventually the moment would end but he would hold onto the end with his fingernails if that's what it took.

However, this whole episode had brought to the fore things that Gojyo would have loved to leave as vegetables in their hospital beds. Gojyo might as well have blurted out, "I don't want you sleeping with Sanzo because I wanna get into your pants." And now Gojyo seemed to be on the recieving end of those furtive, sidelong, I'm-trying-to-look-as-if-I'm-not-trying-to-look-at-you-and-failing glances.

Unfortunately, Hakkai had to be the most impossible person to read in all of Tougenkyou. Gojyo didn't know if those glances meant "Are you still mad at me and let's be friends" or "Sanzo was a mistake and I want to jump you right this minute".

After far too much agonizing about the subject, Gojyo had come to the conclusion that something had to be done. Their delicate little balance had been broken and there was no way to backpedal. The only thing to do was go forward.

About the only thing that Gojyo was good at was getting women in bed. When it came to keeping them for more than one night – well, he just didn't keep them for more than one night. Hakkai was neither a woman nor a one-nighter.

In short: Gojyo didn't know how the hell he should put the moves on Hakkai.

He could try the direct approach. Walk right up to the guy and say, "Hey, I'm in love with you. Wanna have sex every night for the rest of our lives?"

...Naaah.

Then there was the romantic approach. Light up some candles or something and get right up close to him and say, "Hakkai.. your eyes are like brilliant emerald orbs..."

...Nuh-uh.

The sexual approach was tempting. Arrange to bump into him straight from the shower and then have the towel fall off...

Weeell... no.

Damn it. That pretty much left... waiting for the perfect moment to say the perfect thing. And those perfect moments, Gojyo knew, were pretty fucking rare.

Gojyo was still trying to think of an alternative when he was settling down for the night. For some reason that Gojyo could guess at but wouldn't dare say aloud (in front of Sanzo, anyway) the monk and the monkey had started to room together every time they stayed at an inn. Since Sanzo claimed that "If I can't get my own room then you idiots aren't getting singles either" (or perhaps the gods just had it in for Gojyo) Hakkai and Gojyo had been repeatedly rooming together. So every night Gojyo had to play it friendly, restrain the urge to peek in on Hakkai changing (and usu- er, sometimes not restrain the urge), and to fall asleep watching Hakkai's sleeping face wondering what the hell he was thinking.

Not that it was unpleasant rooming with Hakkai. Now that things had eased up between the two of them it was almost like old times.

But now Gojyo had to fight off the urge to state some of his physical desire down at the local pub.

A decision that he was somewhat regretting at this point – but Gojyo somehow thought that it wasn't a very good idea to go fuck a a random woman each night when he was trying to catch a man. It was just bad etiquette.

Etiquette. Fuck. The things I do for you, Hakkai.

Tonight, though, the room was getting to hot for his taste. Without saying anything (Hakkai was probably asleep by this point anyhow), Gojyo got out of bed, pulled on his jacket and boots and went out for a walk.

The night air had a sharp bite that made Gojyo shiver in spite of himself. He tromped along the empty street, shoving his hands into his pockets and looking at the ground.

Before he realized where he was headed Gojyo could he laughter and carousing just across the way, bar lights shining brightly and late-night revellers singing some bawdy ale-house tune with half of the lyrics garbled. Gojyo looked up at the lights and was tempted.

A pair of giggling young women approached him, leaning on each other and obviously drunk. They were shapely and attractive, beckoning Gojyo to come join them. "C'mon, honey," one with short black locks purred. "You're the kinda fella who looks like he'd like a nice time."

Gojyo gave them a crooked smile. "Not tonight, ladies. I'm afraid I have to take care of an ailing buddy of mine... he's spewing at both ends and threatens to rip me a new one when he's better if I don't bring him a tonic."

The second girl pouted. "Aw, that's too bad. Come back later, y'hear? We'll make sure you have fun."

Gojyo watched them go with an appreciative (and somewhat guilty) eye and regretted once more his self-imposed celibacy. He wanted so badly to walk right up to those two girls, take them upstairs, and fuck them silly, but that just wasn't going to work. He wouldn't find any solace between smooth legs tonight.

Gojyo turned away and walked back to the inn.

OOOOOOOOOOOO

Gojyo was suprised to see Hakkai standing at the front door of the inn waiting his return. "Hey."

"Welcome back." Hakkai leaned against the doorframe and smiled.

"Just so you know, I didn't do anything tonight."

"I know."

"Hakkai – "

"Gojyo –"

They spoke at the same time and then paused.

Hakkai laughed a little. "It's alright, Gojyo. I didn't come out here to be your mother."

"Yeah? Then why did you come out here?"

"To look at the stars." With that, Hakkai sat down on the step with his back to Gojyo. Gojyo took that as his cue and sat himself down behind Hakkai so they were back-to-back.

"Oh, the stars? They haven't changed since the last time you looked, so why bother?" Gojyo leaned back. It was moments of closeness like this that Gojyo savored the most. He was glad they were able to do it still.

Hakkai breathed out softly. "Yes. They haven't become any less beautiful."

"But don't you get tired of seeing the same ones every night?"

"No... because every time I look I notice something that I hadn't seen before, some star that had been concealed until then."

Gojyo leaned his head back to rest on Hakkai's shoulder and closed his eyes. "I wouldn't know what to do with the stars."

"You don't do anything with the stars. They're just there. Their presence is a comfort. Even during the day or on an overcast night, you know the stars are there and it makes you feel better."

"That's weird."

Hakkai laughed. "Oh, is it?"

"You don't even care if you see them or not. Wouldn't you like to see them absolutely clearly, every last one, scattered everywhere in the sky?"

"...Look up."

Gojyo opened his eyes and for the first time that night saw the brilliant swath of stars that streaked the sky, glowing with a light warmer than the day. "Well I'll be damned." He chuckled. "If only it were like that every night."

"It can be."

Hakkai's head leaned back as well and his cheek brushed against Gojyo's.

Gojyo hardly dared breathe. "Don't be an idiot. That kind of thing doesn't last forever."

"Maybe." Hakkai's warmth seeped through the back of Gojyo's jacket. "But we can hold it in our minds for as long as we remember it, right?"

Gojyo stood up and spun around to face Hakkai, who was still sitting with his back to Gojyo. "I don't want a memory. I want something real."

"Anything real can be taken away."

"It won't be."

"Gojyo..."

This was it. Gojyo's perfect moment. Fuck, someone up there in heaven liked him.

Gojyo knelt down behind Hakkai and draped his arms over Hakkai's neck, breathing in his ear. "I'll give you the stars, for real."

It was then that Hakkai laughed the most perfect, most authentic laugh that Gojyo had ever heard out of him. "Gojyo, that line was just awful."

Gojyo grinned into Hakkai's neck. "I'm offended. You're going to have to make it up to me now." Softly he placed his lips on the side of Hakkai's neck and nibbled his way up to the earlobe.

"Of course." Hakkai turned his head and met Gojyo's lips with his own.

OOOOOOOOOOOO

The line about Hakkai's eyes was a little tribute to the fabulous, the hilarious, the infamous Breakroom. I'd like to take a moment to toast the funniest Saiyuki fic from here to Tougenkyou.

Do review, please...