I'm so sorry! I've taken so long to finish this thing. The reason? School is beating me over the head with a stick. Especially math. I'm having dreams about Mr. Pi and Mr. E sitting on a logarithm floating along a parabola inverted about the x-axis.

Okay, that's not true. But I did dream that Captain Picard became my English teacher.

So I went back and read the past couple of chapters to catch myself up on what the hell it was that I wrote, and noticed this:

"You don't do anything with the stars. They're just there. Their presence is a comfort. Even during the day or on an overcast night, you know the stars are there and it makes you feel better."

...and realized that it was a blatant Utena ripoff. (Akio is talking to Utena about siblings, and says that a sibling is like the moon – you don't really notice it most of the time, but every once in a while you look up at it and it makes you feel better. So says the man who fucks his sister every night.)

I guess I'm not as creative as I thought I was. :P Oh, well. I don't really think that being a fanfic author is much of a sign of creativity anyway... dodges rotten fruit

Anyway, on with the show.

Disclaimer: Not mine. As usual.

Sound of the Night

Chapter 14: Unnecessary

"We're ending this."

It came like a shot out of the dark. One morning Sanzo got up, got dressed, and told Goku that this whole 'thing' was over.

"Wha?" Goku was barely awake. He didn't understand what was going on and why there was a cold spot in the bed where Sanzo should have been.

"This game is over." Sanzo sat down on a chair in the inn room and pulled on his boots. "Is that clear enough for you?"

"Game?" Goku was more awake than he wanted to be right now.

"I know you're a stupid monkey, but you're not that stupid." Sanzo growled. "Get it through your skull. It. Is. Over."

"What? Why?" A hint of panic was in Goku's voice.

"Beacause it's over. This is unnecessary. I'm sick of this."

Goku was now on his knees on the bed, gazing up at Sanzo like a wounded animal. "Sanzo...! Have I done something?"

Sanzo unfurled his sutra and draped it over his shoulders. He was facing the door, away from Goku. "Nothing other than being yourself."

And he left.

ooooooooooooooo

Goku felt broken. A fault line had crept down from the top of his head and hit a place in the pit of his stomach. He was off-balance, shaken. The world was tilting and he was sliding off, holding onto the edges with his fingernails and then falling, falling.

He didn't understand. Why? WHY? What had he done? What had he said?

He wanted to cry but he was frozen, plugged up. He couldn't move from the bed, cooling at the same rate as his chest.

After an eternity of waiting for Sanzo to come back (Sanzo wouldn't. Sanzo was so stubborn. But Goku hoped, he hoped, he HOPED.) Goku sank into the blankets again and curled into himself, wishing he had a stuffed animal to squeeze. Wishing he had Sanzo to squeeze.

He'd thought that he could do this. He'd had nothing to lose. He'd gone after the things he wanted, just as he always had.

He hadn't known that it would hurt like this.

Does this mean that I understand you a little bit more? Goku screamed into his own head. Does this mean that now I know, too, what it's like to lose someone you love?

ooooooo

Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Sanzo was standing in the men's bathroom, thinking about his life.

With nothing less than a monumental force of will, Sanzo restrained himself from banging his own head into the wall repeatedly.

But Sanzo had made the decision to end it, so end it he would.

It was really a catch-22 situation. Staying with Goku would only be painful in the end, but now here he was feeling like he wanted to shoot himself. It was all so beautifully ironic.

Or maybe I'm just addicted to pain. Sanzo leaned his forehead against the mirror above the dripping sink. I just don't know how to be happy anymore.

This is so juvenile. Just give me a window and some rain and this will be perfect. Angst, angst, angst, Kouryu, then smash your fist into the mirror and say something dramatic and deep about hating yourself. Fuck. FUCK.

He wanted to kill something. He wanted to go out and mutilate some youkai just for looking at him the wrong way. He wanted to kill the first person he saw just for bothering him when he was pissed off. His hands were soaked in blood by now, anyway. One more body didn't really hurt.

He was so tense that he had to clamp his hands down one on top of the other on the counter to stop them from shaking. He wanted to die. He wanted to live. He wanted to go. He wanted to stay. He loved his master. He hated his master.

And Goku.

Goku!

He clamped his eyes shut and bent his head down towards the counter, grinding his teeth and telling himself that the burning in his head was a headache and not suffocating tears.