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Shattered Hope

I caught the child in my arms before he fell onto the rough concrete. His mouth was filled with blood now leaking over the navy towel around my waist. Some blood also came from his eyes, nose and ears, once again shocked, I shrieked at him. "Talk to me! What's happening to you?" He remained silent; his eyes slowly shut and gave a last cough of blood. I could still hear him breathe so I shook him lightly trying to help him escape from eternal slumber. Miraculously, he opened one eye and whispered a word to me. I leaned forward trying to hear him curiously.

"Paradise, search for paradise," he murmured again. Those were his last words before he fell completely still. It's always a shame when a young boy dies. I'm guessing he was only about 11 years old, a six-year difference from me. Setting him down gently, I ripped off part of my towel with my shrewd claws and set it over his blood stained face.

I set up walking again, passing into a ruined little mall where I found some clothes to wear. Of course, I had to rip a little hole in the back for my mysterious lion-like new tail. I changed into the loose clothing and continued walking to who knows where… but I just kept on walking, searching for civilization perhaps. I was following the way the boy was heading. There were so many people around me, all deceased. The marble floor was like a pool of red; there was no way of walking anywhere without stepping into it.

Over and over again I sighed, tired but could not relax. Now I really believed that I was the only living being on earth. I've never felt so alone and abandoned in my life. Everywhere I walked, no matter how far, there was no sun in the sky to light up my way, and there were no grass or plants, only torn down trees. It grew cold; my eyes felt heavy like stones were set upon them so I crouched down against a large tree branch agitated.

Stars shined dimly against the solid blue night sky, the moon was nothing like I've seen before. It sent out an indistinct yellow. My mind fluttered with many thoughts that would not cease but it grew fatigued over a while. One thought fluttered like a butterfly into my dreams that night. I dreamt of my family, my brother, mother, my long gone father and defiantly my little sister. What had happened to them? Hopefully, they had not passed away. But somewhere in the dream, I saw them at ease until a fire broke out and burned them all alive. I woke up panting heavily a few hours later…at least that's what I thought; there was no way of knowing.

I rubbed my eyes for a moment, in front of me; I saw blueberries, only a few though. It had not been there yesterday. Has it? I didn't care; each one I picked went straight to my mouth unwashed. That wasn't enough though, my stomach was rumbling. I climbed up to my feet and took a deep breath and walked. There was something inside me, inside my heart, like an animal's instinct that told me too keep going and never stop. A minute wasted is a minute lost.

Days… It has been days that I've been walking without food. I drank my own blood as water; it does not taste that bad once you've had that first sip. I was hungry but not starving so I kept on walking without much nourishment. Soon I came near lots of barren land that once looked like a sustaining forest full of nutrition. My eyes were more precise and could see longer distances than before. They fixed onto some emerald green field miles off. With hope, I ran after it. The more I ran, the further it seemed to depart from me. At last, after minutes of hastening, I gave up. I seemed nowhere near the field; my clothes were starting to rip into rags.

I told myself that there was no grass at the other end; there was no paradise. I should commit suicide. That way, I would no longer be isolated. I hated being alone; I would die in this place if I just waited for something to happen. I had thought of suicide so many times in the past days, I surely wanted to die but could not bring myself to do it. Something held me back, maybe my stubbornness or fear. Possibly because I still had a journey through this world, maybe I had to accomplish something until I give myself away to heaven.

Waking up one day, I looked at my sharp uncut nails and traced it along my neck. I wanted to die now; the silence was too much. Glancing up into the deep sky, I heard thunder, I felt rain, and I breathed against a cold current. I was ready; death was calling me… and I was going to follow that soothing voice away… away far off from here…