Needs by Twix

When Remus woke the next morning, he was not at all surprised to see Sirius still fast asleep. He was lying on his stomach with his head turned towards the wall. Sirius had kicked the quilts to the foot of the bed during the night, and his pillow was on the floor. Remus supposed it would take some time for him to get used to sleeping in a regular bed.

The sun was just beginning to stream through the curtains. Remus' body was stiff and achy due to that night's full moon, so he had no intention of getting out of bed anytime soon. He was perfectly content with lying there in bed watching Sirius sleep. Remus loved how natural all this felt. After thirteen long years of not having Sirius at his side, he couldn't even begin to explain how he felt. Nevertheless, a part of him was slightly worried he'd get too used to this. This wasn't over, Remus reminded himself; Sirius was still on the run. He could only stay in Bristol for a few months – maybe only a matter of weeks – and neither of them knew what the future had in store.

Then Sirius stirred in his sleep, turning on his side and resting his arm over Remus' chest, and Remus knew that none of that mattered right now.

They lay like that for a long time in that wonderful, sleepy, drowsy atmosphere. Remus rested his hand on Sirius's arm, stroking it lightly with his fingertips. Sirius shuddered slightly and Remus stopped. But Sirius continued to shudder and tremble. He began to mutter wildly underneath his breath, but Remus was unable to understand what he said. It was just incoherent babble. Sirius started to thrash in his sleep, his body jerking and trembling violently. Remus sat straight up and put a firm hand on Sirius' chest.

"Sirius! Sirius, wake up!" Remus called out.

Sirius let out a loud gasp, then unexpectedly transformed. Padfoot was now on the bed, still asleep, whimpering and whining loudly. Remus shook the large black dog.

"Sirius! Wake up. You have to wake up," Remus exclaimed.

Padfoot continued to thrash, his paws clawing frantically at Remus' chest. Remus took his paws roughly in his own hands to stop him. "Wake up!" Remus finally shouted, "Padfoot, wake up!"

With a loud yelp, the dog's eyes flew open, and he sat up. Those bright grey eyes stared up at Remus, full of fear. Then he transformed again. Sirius now sat on the bed, breathing heavily, his hands clutched tightly in Remus'. He fell forward, collapsing into Remus' open arms.

"I'm sorry," Sirius whispered hoarsely, "Oh God, I'm so sorry, Moony."

Remus held Sirius close. "Don't you dare apologize, Sirius. It's all right. Don't worry about it."

"Oh God, I'm sorry." Sirius buried his face in Remus' neck, choking back a sob. "I'm so sorry. I – I still dream about it sometimes. James and Lily, Azkaban, the Dementors, that night at Hogwarts, the Kiss --"

"Shhhh. It's okay, Sirius, you're safe with me," Remus murmured soothingly, rubbing his hands along Sirius' back. "Everything's all right."

Sirius raised his head, and their lips met in a long, fierce kiss. Sirius then laid his head against Remus' chest and let out a deep breath before speaking. "It's like a miracle. I need you, and you're here."

They didn't speak again for the longest time; they just lay there with their arms around each other. Sirius' breath became steady again, and Remus noticed that his eyes had closed. Remus carefully slipped out from under Sirius to leave the room, but as Remus made to get off the bed, Sirius reached out and pulled him back down.

"Oh, no, you don't," Sirius said into the pillow. He pushed up on his elbows and rested his body lightly on Remus'. Their faces close together, Sirius stared into Remus' warm, amber eyes and whispered, "I love you."

Remus smiled and kissed Sirius lightly on the lips. "I love you, too."

Sirius returned the kiss, pressing his mouth against Remus', then moved down to kiss his neck. Remus ran his long fingers through Sirius's hair and said a little sadly, "I really do need to get up though, Sirius. I should probably take a shower and – "

Sirius looked up. His eyes were suddenly sparkling, and a mischievous grin was on his face. "I'll help!"

Remus laughed. "If you make me late for work –"

Sirius' face fell. He moved off Remus and sat up in the bed. "You're going in to work?"

Remus sat up as well. "Just for a little while. Until about one." He got up from the bed and slipped into his dressing gown.

"Why can't you just stay home today?" Sirius asked, frowning.

"Sirius, I work for a living. Remember, I'm already taking some time off right before the holidays to go visit my mum in Scotland. Starting tomorrow."

"Then just don't go into work. What's the big deal of just missing the one more day?" Sirius asked.

Remus frowned. "This isn't like school, Sirius. You can't just skive off work. Besides, they were very understanding about giving me that time off just before the holidays. Hope my mum is feeling better, insisted I take extra days, and all of that. They're very decent people."

"Then send them an owl or something," Sirius said, "Tell them you found this stray dog on the beach and –"

"Sirius, they're Muggles," Remus said patiently.

"Oh." Sirius frowned again. "I really wanted to spend the day with you, Moony."

"I'm really sorry. It's a short day, though," Remus assured him. "Only until one or so." He turned to walk into the hallway. "I'm using the bedroom at the end of the hallway. You can find something to wear in the wardrobe. It'll be a little big, of course, but at least it's better than those prison robes. I'm going to make some tea."

Sirius didn't reply. He grumpily made his way down the hallway to find something to wear in Remus' room. When he walked into the kitchen five minutes later, Remus was bustling about pleasantly, making tea. He set a pile of biscuits on the table, and as he crossed Sirius as he walked through the room, he slipped his arm around his waist and kissed his temple. Looking at Sirius, he said, "What in Merlin's name is wrong, Sirius?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all," Sirius sighed heavily and moved to sit down at the table. He took a biscuit and began to munch on it.

"Do you want anything else to eat?" Remus asked. "You know I'm not one for big breakfasts. Especially today."

Sirius shook his head. "No, I'm fine."

Remus frowned, and then sat down at the table. He took a sip from his scalding tea, and then began to blow on it. Sirius stared moodily into his steaming cup of tea. Remus kicked him lightly underneath the table, and said with a grin, "You're pouting, you know." Sirius didn't reply, and Remus let out a small sigh. "Padfoot, I really don't see what the big deal is. It's just for about three hours today, and then I'll be on holiday until after Christmas, so –"

Sirius suddenly stood up from the table. "I think I'm going to go see how Buckbeak's doing." And with that, he walked across the kitchen and out the back door.

"Erm, all right then," Remus said uncertainly as Sirius left, then returned to his cup of tea, his brow furrowed in worry and concern.

When Remus returned from work at a little after one that afternoon, he found the house empty. As he walked down the short hallway, he checked all the rooms, but Sirius was nowhere. Feeling extremely worried, Remus made his way into the kitchen as quickly as he possibly could with his sore muscles and slight limp. There, on the kitchen table, was a note. It was a small one, the paper ripped from the corner of the Daily Prophet. Sirius had scribbled a short, terse message: Went out, should be back soon. – Sirius

Remus frowned at the note. He couldn't help but be a little disturbed by Sirius' behaviour. Surely, he could understand why Remus couldn't stay home from work. Sirius was still acting like a schoolboy on a lark, instead of like a grown man. Remus knew he shouldn't be surprised. Sirius had completely missed out on most of his own adult life. It must be very disorienting for him, but it obviously wasn't going to be a tea party for Remus to deal with either.

Remus then turned around in the kitchen, stopped to collect his cane by the door, and left the cottage. He walked slowly over to the shed where Sirius had hidden Buckbeak, but he wasn't there either. Making his way around the back of the house and down the path, Remus walked out onto the beach.

Although the sun was shining brightly, a stiff breeze had blown up and chilled the air, making it almost unbearably cold. Remus looked up and down the coast, squinting into the distance for any sign of Sirius. His eye caught a cluster of rocks some ways away from the cottage. Remus remembered that private, hidden section well, and he began to walk in that direction of the beach. He walked slowly, gingerly putting his weight on his cane. Shivering from the cold, Remus buried his chin deeper into the threadbare scarf wrapped tightly around his neck.

When he approached the area of large rocks, he saw Padfoot hiding several feet away from him. At the sight of Remus, he loped out from behind it and sat down on a low, flat rock. He then transformed, and Sirius looked up at Remus. He still looked a little grumpy and put out, but was pleased to see Remus nonetheless.

Remus sat down next to him, propping his cane up against the rock. He wrapped his arm around Sirius' neck and pulled their heads close together. "I'll have you know," Remus said softly, "that I had a dreadfully boring time at work today."

Sirius finally grinned, then kissed Remus' face, slipping his arm around his waist. "Well, I'm glad to hear it."

"What did you do today?" Remus asked.

"Nothing, really," Sirius replied glumly. "Just spent some time with Buckbeak, and I've been out here."

That area of beach hidden in the rocks was sheltered from the wind and considerably warmer, but it still was very cold, and Sirius gave a slight shiver.

"You must be freezing," Remus remarked. Sirius was only wearing a thin shirt and trousers, so Remus took his scarf off and wrapped it around Sirius' neck. Sirius murmured his thanks and stared forward out to the sea. They didn't speak for a long time, then Remus asked quietly, "Padfoot, are you okay?"

Sirius nodded his head automatically. Then he glanced up at Remus, and a moment later, shook his head.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know," Sirius said, shrugging, which, Remus knew, meant that he did.

"Let's talk while walking back to the house," Remus offered. "It's getting awfully cold, and you don't have a coat. I'll have to pick one up at Oxfam for you."

"All right." So they both stood up and began walking back up to the cottage. Sirius kept his arm around Remus as they walked, staring intently at his feet. "I guess I'm just tired of it all. Just . . . everything." He paused for a moment, and then continued. "It's been almost two damned years since I escaped, and ever since, I've constantly been in hiding and on the run. And, Moony, I have this horrible feeling I'll be doing that for the rest of my life."

Remus didn't reply. He wasn't sure what to say.

"I don't think the truth will ever be uncovered." Sirius exhaled loudly.

"Sirius, you shouldn't think like that," Remus said, "We have no idea what will happen –"

"Exactly! I could be dead in a year's time, still hiding from the Ministry or maybe–"

"Don't say that, Sirius," Remus cut in sharply, now frowning. "I can't bear to hear you say that."

There was a moment's silence as they walked up the path to the cottage and went inside. Remus stripped off his coat and put his cane next to the door. Sirius went into the sitting room and threw himself down on the settee, looking defeated. "I'm sorry, Moony," he said then. "I don't mean to be so moody and ill-tempered."

"Padfoot," Remus said, sitting next to him on the settee. "you have every right in the world to be ill-tempered. And you've always been moody." He was pleased when Sirius attempted a little half-smile.

"But I feel as if I'm ruining our time together," he said, leaning back into the cushions, staring up at the ceiling.

Remus reached over to run his fingers in Sirius's hair. "You've haven't even been here twenty-four hours, so you're not ruining anything. Just that you're here at all, Padfoot, makes it perfect. I can't tell you happy that makes me."

Sirius nodded and took Remus' hand in his, lacing their fingers. "Thank you so much for staying here in Bristol. For wanting--"

Remus leaned forward to kiss Sirius on the mouth. "I do want it. More than anything, Sirius. It's all I've ever wanted."

For the first time that day, Sirius smiled a genuine smile. Remus started to smile back, but the smile turned into a huge yawn, and he covered his mouth. "Sorry. I'm a little tired, I guess."

"Merlin's beard, Moony, it's the full moon tonight, and here I've been such a selfish bastard all day. I'm sorry." Sirius' face looked stricken with guilt.

Remus smothered another yawn with his hand and smiled. "Well, you can make it up to me by fetching me a cup of tea. I could really use one right now," he put in. Then he looked up a little sheepishly and added, "If you don't mind, that is."

Sirius grinned widely. "Fetching is my specialty, old bean. I will be at your very beck and call all night, guaranteed. You can count on me."

The tension Remus hadn't even known he was carrying dissolved at Sirius' words. "I know, Sirius. And it means everything."

Sirius leaned over and kissed him, then reached down and pulled Remus' legs up onto the settee. "Rest, you. I'll make you a nice hot cuppa." Then Sirius strode into the kitchen to make the tea. He felt horrible about how the day had gone so far, and he was determined to make it up to Remus. When he returned with the tea, however, Remus had fallen asleep. Sirius set the cup on the tea table and covered Remus with the rug that was draped over the back of the back of the settee. As he tucked it in around him, he whispered, "Your turn, love. You need me now, Remus, and I'm here."