Conversations of Chemistry Chapter Three

A/N: I may or may not do an epilogue. I don't want to promise anything. For now, this is it. Also, the talk about protection is just in there because I'm boring and anal about how important itis to use protection.Enjoy!

"Oh my God," Marissa moaned in embarrassment as she and Ryan walked into the pool house together. "Did you see Sandy? He so knows what Seth was doin-"

She was abruptly cut off when Ryan gently pinned her against the door she'd just shut, pressing his lips to hers. Taken aback for only a second, she quickly fell into the kiss and locked her hands behind his neck, enjoying the feel of his lips and his tongue against hers.

"Mmmm," Ryan murmured against her mouth, putting his hands on her waist and rubbing. "I didn't think I was going to get to do that tonight."

Marissa giggled. Everything felt strangely new between them, as if they had a different relationship now. It had been a long time since she'd put sex on any kind of pedestal; she'd come to think that was simply immature and that sex was a natural part of relationships. Not that it wasn't, but it made everything so different between her and Ryan. Everything was more intense now, more…free in some way. "Well, I'm glad I could prove you wrong."

Ryan wrapped an arm around her and she rested her head against his shoulder as they walked to the bed. "How's your mom?' he asked as he sat down on the bed and pulled her down with him, arranging them so she was sitting between his knees and resting against his chest.

Marissa shrugged tiredly. "As well as can be expected, I guess. She's heartbroken and she's scared, but she's pulled herself out of being in shock a little. She's sleeping now. Summer's over there just in case, but I think she'll be okay for the night."

"I'm sorry about all this," Ryan murmured, running his fingers through her hair. "You've been through a lot these past few months; you didn't need this on top of everything."

Marissa smiled and let her eyes flutter closed as his gentle hands soothed the headache that had been building all day. "I'll be okay. It could be worse. I still have Summer, I actually have my mom, and best of all I have you." She lifted her head to smile at him.

Ryan grinned back and kissed her gently. "I told you, we're sticking together this year."

Marissa snuggled her head in the crook of his shoulder and took one of his hands, lacing their fingers together. "So Kirsten's back home," she tentatively offered. Ryan had been fairly tight lipped about Kirsten all summer. Given all the Trey drama, she'd let it slide but she wondered if that was a mistake.

Ryan sighed, a faint frown unconsciously knitting his brow. His feelings about what had happened to Kirsten were still so jumbled inside of him that he didn't know what to do with them. More than anything, he just didn't want to be unhappy or resentful right now. He wanted to focus on her being home. "It's good," he said at length. "It's really good to have her home. I know there's probably more to it than that, but I don't want to deal with it tonight. I just want to be glad she's home." Marissa remained quiet and worried he'd been a little too abrupt, he softened his tone. "Besides, there are other things to focus on right now. Like you and me." The truth was, he really didn't want to focus on Kirsten with Marissa pressed against him the way she was. Knowing for the first time how it felt to be even closer than that.

Marissa was still momentarily startled by these new periods of openness with Ryan. She wasn't used to him talking so freely about their relationship when it used to be almost like pulling teeth, but it was a welcome change. "That's why I came here," she admitted. "My dad woke us up this morning, so we didn't really get a chance to deal with what happened." She laughed a little breathlessly. "I'm not exactly sure how to start this…"

"Do you regret it?" Ryan's question was asked so quickly and quietly, she almost didn't hear it over the roar of her own whirring thoughts.

"What?" she stuttered in shock at first. Regretting what had happened hadn't even crossed her mind. "Ryan, no," she assured him emphatically, moving closer in the hopes that her physical closeness could assure him of his sincerity. "Not for even a second. I could never regret what happened between us last night."

"Okay, good," Ryan sighed, releasing a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. His main concern had been that she had decided it wasn't the right time after all and would want to back off. "I didn't know if I'd pressured you or…"

"Ryan," Marissa laughed a little. "You were the one asking me if I was sure. I was the one already taking my clothes off." Ryan chuckled in sheer surprise; he was still a little bemused by her sudden playful streak. "I think it's safe to say you weren't doing the pressuring."

Ryan shook his head and tickled her side playfully before his smile faded. "That's not exactly what I mean. I don't know…" he trailed off, uncertain how to say it but unable to NOT know. "I didn't know if I…you know, scared you at any point." He looked down at the covers, unable to meet her eyes.

"Scared me?" Marissa repeated in confusion before understanding dawned. "Are you talking about Trey?"

Ryan closed his eyes briefly. He still couldn't let his mind go there for any length in time; it was too painful. Especially after last night, after what he'd shared with Marissa, he couldn't comprehend his brother so violently, carelessly hurting her the way he had. He was constantly torn between the love he'd always had for his brother and the constant unadulterated rage and horror at what Trey done to the girl he loved. "I know you've had some trouble with it before," he muttered in a low voice, still unable to look at her. "I wasn't even thinking last night that we were on the beach."

"Ryan…" Marissa said softly. When he still didn't raise his eyes, she reached out to lift up his chin. "Ryan, listen to me," she said firmly, looking into his conflicted blue eyes. "You didn't scare me last night. I didn't connect the beach to Trey any more than you did. I didn't even think about him last night, I swear. I thought earlier in the summer I might, I won't lie about that. I think we both backed off after a certain point because of that. But last night…it didn't even cross my mind." She stroked his face gently. "Trey wasn't there last night, Ryan. It was just you. Summer asked me about that too-" she smiled wryly at his bemused expression. "You trying to tell me Seth didn't pump you for information?"

Ryan raised his brows in a 'you're right' manner. "And?" he prompted, somewhat curious despite himself. It didn't seem like what she was going to say would be something that would totally kill him, so he wanted to know. "What about when Summer asked you?"

Marissa shrugged a little bashfully. "I don't know, we were talking about it and it was like…it helped. Being with you, I mean. It helped me remember…I don't know. That things like that are supposed to be good."

Ryan opened his mouth to speak and all of the sudden found himself unable to. Instead, he leaned forward and impulsively took her mouth in his. The kiss wasn't as passionate as some of their others, but he wasn't really aiming for passionate. He didn't know how to put in words what she had just given him. He'd always sworn to himself that no matter what, Marissa would never look at him and be afraid of him. Even though it wasn't his fault, Trey had taken that away from them and one of his biggest fears had been they'd never fully get it back. Marissa telling him they'd at least been able to get that much back and giving him the credit for it…it was more than he could take without expressing it somehow.

Marissa closed her eyes and kissed him back, cupping his face in her hands. She knew Ryan; she knew it was hard for him to say some things. She knew this was his way of "telling" her things he couldn't say out loud and she'd reached a point where that was okay with her. Maybe it was better to be showed how one felt than to be told, anyway.

Ryan finally broke off the kiss and leaned his forehead against hers. "Marissa…" he said huskily.

"Ssssh." She put her finger against his lips. "I know."

Ryan looked into her eyes and knew that she DID know. Smiling slightly, he wordlessly pulled her into his arms and held her for a quiet moment. "So what does this mean for us now?" he asked at length. Marissa raised her head to look at him in confusion. He flushed a little. "I mean…we've both said we don't regret what happened but was it just the one night because we thought you were leaving…?"

"Ryan," Marissa laughed a little, pushing him down on the pillows and leaning over him, coming to where their lips were less than an inch from touching. "There is no WAY we're going to stop doing that."

Ryan laughed out loud in surprise and pleasure at her boldness, but he was quickly cut off by her blending her mouth with his. As the kiss when they'd first entered the pool house had been, this kiss was different than the ones they'd shared before making love. Whereas there had always been a kind of excitement for the unknown and wariness to take it any further before, there was the anticipation of what was known now. There was a freedom in knowing they weren't going to stop themselves this time.

"You know," Marissa murmured between kisses, letting her hand drift down to unbutton his jeans "some people think the second kiss can be better than the first."

"Is that so," Ryan barely managed to get out, sucking in his breath as Marissa's mouth moved to his jaw line.

"Mmm hmmm." Marissa moved her hands to gently grasp the hem line of his shirt; he quickly sat up so she could take it off with ease. "I wonder," she mumbled, rising to her knees and wrapping her arms around his neck "if that could apply to this too?"

Ryan grinned. "I guess we should probably get on finding that out immediately," he said in a mock serious tone. Marissa's giggle was cut off by his insistent kiss. He was making his way down to the hem line of her shirt when she suddenly caught his hands.

"Wait," she said a little breathlessly. At that particular moment in time Ryan's foggy mind could barely comprehend the meaning of the word, let alone why they would want to do it. "The pool house. Anyone can walk in, namely Seth."

"What?" Ryan repeated dumbly before his mind snapped somewhat back into order. "Oh, I locked it." He flushed a little as she raised her eyebrow playfully at him. "When we were by it a minute ago," he finished lamely.

Marissa shook her head teasingly. "First you put a cot in the hut and now you lock the door as we walk into places. Confident much, Atwood?"

"I prefer to think of it as hopeful," Ryan responded earnestly. She broke into giggles and wrapped her arms around him again, returning her mouth to his. They kissed passionately again, pausing only long enough for him to slip off her shirt. He almost swallowed his tongue when he confirmed she wasn't wearing a bra like he suspected. He lifted his eyes to hers; she smiled coyly and shrugged.

"Didn't say I wasn't hopeful too," she breathed into his ear. Ryan started to laugh, then almost passed out when her tongue flicked against his ear lobe. "God, this may kill me at one point," he breathed. "But I don't even care."

"Mmmm, neither do I," Marissa giggled, returning to his mouth. Quick dispatch was made of the rest of their clothing and Ryan gently laid Marissa against the pillows of his bed. She reached out to bring his face back to hers, but he surprised her by scooting down her and pressing soft, gentle kisses to her abdomen. Taken by surprise, she giggled at the action.

Ryan looked up at the sound of her happy giggle and the site of her face, her smile a mile wide and her beautiful blue eyes shining with all the feelings she had for him, almost took his breath away. There had been a point where he hadn't thought he'd really be able to make her smile again, even dark, irrational thoughts that he was the reason she wasn't smiling. To see her like this…it made everything worth it.

Marissa noticed the change in his demeanor from playful to serious; the passion in his eyes caused her to suck her breath in. Suddenly urgent, she reached for his face to pull him level with her and closed her eyes as his body blanketed hers.

What did Marissa say she wanted again? Ryan pondered as he stood in front of the fridge. She'd wanted something chocolate- he had that covered with the brownies Sandy and Kirsten had gotten at the store recently- and she wanted something else a little more substantial, she'd said.

"Try chicken sandwiches with the leftover chicken."

Ryan jumped at the sudden sound of Seth's voice and whirled to find him standing in the doorway of the kitchen watching him mildly. "You scared the hell out of me," he breathed, his heart still pounding.

Seth shrugged unrepentantly in that unique way only he could make endearing as opposed to annoying and moved past him to sit on one of the kitchen stools. "So, the post-sex meal, huh?" he commented casually. Ryan shook his head and smiled in front of himself. "Like I said, chicken sandwiches."

Ryan eyed him warily, then shrugged. It was as good an idea as any. He grabbed the chicken, a jar of mayonnaise, and some lettuce out of the fridge and placed it on the counter, then went to hunt out the bread and a tomato. "Notice how I'm not asking you why you're so certain about that," he said dryly, setting up a sandwich station. "Because I don't want to know."

"So you're freakily un-curious about stuff and that means I have to be like that too?" Seth protested. "It's only human, dude."

Ryan looked up at the ceiling for a minute. Why did he bother? "Have you heard from Summer?" he changed the subject, busily preparing two sandwiches. "How's Marissa's mom?"

Seth shrugged. "Summer's back at her house now. She said Julie's sleeping as heavily as her stepmother does- which is really not that comforting when I think about it. But she's still asleep and looks down for the night." He became a little more serious. "How's Marissa with all this?"

Ryan sighed. "I think she's still okay. She says she is. I think she's just tired of it, you know? Her parents haven't really acted like parents in a long time. I used to think it was more her mother, but looking back…"

"….at least her mom sticks around and keeps an eye on what she's doing," Seth finished for him; Ryan nodded in agreement. Suddenly, he frowned as he watched Ryan work. "Dude, are you seriously working out exactly how much tomato and mayo to put on her sandwich? After asking me about her MOTHER?"

Ryan paused, realizing that's exactly what he'd been doing. "What's your point?" he asked defensively.

Seth shook his head sadly, getting up off the stool. "It's painful sometimes, how whipped you are," he said mournfully, making his way out of the kitchen.

"I am not…." Ryan started to protest, but Seth was already gone. He sighed ruefully again and finished up the sandwiches, then put all the supplies away, ignoring the part of his brain that was telling him Seth had a point. He carefully juggled the food as he made his way back out to the pool house. All the disgruntled thoughts flew out of his head as soon as he re-entered- Marissa was standing in the kitchen getting sodas ready. Wearing only his wifebeater and her underwear. She IS trying to kill me, Ryan dazedly decided, not much more upset at the thought than he had been earlier.

Marissa looked up as he came in the pool house and smiled- entirely too innocently, in Ryan's opinion. "Oooh, food," she said excitedly. "I'm starving." She raised her brows when he said nothing. "What?"

'Like you even have to ask wearing that," Ryan managed to get out, surprised he made it to the kitchen area to put the food down.

A smile played at the edge of Marissa's lips; she'd had a feeling he'd…enjoy the outfit. "What, you don't like it?" she asked innocently.

"That definitely is not the thought going through my mind right now," Ryan said emphatically. Marissa giggled, then squealed as he grabbed her by the waist and held her from behind, kissing her neck. "I gotta say, you look much better in my clothes than I do," he murmured, wrapping his arms more fully around her waist.

"I reserve the right to disagree," Marissa smiled contentedly, leaning back into him and rocking. "So what'd you bring me?"

"Chicken sandwiches and brownies," Ryan answered, kissing her neck again before letting her go. "And I got taunted by Seth in doing so, so be grateful."

Marissa laughed. "I am grateful. You remembered chocolate and it looks like you remembered how I like my sandwich," she commented as she inspected the food. She looked up at his lack of response and raised her brows curiously at the flush that was creeping up the back of Ryan's neck. "What?"

"Nothing," Ryan muttered before quickly changing the subject. "Let's have a picnic in bed," he suggested.

Marissa grinned a little to herself; her boyfriend's newfound romantic streak was so incredibly cute, but she didn't think he was quite open enough to be called cute yet. "Sounds good," she agreed, grabbing her plate and drink as Ryan juggled his own and the brownies.

Ryan noticed the empty condom wrapper on the floor as they settled on the bed and shook his head, smiling wryly. "We're going to have to invest in more of these," he said lightly, picking up the wrapper and tossing it in the trashcan by his bed.

Marissa shrugged. "I was just going to make an appointment with my doctor." He looked up at her in surprise and she frowned in confusion. "Well, we have established that this is going to become a regular thing," she teased lightly. "It's easier to just go on the pill."

"I wouldn't have asked because I didn't want to put it on you, but it probably would be easier," Ryan admitted, for some reason enjoying this conversation. They sounded like such a normal couple, dealing with normal couple things. He leaned in to kiss her cheek and she absently smiled at him as she lifted her sandwich to her mouth. "Oh, I talked to Seth about your mom," he remembered. "He'd talked to Summer. She's okay; Summer thinks she's out for the night." He figured the stepmother comment wouldn't be appreciated so he kept mum about that.

Marissa smiled gratefully at him. "Thanks for that. I figured she'd sleep through the night, but it's good to know for sure." They kept on talking about various things, from school to her mom to Seth and Summer to plans of things to do in the upcoming year. As they talked, they both felt the shift in their relationship. For the first time since perhaps their relationship had started, their problems weren't internal and dragging them down as a couple. They both had problems, but they were dealing with them together. They had taken huge steps forward, both emotionally and physically. Ryan and Marissa had finally grown up.

The End