A/N: This is my first try at humour…in fact first try at fiction writing. All criticism is greatly encouraged and welcomed.
As we all know, the realm of Naruto involves romance, love, and passion et cetera. So it is most fitting that this story starts of with this very issue.
Naruto, Lee, Kiba, Chouji, Shikamaru and Shino were talking. More specifically, they were talking about the issue of women. Actually only Naruto, Lee, and Kiba were there to mourn and yell in despair. The three of them had practically dragged Shikamaru and Shino there. Chouji was there because Shikamaru was his best friend, and how could not go with his best friend wherever it goes. Practically unheard of. So it was that the six of them sat on the grass and logs in an abandoned patch of grass. Konoha had lots of those abandoned patches of grass so no one minded.
"Sakura! Why don't you love me! You only care about that idiot Sasuke!" Naruto and Lee yelled. At the same time. The same millisecond. Shikamaru and Shino, having no women problems whatsoever, rolled their eyes. But it's not like you can SEE Shino rolling his eyes because he was wearing his sunglasses. Makes you wonder about how he gets around so smoothly. Anyway, girls really WERE evil (and planning to take over the world), Shino noted. Naruto and Lee were yelling like a bunch of lunatics and stirred some squirrels. The bugs in Shino's body were trembling too. Meanwhile Kiba was whimpering like a lost dog and Shino had to admit that he had never seen the Inuzuka do that.
"This is all very educational, hearing you three yell and whimper in great despair but why did you have to drag us into it?" Shikamaru said lazily. He was on his back looking at the clouds and the great moments were spoiled and defiled by these three. He would have to get back at them, he would think. Nah, too troublesome.
"Well it's your fault for being a girl magnet!" Kiba replied. At this juncture Shikamaru got up from that oh so cherished position and raised an eyebrow. Or two.
"Are you brain damaged, Kiba?" Shikamaru asked in great sarcasm. Surely they jest. Him, the lazy and useless Shikamaru, a girl magnet? Whoever heard of such things? Unfortunately he was outnumbered when the other five, even Shino, nodded their heads vigorously. He didn't say anything to defend himself but clearly shot them a look that said 'Explain.'
Naruto was just about to answer, when suddenly there was a great flash! Puffs upon puffs of smoke that were in themselves made of more puffs of smoke rose and revealed two tall standing beings. Well, 'tall' was a relative term. Remember that our heroes are only teenagers that HAVEN'T gotten their growth spurt yet. Shucks, ain't that a shame?
Either way, the two people were…Itachi and Kisame! Shock! Gasp! Wheeze!
"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…" Naruto screamed and nearly fainted. But not really, the main character isn't that weak..
"We heard about a discussion on girl problems and just HAD to come. Sorry for shocking you all, Akatsuki have already given up their evils plans like Orochimaru." Kisame apologized. Naruto recovered from shock, as did Lee and Kiba. Shikamaru rolled his eyes and so did Shino, but it's not like ANYONE could see him do it.
"What's there to discuss about? You two are chick magnets just like Shikamaru and Sasuke and Neji and Orochimaru and…no one else." Lee said while crying great tears with a sunset behind him and amazing orange auras. Shikamaru and Shino were going to roll their eyes again when Shikamaru finally decided it was too troublesome and no one can see Shino doing it anyway. Shikamaru did give him another of his looks though.
"Well Shikamaru was the only one to pass the chuunin exam first time around and they think his shadow manipulation is cool. Kisame and Itachi are S-Class criminals plus they have a huge sword/mangekyou sharingan respectively. Neji has cool eyes too AND he's a genius. Sasuke… we know." Naruto said. He really was getting too many lines.
Now this was a problem. Kisame suddenly looked very sad, and so did Itachi.
"My face scares girls off." Kisame said truthfully. Couldn't blame those girls.
"I'm even worse off. They keep flooding me and disturbing me. Heck, I can't even get one second of peace to do anything. Even when I told them I was gay with Kisame they still surround our lodging like an angry and fanatical mob anyway," Itachi said with a downcast look. "NO, I'm not gay," He continued, realizing that the leaf shinobi were staring at him.
"Why don't you just go kill someone? Sure that'd be a crime and you two would be criminals again and all but it's not like you two don't know how to disguise a dead body," Naruto said. Again. The boy talked too much.
"You think I haven't thought of that? Trust me, I've tried to kill someone in the most gruesome way possible and they instead stuck to me even more," Itachi answered quietly in silent despair. Such was the fate of the Uchihas. Girls were their mortal enemies. Damning them to eternally have no rest.
Kiba cocked an ear. "Sounds like a mob…" he said, bewildered. The seven leaf shinobi and one mist shinobi turned around to see that Kiba was right. There was a huge mob of yelling, screaming, running…fangirls. Itachi swore. The ones that had women troubles hung their heads. Chouji, in case you were wondering since he wasn't mentioned even ONCE in the previous nine hundred and five characters, was still sitting on a rock eating, oblivious to the entire thing. As they got closer they saw some banners that were nothing but about Itachi. Itachi swore harder.
"Do something, Kisame!" Itachi yelled in great fury. His eyes turned red and flashed into a pinwheel. Amaterasu was really uncomfortable to see performed on humans, and so he complied. Forming some hand seals and gathering chakra, Kisame performed the necessary ninjutsu.
"Kirigakure no Jutsu!" the shark-like shinobi bellowed. Instantly they were covered with a fog and just as quickly scrammed, with Itachi leading the way. No one was eager to get trampled over by waves upon waves of screaming, screaming fangirls. It would certainly be a most unpleasant death.
"I have an idea! Kage Bushin no Jutsu! Henge!" Soon enough there were hordes of Itachis running and jumping all over the place. He needed to treat the boy to ramen, Itachi reminded himself. Sasuke always complains about that particular food obsession whenever they were talking about Naruto.
Finally they settled down at another abandoned patch of grass. See, those are handy, aren't they? After all that big chase, Shikamaru, Shino, and Itachi hoped that the sobbing shinobi would give up on women. Unfortunately…
"Sakura! Why don't you love me! You only care about that idiot Sasuke!" Some things never change.
And just to prove females really are deranged…Some of you must be wondering where Chouji is. He is currently on the ground with many footprints on him.