Chapter Four: Just like Heaven

…Tell me you love me…

A/N: -Flashback Chapter

There will beflashbacks of Emma and other characters for a few more chaptersbut it won't all be sad. Thanks to all those who reviewed, I'll try my best to review your stories, too. (and those of you who reviewed "Thru the Eyes of the Innocent" as well) Good day, ya'll.

Disclaimer: Don't own anything, and the chapter's title "Just Like Heaven" belongs to The Cure, from their CD "Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me".

Emma made her way through the woods, finding her usual spot at the ravine to meet Jay. It was twenty after midnight; she was late.

She knew the old Emma would be home baby sitting, or hanging out with Manny, or coming up with ideas for new ways to save the world at this time, but that had all changed.

But that was before the shooting, before she had a gun pointed at her face and her life twirled by her eyes, and ever since then she had felt so afraid, so insignificant, so small…so guilty. She hadn't truly laughed or smiled in the longest time; all innocence was gone from her face.

How she envied Jack, and the fact that he was so blissfully, innocently oblivious to the world. If only she could go back to that time in her life, and treasure that feeling, not knowing any better of the evils of the world but at the same time not knowing anything at all.

Momentarily she tripped and was brought out of her deep thoughts, and she swore under her breath. Her shirt got caught on a branch and untangling it would surely cause a hole, and not only that but Jay got pissed whenever she was late.

She couldn't believe she had to succumb to such levels, yet it was the only thing that kept her mind off her pain, to make her feel numb inside, immune to hurt-at least momentarily. Jay didn't love her; she didn't love Jay: they weren't even friends but merely, as they dubbed themselves, "acquaintances with benefits." All Emma knew about Jay was that he was some drunk, druggie loser. All Jay knew about Emma was that she used to be green peace, but that name had long since lost it's meaning when it came to Emma. She just wasn't herself anymore, just a lost little girl drowning somewhere in a deep ocean with no one to hear her scream, swallowing fistfuls of salty water until she could no longer speak.

Fumbling with her shirt, Emma paused and cocked her head to the side. She heard a rumbling in the woods and her heart stopped; great. Now she was going to end up buried somewhere. She was just about to scream as she recognized the face of the person who held up his hands in a peace offering, laughing.

"Relax, Emma." He said, smiling. "Ever since that tree-cutting job I had over the summer, I can't keep myself from the forest. It's a good place to think. You, on the other hand…what are you doing out here at this hour?"

"I'm sixteen years old and a junior in high school, Mr. O., and I can do what I like and I can take care of myself." Emma retorted, rolling her eyes. What was there to think about in the forest at midnight? So this was the loser that had dumped Paige over the summer because of "distance." Emma was no fan of the girl, but hadn't she been through enough bad luck with men?

"Oh, really? That's why you're caught in the branches of a tree at twelve-thirty in the morning on a Saturday. Do your parents know you're out here?"

Emma bit her lip, giving Mr. O the same speech she had given her parents. "I'm trying to reach the clearing, do a little star-gazing and have a look at the night life for a bio report," she lied. "Manny Santos is supposed to meet me there, and I'm late." Gawd, was she sick of being police-patrolled by adults. They think they knew everything, but they hadn't known that Rick was going to shoot up the school, did they? Mr. Radditch had ignored everything Rick told him. He knew Rick was on the edge. But yet…

Emma sighed and Mr. O laughed. "Well, let me walk you down there," he said, as Emma finally freed herself from the branch. The two walked in silence for a bit, Matt having his flashlight in hand. All Emma could think of was how pissed Jay was gonna be and he'd probably end their little "agreement." Great.

"We're here," Mr. O said, pulling Emma from her thoughts and she smiled wrily. "I can take it from here," she said sweetly. If Mr. O hurried up and left and she could get a move on, maybe Jay would still be waiting.

"No way am I leaving you alone here at night, as it looks like Miss Santos-" he said the name with a dry laugh-"Is not here yet. We'll just chill till then."

Emma sighed, sat down and crossed her arms stubbornly.

"Look how beautiful the stars are," Mr. O stated, and Emma simply stared up at the whispy clouds and twinkling lights of the sky and had to agree, her irritability starting to subside. Moments of silence passed, but they were comfortable. Then Mr. O. spoke up.

"So, Emma. How's it been? I knew last year was bad for you, and…"

"God! I don't want to talk about it, okay? Quit trying to make yourself look like some caring guy to cover up your ruined rep." she snapped, and Mr. O looked taken aback and a bit hurt.

"Sorry, Emma." He said simply, but there was something about him that made Emma feel guilty. She'd done stuff just as bad as what he did, so why should she be judging? Why should a person ever judge another person, reguardless of whether or not they had done good or bad things themselves? After all, wasn't she sick of being judged by people who think they know everything?

But still, she barely knew the guy. This was the first conversation she'd had with him. But then she remembered how angry he looked when Chris commented on the whole gonorrhea incident. Out of habit, Emma rubbed her hand across her mouth, disgusted. Good thing gonorrhea was curable and she hadn't gotten anything again-including a baby.

"Sorry, Mr. O," Emma said, sighing. He just smiled at her, that goofy, impish little boy grin. "Call me Matt, Emma."

"Alright…Matt." Emma had to smile at the sight of the moonlight across his face, how peaceful he looked.

"So, Emma. What were you really doing out here in the woods at this time of night? Looks like Miss Santons isn't going to make it."

"What were you doing?"

"I already told you."

Emma paused. He couldn't know about Jay. Nobody knew; she was used to keeping her little secrets.

"I was meeting a friend." Liar, her conscious screamed louder than usualShe didn't want to lie to him. Why would she not want to lie to him when she lied to her parents, to her teachers, to herself?

"Emma, don't take this as I'm butting into your business or anything, but you're better than any friend who asked you to meet them at 12:30 AM in the woods." Matt said quietly, and inside Emma fumed. How dare he say that? How dare he say she was better than that? She wasn't. To herself, she was a worthless slut, responsible for so many bad things…

Then her heart beat a bit quicker and she dared to ask, "You think so?"

"I know so. What happened to the old Emma?" Emma smiled to herself, giving in. What was it about the darkness of the night that covered up everyone's imperfections, could be interpreted as good or bad, or just simply made things a little more romantic?

"I don't know."

"I think you should find out."

They smiled at each other. Emma wanted to kiss him, but fought the urge. Something about him told her Matt was safe, who knew why, but she just knew and that was all that mattered.

So she gathered her things, got up and Matt agreed to walk her home.

It was nice for being seen for something other than being a slut. It was nice, not to be judged or looked down upon. It was nice to have an intelligent conversation with someone-she hadn't had one of those in so long, she thought as they strolled along the street, talking about the preservation of wild horses, sounding like her old self once again. Heck, she hadn't even talked to anyone besides her family since the whole "Emma's a slut" incident, and even those conversations were tense. Lately, Emma had only been talking easily to two-year-old Jack, conversations of jumbled words of planes, birds and the sky. Innocent things that brought a smile to her sad face.

But she couldn't possibly like Matt. She was sixteen.

Then again, who could help who they fell for?

Quit being ridiculous.

Her heart disagreed with her mind as she felt herself flush girlishly, her heart beating just a bit faster. And she felt lighter and better about herself then she had in awhile as she walked into the front door and greeted her mother with a hug.

"Emma! I'm taking it you had fun?" Christine's eyes sparkled. She wasn't used to seeing her daughter smile, and she was so glad she got to spend awhile with a friend. Emma had been isolated for so long, Christine was happy to let her daughter work on the school project with Manny.

"Yup. I learned some really cool things, Mom."

She was never going back to Jay again, ever. Somehow on this early Saturday morning, Emma felt something grow that she hadn't felt in awhile: hope.

A/N: Okay, so here is a Miss Emmaleen flashback, and the next chapter will be Em/Matt as well, and more light-hearted. Please review, suggestions/comments/CONSTRUCTIVE criticism always welcome. I know this chap was a bit odd, but it was sort of a filler and how Emma and Matt became close.