Don't Let Go
Chapter 8
As Lucas was ushered into the NICU he was handed a blue paper gown to go over his clothes and a surgical mask, and instructed to put on both before he entered the small room where his daughter was. His nervous hands had difficulty tying the knot in his gown and one of the nurses helped him. The nurse gave him a few instructions about what would be happening when he went inside.
Lucas wouldn't be able to touch her just yet; there was too much risk with her fragile immune system. She was going to spend the next month in small plastic incubator that would help her maintain her body temperature and keep her safe from any germs.
It was hard for Lucas to see his baby in that condition. He could feel a lump growing in his throat as he sat in the chair near her incubator. This wasn't how anything was supposed to be. She was supposed to be healthy, not lying in a plastic crib with a catheter in her umbilical cord giving her fluids.
The nurse had suggested earlier that he talk to the baby, it helped in bonding new parents and their offspring. He wasn't sure what he should say, but so far it was the only way he could connect with her.
Lucas leaned in close to the incubator and spoke softly to her. "I'm your dad, I don't know what I should call you yet. I feel guilty that I can't call you by a name yet, your mom and I had talked a little about baby names but we hadn't decided on before you were born. You came a little earlier than we expected. But your mom was talking about naming you Emily if you were a girl, I wanted to name you Maggie but I think you look more like an Emily now. And I can't let my daughter go without a name, so we'll name you Emily Sawyer Scott. I know your mom will like it, plus she'll think I'm a great husband for using her maiden name as your middle name. She likes that kind if stuff"
He felt calm for the first time in hours as he talked to his small daughter, she couldn't even comprehend what he was saying but he felt at ease being near her, being able to watch her small chest rise and fall with every breath, and with every breath he could feel himself loving her even more than before.
"I wish your mom could be hear with us right now, but she's sick. As soon as she gets better she'll be here to see you. I know she's going to fall in love with you just like I did, but I don't know how your mom is going to feel about me falling in love with another girl."
Lucas kept his hands clasped together in his lap, it was the only way he could keep himself from reaching into the incubator to gently touch her small fingers. He wanted to hold her in his arms like other dad's got to do after their kids were born.
"You came a little sooner than we thought Emily, we don't even have your nursery finished yet. I don't even think we have a crib yet, I actually can't remember whether we do. But we have time to get all that still, the nurse says you have to stay here in the hospital for a while. But as soon as you are better we can take you home."
"There are a lot of people out there waiting for you and your mom. They're your family, you'll meet them soon. There's your grandma and grandpa, who are going to spoil you as soon as you're older. And there's your Uncle Nathan and Aunt Haley. Your Uncle Nathan is a good guy, we didn't get along when we were younger but that's all in the past. Him and your Aunt Haley aren't married yet, but I say give it time. But just between you and me, Uncle Nathan bought he an engagement ring last week. Don't go telling anyone that, I was sworn to secrecy."
Lucas was about to start in on another story when he felt someone tap gently on his shoulder. He turned in his chair to see the nurse standing over his shoulder.
"Mr. Scott…" she started.
"Please, call me Lucas." He urged.
"Your brother is waiting outside the wing, he has some news about your wife and said he was supposed to retrieve you as soon as he heard."
"I know that this isn't your job, but could you let my brother know I'll be there in just a minute."
"Sure."
As she left the room again, Lucas turned back to where Emily was sleeping and placed his hand on top of the incubator.
"I'll be back soon Emily."
As he left the NICU he pulled off his paper gown and the surgical mask and dropped them into the nearest garbage can. He spotted Nathan leaning against a wall, his arms crossed over his chest.
"Hey, what's happening with Peyton?" Lucas asked eagerly.
"The doctor came back down and told your mom that Peyton is stabilized in a room upstairs. You can go see her as soon as you want."
"Thanks Nathan, I want to go see her now."
"How's the baby?"
"She's really small, but the nurses are very optimistic about her being completely healthy eventually. Her name is Emily." Lucas beamed.
"Cute name." Nathan smiled at his older brother's enthusiasm over the new addition to his life.
"Which room is Peyton in?"
"Room 415, fourth floor. You want me to go up there with you?"
"No, thanks though Nathan. I want to do this alone." Lucas walked down the hall, his hands jammed in his pockets.
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