Disclaimer: don't own teen titans, because life's not fair and all that. Haha. --
For Nothing, For Everything...For the Birds
Chapter Four: impossible
The last time he had watched her it had been as she pensively paced the top of a T shaped tower. The last time he had watched her it had been in secret. The last time he had watched her he had felt himself burn with self-loathing at his weakness, his obsession.
But as he watched her now, he found something far worse than self deprecation or any absence of iron will; he found fear as she hovered in the quiet of a whitewashed room, her body working to expel the drug he had given her hours before. It wasn't fear for her safety, or fear for what he had done, but fear for the shortsightedness of his plans.
What now?
His thoughts had difficulty moving beyond that question and he continued to watch the comatose sorceress. Raven's mouth moved but her voice got caught in the silence, a mumble that died on unconscious lips before Slade could understand.
With some trepidation, the masked man drew himself closer to the dark girl. His threat of a new apprentice had been, while a stroke of spontaneous genius, empty beyond infuriating the dear Robin, which it had. And now that it had served its intended purpose, Slade had no idea what lay beyond the frame of his words. It would take much breaking to get Raven to even consider such a thing.
In fact, if she did, it probably would end up something like Terra's.
Slade grimaced.
No, probably worse. Much worse.
All in all, it was out of the question and he told himself assuredly that he didn't have time for such a tedious task anyway. He told himself what he had been telling himself since he arrived at the lair and brought her to one of the many empty rooms. He told himself to sate his eccentric bird complex and be done with her, whatever that might entail.
His mask stifled him suddenly and thinking nothing of it, he removed it, setting it on the side table with unexpected care. A mask was a symbol; behind it lay a thousand moments of troubled youth and heartbreaking disaster; behind it was another kind of man. So mostly, he kept the creepy thing on, and yes, he admitted its creepiness without reserve. He wasn't an idiot after all; that was by most surface meanings, the idea of a mask anyway: to intimidate with pretense. Unfortunately, eventually that mask became more than a barrier between reality and desired-reality. Not just for him either. Not all masks were made of indestructible metal alloys after all.
Some changed faces or shapes while others wore ridiculously outlandish get-ups, and some simply covered their eyes because they believed that those soulful windows gave away the most.
Some wore shadows.
He himself had worn many disguises—an old man with cleverly created magic, a faceless being in the night, the man who sat next to a woman of sixty-five on a subway with nothing more conspicuous about him than the next passenger who stepped on the train. Slade had been many people.
Sometimes, he lost count of who he had been and who he had become. The only constants were of his two worlds: the mask, his outer shell, and the face beneath, what was left of his inner self—not much. No one outside of himself knew his real age, or origin, not even his hair color. The only thing a person might be certain of was the steely blue of his pale eyes, usually overridden by the blacks of his pupils. Even he second guessed who he saw in the mirror, that is when he actually took time to look in one, which wasn't often.
His inward gaze turned outward again.
What to do, he pondered idly again. Not that he would admit it to anyone, but the typical kind of release for what he felt concerning the empath was not his style. The typical way was what his body told him it wanted and what his mind, in response, tersely rejected. The typical way was base and so weak it was human.
Slade did not 'do' human anymore as Raven would have put it. It had been too long for him to disregard the odd wisdom that came with years of fighting—no matter whose side one was on—and losing and winning and death and life and all those other things that were supposed to add up to something more than that.
So while he knew he had to do something, he knew also what he would not do and again he found himself eyeing Raven with anger. Anger was much easier to deal with than turmoil or vexation after all.
"Robin..." it was a mumble again but he heard it this time and his eyes narrowed as his animosity toward the girl and the feelings she stirred in him increased tenfold. Robin's breakaway from him had been hardly the upset one would have thought, but it still brought back sorely miscalculated plans and the like. Slade did not appreciate being reminded that he made mistakes at all, much less ones he had already made. His crossed arms tightened in an irate fashion as he considered his next possible course of action with renewed strength.
"...boy blunder," another phrase emptied out of her dry lips. This one elicited a very slight smile from her captor. Okay, maybe he agreed with that one. Realization of what he was thinking, what he was doing hit him and he pressed his lips into the thin line of the expressionless surface he coveted. He steered his mind forcibly in the direction once again of what he ought to do next.
But before he came to a decision, Raven stirred again and this time her eyes fluttered open...scratch that. Raven's eyes pulled themselves open with much difficulty, blinking as though to drag herself out of her unconscious stupor whether her body was ready for it or not. She shifted again and appeared to prop herself up, if a little dopily.
Her intake of breath was a decidedly sharp one as her eyes fell upon a mask that was just resettling itself over one visible eye the color of December ice, filled with ebony night.
Slade repressed a sigh of relief. He had just barely gotten the cover back over his face when her glance had chanced his way.
They sized each other up, Raven floating to the furthest corner adjacent to him, Slade staying right where he was. After a moment's consideration, giving no inclination as to what her thoughts were on her current predicament, Raven crossed her legs and began to mediate.
That's...interesting, Slade thought, both intrigued and perplexed by her choice of action.
The cot he had rested her over exploded furiously and Slade bit his tongue to keep back the exclamation of surprise a person like him should be beyond showing.
Ah, he understood. She was, of course, angry.
He said nothing to her silence and after an undetermined amount of time Raven cracked one eye open suspiciously.
"What?" she inquired, deciding simplicity had its benefits after some deliberation.
"...is an impartially vague question," he replied. An answer that would have pushed Robin's buttons with ease did not bother her at all, on the outside, it seemed as she nodded and closed that one eye. It occurred to him that she mocked his own single eye but brushed it off. He waited a few moments longer before standing and crossing over to her with calm, even strides. If she sensed him near her—and he was certain she did—she gave no sign. "I suppose you have little interest in your reason for being here," he drawled.
"Little," she repeated blandly.
"As I thought," Slade's response fell like a bridge between the two.
"You 'think'?" Raven queried, her tone dripping with emphasized disbelief.
"More often than I care to detail," he never missed a beat and Raven began to feel the edges of annoyance. He was using his own calm do get her to break hers.
Not happening, she thought darkly.
"Must be hard on your system, doing something that you're not accustomed to," Raven's taunting finally hit on a nerve or maybe just on Slade's inability to categorize his obsession with her. His easy expression became cold and opening her eyes, Raven took it in like a whisper of death.
"Must be hard to know it is unlikely that you will ever see your fellow titans again," Slade said with his trademark coldness.
"I am unconcerned," she lied.
"Your lies are wastes of air," his voice echoed in the room strangely.
"So are yours," she returned, eyes burning at him in a way he thought remarkably contained.
"I have yet to lie to you," Slade said, every bit of it the truth.
"But you will," Raven was certain. At this Slade arched a brow behind his mask, not that she could see, and turned his head to one side as if to say something without saying it at all.
"Oh really?" was what he finally said. Her lips formed the familiar lines of displeasure and she gave a faint jerk of her head to indicate a 'yes.'
He challenged her with a stare.
She accepted.
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Tap...tap...tap...tap, tap, tap, tap...
He stopped his incessant typing and stared into nothingness, lost to it for a breath's span.
Robin shut his eyes against the ineffective search. There had not been a moment since the titans dragged themselves home, battered and bruised, that he had not been at this task, and nothing.
He had found nothing.
It occurred to him that the way to go about this might be a way he and Raven had actually used once, before the titans true formation—ask around. But what man or woman—villain or not—in his or her right mind would tell him where Slade was? And on a more accurate note, who would know such a thing anyway?
No amount of intimidation or threat could elicit what was not known.
A sharp rap on the metal door broke his train of thought.
"What?" he didn't mean to be irritated; he never did, but his one-track mind did not appreciate being deterred and he was beyond the point of roping in his lashing emotions.
"Friend Robin," Starfire sounded tired and an instant hit of guilt festered in him. He pulled himself to his feet and opened the door.
"Do you need something?" he asked, a little kinder this time. Starfire's tired and drawn look contrasted severely with her usually bright coloring and animated ways and it occurred to him that the others had been doing their own things, their own tactics, their own ways of trying to find the missing empath. He cursed himself.
A leader did not let his team dissolve for the loss of one.
Loss?
His eyes turned to slits behind his mask. No. She was not lost. Not ever.
He would never let Raven be lost, not at the end of the world, and definitely not now.
A delicate cough from the Tameranian reminded him he needed to be present.
"Friend Robin, friends Cyborg and Beast Boy sent me to remind you that although the searching for friend Raven is of most importance, your assistance will be most hindered if you become buried in six feet of earthen grime," she said dutifully and worried that she might become the new target for the anger she could feel rolling about inside him, flew off toward the kitchen area. Now, Robin was pretty much used to Star's interesting turn of phrase on the usual turn of phrase, but this one took him a moment before he let out a begrudging, hollow laugh. She had meant six feet under, of course.
"Titans," he nodded at them as he strode into the main area, face unreadable and unreachable.
"Find anything?" Cyborg asked, daring to hope. Robin shook his head and felt the anxiety rise around him, full force from the other three occupants of the room. He sighed.
"I think we need to go back to where we last encountered Slade," Robin worded this carefully, very finite about not mentioning the obvious. No one needed a reminder of t he awful truth. "That is the only feasible location I can think of that would render any useful hints as to where he is or where he is going." The other titans eyed him, Cyborg with a calculating look, Beast Boy with an uncharacteristically quiet agreement, and Starfire with the first flecks of hope in her eyes that they had seen in days.
"When do we leave?" Beast Boy asked, arms crossed around him tightly.
"Have you all rested?" It was a stupid question, Robin realized with no small amount of rue and sighed his millionth sigh. "I guess none of us have. Let's go."
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She watched him while he watched her. Her head shifted slightly, causing some noncompliant strands of hair to curtain her eyes, but her stare never wavered. He sighed impatiently, about to simply do something that would shake a reaction out of her when she beat him to it.
"You really suck at this," Raven said. Slade chuckled at her blunt disregard for her situation.
"So eloquent today," he verbally jabbed and Raven's eyes shot sparks at him.
"It's easy when compared with you," and she knew she was lying. That was the thing about Slade, always so full of finesse and flair that by all natural accounts such an apparently heartless being should not possess. He not only moved with grace but spoke with it and it belied some of his past that no one had known for a very long time.
"I would recite some poetry to help sway your mind, but something tells me the efforts would be, I dare say, unappreciated," his tone was infuriatingly calm, mixed with that lining of amusement that made Raven glad she wasn't Robin. He would have been in an all out fight already.
Unfortunately this turned her thoughts to her fellow bird and without noticing, her hard gaze dropped from Slade's cool one and she lost the contest.
Robin.
The last words they had exchanged had been harsh ones, unfair ones...they had not been the kind of words she would have said had she known where she would end up. But neither had known and both had yelled and raged and hurt.
And now?
She bit her lower lip, out of anger, out of frustration and guilt at the thought of Robin falling, her unable to save him, and now not even certain if he was...
Raven shook the thought away, reminding herself of their bond and pressed her mind to seek him out. And while she could not do anything beyond ascertaining he lived, that was enough for now.
That didn't change the anxious feeling that had settled over her, however.
Slade knew the look of guilt well and surmised wisely what the teen might be contemplating.
"Little bird," he began and was proud of the ice he managed to inject into his beginning. "I should like to move you to a different cage." This was true. The bed having been effectively blown up was not the only reason. He had another room for her, something a little more accommodating. "Surely you—"
"Let me out," she interrupted him and he suspected her voice of breaking. Raven heard it too and dourly forced a controlled Rage to take focus, shaking Timid off impatiently and casting a loathing glance at Fear who wrapped itself in nothing, taking Robin's image in her mind along with her.
Slade's voice interrupted her mental clean-up.
"No," his answer came in flat tones, eyes narrowing. He did not like being ordered and she was in no place to do so.
Still, he couldn't say he was surprised when she persisted.
"Let me out!" she repeated crossly and as her eyes glowed white, the light in the room flickered and exploded, leaving the two in utter darkness. There was a moment of nothing and then her ears detected a drumming noise, one of fingers that tapped one after another in an audible domino effect, over and over.
"That was fun," Slade commented dryly. "Worried about dear Robin, I gather."
"Die," Raven said in barely contained animosity.
"I'd prefer not to," his voice traveled all around her in a disconcerting way through the darkness.
There was a sigh after a few minutes.
"Why am I here, Slade?"
Realizing he still didn't quite know the answer to that himself, Slade gave one of his easily irritating and completely useless answers: "That's a secret." And he walked out of a door Raven couldn't even see, presumably his quick access of it due to his memory since the room was still pitch black once the door shut behind him with a loud click.
His voice surrounded her and Raven had the sinking feeling claustrophobia was not all about closed in spaces.
"Since you seem to like the dark so much, I'll let you two have some alone time," his words cut around her like sword swipes and she bit back an involuntary hiss.
"Slade!" she yelled, wishing dearly that there was something else to destroy in the room other than herself. "SLADE!"
No answer.
Teeth clenched in a fashion that suggested she didn't trust herself not to lose what was left of her control and spout a combination of swearing and incendiary spells that would burn her up no doubt, she felt along the walls to a corner and slumped to the ground. There was no sound. There was no distinct smell. And of course there was no light, and it occurred to Raven that somehow the initial darkness seemed to have gotten a little bit darker.
Leave it to Slade, she thought in abject cynicism as she pulled her cloak to her, the only thing between her and a cold that didn't come from the metal floor.
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Slade's form lounged rigidly in a chair facing one of his many observational screens.
Perhaps leaving dark girl in the dark would make her a little less...willful.
Perhaps not.
He removed his mask for the second time that day and massaged his temples thoughtfully. The girl, the girl, the girl...what to do with the girl? The frown he wore only increased as he further contemplated his options, of which there were many but as usual, few appealed to his incredibly exacting standards.
Of course, it was his standards that set him apart from other villains, made him better.
Made him stronger.
And he would not yield them for anything, obsession or not.
He punched in empath and several colored screens flashed upon the digital squares in front of him, each of the titans, each with whatever status notes he had ever been able to observe, dig up or glean from them otherwise.
Robin's list of details was without exception the most impressive.
Some of what Slade knew of the bird came from simply knowing himself—one of the most dangerous things of all, if anyone asked him—and others came from the weaknesses the titans' leader had exposed—on occasion—through his words or actions. Several key facts had been learned during Robin's brief, if entertaining apprenticeship. Others had come of indirect manipulations on the team as a whole, and the most recent tidbits of information had come from working with the masked boy before the defeat of Trigon.
Slade glowered.
A servant, he was not and there was some immense amount of satisfaction that came with heaving a flaming sharp object at the king of demons and hearing his roar of pain. That had been rewarding to say the least and in retrospect, he rather found himself agreeing with how things had turned out. Getting his flesh and blood back himself had been an intense exercise and triumph for him, so dangerously on the edge between life and what was not quite death, but not life either, and as such, much worse.
It seemed demons had a way of creating problems for him though, he had to admit, as he considered once more the given circumstances. He had the girl and setting aside the fact that she could probably blow him to the ends of the universe or worse if she got particularly enraged, she was at his mercy.
Okay, not much, but she was on his turf and to be fair, he had considered her abilities before going into such a strange endeavor. He was Slade after all, not stupid or shortsighted, not usually anyway. The room she was in now and the one he had intended for her were both proofed from her fazing ability and would contain her powers. The theory was that if she thought the only two rooms she was exposed to contained her powers, she wouldn't conceive that the others were weak in normal foundation with no protective barrier against her demonic heritage and its power.
It was a decent theory, if not full-proof.
"Hmmm..." he tapped his fingers idly again, the metallic drum making a pattering sound like rainwater as he scanned the titans' stats and one of the first pleasing ideas he had had in a long time came upon him.
Letting what was left of his more human side sink beneath the eaves of the past he had worked hard to leave behind, he let his comparatively inhuman side take over now, seeing that as the only way to get something out of what would otherwise be an insane waste of effort and time.
Slade did not believe in wasting what could be so effectively...manipulated.
If anyone had been there, they would have shuddered but only a darkness minutely lighter than that of the one encumbering the caged Raven in the other room played companion to the masked villain. So his sinister demeanor went unnoticed but for the shadows flickering on the walls around him.
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A couple hours later he entered the code to the room that held his newest acquirement.
Raven flinched at the sight of him, thoroughly pissed.
"Azarath, metrion, zinthos!" Slade found satisfaction in her look of realization when nothing happened.
"Play nice little bird. I've plans for you," he placated her as he approached and Raven, on impulse, made a mad dash for the still open door behind him. A stupid—very stupid— idea, she would admit later to herself, but the only one she had at the time, faced with her lack of her usual powers. She wondered briefly why the same containment effect had not worked when she had blown up the cot out of rage earlier and figured it was more to do with what she did intentionally than by accident, regardless of how accurate. The light brushed her eyes only for a moment before Slade's disturbingly familiar grip immobilized her.
"What makes you even dare to think you can use me?" she challenged, her tone both bolder and more idiotically courageous than she felt as his gloved fingers pushed unkindly into the flesh of her arms where bruises would surely surface later.
"What makes you dream to think you have a choice?" he continued to use that lethal whisper and her eyes betrayed her as they widened in combined shock and horror as he revealed something in the palm of his hand.
"No," she gasped. Her voice was so quiet Slade would not have heard it if he had not been listening specifically for it, which he was. Her mind reeled.
It is impossible, surely...she tried to convince herself.
But one look into Slade's winter blue eye told her another story and for the first time since she had been there, Raven felt the unnerving clutch of hopelessness.
He lowered his head to a point where his breath grazed her ear and Raven's spine went rigid with unsettlement and something akin to fear. Something about Slade's behavior was not entirely vicious the way she had expected. In fact, it seemed to have an almost seductive undertone...
Seductive? Yeah right. That's the reason behind this whole fiasco. Raven thought with renewed skepticism and sarcasm alike, distracted enough by what she believed to be the most absurd of thinking to the point of carelessly rolling her eyes. It's Slade. Of all the ridiculous notions this one so takes the cake...preposterous! And, for the second time, she also found herself thinking: impossible. Her thoughts were interrupted, however, as she was jolted out of them, feeling the warmth of his breath, even through the mask, on her nape.
"Such insolence will not be tolerated," he warned, alluding to her roll of eyes, and somehow he managed to have the door clang shut, immersing them in a dissimilar blindness once more.
"How did you get that?" she asked questions to cover the chill sweeping through her, not having to see what he held in his palm again to know what it was.
"I have my ways," he replied vaguely and Raven had the impression of being smothered from nowhere. His hands were still clamped decidedly around her arms, but it felt like some form of something was pressing all her passageways shut, and she fought for air until she started to feel herself slipping into the solitary dark of unconsciousness.
Slade felt her body go limp.
"I knew you'd see things my way."
Thank you for the reviews! I have just been told that I am not allowed to personally respond to reviewers which upsets me because I feel you all deserve AT LEAST a personal thank you. I don't understand frankly. However, until I found out a reliable source saying otherwise, I must follow the advice and give a universal show of gratitude to you for supporting the story.
x A MILLION BAJILLION AND LOTS MORE
Okay, that completely lacks eloquence but that is how I feel every time I get a kind word or two of encouragement, all of which you have all given to me generously.
Again, thank you and hope this chapter wasn't too boring. The next will have more distinct events with any luck, and clarified causes, effects and revelation of the object, and focus more on Robin's side. I understand that in this part he and the others were hardly more than a necessary supplement for what was going on, on their side and not quite substantial. I hope to remedy that next time.
As always, review if you have the time but if not, I am glad you have dropped in on this fic and hope you enjoy it somewhat.
-rei