Chapter iii: Decision
After that, if Gordo wasn't bagging groceries at Food Giant, he could most likely be found hanging out with Miranda. It seemed that Miranda and Gordo were the only ones among their friends that summer who were single, so rather than spend uncomfortable time as an awkward third wheel, they simply enjoyed each other's company.
Of course, on occasion, Tudge still mentioned Meryl's cousin, who apparently was very anxious to meet Gordo, so she herself could stop being the third wheel, but Gordo remained firm in his conviction: no new girls!
He was so much more comfortable with Miranda, with whom he knew exactly what to expect, and none of it was uncomfortable or scary. They played video games, they watched movies, they challenged each other at Scrabble. Sometimes they just sat on the swing in Miranda's backyard and talked for hours.
They also ate lots and lots of snacks, which Gordo would bring back to Miranda's house after his shift at Food Giant. "Look what I have now!" he would exclaim, pulling out treats from a plastic grocery bag, like Mary Poppins unpacking her carpetbag of tricks.
Miranda almost always approved of his choices. She was most fond of the sweet treats, especially anything that was fruit flavored. One night Gordo brought a can of Comstock cherry pie filling and a Pet-Ritz frozen pie crust. They baked a cherry pie together, joking all the while about popping the cherries.
Gordo loved that he could joke with Miranda like this. When he was alone, his decision to swear off sex seemed so serious and severe, but when he was with Miranda, he found it surprisingly easy to joke around. A couple of times he almost told Miranda about his image of himself as Father Gordo, the Fat Monk, but at the last moment decided it sounded way to ridiculous to put into words. Still, he wanted to share with her as much as he felt comfortable sharing. Their friendship was stronger than it had ever been.
Most of the time they hung out at Miranda's house. Mr. and Mrs. Sanchez were fine with Gordo being there so often. They knew Jeremy was now out of the picture, and they did not worry about their daughter spending so much time with Gordo, obviously aware that he posed no threat to her virtue.
So they had no problem leaving Miranda home alone one Friday night, while they took off for an impromptu getaway to a beach hotel. Miranda's little sister Stevie was sleeping over a friend's house.
"They've left you alone?" Gordo said, hearing the news as he came into Miranda's house with his grocery bag of treats. "They trust you that much now?"
"What's not to trust?" Miranda asked. "They know I'm a good girl."
"It just seems a big jump for your parents," Gordo said. "I remember in ninth grade they wouldn't let you carry a cell phone. Now they trust you with the entire house for an entire night?"
"I'm sixteen!" Miranda exclaimed. "I'm not a child anymore. Besides, Mrs. Randolph is right next door, only a phone call away. I can handle it."
"And they wouldn't mind if they knew I was over here with you?" Gordo wondered.
Miranda p-shawed. "My parents think you are the best thing since sliced bread. They love you, in case you haven't noticed."
"And they don't worry that I might take advantage of the situation?"
"Oh, please!" Miranda laughed. "As if!"
Gordo wasn't sure how to take this. On the one hand he was pleased that Mr. and Mrs. Sanchez trusted him. He also considered that his attempts to attain sexlessness must be advancing nicely, if the parents of the girl he spent so much time with were not worried about her being alone with him. At the same time, though, he felt perturbed, for the very same reason.
"What have you got tonight?" Miranda asked suddenly, trying to peek into the bag.
"Hold on!" Gordo said. "It's a double whammy. Salty and sweet."
"Show me! I'm starving!" Miranda insisted, grabbing for the bag.
"Wait! Wait!" he laughed. "Let me change my shirt first!"
Every night when Gordo came over, he got out his sweaty polyester workshirt and put on a tee shirt instead. He was spending so much time at Miranda's, he simply kept two or three shirts folded up in the laundry room. He left his dirty shirts in the basket and Mrs. Sanchez washed them as needed. It was a very comfortable arrangement that clearly indicated how much Gordo was accepted by this family.
Gordo now went to the laundry room and slipped into a plain gray tee, which smelled "springtime fresh!" Instantly he felt better. He made Miranda, who was waiting for him impatiently, follow him into the kitchen, before he pulled out a giant bag of Doritos, and a jar of salsa.
"Oh, my favorite!" she exclaimed. "That's dinner! Now what's for dessert?"
Gordo reached into the bag and brought forth a box of frozen Creamsicles. He saw Miranda's face light up, then instantly darken.
"What?" he asked.
"Oh, nothing," she said, trying for an attitude of nonchalance. "Creamsicles are nice, I suppose."
"You love them!" Gordo reminded. "Don't you remember that time in fifth grade---"
"Oh, that was a long time ago," Miranda said. "Things change."
"Not the way you feel about Creamsicles," Gordo noted perceptively. "What's going on, Randa?"
"Nothing," she insisted. "Let's sit down and get at these chips, okay?"
Gordo went into the family room and set up the video game. Miranda brought out two cans of soda and the chips and salsa. They settled back for a long session of snacking as they saved the universe from destruction. The chips were long gone, and Gordo way ahead in the game, when he suddenly announced, "I'm still hungry. I'm going to have one of those Creamsicles now. Sure you don't want one?"
He watched Miranda's face fall again. Something was wrong! He turned on the couch to face her. "Enough all ready!" he said. "You're going to tell me what's going on."
Miranda looked away, biting her lip.
"Randa…" he insisted.
"Okay, it's like this," Miranda blurted out. "Jeremy loved Creamsicles."
"Jeremy?" Gordo said. "You mean that jackass that cheated on you while you were on vacation? Don't tell me you're still hung up on him. Come on, Randa, I know you're smarter than that."
"No, it's not that at all," Miranda exclaimed. "You're right. I'm long over him. It's just that…that…"
Gordo waited, then said, "What? It's just that… what?"
Miranda sighed. "Cone of Silence?"
"Cone of Silence," Gordo agreed, making the motions with his hands.
"You can't tell anyone, because even though he is a jackass, I don't want to be the one responsible for getting him into trouble."
Gordo knit his brow in confusion. "What kind of trouble can you get into with Creamsicles?"
"Not with Creamsicles," Miranda said. "But you can get in trouble with…with weed…"
"You mean pot?" Gordo asked. "You mean Jeremy smoked pot? He was a pothead?"
"He wasn't exactly a pothead," Miranda clarified. "He didn't smoke it that much. But when he did, he said his favorite thing to do, when he got the Munchies, was to eat Creamsicles. He said that weed kind of dries out your throat, and the ice cream feels so good going down, and it tastes so good…better than it could ever taste when you're not high."
Gordo looked at Miranda a long time before asking the obvious question. "And did you ever…?"
"No! No!" Miranda exclaimed. "He always wanted me to try it with him, but I never did. You know…'Just Say No to Drugs,'" she added with a little laugh.
"All that brainwashing in middle school…it really stuck with you, huh?" Gordo said.
"Well, sure. Who can forget the way they drummed it into us? But, you know…that wasn't the real reason why I wouldn't do it with him. It wasn't about the weed. I really don't have that much of an objection to weed, do you? I mean, as far as I can see, it's no better or worse than alcohol. I wouldn't be adverse to trying it…would you? I mean, under the right circumstances. But with Jeremy, it was never the right circumstances."
"Why not?" Gordo wondered.
"Because…because…I never really felt I could trust him. I mean, if he got high, and I got high, and if it clouded our judgment, I was just afraid there would be too much chance that…that something might happen."
"Something like what?" Gordo asked, but he was pretty sure he knew.
"Something like sex," Miranda said, confirming his suspicions. "I mean, at the time I liked him, well enough to kiss him and…stuff…but not stuff like actually having sex. He was always kind of pressuring me, even when he wasn't high, so I was afraid if I did get high with him, it wouldn't be good, know what I mean? When I do decide to…do that, it's going to be with someone really special. Someone I really like a lot, and can trust…with my whole heart…"
Gordo felt his whole heart beating faster, which was stupid, he chastised himself, because this had nothing whatsoever to do with him.. It was just strange to hear Miranda talking about sex. Heck! It was strange to hear anyone talking about sex, when he had so studiously been avoiding the subject for weeks.
"Anyway," Miranda said suddenly, "I'm just kind of wondering…if you've ever tried it…"
Gordo looked at her in alarm. "No!" he exclaimed emphatically. Then, "Tried what?"
"Weed!" Miranda replied. "What did you think I---?" She burst out laughing. "Oh, sorry! That's not what I meant."
Gordo blushed as he admitted, more quietly, "No. I've never tried weed. Or…or the other thing you're talking about."
"Neither have I," Miranda said. "Neither of those things."
Gordo was beginning to feel very uncomfortable. So was Miranda. They sat quietly for a moment, not sure how to go on. Gordo looked at her and forced a smile.
"Anyway," he said, "about those Creamsicles…"
"I really wonder what they must taste like when you're high," Miranda said suddenly. "What must they taste like when you've got the Munchies."
Gordo nodded his head in agreement. "Yep," he said. "That sure is something to wonder about."
"Well, we don't have to go on wondering about it," Miranda said slowly. "We could find out…if you really wanted to."
"Randa…" he said carefully.
"I have a joint," she revealed. "Jeremy left it here one day, before I went on vacation. It's been in my sock drawer, rolled up in a pair of leggings I never wear, for over two months now. I don't know how fresh it will be, but I think it will still do the trick. I don't think it really goes bad, does it?"
"Why are you asking me?" Gordo exclaimed. "How in the world would I know?"
"Because you seem to know everything, Gordo."
"Well, I don't know that!"
"Then…would you like to find out? With me? Now?"
"You want to?" Gordo asked, still feeling his heart beating so fast. "I mean…you're not afraid…?"
"Afraid of what?" Miranda asked. "Of you? Of something happening? No, Gordo. Not at all. That's why I'm asking you. Because I trust you. Implicitly. Is that the word?"
"Meaning 'absolutely'? Yes, that's the word."
"And I know you trust me," Miranda continued. "I know there's no chance we're going to let anything stupid happen, just because we're high. We're friends, right? It would be totally cool. I've been wanting to smoke this joint for quite a while, just curious, you know, but I didn't want to do it on my own, in case I start to freak out or something. But if my pal Gordo is here with me, I know everything will be okay."
"How can you say that?" Gordo wondered. "If I'm high like you are, then what good am I going to be? What if I start freaking out? Then what are you going to do?"
"Gordo," Miranda said with certainty. "I cannot for the life of me imagine you freaking out. You are my rock. You are my friend. You will be there for me. I'm so certain of that. This is the only way I feel safe doing this."
"Maybe you should smoke and I'll just…be here with you. Just in case," Gordo suggested, always the cautious one.
"No fun," Miranda said. "I want you to enjoy this with me. Come on, Gordo. Do this with me, okay? We'll just smoke a little, get really relaxed, and let the Munchies kick in and eat those delicious Creamsicles you brought over. It will be okay. It will be fun. Are you up for it? Please?"
Gordo sat back on the couch, sighing deeply. He closed his eyes, considering the proposition. But he did not have to consider it for very long. For quite some time he had wondered, just as Miranda wondered, what this might be like. And with Miranda, he felt safe, as safe as she felt with him. There would probably never be a better opportunity. And he had been so tense these last weeks. A little relaxation might do him good.
"Okay," he said, leaning back into the couch, eyes still closed. He heard his own voice, and it sounded strange. It almost sounded like somebody else, or like he was already high.
"Okay," he repeated, cementing his decision. "Let's do it. Let's do this thing. You and me. Right now."