xx Authors Note xx
Before you read on, I just want to say thanks for reviews not just from this one but from all the stories I've published, so yeah, thanks alot.
I've been asked if this'll have a happy ending and I'm not really sure, but I'll try and make it as happy as possible. It won't be exactly happy but it won't be sad either, sort of inbetween. Anyway, enjoy.
xx
Chandler hadn't slept all night.
Phoebe had stayed with him for as long as it took, he had still been in shock from what had happened when they had returned from the hospital. Ross hadn't been able to say much and had gone to bed after comforting her. Phoebe just didn't know what to do. And she had thought it was her who had been affected the most by this ... Chandler didn't seem to understand about how much he was putting himself at risk.
It had been so painful to watch him crying, and at times she had joined in, gently rocking him as the two of them sobbed into eachother's shoulders. Ross was hurting too, but it didn't seem to show as much.
"What exactly happened, Pheebs?" Ross had asked her in exasperation once Chandler had fallen into a restless sleep.
Phoebe shook her head. "I can't tell you Ross." She said quietly, staring at her knees.
"Look, we're all in this together, so-" Ross was beginning to get angry. Phoebe could see it from his expression, his eyes flashing dangerously. But then he softened, and sank back into his chair, his head in his hands. "Oh god Phoebe, I can't argue about this right now ..."
"I know you miss them too, Ross," Phoebe whispered to him, "Don't be afraid to let out your feelings and emotions."
"I- I just miss her so much," Ross croaked, "I loved her so much. You wouldn't believe how much, Phoebe," He paused and took a deep breath, blinking back the tears that were forming in his eyes, "And little Emma, oh god Pheebs- what do I do without them? And without Monica aswell?"
"You've got us," Phoebe said simply, staring at him. Ross turned to her.
"Yeah, I guess I do ..." He said sadly, "You're all I've got now, Pheebs. You and Chandler. I might still have a job but god ..."
"I'll help you get through this Ross, you and Chandler obviously need my support right now." Phoebe assured him, patting him on the back and smiling. Ross gave a small half-hearted laugh.
"You're strong, Phoebe," He said seriously, gazing at her, "How the hell do you manage to be so strong? What is it about you ... I just don't get it ..."
"I don't think you ever will, Ross," Phoebe said lightly, "But It's okay, I don't really get myself either, not now ..."
"Yeah," Ross agreed with her, "Anyway, I'm gonna go to bed. Night, Pheebs, and thank's."
"No problem," Phoebe said, "Night Ross."
Offering her one last smile, Ross departed from the room and went off to bed. Phoebe sat by herself for moment, deep in thought, before following suit.
xx
The next day dawned too quickly for Phoebe's liking. She had been dreaming that she and Mike had been riding a snow white unicorn, and they had rode allover New York City, allover America ...
She had then come crashing down back to reality with a bump, banging her head on the bed-post. Looking up, Phoebe saw that Ross was standing at the other end of her bed with a breakfast tray. He beamed.
"Morning Pheebs!" Ross said cheerfully, setting down the tray on the table, "I made you some breakfast," He added, indicating the tray, "So, how did you sleep?"
"I slept okay," Phoebe said groggily, rubbing the back of her head, "Untill you came in and messed up my dreams ..."
Ross' face fell, "Oh Phoebe, I'm so sorry," He said sadly, gazing at her, "What were you dreaming about?"
"Oh, just that Mike and I were riding a huge white unicorn and that it was taking us allover America and that everything was alright again," Phoebe told him, not a trace of emotion in her voice, still massaging her throbbing head.
"Well ... I've got to go to work now, maybe, If you feel like it, you should try getting back to work?" Ross enquired. Phoebe stared at him.
"I still have a job?" She murmered, gaping at him.
"Aha!" Ross said lightly, "Your office called me this morning and they're wondering when you're coming back in. Maybe you should call them up?" He added. Then he hesitated before saying, "Um, I've gotta get going Pheebs, look after Chandler today won't you?" He winked at her and departed.
Phoebe found this all hard to believe. She still had her massaging job? Well ... she could atleast give it a shot, she would need something to do all day. But then, what about Chandler?
Quickly shovelling large ammounts of egg and bacon into her mouth, Phoebe went off to his room to see how he was. Last night, Chandler had been having a nervous breakdown, cutting his wrists, and all sorts. Phoebe winced, would he have done it again? She couldn't lose him. Not now. Not ever.
"Hey, Chandler ..." Phoebe said, opening the door to his room. Chandler was fully dressed, staring transfixed at the mirror. There were bags under his eyes and he was very pale. The scars on his wrists still showed.
At that moment he turned around, "Oh ... hey, Phoebe."
"Listen Chandler, what do you want to do today? I've got the day off but tommorow I'll be going back to my job," Phoebe told him.
"You still have a job?" Chandler muttered, walking past her into the lounge, "Lucky ..." Phoebe heard him murmer.
"Yeah, well, we've all gotta make some money around here, Chandler," She said lightly, sitting down beside him, "Anyway, that's not the point. How are you doing after yesterday?"
Chandler shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know, Pheebs," He said in despair. Phoebe sighed and put her arm around him.
"Listen, If there's anything you need today, anything atall, I'll get it for you," She assured him. Chandler smiled at her.
"Thank's Pheebs, It's still good to know somebody as good as you still care's about me," He mumbled, "Even If I don't matter much anyway ..."
"You matter just as much as anyone else," Phoebe said firmly, "So ... I was thinking of going to see the guys' graves. Wanna come with me?" She added in an almost inaudible tone of voice.
Chandler hesitated at first. Hoping she hadn't said something she would regret saying later, Phoebe muttered to him, "Um, you don't have to Chandler, If you don't want to ..."
"I want to go with you," Chandler said firmly, staring at her.
"Oh ... well, alright. We'll need to get some flowers. D'you remember what kind of flower's they all like?" Phoebe asked him. Chandler shrugged.
"Well ... I know Monica liked red roses. And Rachel liked lillies. Um, Joey ..." Chandler chuckled, "Well, just get Joey anything. And just get Emma the same as Rachel."
Phoebe laughed, "Okay then! Let's go."
As they left, Phoebe couldn't help but wonder if she had raised Chandler's spirits, just slightly.