Teen Titans is not mine.
But if it were... um...never mind.
Anyway, thank you for the reviews of encouragement. I understand this has taken a bit of a twist that a lot of people don't care for, but it's something I wanted to explore as this is 'fan' fiction. There is a reason Slade and Robin are people whose love I attempt to portray equally and it will eventually be made clear—sooner than later, since the next chapter is probably the last unless I do an epilogue but now I'm getting ahead of myself here. Read on though, if you might, please.
In any case, thank you again to the reviewers and those who read this story in general. It is appreciated.
-rei
For Nothing, For Everything...For the Birds
Chapter Eight: ...
He paced furiously. She'd gotten used to it over the years though and had learned to leave him to it; it helped him think, or so he insisted. It just made her kind of dizzy and quite a bit annoyed, but she let it slide today. It was her first day home in a while after all.
"Boy Wonder, you're going to make a hole in the floor," she said wryly, flicking some uncooperative hair out of her amethyst eyes with her index finger. He paused, looked up.
"I'll fix it," was his cheeky reply.
"Because you're so good at home improvement," Raven said, sarcasm tinting every syllable and now Robin scowled.
"Shut up you," he pretended to be insulted and went back to pacing. Raven sighed.
"There isn't a plan in the world that will make it look like we can win Robin," she said after giving him another ten minutes to make that hole in the floor—she could swear she was beginning to see through it—and tilted her head to one side. "You know that, right?"
"I know that," he conceded. Raven crossed her arms over herself and leaned against the glass window of the living area; should she tell him now? Eyeing him speculatively, she decided it was as good a time as any.
"I need you to let him work with us," she said calmly.
"I don't see why," he replied with equal calm.
"He can help," she reasoned.
"I doubt it," he invalidated.
"It's the end of the world...again Robin. We need all the help we can get." Raven tried to be both no-nonsense and unruffled.
"From the man who was a big part of the reason for the first, yes that makes sense," he all but sneered and she flinched.
"You're being foolish," she chastised, posture going more and more rigid.
"And you're letting your feelings cloud your judgment! Raven, he's Slade, our enemy, the man who delivered you to oblivion and took you from me!" He paused. "From us," he amended but he had meant it really the first way.
"I think it's you whose letting their feelings get in the way, but have it your way Robin." And she stalked off to the room she hadn't inhabited for a time she now realized as both too long and not long enough. Robin watched her go and now lost feeling of the warmth the sun gave with morning, only noticing that it seemed far too bright for such a dark day.
He crossed his arms and eyed his reflection with no small amount of loathing.
There, you've driven her away again, genius, he scowled at his translucent self on the glass and continued to berate: you get her back and know you've got...his mind paused here with a wince...competition. The end of the world is coming and this time no one knows what to do at all, we've got no direction. And the last thing we need is for you and Raven to start clawing each other's eyes out—especially when you know you love her. Get it together, boy blunder!
"Robin, dude?" Beast Boy had a hand on his shoulder. All the titans—save Raven—stood a little behind him. "You doing alright?" Robin sighed. They were worried about him now.
"We've got to figure out some kind of plan," he said after a moment and rubbed his chin thoughtfully.
"Does friend Raven have any ideas on how to defeat the Trigon a second time?" Starfire inquired hopefully. Robin shook his head.
"We're all in the dark." And now Robin considered their position. Slade had helped them in the end against Trigon, and apparently was able to 'feel' for Raven—not that Robin in any way felt this was a good thing, but facts were facts and his mind was painstakingly analytical at times—and they were only five. Six was the devil's calling of course, his mind reminded him too, but he barely held back a snort of derision. Such superstitions were surely the kinds of things Raven's bastard of a father fed off of. "I think..." he trailed off, unable to finish with his intended 'Slade may be able to help' or 'Raven thinks Slade should assist us' and the like.
He just couldn't do it.
"Man, what?" Cyborg prompted, unnerved and showing it in annoyed tones.
"...nothing," Robin said and turned to go find Raven.
"Man, what are we supposed to do?" Cyborg yelled after him.
"Hope," Robin said softly, but all hear him and all looked at each other with similar feelings of misgiving.
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"Raven," he sighed against the metal door and then thrust out his hands as it opened unexpectedly and he fell onto the floor. He looked up at an amused face, Raven's face.
"That was graceful," she said, light in her irises dancing.
"Does that smile mean I'm forgiven for being an idiot at the worst possible time?" he asked, wanting to be charming in the face of all of this, wanting for her to keep smiling.
She looked so beautiful when she smiled—not that tragic beautiful that she seemed to have a strong lock on most of the time, but a tranquil, wise beautiful that was beyond personal or interpersonal tragedies.
"Maybe," she allowed and Robin pushed himself up off of the floor, hearing the door close behind him absently.
"Any ideas yet?" he queried and her smile left her. The leader in him told him it had to be discussed now, but the rest of him felt distinctly colder without the slight upward curve of the empath's lips.
"No," she said and he thought distinctly that she had just lied to him. He arched a brow. Why was she lying?
"You can tell me Rae, even if you don't think it will work," he made a guess.
"No, Robin, I really haven't thought of anything," she insisted.
The dark of her room was suffocating.
Robin tried to explore their bond, to explore her through their bond and found no trace of the lie he had been certain she was telling him seconds before. Was it imagined? Did she tell him the truth? He probed more, straining to the point where he almost didn't hear her next words.
"Trust me," she said and washed his doubt away.
"I trust you," he said in return. He stepped toward her; he couldn't help it. She drew him like a cold man to fire. Alluring and something he wanted...something he needed...he neared her. And he thought she might accept his advance but with a suddenness he could not account for, she fell to her knees, clutching her head as if in unspeakable pain. "Raven!" he knelt beside her.
"I-it's him...he's…he's coming..." she tried not to whimper and was at least pacified with her own broken speech; broken words she would allow; cowardice in the face of her father, she would not allow. He was not deserving. A searing burn ripped through her entire body and she cried out, collapsing, and Robin's eyes widened, horrified, as very familiar marks made their appearance all over her exposed skin.
"Rae...Rae!" he shouted to reach her even though he held her no less than a foot from him, cradled in his arms. "Raven, listen to me. Listen for me, Raven, we need you. We can't do this without you," he intoned worriedly, desperately. "Listen for my voice, Raven." He did his best to guide her through their bond, over the rocky memories of her smoke and cinder past, through the horrible years of being alone before the titans and being rejected by others because of her 'destiny', beyond even the first defeat of Trigon and then he saw some things he was perhaps never meant to see, but saw anyway because Raven was too weak momentarily to keep them from him. He saw Slade reaching up over her shoulder and handing her a book; he saw her smiling at the man in thanks. He saw her leaning against the man's shoulder and him offering soft support, like lovers in the park on a sunny day even though the two were in what looked like a very threadbare medical room. He saw her allow him to embrace her.
And almost, he broke the connection to her right then and there.
Almost.
But no, Robin could not do that. For all his admitted pigheadedness sometimes, his stubbornness and hate of Slade and possessiveness of Raven who was not his to possess, for all of that, and beyond it all, his love for her was achingly honest. So he kept holding on. Fates were kinder more or less, for that was the last image he saw of the two dark souls through the bond. Then he saw himself, and her, in the rain. He saw how angry he looked, how unforgiving and he also saw how much Raven hated herself when she told him all she had to tell. That she loved him, that she did not love only him, these were things that were tearing her apart even now and he sensed it as if it were his own heart shredding itself under the sharpest of blades. In a way, it was.
"Raven, if you can hear me," he spoke to the now still form of the sorceress, laying in his arms and looking paler than usual. He took a deep breath. "If you can hear me, stop hurting yourself. You can't...help who you love," he forced out. And it wasn't that he didn't mean it. No, he meant it definitely. For if he could have actually chosen, some brutally truthful part of him admitted he would possibly have chosen Star, if only to be spared this feeling of wretchedness. He forced it out because by saying this and assuming she could hear him, was listening, he was admitting that if she chose Slade, he could do nothing else but let her...not that it was up to him, but the meaning was clear. "You can't help that when you're around them you foul things up pretty badly a lot of the time, and fight with them and make them turn away from you," he rambled on and now of course he wasn't talking about her and his arch nemesis. He was talking about him and her.
"R-Robin?" she coughed and her eyes blinked up at him questioningly. He held his breath not knowing if he really wanted her to have heard all of that after all. It was very fine of him to spout such words to her without an answer, but those amethyst eyes terrified some part of him with their beauty and their honesty. "Thank you." So she had heard after all, he thought softly, almost regretfully, but pushed any idea of regret away and simply held her closer.
"Any time Rae."
They stayed like that for a time that was long but not long enough and sooner than either of them wanted, Raven made herself scramble out of Robin's embrace. She tried to stand but the world heaved around her unkindly and she had to lean heavily on the wall. Robin jumped to aid her but she held up an allaying hand.
"No, I'm fine," she said with some effort and, still leaning on the wall, held up her arms and hands to examine them; the markings were still there. "Well, not really," she admitted dryly and scowled at the red lines. Robin approached her and took one of her hands in his, scrutinizing.
"These...these are not the same, are they?" he asked, wondering how in God's name he could remember things he didn't understand.
"No, they're not," she confirmed. He asked her to continue and explain with a mere glance and she frowned. "They are not for the creation of the 'portal' as before, but these tell something else, something I haven't yet deciphered; they are older markings."
"How can you not know?" Robin asked, just the slightest bit suspicious.
"I'm not sure," she replied calmly, and he believed her because he had no other choice.
After all, why would Raven lie to them, to him?
At the end of the world, what need was there for lies?
But the thought unsettled him long after he had left her room and plagued him through the rest of the day and the night to come.
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She ran a hand through her hair, irritated. It was the second day she was home and she had come out for a cup of herbal tea that now sat cold, to one side of her 'excavation' area as she had dubiously titled it. She hadn't left her room since going to get the tea and it was a real mess, books and scrolls and parchments lay everywhere.
Multiple books floated around her as she scrambled through page after page. She had actually discovered what the markings meant and it wasn't good.
It wasn't good at all.
But she couldn't tell Robin that. His hope held the team from breaking at points like these and she knew that. He knew it too and she hoped he would forgive her for lying like that. He had of course first suspected her lie, but she was a master of pretend and mental barriers; so eventually he believed her.
Guiltily, she knew some of this was because of his love for her and she hated herself again. She was doing a lot of that lately.
In her mental lapse, some books fell in undignified piles to the ground. All these books and he still had so many more than her, she mused and her heart missed the mahogany study and its owner. Slade, she thought sadly. How strange this is, was her second musing.
Strange, her mind repeated and then shoved her back to reality.
She had a Hell King to stop, she reminded herself in annoyed tones.
"There must be something!" she exclaimed to herself, four hours later, having now taken to manually thumbing through each page of every book, just in case, she gasped in surprise as her room seemed to disappear around her.
"Daughter," the nothing greeted.
"Bastard," she intoned harshly and bit her tongue to keep from screaming as new pains tore through her, not just where the markings were, but all through her.
"Insolent pawn," the nothing spat and as Raven was just barely aware of her room coming back to its normal form rather than the empty void it had just become, she heard his last mocking words, "I come of my own power, daughter. You are no longer necessary but you will be there for it all. You will watch as your 'friends' fall one by one and your 'home' becomes ash. You will be there and you will be helpless to stop me."
And then she was in her room, by herself.
Paranoid, she whirled around, eyeing every corner and shadow with suspicion until she was certain it was just her and her room. Ascertained, she fell to her knees and gave a mental apology to the book she landed on, nearly ripping a page out.
But then something caught her eyes and she moved so that she could pick the tome up, dust it off and examine the text and symbols, eyes glimmering as she read further.
"No, no I won't," she whispered to herself. "I will never be helpless again."
With that thought, she stood and buried the book under her pillows before exiting her room. It had been four hours or so after all. The others were probably worried and Trigon was at least truthful about one thing. He was coming. She could feel it, his presence nearing, and it would only be a few more hours at most.
The others turned to her as she entered the common room.
"Trigon is coming," she told them bluntly.
"How long until the Trigon is...here?" Starfire asked anxiously.
"Four hours tops," Raven answered immediately and the others sucked in their breath sharply. Four hours?
"I know it seems hopeless, but we have to believe," Robin told the worried faces and then he looked specifically at Raven. "If we trust each other, we can do this. We've done it before you guys. Not a lot of people can say that," he tried to bring some light and it was a little effective. Cyborg gave a slow thumbs up and Beast Boy shrugged as if to say 'why not?' and Starfire even cracked a small smile that dared to do just that: hope.
"Everything will be fine," Raven heard herself say and was as surprised as the others were but she found something in her to continue, "Robin's right. We just have to trust each other." She directed the attentions back to their leader skillfully.
All heads snapped up as the alarms blared.
"Intruder?" Robin asked Cyborg who nodded and everyone shrugged, everyone but Raven who knew who it was. They all ran to catch the uninvited guest but Raven stopped them with a shout.
"Wait!" They turned. "I'll go." She sent a meaningful look to Robin. The others watched his expression become very shadowed, but he nodded and motioned for the rest of them to stay back. He could not invite that...that man in, but he would not keep her from him. That was up to her.
He watched the doors close behind her.
"Who is it?" Cyborg asked, having read the two birds' exchange pretty accurately as two people who understood each other even if they didn't agree.
"Slade," came the bitter answer and when the titans sent him crazy-eyed stares he shook his head. "He is...not our concern right now."
And maybe it was the shock that kept them all from running after their resident sorceress.
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He stood there, not certain his coming was wise and then seconds later knowing it wasn't, but not caring. He wore his mask knowing the others would be there, would probably attack him too. He waited, hoping she would come to him.
The doors slid open and he didn't look poised for battle, but he never did and he always was.
His stance lightened ever so slightly as the familiar form of Raven levitated to him.
"I thought I might be so fortunate," he told her.
"You're very foolish," she told him.
"I told you that," he said and added, "You can't say I didn't warn you."
"We fools don't heed warnings so well, but two fools can perhaps cancel out each other's foolishness," she replied smoothly.
"Those markings," he noticed now and his gaze darkened. She nodded and he stepped closer to her letting her come down to meet him, leaving the air, the rock beneath her making no sound as she landed. He raised a hand to frame her face; he had so feared he might never see her again, much less be so close to do this, and could not pass any opportunity any more, regardless of consequences.
"Slade," her voice reminded him that his name was not a curse and he loved her all the more. For as alien a thing as it was to now feel the warmth she offered, it was no less appreciated or longed for; it might have been more so and as she leaned into his touch, he was all the more certain of it.
"He will not take you from me," he said and she glanced up at him. "Trigon," he clarified, but his double meaning did not escape her. He noticed the veil in her eyes drop down and he added smoothly, "We will find a way to defeat him." More quietly he also said, "I missed you."
"I was gone less than three days," she smiled at him and he shrugged.
"These kinds of feelings have lain dormant so long, they have now taken to wrapping me up in them and I find I cannot go a day without reading poetry I don't entirely understand—though your footnotes help, I admit—and also that I keep looking at the door of my study, expecting an annoyed pair of amethyst eyes to berate me for one thing or another," he explained. The amusement and sincerity were both evident in his tone and her heart warmed at both as she considered how best to reply.
"Like Hell you don't understand those verses," was her dry response eventually and he laughed, understanding her own humor well.
"I identify with a little more than I say," he admitted and she gave him a look that said a man of eloquence like that understood more than a little, but she wouldn't press the matter.
"Why did you come?" she asked finally.
"For you," he answered in truth and then elucidated, "To help...if you will let me."
"I can hardly deny you anything, it seems," she said partially to him but as much to herself as well and he might have kissed her...but the doors behind them opened and the other titans came out.
It was just as well, they both felt and turned to face the team. When Robin's stare noticed Slade's hand on Raven's shoulder, his jaw clenched but to his credit, that was all the indication he gave of his upset.
"Titans," Slade greeted with a coldness Raven saw right through and she, now noticing Robin's stare, slipped almost imperceptibly out from under Slade's hand. Slade took notice but did not show it.
"Slade," Robin returned and the malice was there but he kept it to tones rather than giving way to fists. There was a pause that was more than uncomfortable and none of them failed to notice the rolling clouds above; they didn't look like the normal atmospheric tumult either, for the clouds had the oddest tint of red…blood red.
"He will help us," Raven stated and feeling the heavy gazes of his other teammates, Robin nodded curtly.
"Very well."
Neither man made a move to show a sign of truce, a shake of hands or the like; no, they knew each other too well for that and in some odd way, had too much respect for each other to put up such a ridiculous pretense.
So, all of them stood there: Raven a little in front of Slade and Robin a little in front of Beast Boy, Cyborg and Starfire, and every one of them was lost in their own thoughts.
She didn't know if hours really passed or not, but Raven recognized the burning sensation in her markings before they even started to glow.
"He comes," she whispered and they all eyed her as if asking her to take those horrible words back.
But she couldn't. And the sky was definitely all red now, red as the fire that had destroyed all of Azarath, red like her father's eyes, red like death, because death was red...not black or colorless. Black was the color of quiet, which few people understood and colorlessness was a trait of ambiguity. No, red was death and slaughter, brutality and rage.
Red was the sky as clouds parted in claw marks and four glowing eyes looked down at the world he was set on destroying once more, this time, forever.
"Robin," Starfire's voice wavered. He put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed comfortingly. Such a simple gesture still did its job even now and the powerful Tameranian's resolve strengthened itself anew as her own eyes glowed hot green, ready to defend all she loved and held dear. Cyborg shook his head but readied himself, walking to stand in line next to Robin, neck and neck, together and his leader threw him that cocky grin that got him so often into trouble the bionic man who simply returned it now. If they were going to do this, they might as well be reckless about it in some ways. It made it easier, somehow. Beast Boy actually walked all the way over to Raven and tapped her on the shoulder, breaking her from her staring contest with the four demon eyes of her father.
"Here Rae...remember, for luck," he gave her a cheeky smile and pressed one penny into her palm, curling her fingers over it with his own. "We believe in you, alright?" And he retreated to stand by Starfire who floated next to Robin who stood next to Cyborg. Raven smiled back at the changeling in thanks and then turned to Slade.
"Trust them," she said to him gently, imploringly, and referenced the team she could honestly say she loved with all of her heart, regardless of her sarcasm and sometimes solitary behavior. "Trust him," she repeated now for them to hear, the plea inherent in what it was she asked of them as she nodded her head in Slade's direction. Their eyes told her they didn't want to, but they would and she accepted this. They were being generous, she knew, but felt heartened as Robin came forward and stood on the side that Slade was not, still beside her though, with her. She felt her other friends come closer too, standing just behind her, and she held the penny tighter.
They could do this...they had to do this.
"What difference does trust make to the doomed?" Trigon's voice clamped like a vice down upon them but Raven's eyes glowed white and defiant at this, his superiority only angering her...driving her.
"You are a monster and will never know or understand," she said, emotionless, and she flew to meet him head on as the rest of Trigon materialized into their world and seemed to fill it with his awfulness.
Slade exchanged a short look with Robin that said they shared a similar fear for the daughter of this demon lord and with an almost civil nod to Robin that said they understood each other for now, the older man attacked.
"Titans, Go!" Robin yelled as he himself rushed forward.
And it began.
So there was some Robin and Raven moment-ish things in there. I wanted to portray that their connection is strong regardless of conflicting feelings and that when you get down to it, they care about each other. With Slade it is a new thing all over to feel and he fears losing Raven and she is fearful still that she can feel for him at all, hence the big question mark with that part of the triangle. All will like I said at the beginning, be made as clear as it might, next time though.
Review if you have time please and as always, thanks for reading this at all!
Next Chapter: 'For the Birds'
Heh, if you've noticed, the last one, the one before it, and this one all are separated parts of the title, so um, yeah, last part next.
-rei
p.s. note that a loose meaning behind the cliché of 'for the birds' is referencing something that in the end is "from a very questionable source" and "out of our hands"