Terror on Wheels: A Testimony

By DreamHeart

A/N: This was written in response issued by the SMFFQCC over at smfanfictionDOTnet. The guidelines are as follows:

Write a fic centered around driving.



Include whatever characters you'd like, crossovers will accepted.

Include 3 of the following:

-A Semi-truck
-someone singing along with a song
- Road Trip!
- driving lesson
- a poor tag-tattered DPS officer
-someone fighting with the DMV to list their height as something, something and 1/2 inches
-someone kissing the ground after getting out of the car
- Name that Tune! the game
- a cow

Include 3 of the following quotes:

"What are you? Suicidal?"
"That's it! You're taking the bus!"
"What are you so afraid of? I'm a perfectly good driver."
"There's my exit!"
"Two hands on the wheel!"
"It'll do zero to sixty in less 3 seconds or less."
"What's this pedal do?"
"Vroom! Vroom!"

Prizes this month will be the same as last month:
-SM merchandise
-web site layout

winner's choice.

smfanfictionDOTnet guidelines still apply.

Good luck and if you have any questions feel free to contact me at

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Sailor Moon or any of its characters. I do however OWN the story and I will hunt you down.

My name is Ed Barnes. I am a DPS officer working at the DMV. I've been there for just about eleven years now so you'd think that nothing would faze me. But toady was no ordinary day and though I cannot hope to do it justice I must try. Believe me if you wish, but this is my story.

The day began innocently enough. I woke up, got dressed, and drove to work. Once there I took off my coat and put it in my locker along with my lunch and pulled out my clipboard.

Walking outside, there was already a line of cars waiting for me and my friend Betty to take them on the final portion of their driver's license test – the driving portion.

The first couple of tests went smoothly enough – one never even got one the road. That parallel parking is a killer. But as I approached a little blue Honda there was no way I could have known what was in store for me.

Leaning in I asked the driver for the paper the receptionist had given to each of the applicants. The driver turned out to be a pretty blonde with deep azure eyes. She was breathtaking. Clipping it to my clipboard, I took down the make and model of the car and her license plate number. Everything was in order. As I opened the door to climb into the passenger seat, I glanced down at the form once more. Her name was Minako Aino – a name that will haunt me forever.

"Alright, Miss Aino, put her in drive, make a right, and head over to where you see that pair of yellow poles. We're going to start with parallel parking."

She nodded. She was nervous I could tell. Slowly she put the car into drive and did as I instructed. She parallel parked on her first try. I smiled. This wasn't going to be bad at all. It's a fair enough assumption. Parallel parking is the thing that fails most people. Passing it is a pretty good indication that an applicant will pass the rest of the test. That's why it's the first thing we test.

"Very good, Miss Aino. Now if you'll just take us out to the road we'll begin the next part of your test." I told her as I checked off the box marked pass next to parallel parking.

She smiled then. It lit up her face. God she was beautiful. She had long shapely legs that were encased in a pair of tight fitting jeans. She was wearing a low cut shirt that showed just enough cleavage to entice a man and wore a red ribbon in her hair. I wondered how old she was, and how someone so young could be so beautiful . . . she had to be just about eighteen. But I digress.

We were out on the road now. Next up was changing lanes. She'd have to anyway we're going to be coming up on the high way soon. "Change lanes up here. Get in the lane that'll enter the highway."

"Ok."

She checks her mirrors, and turns to make sure it's clear. Then carefully she gets in the other lane.

Nodding I check off the box marked pass next to lane changes. This was going to be cake . . . she wasn't one of those horror stories I went home and told my cat about. I didn't know how wrong I was at the time.

"Take the clover way so we're heading back to the DMV."

The clover way is a good way to test a driver's sense of right of way. Texas is the only state in the U.S. that has to yield to the cars coming off of the clover way . . . but we're not in Texas. We're in Oklahoma. Just next door and just enough to confuse the hell out of people.

And that's when the nightmare started.

Coming off the clover way, the girl neglected to yield. I cringed . . . because it was no car that she was cutting off it was a semi-truck. That's right a fully loaded eighteen wheeler. Suddenly my life flashed before my eyes. I could've sworn I was going to die. I'm surprised that I didn't wet my pants.

I heard the wheels of the eighteen wheeler squeal as it attempted to break and said a silent prayer to the God. Everything was happening so fast. And those things can't stop on a dime. . . but by the grace of God we escaped unscathed.

'What are you? Suicidal?" I screamed. I know how embarrassing. I'm a fully trained DPS officer with eleven years experience and I screamed. How undignified. "You could have killed us. You have to yield coming off a clover way to oncoming traffic. That was a semi-truck. It could have steamrolled us and not even have batted an eye."

Then I'll never forget how those crystal blue eyes welled up with tears. And suddenly an enormous amount of guilt settled into my chest. Then her hands flew up from the wheel and covered her face. A simple act really and at that moment all I wanted was to make her stop crying . . . . But then I remembered where I was. Dear God we were going to die.

"What are you doing? Two hands on the wheel!"

She did as ordered but that didn't stop her tears. No, all it did was make her cry harder.

And things just got worse.

She started to swerve, started to veer into other lanes. And the only thing I could think was 'Dear God, we're going to die.' "Stop crying! For the love of God, just stop crying! I'm sorry! Just please stop crying." Like I was one to talk, I was practically in tears.

Then the next thing I knew was I heard her say, "Oh, there's my exit." And the whole car jerked over four lanes of traffic. It was like something out of a movie. It's a wonder we weren't in an accident.

And suddenly we weren't on the highway anymore. I sent up a prayer of thanks and murmured for her to take us back to the DMV. She nodded in compliance and did as told. But I could still see the tears that were trailing down her cheeks. Poor kid, she really was nervous.

But that didn't stop me from kissing the ground the moment I got out of that car.

That was the most horrible experience I've ever had on the job. I remember praying that I never saw the pretty little thing with blond hair and ocean eyes . . . but then last month I saw her on my way back in from lunch arguing with clerk demanding that they list her height as 5' 2 1/2." Some idiot went and gave her a license. I stopped to help the poor guy out . . . but that's another story.