a note from the desk of ethereal damsel

Yet again my brain was fried and it was 1:00 AM...well, you know the rest.

I said that someday I might write a sequel to Vodka! I lied. I have realized that there is simply NO WAY anyone could understand this installment of my freaky fic without having first read the previous two.

Disclaimer: I own nothing in this fic except the stupid fangirl.

So, without further ado, I give you Vodka! part three which shall continue into a part four and a possible part five. Heck, it could go on forever. XD

One fine day, sharingunbabi101 was sitting in her room (plastered from top to bottom with Inuyasha posters, of course) hard at work on a self-insertion fic.

"…and then Itachi and Kisame were married and Sasuke and Sakura lived happily ever after!" she said to herself exultingly. She looked down at her finished manuscript and sighed dramatically. "Ah…if only such lovely dreams would become reality…that would be uber-tubular."

"Oh, but they can," said a sugary voice.

"Who said that?" sharingunbabi101 cried, whipping around to find that the speaker was a fat old woman in a pink silk dress wearing turquoise bedroom slippers with little puffballs on them.

"Who're you?" squeaked sharingunbabi101.

"I'm your fairy godmother."

"Really? Tubular!"

"I can make all your wishes come true. But be careful what you wish for…"

"Okay, let's see," sharingunbabi101 said, rubbing her hands together. "I want to be put inside my Naruto self-insertion fic, and I want to be so hot that every guy will fall for me the minute he lays eyes on me."

"Specifics?" asked the fairy godmother in a businesslike manner.

"Hmmm…I want to be sixteen with long, flowing, brown hair. I should be wearing a scarlet kimono, my weapon should be this huge sword that only I can lift, and I just have to have the Mangekyou Sharingan…and make me busty. As busty as Tsunade!"

"Very well…" And with a flick of her fairy godmother's wand, sharingunbabi101 was in Narutoverse.

She looked down at herself. Everything was just as she'd imagined it…

"Who, may I ask, are you and what are you doing on my property?" a familiar deep, indignant voice with a British accent said.

It was Uchiha Itachi, wearing an apron that said "Kiss the Loathsome Fish Stick, Not Me" and holding a spatula in his hand.

"'Tis I, shari—er, I mean…Konnichiwa! I'm Ayame!" :flutters eyelashes grotesquely: She had thought of the most generic and over-used original girl character name in all of Naruto fandom.

"Very well, Ayame. Kindly leave the premises, unless you have come to sample my delicious pancakes."

"Itachi-sama! Itachi-sama!" called yet another voice with a British accent. "Ita—by Jove!"

It was Kisame, also in an apron, a pink one with ruffles. He had exclaimed "by Jove" when he had noticed Ayame/sharingunbabi101.

"You are quite the Casanova, my good Itachi-sama."

Itachi paid no attention to this comment. "What do you want?"

"Oh, I was just wondering what sort of mascara you wore…" He trailed off, staring at Ayame in a rather lovelorn fashion.

"What! I don't wear mascara!"

"Then how do you get your eyelashes to grow so long? Do you sprinkle Miracle-Gro on them every night, old chap?"

"No!" Itachi was positively fuming.

"Well, I'll be back, boys!" Ayame said, leaving them for Team 7.

Upon her arrival at Konoha, she drew the gaze of a certain perverted Jounin.

"Kakashi-sensei, why are you drooling?" inquired a bemused Naruto.

"OMG! PR0N!" Kakashi gasped, hyperventilating.

"What ?"

"Nothing, Naruto," he said, rapidly composing himself.

Suddenly, Sakura spotted Ayame too.

"That girl is very…endowed," she said bewilderedly.

As Ayame headed toward Team 7, she grinned. "Konnichiwa!" :flutters eyelashes grotesquely:

Kakashi's visible eye twitched slightly.

"Sasuke-kun!" crooned Ayame to Sasuke, who hadn't spoken all this time.

"Go seduce someone else," Sasuke said boredly. Ayame cringed as though she had been slapped.

"You should be taught a lesson!" she cried indignantly. She stood there, pondering this statement for a moment. "I know! I wish you were a panda!"

Sasuke looked at her in sheer disbelief. But all of a sudden, there was a flash, a bang, a puff of smoke…and where Uchiha Sasuke had been standing there was a panda cub.

"KAWAII!" squealed Ayame, swooping down upon poor Sasuke and clutching him in her arms.