a note from the desk of ethereal damsel

Time for another riveting chapter of Vodka! It will amuse you, frighten you, and move you all in one sitting! Read on for pancakes, Uchiha pandas, stupid Yaoi fangirls-turned-Mary-Sues, annoying chatspeak LYKE THIS!11!one! and the one, the only, the above all INSANE itachiPod.

i say thank u 2 those of u who reviewed. u r awesome! u r mean if u dont review. so pls review. no flamies! lol

Disclaimer: I own nothing in this fic except the stupid fangirls and the itachiPod.

I have two additions to the character guide:

itachiPod: He's an alien with a rather unusual diction…

Pink Tsuki-chan: sharingunbabi101's best friend who also has an affinity for Yaoi and bishounens and is equally moronic.

Meanwhile, at Itachi's IHOP, a sinister sequence of events was unfolding. Itachi had been kidnapped by the bodysnatchers! Gasp! Unbeknownst to the blissfully ignorant Kisame, itachiPod had been born…

"Dum-de-dum-dum…" Kisame hummed blithely as he fried some pancakes. itachiPod walked up behind him and poked him in the back.

"Why hello, Itachi-sama!" he said brightly. "Business is going great! Of course, it's always great as long as one is serving up smiles!" Here Kisame smiled grotesquely.

"itachiPod," itachiPod said.

"What?"

"itachiPod."

"What?"

"wut?" replied itachiPod.

"Why are you copying me?"

"y r u copying meh?"

"Please stop."

"stop copying meh."

"What?"

Suddenly, itachiPod knocked Kisame out cold.

"itachiPod1" it shrieked. "hyuck, hyuck, hyuck."

And thus, the itachiPod came into the world.

Back at the ranch, Ayame/sharingunbabi101 was crooning over poor transmogrified Sasuke.

"Ooo, you're much cuter this way!" she gushed. Sasuke-panda was in a state of trauma-induced shock and appeared to be suffering from some form of paralysis. "I must show my friend! I wish Pink Tsuki-chan were here!"

Suddenly, a petite girl with short, curly, straw-colored hair and donning preppy clothing appeared. She blinked her watery blue eyes stupidly.

"P-chan!" cried Ayame, swooping down on her friend. "You see I have this tubular fairy godmother who grants all of my wishes and I wanted to be in my self-insertion fic and she beautified me and I got to turn Sasuke into a panda and I'm having so much fun wreaking havoc and you really ought to try it so just tell me the specifics of your character and I'll get my fairy godmother to beautify you," she said, all in one breath.

"P-chan" whispered her desires to Ayame.

"Okay," said Ayame, rubbing her hands together. "Give P-chan long, wavy, blond hair, a pink kimono, and a gigantic battleaxe that only she can lift. Oh, and give her the Mangekyou. And make her sixteen and…er…endowed."

With another flash, bang, and puff of smoke, another Mary-Sue was born.

"What'll your name be?" Ayame asked.

"Ichigo!" squealed P-chan. Just then, she noticed Sasuke-panda. "WAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

To this day, no one knows how Sasuke survived the suffocating squeeze he endured from P-chan.

All this time, the remainder of Team 7 that hadn't been transmogrified stood watching, speechless. Except for Sakura, who had fainted. Before they could utter a word though, itachiPod had arrived.

"itachiPod1"

Everyone did a nice, big deadpan.

"What the heck is that?" Naruto inquired of the general public.

"its always great as long as 1 is serving up smiles."

That one got another deadpan.

"wut teh heck is that?" asked itachiPod curiously, pointing at the pitiful, half-dead Sasuke-panda.

"ITACHI-SAMA!11!one!" Ayame and Ichigo cried in unison, flinging themselves onto itachiPod.

"stop1 meh name ish itachiPod1"

"You're not our Itachi-sama," said Ichigo sadly, her eyes welling with tears.

"WHERE IS OUR ITACHI-SAMA!11!one?" Ayame screamed. They could've just wished he were there. But, being the idiots they were, they did nothing of the sort. "I believe it is time," declared Ayame, "to go on a quest to retrieve our Itachi-sama!"

Oh, boy. Here we go again.

In the next riveting chapter of Vodka! there will be action (heck, yeah), romance (…XD), and…pimpin'? Yup. So stay tuned, loyal readers! Sasuke-panda will have his retribution!

Oh, and if you have any suggestions as to what should happen in future chapters, just type them up in your review and I'll give you a cookie. :3

Bonus: Has anyone discovered the secret of itachiPod's unusual form of speech?