Potions Storeroom Madness: The Prequel

Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, own Harry Potter. Thank you

Sirius and the Piggies!

"I knew this was a bad idea!" Sirius Black proclaimed triumphantly.

"No you didn't," James Potter spoke up irritably, "Because you were the one who came up with the idea!"

"Hey, it's not my fault Professor Slughorn left the Potions Cupboard wide open!" Sirius said with big, innocent googly eyes.

"Shut up Padfoot," James retorted snappishly.

"YOU were RUDE to ME!" Sirius shrieked, sounding like a banshee with a bad hair day.

"PADFOOT!" Remus Lupin's voice echoed loudly throughout the little space.

"Erm…Sirius?" Peter Pettigrew said nervously, "I think you have your foot in my butt."

Perhaps it would have been better to explain that the four 'ingenious' Marauders were stuck inside a little Potions store room in the middle of lunch at Hogwarts.

How it happened? Let's just say that you should never get Sirius Black within seeing range of an open cupboard containing several multicoloured liquid jars.

"I hate my life, I hate my life," Remus chanted, closing his eyes and desperately wishing that when he opened them, he would lying comfortabley in his four-poster bed and munching on a Chocolate Frog.

"That's what happens when you're best friends with Padfoot," James put it.

Wriggling a bit, the black-haired kid tried to reach under the door.

"It's all your fault for shoving our wands outside Sirius!" Peter moaned.

"Not my fault!" Sirius repeated again, patting an unwilling Peter on the head in a fatherly like action.

Let me explain that the four looked remarkably like a circus act. Remus, Peter and James were bent down and squashed against the small confinements of the walls whilst Sirius sat ontop of them like a man and his three horses.

"What's this?" Sirius asked, spotting a shiny, glinty thing up in the corner and shoving it into his mouth.

Note to self: Never EVER swallow a shiny, glinty thing when it's wedged up in the corner of a Potions storeroom.

"Ooh!" Sirius giggled, sounding so much like a girl that the three others at the bottom looked up hopefully, "This is fun!"

"Huh?" Remus, Peter and James said simultaneously.

"I see piggies!" Sirius said, looking totally wacko although the others couldn't see, "Ooh…big, pink piggies flying…"

"Padfoot I-" James began but was silenced by a crashing blow to his head.

"You're the piggy!" Sirius giggled, "You're the piggy in the middle!"

"AHHHH!" James shrieked as he felt his head wobble, "YOU BROKE MY HEAD PADFOOT!"

"You're the piggy yes you are! You're a true P-I-G-Y!" Sirius laughed and chanted in a disgustingly girly singsong.

"I'M NOT THE PIGGY AND YOU SPELT IT WRONG!" James bellowed.

Sirius ignored him.

Instead, the black haired boy poked Remus, who cringed and hoped Sirius wasn't going to deliver a blow to his head as well.

"Are piggies pink?" Sirius asked innocently.

"Well, no," Remus began, about to go on a rant about how pigs possessed a skin colour that was still a slight mixture of brown and-

BAM!

"AHHHH!" Remus yelled, louder than James, "PADFOOT! YOU BROKE MY SKULL!"

"YOU INSULTED PIGGY!" Sirius bellowed even louder than Remus and poked the poor boy over the head repeatedly, "YOU SHALL NOT INSULT PIGGY! YOU MUST OBEY THE ALL-POWERFUL LORD PIGGY!"

"I hate my life, I hate my life," Remus chanted again.

All throughout this, Peter squatted silently, wondering what on earth had gotten into his friend's heads. Of course, you couldn't blame the rather dense guy.

"I AM THE PIGGY! YES, YOU MUST ALL OBEY THE ALL POWERFUL LORD PIGGY OF HAMLAND!" Sirius squealed, jumping up and down, causing excruciating pain on James' behalf.

"He hasn't realized that ham is made of him," James laughed. A little too loud.

BAM!

"AHHHHHHH!"

"Oh boy…" Remus muttered darkly.

"Ooh…what's that?" Sirius giggled in a schoolgirl manner and staring, starry-eyed at something on the top, right hand corner of the cupboard.

"Shiny, glinty thing! I've found you!" Sirius giggled crazily. His eyes glazed over as he gazed at the mysterious thing, enraptured.

"Sirius!" James moaned in anguish as his head throbbed from the two blows he had been given previously, "What is it?"

"It is?" Sirius asked, coming out of his hypnotized state of mind but still hyper, "The shiny, glinty thing?"

"Yeah," James groaned, "What's making you go mental?"

"You want to share?" Sirius asked innocently and then pulling out the shiny, glinty thing.

"No…I-" James began but was cut off abruptly.

"YOU SHARE WITH ME!" Sirius screamed like a maniac and then forcefully shoved the shiny, glinty thing into James' mouth, "YOU HAVE SHARE!"

Author's Note

Yes, my (or our) most random story ever! But what do you think of it? Sorry for the short chapter but there will be more to come. There will be four more chapters, three for the other Marauders and one epilogue (if necessary).

Anyway, what do you think? Sirius is WAAAY OOC but hey, that's what parody is all about! So read and review people and tell me (or us) what you think!

Next time: It's an early Christmas for James...or is it?

Until the next chapter,

Eternal Phoenix