Notes: This is a very different chapter, done in a style called 'conversational prose'. It's from Rogue's point of view, but no other names are mentioned, so it's up to you to guess who she's thinking about at various points. If you like this chapter, and the style, then check out my friend angyl-devyl's work, she is a master at it. Plus, she created Cathryn!

Chapter Thirteen

Dark sky,

Glittering stars,

Endless eternity,

Forever tormented.

No one's here,

There's just me,

Me and my pain,

Me and my loneliness.

Whispers in the darkness

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Does no one see me?

Does no one care?

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Of course they don't,

I won't let them.

I'm always hiding,

Always pretending,

I don't let them see,

I don't let them care,

I keep them safe,

I keep them at a distance.

I can't touch,

Can't love,

I can't be a part of this world.

But you touched,

You loved,

You made me a part of this world.

And now you're gone,

Lost forever,

Leaving me here,

Alone,

Cold,

Scared.

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The city was bright, neon signs blinking and street lamps casting puddles of orange light onto the ground. But between the lights, was the darkness, thick shadows that swallowed the light. That was where she lived, in the darkness, hidden from the world. Her face hidden in shadows, she watched the people rush past her, laughing and joking as the enjoyed their evening. She remembered when she had enjoyed an evening out. It had been so long ago. He had taken her to the theatre, to see a play she could no longer remember.

It had been a funny play, she remembered that, and they had laughed as they walked home, her laugh bright and cheerful, his dark and wicked. She loved his laugh, it was full of dark promises that could never be put into words. She missed that laugh. It always used to make her feel better, made her feel warm and happy.

But he wasn't laughing now, he would never laugh again. He was gone.

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I don't like being scared.

I was never scared with you,

You made me feel safe,

You made me feel loved.

Will I ever feel that way again?

Will I ever let myself feel that way again?

Or will I continue to fight,

Continue to kill,

Continue to chip pieces from my soul?

Will I ever be rescued?

Will I ever be allowed to rest?

Or will I be forced to remain in this endless torment?

Always alone,

Always shrouded in darkness,

Always hiding in the shadows,

Never stepping into the light,

Never showing myself to the world.

Always darkness and never light,

Complete opposites,

Existing in the same being,

Existing in me.

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A young computer geek, a popular football player, a high-strung weather goddess, a selfish shapeshifter, a bubbly Valley girl… so many people, so many personalities, all in one person. Confusion flickered across her grey eyes, emotions whirling and conflicting, before the calm dead returned, her mind repressing the loud voices, her eyes dulling and going empty. So empty…

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Am I a being?

Am I human?

Or am I monster?

Are the mutant-haters right?

Do I deserve to die?

I kill with my touch,

I kill with my gun,

I kill with my body.

I don't give life,

I take it.

I take the lives of those that deserve it,

I take the lives of those that need it.

I take the lives of those that threaten the lives of others'.

Does that make me a monster?

Am I as bad as the ones I kill?

Or is the blood on my hands righteous?

Does motive justify the crime?

Does the blessing of God nullify the sin?

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Did he believe in Him right to the end? Did his faith support him as the world exploded into chaos? Did he have that comfort as he died? She hoped he did. She hoped that he had managed to retain some spark of hope inside him like he always had. Even when things were bad, when there didn't seem to be any hope at all, he would always cling to his belief that God had a plan. She had envied that, that he could always find hope and faith no matter how dark the situation.

-----------------

I don't believe in God,

I never have.

Some believe our mutations are a gift from Him,

But I know better.

Mutants are just a genetic leap,

A defect,

Are we a mistake?

Are mutants a mistake?

Should be even exist?

Or should ordinary humans not exist?

Should we exist together?

Could we exist together?

Will we live in harmony and peace,

Or will we kill each other in blood and pain?

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So many questions,

Yet I have no answers,

I never have answers.

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We're moving foreword blindly,

Trusting… what?

What do I trust?

Do I trust in myself?

In a higher power guiding me?

Or do I trust the whimsical thing called fate?

Am I following the path I was meant to walk,

Or have I strayed into the unknown?

The unknown,

That's what some call death,

Because no one knows what death feels like.

I do.

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Death. What is true death? Is it when your heart stops, your mind dies, and your body turns cold? Or is it a state of existing that isn't living? Is it watching your eyes fade and go empty? Is it looking at the world and knowing that you don't belong?

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I know what it feels like to die,

To have the life slowly seep out of your body,

To watch the world darken and become distorted,

To feel your pulse slow and your breath to come shorter,

Each breath drawing you closer,

No one knows about the empathy I have for my victims,

They don't know that for that one crystalline moment,

We are one.

I become them and they become me,

We exist together,

One being in two bodies.

But then the last of the life slips from their body,

And,

Once again,

I am alone.

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Wandering aimlessly, senses open and taking in everything, alert to every possible danger. She was lost. Not physically, she knew exactly where she was and what surrounded her, but inside, she was lost. They were all gone, she was alone again. Why did it always have to be her! Why couldn't she just have someone to hold for a little while? Why did she always have to be alone?

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Alone,

But not empty.

No,

Not empty.

Now I have company,

Now I have people inside my head,

Whispering,

Teasing,

Taunting,

Tormenting.

I'm always on my own,

But never alone.

What does it mean to be alone?

Is anyone ever truly alone?

Is alone a statement of physical positioning,

Or is it a statement of emotional belief?

----------------

Am I alone?

I think I am,

I think I always have been.

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Alone in the darkness,

Drowning in blood,

Tortured screams echoing in my mind,

Harsh accusations slashing my skin,

Pain tearing at my heart,

Tears splashing against my cheeks,

My body is scarred,

So is my soul.

Scarred and scared.