Sauron's Journal
Of Dreams and Eyes
Disclaimer: We don't own Sauron or ne of da lord o da rings chars... So uhh yah...
AN: CHAPTER TWO! YEAH!!! :D thankies to all the reviewers! We didn't expect any reviews! Uhhh… NEIFERS!! wooo dee doo!! Well we have decided not to burn you because you were so nice! XD thanks for your reviews. Yay to all the strangeness.
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Keindra: Thanks for the review! Reviews like yours keep the story going. . .kind of ;) but thankies a bunch and hope u like the chappy!
VioletLemonade: NO! NO! TIS SAURON'S WIG NOT YOURS! IT IS HIS! HIS OWN! HIS ONLY HOPE OF LANDING IT WITH HEDGIE!! ;) Whooooo for review!
Geim: Sauron is not defective! He is just a troubled little guy with a purple wig. Who also has problems with his chairs. THEY TURN ON HIM, I SWEAR IT!! :D booya for review!
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By the way! Things in dashes (meaning these things -- in case you don't know o.O) are Minion writing what Sauron is doing. All shall become clear. NOW READ!
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Well I finally got my table... in a nice deep pink. The only problem is that I'm a gigantic eye again so I can't get into my chair and enjoy it!
God, it is sooo boring to just sit on top of my tower and WATCH!! The tower isn't even comfortable... But do I have anything else to do as an eye? Nooooooooooooo!!! I have to sit on a spike as an eye and WATCH!!
-master yawns-
Even now I'm dictating to a minion because I have no arms.
Wait... I have no mouth either! How does that work?! All I am is one huge eyeball that rolls around, sits on a tower and WATCHES, and is bored…
-master jumps up or tries to-
-master goes SPLAT-
OWWWWWWWW!
MINION! COME HELP ME UP!!
MINION!!!
STOP DICTATING!!
I AM IN AGONY!!
CURSE YOUUUUUUUUUUU!!
WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
-master cries for a while, I write-
-I minion-
-That my name-
-master still rolling arou- -
-eee! He's gotta evil glint in his eye!!!!-
-he is eye!!!!!-
-HE HAS ARMSSS!!!-
-Minion scared!!-
(smudge on page and strange red stains)
AHH! Finally I am back!! Or at least my arms are...
Yayness for arms!
Most of me is still splatted on the floor though… Damn it all!
Now I have my chair but I have no ass to sit on!! I must get a new one... YES!!! My eye grew back. One of my normal ones that is. Just one though. Huh. Weird.
Oh nooooooooooooo!!
(slime on page)
My eye just fell out of my head! For no reason!
Great just great... I have a good five minutes before my arms die and I can't write any more. DAMMIT!!
Curse you writers block!!! And my eye's in da way!!
Umm... I haaave to write something!!!
There once was a cornflake and he lived in a box. One day he was out getting milked and a huge green apple fell on him. The apple began to sing! And ohhhhh! AAAAHHH!!! Writer's cramp!!
Damn! Why does this always hap-
-/-/-LATER-/-/-
Well I have a booster seat for my poor slimy body…
I'm partially regenerated
I have an ass and arms and a mouth but my legs fell off and my eyes are crossed. Sad!!!!!!
Aw man… I really dislike all this smoke. Why did I have to choose to live near a volcano? Ah I remember... It was that damned salesman. He told me it was a prime peice of property! Hehehe… he got what was coming to him, though. I sent the minions after him. Heehee, it was hilarious! He ran around like a bird on fire, and he screeched like one too!
Hmm… wouldn't it be great to have a theme song that goes like doo doo doo doo dee doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo dee dah dee dah dee dee doo dah dee dee dah doo doo doo dee doo doo doo! Ah yes, that would be grand... Wait I already sorta have a theme song… Aw but it's not exciting! It should be more like this: doo doo doo dee doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo dee dah dee dah dee dee doo dah dee dee dah doo doo doo dee doo doo doo!! Hehe… With that song I would rule all!
Just a bit of sponge cake would make me complete. . .
AH! I must have dinner! The sad thing is, is that since I have no legs...minions must cook it for me.
You know...maybe if in the War of the Ring I had used scissors instead of a mace and ran around in a bikini I would have won. I bet I would have!
Yes yes. That explains why I didn't win before!
You know... my real name isn't really Sauron. It is... Vyvyan. And I used to have such beautiful golden locks... now my hair is uhhh well I dunno. ..Lemme check.
GAH!!! I DONT HAVE ANY!!!
##%$!!! Why the heck didn't anyone tell me?!
AHH! My body's back. ..But no hair!!
[smudges on the page]
No wonder Hedge left me!! God, now I'm crying again. I wasn't pretty enough for Hedge! He went off with Cloud… wait no it was Sam sorry. I get them confused, or wait… I don't know.
My makeup's ruined. Wait!
Do I wear makeup?!!
Huh? NOOOOOOOOOO!! My worst fears are confirmed... I, Sauron... am gay.
I love you Michael Jackson!! And Frodo! (I bet his size is just trickery when it comes to important things.)
I must have the Ringbearer! I must see him face trials, fight evil and...Get naked.
Just kidding… I'm not gay. I hope…
-/-/-LATER-/-/-
I had a dream recently. . That I was in a pool and I was trying to swim up but I was dragged down. At the bottom of the pool was a DEMONESS!! And I fell until my feet touched her breasts and I pushed off, swimming for the surface, while she said to me, 'Never felt the real breasts of a woman have you?'
I awoke screaming.
My minion arrived and asked if I needed another wig. I asked him why, and he grinned stupidly at me. Then I jumped up and randomly yelled 'YEAH!!' in my minion's face. Until I realized I didn't have legs. I SPLAT-ED. Again.
That minion creeps me out… Yes... he is strange
I aughta have him "removed". I think he likes me. Too much. In a creepy kind of way.
(Writing is messy due to Sauron's terror)
tobufasguttleeled
I am soo tired!
I'll go to sleep. Hopefully, my legs will be back by then.
-/-/-NEXT DAY-/-/-
Whoa! I had a dream that I was all like thinking that I was gay. ..That isn't true…
(writing is shaky)
I shall turn into an eye once again to calm my nerves.
-/-/-FIVE DAYS LATER-/-/-
Dictating once again since I have legs but no arms GOD! I can't believe that I actually tried to turn into a huge eye 5 days ago, it was just soo stupid!!! Man it was stupid. And now my ass hole is all huge cause I had to sit on the spike of my tower since my chair was destroyed AND my minions made my balcony collapse And so... it speaks for itself there.
I know the answer to all my problems!! I shall get a cat! With half of its soul sucked away! TONITE I SHALL HAVE SOUP!!!!
-/-/-NEXT DAY-/-/-
Well here I am... without arms again. I am trying mtenalyy ot wirte bu I msut dciatte aigain t it not wrkoing!!
-/-/-LATER-/-/-
Well here I am...dictating... I wonder... how can I dictate when I'm a giant eye? Hmm... Maybe if I can talk, I can fly!! Hmm.... the mysteries of life…
-master runs out to big open thingy (window) and jumps out-
I can flyyyyyyyyy!! I...CAN NOOOOT FLY!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
-minion hears splat… hee hee funny.-
-hi I minion dictating for master… Again...-
-Whip creams of shrimp up minions nose is funnnnn!-
-denn uhh uhh uhhh hee hee. . .master is saying baad things to minion-
-minion do his best to dictate, but minion not know how to shpell big saying things (words)-
-will ask master-
-door making weird banging noises...! Minion scared...! -
-Eeeeeeeeeeeee!-
Sht... I hate it when Minion the minion dictates... I have my arms back...after falling for a half an hour down Bara Dur and rolling back up it. How does that work??
AND I AM STILL FAMISHED!! WHERE THE HELL ARE MY GODDAMN MINIONS WITH MY SHRIMP?!!
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AN: In case you didn't notice… WE ARE INSANE!!! Review please! Flames burn Sauron's shrimp and Syn and Nana will hate you if you flame, cuz they're still new! Yess yessssss… So review whatever else you wanna! Oh ya... by the way, if anyone knows how to keep the stars in the text through uploading could you tell us? We used to have them and they were pretty but they keep dissapearing. Any help would be greatly appreciated!