Chapter 22: The Revelation

OCTOBER 31, 1980

NEWPORT BEACH, CA

Kirsten breezed through the front door after concluding her day at school. It seemed like for the first time in over a month that she felt happy…the first time since the abortion, even though she knew that situation was still bothering her. It seemed like things had been going well at school for the past week and today was the perfect conclusion to that week. Not only was it a Friday, but it was Halloween and Kirsten was excited for a costume party that one of the guys on the football team was hosting. She was planning on dressing up as a hippie and she had the perfect costume.

"Mom!" Kirsten called out. She waited a few seconds for a response, but when she didn't get one, she called out again, "Mom! I'm home!"

Kirsten started walking through the house searching, "Mom! Hailey! Is anyone home?"

Kirsten finally walked into the family room and found her mother lying down on the couch, appearing to be asleep. She was dressed in sweats and her golden brown hair was strewn all about.

"Mom!" Kirsten said and shook Katherine lightly. Katherine only stirred slightly.

Kirsten looked over on the coffee table and spotted a glass with a few ice cubes and a small amount of clear liquid. Kirsten sniffed it. Definitely vodka, she thought, sighing. Then Kirsten spotted a bottle of vodka under the coffee table that was empty. At this very instant, Kirsten's happiness was shattered. She knew that in the past year and a half, her mother had been drinking a lot on and off…and she knew that the death of her grandmother had hit her mother particularly hard, and she had been drinking a little more lately. But never once had she found her mother passed out in the middle of the afternoon in the family room.

The ring of the phone didn't wake Katherine either, and it drew Kirsten away from her passed out mother.

"Hello?" Kirsten said into the phone.

"Kiks…it's me…Hailey," Hailey replied.

"Hail…where are you?"

"Um, I'm still at school…in the office actually…Mommy didn't come get me," Hailey told her.

Kirsten glanced over at her mother and then thought up an excuse, "Oh, I think Mom might be sick. I came home and found her asleep. I'll come get you in a second okay."

"Okay…thanks Kirsten," Hailey said.

"I'll be there as soon as I can, okay. Bye!"

"Bye!"

Kirsten hung up the phone and stormed over to her mother. She was furious. How could she have just left Hailey stranded at school! Apparently getting hammered in the middle of the day was more important, she thought.

"Mom!" Kirsten yelled at her mother and started shaking her violently. "Wake up!"

Katherine opened her eyes very slowly in response and said, "Kiki, why are you yelling at me?"

Kirsten could tell she was still drunk, especially because her mother never called her Kiki…at least when she was sober.

"What the hell are you doing!" Kirsten continued to yell.

Katherine sat up slowly and became slightly more alert. But before she could answer, Kirsten continued, "Do you think it's smart…getting smashed in the middle of the day…when you should be picking up Hailey up from school…yeah, that's right, you forgot about Hailey…poor thing has been sitting there waiting for you, while you decide to pass out from drinking too much vodka."

"Kirsten-" her mother started, but Kirsten interrupted her before she could say anything else.

"Mom, I love you…but you need to get some help…this is not normal…look, I have to go get Hailey right now…so either you sober up really quick, which I don't think is really an option…or you go upstairs to your room and go back asleep…I don't want Hailey seeing you like this…and I don't think you do either!" Kirsten yelled and walked away before her mother could make any excuses.

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Kelly knocked on the door of the Nichol mansion for the third time, and was about to give up when the door opened slightly to reveal Hailey on the other side.

"Hi Hailey! Is Kirsten home?" Kelly greeted.

Hailey nodded, pointed towards the back of the house, and said, "In the backyard."

Kelly walked through the house and out the back door. She saw Kirsten sitting on a stool on the far side of the pool with an easel holding a small canvas in front of her. She appeared to be quite focused on painting the view of the sun setting behind the horizon of the ocean.

"That painting is amazing," Kelly told Kirsten, interrupting her painting for a second.

Kirsten turned her head around slowly and smiled slightly, "Hey Kelly. And thanks."

"So I was thinking, we could leave for the Halloween party around 9 if that's cool…and I can't wait to see your great hippie costume," Kelly told her.

"Sorry to disappoint you, but you won't be seeing the costume since I won't be going," Kirsten informed her and turned back to her painting.

Kelly's heart sank. Something had been off about Kirsten for the past month, but she still hadn't been able to get it out of her. She had been excited when Kirsten agreed to go to the Halloween party…hoping that the old Kirsten she knew and loved would return. But with this latest development, Kelly became worried about her friend once more and knew now was the time to drag it out of her.

"What's going on with you, Kirsten? You seem a bit off," Kelly began.

Kirsten stopped painting for a second, but didn't turn around when she answered with, "You mean when I found my mom passed out after getting totally wasted this afternoon…don't you think that you would be a bit off too?"

Kelly closed her eyes and cringed. "I'm so sorry, Kirst." But deep down, she knew that there was something else that had been bothering Kirsten the past month. And so she pursued, "But as sorry as I am, I know something else has been bothering you…you've been off for like the past month."

Kirsten sighed, but still didn't turn around to address her friend, "Maybe it was the fact that my boyfriend proposed to me even though we are only seventeen and obviously too young to get married…or my grandma dying, maybe that?"

Kelly knew that these things were probably contributing factors, but Kirsten had already talked to Kelly about all that…and Kelly's gut told her that something else was main cause. She was just using them as excuses. "Kirsten…what happened? I'm your best friend…I know you better than anyone, and I know those aren't the reasons why you have been so completely off for so long…please tell me. I'm really worried about you."

Kirsten stopped painting again and felt the paint brush involuntarily fall out of her fingers to the ground. She felt two tears started falling from each eye down her cheeks and then Kelly's arms wrapped around her from behind. Kelly then let go of her and Kirsten finally turned to face her.

A few more tears had started streaming down her face, but Kirsten was not sobbing. She couldn't let her emotions get out of control. Not again.

"I…I, um…" Kirsten attempted to start. "I was, um…I got pregnant." Kirsten looked at the surprised look on Kelly's face, but continued before she could say anything, "But I'm not pregnant anymore. I…I got rid of it." Kirsten still couldn't actually say what she had done…only insinuate. From the reaction of Kelly, though, she knew that her friend realized what she had done.

"Oh, sweetie!" Kelly said, pulling Kirsten into a hug. Kirsten started crying harder and gave way to the sobbing. After a few minutes of the best friends embracing in a hug, they parted.

"I'm so sorry, Kirst. You could have told me earlier," Kelly said, but Kirsten shook her head in response.

"You can't tell anyone, Kelly. I didn't want anyone to find out…not even you. But my parents can never find out. Jimmy can never find out. No one can," Kirsten told her.

"You didn't tell Jimmy?" Kelly asked to confirm if she had heard Kirsten's response correctly.

"No…he would have flipped…it's easier, him not knowing, not finding out," Kirsten said.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Kelly asked.

Kirsten shook her head again and said, "Thanks, but I think it's just something that I have to work out on my own…it's still bothering me…but I think it's gotten a lot better."

"Well, I'm here if you ever want to talk. And I promise…I won't tell anyone," Kelly told her.

"Thanks," Kirsten answered.

"You really should come out tonight…you know, get your mind off this whole thing…and off your mom and stuff," Kelly suggested.

"Except that Jimmy will be there…and every time I see him, it reminds me…" Kirsten trailed off.

"Well, it's a big party…we don't have to go anywhere near Jimmy if you don't want to…I just want you to have some fun…get out a bit…it seems like you haven't been out in like forever…tell you what, if it sucks, or you feel too uncomfortable, we can bail…come back here, eat a tub of ice cream and watch late night TV…sound good?"

Kirsten thought for a minute and said, "What the hell? I guess we can go. I did still want to wear my cool hippie costume." Deep down, though, Kirsten knew that she really didn't want to go…but if she didn't, she knew Kelly would get even more worried about her, and Kirsten didn't want that. I guess I'll be getting really drunk this evening, she thought. That way I don't have to think about everything…

Kelly smiled and said, "Great! How about I come back here around 9 and we can walk over to Scott's place together."

"Sounds good," Kirsten answered.

"Okay, I have to get back to the house…my mom wants me to help out with dinner…see you in a few then," Kelly said and pulled her into another hug. "And remember, if you want to talk…"

"Thanks, Kelly." Kirsten told her. When the hug ended, Kirsten said, "Bye," and with that, Kelly walked away.

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"Last card, and it's your turn, Kirsten," Karen told her.

Kirsten flipped over the last card on the table revealing a two of hearts.

"Two to you, Kirsten!" everyone yelled at once and Kirsten downed the last of her drink to finish the third game of kings. She blinked her eyes a couple of times as she started to feel extremely dizzy and slightly nauseous. Probably wasn't a good idea to play this game with a very strong vodka and sprite, she thought. Of course it could have been mixing too many types of liquor- vodka, rum, tequila, and that half shot of yager. Or maybe it was that jello shot that had made me gag as I ate it…what was I thinking… just normal jello always makes me feel like puking…

"Um, I'm going to sit the next one out…I need some fresh air," Kirsten told the group and made her way slowly away from the table into the large backyard.

As she stumbled toward the back fence, she heard a few 'Are you alright, Kirsten?'-s directed to her to which she just nodded a yes. When she finally reached her destination, she gripped the fence with both hands to steady herself and took a deep breath of air. She didn't feel well at all and hoped that the fresh air would help in some way.

Just as she was about to inhale another large breath of air, she felt a tap on her shoulder and heard a familiar voice, "Hey, stranger."

Jimmy caught sight of Kirsten's pale face as she turned to face him and Kirsten let out a quiet, "Hi."

"Are you okay? You look a little sick," Jimmy asked.

"I'm fine. Go away, Jimmy. I don't want to talk to you," Kirsten said and turned away from him.

"Anyone can see that you're not fine. You're drunk and you look like you could puke. Let me take you home," Jimmy replied.

"No need. I'm walking home," Kirsten said without turning around.

"You can't walk home like this," Jimmy said.

"Just watch me," Kirsten said and started walking away from him.

Jimmy reached out and tried to grab her arm and help her as she stumbled. Kirsten jerked away from him and said, "Let go! I'm okay, Jimmy."

Jimmy obeyed her and didn't try to stop her as she staggered through the back gate to the street to try to find her way home alone.

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Kirsten stumbled out of her bathroom after she was finished puking. She had managed to get home just in time. She felt only slightly better and the nausea was still prevailing. Slowly, she started removing her hippie costume, but stopped when she saw a piece of paper sitting neatly on her desk. It looked like a letter. She picked it up and began reading…

My Dearest Kirsten,

I know that you are mad at me. But, please…just hear me out. I am so incredibly sorry for my actions today. It was extremely inexcusable. You were right when you said that this is not normal…it is far from it. I could tell you that this has been the only incident, but then I would be lying…and I have a feeling that you would know that it is a lie too. I've tried my best to hide it, but you're old enough to see that it has been occurring on and off. I realize that I have a problem and I want to get help. I am going to start seeing a therapist…try to work out my problems...like you said, I need help. I don't want anything like this to happen again. I love you so much, Kirsten. You are such a smart, sweet, and beautiful girl, and you and your sister are so incredibly precious to me. And I want to thank you for helping me recognize that I need help. Sweet dreams.

With All My Love,

Mom

Kirsten shed a few tears of joy and prayed that this would be true…that her mother would finally put the drinking behind her.

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