"Dad," Kim said tentatively, "David and James have been coming by everyday since the final operation… I know its not something you want to talk about but I think you should at least let them see you." She paused trying to somehow make this easier for him. "I know this is hard for you but they are really, really worried. Jim just wants to see you, he says you don't have to talk about anything, and David's scared you blame him for what happened, I told him that wasn't true but…"
It took Jack a moment to realise who James and David were, the informalities illustrated how close she had grown to the two men over the passing weeks. He turned to look at her as he spoke, his voice strained but he still managed a weak smile. "I don't blame Palmer."
"Good," Kim said, tapping him on the arm gently as Jack vision settled back on the ceiling tiles.
After the latest surgery on his leg the doctors had confirmed that there was no more they could do for the limb. Jack had agreed to stay in the hospital with Sarah as his nurse, knowing that more tests would need to be done on his leg. That and the knowledge that with a drastic cut on the pain medication there could be problems, he gave his consent.
The doctors observing him were relieved, they knew the focus of the patient was healing the limb as best as they could, but there were other important factors which needed monitoring too. His diet was regarded a serious concern, they needed to get him back to a healthy weight, but this was taking longer than normal as he couldn't exercise given the extent of his injuries.
It had been a joy for Sarah to show Jack the newly taken x-rays of his chest and stomach, all of the damaged ribs had healed. Although they were still sore and stiff, it had seemed like a personal victory to Jack. He had been almost immobile for five weeks, he finally felt a pinch of hope knowing that if his ribs could heal, so could the rest of him given time.
The had took him in for some testing on his foot earlier this day, every gentle touch had felt like a painful throb as he had laid still and fought with the pain it had evoked. He had been offered morphine but Jack declined; if he couldn't handle the pain now he would struggle terribly when he was finally able to start therapy.
Now that the topic had finally been mentioned between them, neither could allow the thoughts of China to leave there minds. With each stab of pain Jack felt the image of Chow shifted into his mind, and now Kim had brought it up, they were all there, Chow and his men.
"I'm sorry that you had to go through what you did," Jack said suddenly, speaking slowly to defeat the images in his mind. "I'm sorry I put you through that."
Kim gripped his hand tighter and Jack was pleased that the pain from his hand too had disappeared. It had slowly ebbed away with the vicious bruising which had painted it, something else which had healed.
"Dad, I was the one who wanted to go to China. I made the decision to see you, its my fault those men were able to get the information from you."
Silence followed as Jack fought with her words, but he could only resist them in silence. He couldn't bare to tell her that she was wrong, that eventually they would have forced the information out of him anyway. He would never admit his own spiteful relief he felt, when looking back, that they had used Kim. For without her he would still be there, and with her pain he had escaped condemnation, for every father would understand what he had done to save her. Even he understood, which is why he felt like such a guilty coward when his failure wasn't taunting him.
Kim saw the tears in his eyes and kissed him on the head carefully before going to get some coffee. She knew he wouldn't want her to see him cry. He had lost almost everything in the cell in China, she didn't need to take away what little he had left.