Sitting up against the soft pillows Jack felt more prepared for the meeting. He had distracted Kim from the topic of Heller and Palmer for almost two weeks, but with the knowledge of the compulsorily debrief looming over him, he had caved. He couldn't ignored the fact that he would have to give one, and the more he healed, the more the thought frightened him. In a strange act of personal bravado he had told Kim to arrange a meeting with Heller, trying to convince himself he wasn't concerned, but it wasn't true. Kim was pleased though, wondering if this meant he was finally allowing himself to deal with this, and made the necessary arrangements.
Physical therapy on his leg was only a week away, his battered foot being the man factor in slowing his progress. The bruises and swellings had disappeared, as had the twinges of pain from recovering bones and other trauma areas from the beatings he had taken. Sarah had convinced him to take a look in the mirror, wanting to ensure him that he didn't look like Frankenstein's monster, and despite a few small fading scars and the pale skin , he looked as good as new. Jack didn't agree to such an extent, yes, he looked like himself, but he looked rough, gaunt, ill. It made sense, so he just shrugged and handed her the object back, looking unconcerned. But his heart was beating a little faster and a small smirk found his lips as he watched Sarah's retreating back; he was almost healed.
The injured limb would never ever allow him to be at a full capacity, but he didn't care. In China he had convinced himself he would lose his foot, and possibly his entire leg with the treatment it had received. Aided walking with a limp was music to his ears. Of course, this would be in the future, after months of testing and therapy they told, but Jack didn't care.
He was nervous about seeing Heller and was angry when informed that their meeting would be situated in his small blank room. He had hoped he could be released by then, but Sarah wouldn't budge on her decision to keep him inside, referring to the drowsy agreement Jack had struck with her weeks ago. Although in no pain other than the expected ripple effects from his foot, the doctors wanted to continue there observations. Excluding his leg, he had recover from his wounds. The diet was taking effect and he was slowly gaining wait; and he argued he could take vitamins to help with his lacking of strength and energy - it was to be expected after all.
But no, it was still to soon. Sarah explained in technical detail how they wanted him to stay until he had started the therapy on his leg; if too extensive they could damage it even more; it needed there full attention. Jack wasn't fully convinced but he gave in anyway, still fearful of hurting it even more. Sarah didn't have the heart to tell him that the main reason he was being kept in was because of his mental stability; that needed observing more than anything else. Jack thought he was doing well by staying silent on the topic, hiding his feelings and fears away; but that was what alarmed them more than anything. That and the disturbed sleep he had each night, claiming not to have remembered anything the following morning; not knowing that Sarah or the doctor always herd the continuous struggle he experienced each night.
Jack had made sure to prop himself up before Heller could arrive, not accepting Sarah's help, even if the effort tired him. He had to present himself correctly in Heller's presence. Looking able would help him hide the grooves in the woodwork which he had worked hard to hide from Kim and Sarah, and of course, himself.
His betrayal was something he pushed away. Ignored, unless presented with it completely. He tried to concentrate on his condition when conscious, thinking about his leg and the therapy, or how much of him had already healed to lift his spirits. At night he thought of Kim and Terri, never China or Audrey. He knew it would hurt too much to think of them, so he blanked them out, simply would not allow them entry into his thoughts of mind. He knew his debrief would be terribly hard, but he couldn't give in to his self loathing at the confession, he had to be professional before Heller so the man would leave him alone.
He fiddled with the blankets covering him as he tried to stay calm, reminding himself that he should show no emotion throughout the debrief. He closed his eyes as he waited, dreading seeing Heller again. At least he could get it over with. David Palmer was an entirely different matter, for Jack knew he would never be able to face the man again.