Obsession Chapter 2: The Beginning of an Infatuation

The mission in Deling City wasn't difficult physically, as I had imagined. The Geezards and the Wendigos died an early death by my powerful limbs and Squall's powerful gunblade.

However, mentally I almost died on that mission. Watching Squall fight even those weak little monsters was erotic, seeing his muscles ripple ever so slightly. Under the glittering orange sun I watched him with awe as he took down one creature after another with no effort. He looked so lovely in strain…

(Why am I finding another guy attractive? I can't be this way! Maybe I'm lonely. Yes! That has to be it!)

Squall and I had returned to the Garden just yesterday, and I had retreated to my room, my lonely sanctuary, almost immediately after. Squall had been a bit talkative on the way back to Garden, perhaps because he was returning to his beloved Rinoa. I couldn't describe the pain in my heart as Squall continued to talk in his low, sexy voice. Because the car was so tiny, I could smell even Squall's ever so lightly applied musk cologne, and I marveled at the fact that he even cared about his appearance even when Rinoa was not there. Back before he met her, he hadn't cared one bit about the state of his appearance. He had just simply…not cared. I felt inspired by his new enthusiasm for life, but yet I wanted his inspiration to be me…and I even frightened myself with my enthusiasm for Squall.

(I'm becoming obsessed with him…)

Somehow, I didn't mind that. A love like mine was…refreshing.

I proved that time and time again over the next week as I began to follow my new brunette poster boy throughout the Garden, watching him go about his duties.

Everything about him was striking to me. When he was in the Training Center, fighting so gracefully as the beautiful sun reflected off his creamy skin and lovely copper brunette hair, making the strands appear as gold and as rich as finely made honey and as soft as silk. The sight was breathtaking to me, and I sat and watched as he took down 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 Grats and a stubborn T-Rexuar, the latter requiring the most effort. His muscles rippled ever so wonderfully, making him appear to me as the loveliest creature in the universe. I felt like I was falling head first into love…

(Why…why do I feel like this? He's a guy…he's got a girlfriend…and he doesn't like me 'that' way. I'm not even sure he likes me at all, even as a friend… Am I even deserving of his attention? I follow him around like a pervert. It's degrading and sick…why can't I stop? Why can't I just try and be normal? What in the world is making me like Squall in a romantic sense? I've got to just be lonely…)

"Because I'm not normal…" I murmured to myself, alone in my dorm room. It was very dark outside, and I could feel my brain tingling for human action, as I only had myself to talk with, and had been doing so for the past two hours. Questioning my sanity…wondering why my brain had picked Squall for me to love. Wondering why Fate had thrown me such a cruel curveball when I was already aching for its magic to work on me.

(Yes…I wanted someone to love, but I didn't want that someone to be already taken! This isn't fair…before I wanted someone to love and someone to return that love. I got half my wish…but it feels even worse because it is a love that will never be granted…)

"Zell! Zell!" I heard Irvine's voice at the door. Wiping the tears from my eyes, I looked in the mirror to see if I looked like I had been crying, and I didn't. So I opened the door to see Irvine and Selphie standing there, happy smiles on their faces. Selphie was waving a peace sign, and I felt some of my dam of tears fail when I saw the happy grins on their faces. At that moment, one question was on my mind.

(Why can't I be that happy…? Why can't I just pretend naivety and just let life pass me by?)

"Hey!" She said cheerily. I decided to pretend I had been asleep, rubbing my eyes and gazing at the couple with disinterest.

"What'dya want? I was trying to sleep…" I complained.

"You didn't meet us for dinner…" Irvine started. "Guess we know why."

"Yeah, 'cause Rinoa was getting worried about you. When you don't show up for hot dog day…" Selphie looked at me with an expression between happy and sad on her face.

"It's hot dog day!" I pretended to look excited. Even though I didn't feel like it, I ran throughout my room, tugging on a shirt and shoes.

"Yeah…you always mark hot dog day on your calendar, didn't you check?" Selphie asked. I shook my head.

"I forgot to."

Selphie and Irvine gazed at each other with surprise as if to say 'You forgot hot dog day!' Without waiting for them to say it, I ran out of my room, past them, all the way to the exit of the dormitory where I began to walk at a leisurely pace toward…the training center. I knew Squall would be in there; he was always there after dinner.

Even though it hurt me to know Squall was unreachable for me, still, I followed him. He was just so lovely…I think it would have hurt me more if I didn't follow him.

Sure enough, he was indeed there. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't reveal my presence to him. I felt afraid that he would see the admiration in my eyes and would think me insane. I could never stand it if he would never talk to me again. I could never stand not getting to hear his mellifluent voice again.

Having Squall nearby, even though I couldn't touch him, was good enough for me. Just to know that he was there somewhere alongside me was sufficient enough. It felt so beautiful, this feeling…I never wanted to let it go.

I watched Squall train for over two hours, following him wherever he went, lost in a world that was all about him. He looked so darling, like a doll…all I could think about was him.

"Zell!" Rinoa came up behind me, her petite features twisted in confusion. I turned around in surprise, wondering what I was going to say I was doing. Thankfully, Squall's blue clad angel was too dense to ask.

"Selphie said you weren't in the Cafeteria gulping up hot dogs like she thought. They went to the Café after they went to your room, but they couldn't find you. So they asked me to come find you." Rinoa reported.

"I uh…I went there, but they were out." I replied.

"Oh, okay." She nodded and walked past me to Squall, who was tugging at his gunblade that was stuck in the hard flesh of a baby T-Rexuar.

(That girl…she doesn't deserve Squall. He's much too good for her. She's so goddamn dense! How can he stand her?)

I furiously watched the raven-haired witch run towards Squall, her arms stretched out. He let go of his gunblade with one hand and accepted his love into his arms. His handsome face was graced with a rare smile, and some of my anger towards Rinoa dissipated. He looked so happy with her…it would be very cruel of me to break them up.

Sighing, disgusted with my jealousy, I trudged back to my dorm, all of my love for Squall gone. Yes, he was indeed beautiful, but what could come of a crush on a guy with a girlfriend? Absolutely nothing.

(I feel so rejected…so alone. I wish I had someone to comfort me at this moment…)

Arriving at the door to my viciously empty room, I was surprised to discover a note taped to my door. The envelope was blue, my favorite color. Curious, I pulled it down and brought it into my room, closing the door behind me. Unsure of what was in the letter, I discarded my shoes right inside the door and flopped down on the bed. Switching on a small lamp on my bedside table, I cautiously began to open the letter, my curiosity screaming in my brain.

The paper of the letter itself was also blue, and scented in white musk. Someone was obviously trying to catch my attention.

Dearest Zell,

I have always watched you from afar, your manly profile overwhelming me every time. You are such a lovely man, and you've seemed so lonely recently. Please, if there is anything I can assist with, please do not hesitate to notify me, for I would be honored to help you with any problem. My dorm room is Hall 6, Room 456.

Love always,

Your lover forever,

Tanisha West

I stared at the over-curlied cursive, overwhelmed for a moment, intimidated by those black inked words on the white musk scented blue paper.

(Tanisha West…do I know a Tanisha West? She seems to know me quite well…perhaps I'll pay her a visit. After all, even she notices my loneliness. It's sad…how someone I don't even know can tell that I am lonely, but my own friends don't notice it. I suppose…that everyone is selfish like that. But sometimes…it becomes terribly lonely…when even your friends don't notice that you are sick.)

Sighing, I tossed the letter carelessly on to my crowded desk and flopped down on my bed, folding my hands behind my head and staring at the uneventful blank white plaster ceiling. Everything about my room was plain.

(Does that mean that I am plain? That I have no personality? Even Squall's room has more color and personality than mine does, and that's pretty bad.)

I thought for a moment that I needed more decoration, more flavor, more style.

I'd never actually been in Squall's room before-he didn't really like people coming in. However, I had seen it when I peeked through the door once when Selphie was bugging him. His walls were white, his floor was clean, his bed neatly made with only a plain white sheet, a single pillow, and a thin white blanket. His bedside table was a bit of a mess, looking like it had been distraught by a tired hand reaching out from under the blanket to slap at the alarm clock. His desk was also messy, important Balamb Garden documents not yet looked at by Squall scattered all over the smooth oak surface. His gunblade case was what gave his room a more personalized look; otherwise it was a completely professionalized room with no hints of a human living in it.

"I need to get my mind off him, I'm way too obsessed." I told myself. "Perhaps…that Tanisha girl wouldn't mind a quick visit." Climbing up, I tugged on my shoes and stared at the letter for a good ten minutes, my resolve weakening. Was it bad to go to Tanisha just because I was lonely? Or was it expected?

(What if she wants to only talk? Then what can I do?)

I decided to chance it, and I, once again, tossed the letter to the messy desk and headed from the room, keeping 'hall 6, room 456' in my mind.

The corridors were practically empty at this time. It was…almost midnight, I discovered by checking the watch on my right arm, and I felt kind of rude walking out here so late at night.

As I headed to hall 4 that led to hall 6, my mind began to wander. I wondered if Squall and Rinoa had gone back to their dorms yet, or were they both in Squall's dorm?

Even though Rinoa was not a member, of Garden, because she had accompanied us in saving the world, she was given a room here, and she was permitted the same liberties as a SeeD. And she, being Squall's girlfriend, gave him a key to her room, and she also had a key to his. They said that in case one needed the other, no matter how late, they would always be there, sexually or otherwise. It sickened me how Rinoa would sit in Squall's room and bury her face in his strong musk scented pillow, waiting for him to return from a mission. For after all, she was as close to him as a wife-she was his lover. Not me.

(It hurts to think that…I'll never be close to him like that.)

I slapped myself for being so infatuated with Squall. I was going to Tanisha's room so I could forget about him!

(But he's so beautiful! It's hard for me to forget him…that perfect face, that glowing, shiny, silky hair that I wanted to run my fingers through, that muscular, lean body…he is like my Utopia, my god! It's impossible for me to neglect my memories of such a lovely creature…)

I moved into hall 6 and from there followed the numbers. Room 456 appeared to be at the end if the corridor. I got to the door and noticed that the room was a double.

(I hope her roommate is not in right now…)

Knocking softly on the scarcely decorated doorway, I felt my face redden and I considered bolting away. But glancing on either side of me, there was no possible way I could run because the corridors were much too long. I wouldn't be able to get to a turn before Tanisha opened the door and saw me sprinting down the hallways. So I stayed put. A moment after I had knocked, the door opened. A girl-surprisingly not crumpled from sleep; her hair was brushed, makeup applied, and she wasn't wearing her pajamas-appeared in the doorway. She had silver blonde hair that fell to her shoulders, very feminine, rounded shoulders, big silver-green eyes, long eyelashes, and a small but tight body. She was wearing a light pink gingham dress that went about four inches above her knees. Her eyes widened when she saw me.

"Are you…Tanisha West?" I asked her, slightly blushing.

"Zell!" She cried happily, sailing into my arms that weren't exactly open. "You actually came! I thought for sure you had a girlfriend or something and wouldn't come!" She paused for air, her words having used up all her breath. "I'm so happy you came!"

I couldn't think of a thing to say. She seemed so enthusiastic about my arrival…was I really that much of an idol for her?

"So um…would you like to come in?" She asked. "My room mate is in her boyfriend's room, so we'll be alone. We don't have to be quiet or anything."

"Uh…sure." She moved aside and I walked into the room, trying to critically examine everything. However, I couldn't help but notice the clothes scattered all over the floor.

"Sorry it's so messy…" She smiled weakly as she shut the door. "But I suppose the state of the room doesn't matter since I'm sure all you want to see is the bedroom."

(No…that's not what I want…)

Despite the cries that rang in my head, I allowed Tanisha to undress me, and I undressed her. I let my lust control my body, and I led Tanisha to her bed, kissing her mouth, moving down to her neck. She moaned when I moved with her, falling down onto the bed on top of her. She cried quietly as I moved from her neck down across my naked stomach. Sighing I pressed my lips to her thighs and I made my way back up her stomach. She let out a squeal when I ran my fingers over the soft flesh of her bosom.

"Zell…Zell…" She softly moaned my name when I went slowly down her body, covering her flesh. For a moment, I looked up from my mindless affections and in place of Tanisha's face I saw Squall's face, and when I looked back down I saw his body, not hers. And what a beautiful body it was! Deciding that I wanted to fill my fantasies. I began to caress his body lovingly. He let out a passionate moan as my hands slowly moved down to his thighs, my kisses following along with my fingers. I wanted to say his name, but for fear my dream would dissipate, my mouth stayed shut but for the small kisses I laid down on his heavenly body.

Sure, I scared myself with my fantasizing, but really, it was fulfilling. I was making love to Squall…I was showing him the love that I had slaved over, that had weighted me down. And he was accepting it!

I just wanted to touch him…even one little time, one little sentiment of affection would have pleased me before now. His body was lovely…and I felt happy to touch it.

Author's Notes: All right…just a bit graphic. Sorry if this took a bit longer to update than I thought! I've been switching between working on this and my original story, and at home I've been working on some other things. And also I've been busy making friends at school. Homework, hot guys, other people's houses…y'know.

Anyway…I don't know when the next chapter will be up. I've been running on empty here. Kind of worrying about my schoolwork. I have some ideas for this, but I'm not sure how to incorporate them in. However, I'll still try my best to get it up!

So anyway, I suppose I will see you all during my next posting, whenever that may be!

Oh, and by the way, I posted original fic 'Tears of the Sky' on fictionpress under the name 'Cleopatra89.' It's in smaller parts now, and there are two chapters up. For that I can promise for sure that I'll update weekly, at least for twenty-one weeks, unless something comes up like the computer dying or something. But hopefully that'll never happen!

So I hope you see everyone at the next update, bye!