A/N: GACK! Why am I doing this! Sequels always bite!
Lloyd: Not necessarily.
Genki: Feh, whatever. Anyhoo, since QFTUH! hit 100 reviews, and many people asked for a sequel... your prayers have been answered! So, yeah. But it's not another contest, don't worry. (Well, I do the worrying 'cause I can't think of good contests...) Right now, this is purely off of anything that comes to mind. AKA: THIS HAS NO SPECIFIC GUIDELINE. X.x; And at that, we reach our disclaimer. Yo, Daddio! Disclaimer! Erm, please.
(DISCLAIMER)
Lloyd: ...Genki does not own Tales of Symphonia
If that were so, the game would be pandemonia
She's just a phonia
Who steals others' ideas for fics
Using the characters in shaded pics--
Genki: You can rap like CRAP.
Lloyd: I wasn't born to rhyme, Genki.
Genki: ...you weren't born to think.
Lloyd: HEY!.:sob:
Hotties Gone Amuck
Chapter 1
Hop. Hop. Hop. "Dad, I hate you," Lloyd groaned. He was hopping on crutches, his leg in a cast. A pink cast, might I add.
"All in a day's work, Sonny!" Kratos bellowed.
"Call me 'Sonny' one more time and I'll..."
"Let's do a dance! Dadadadadadadum..." The angel was doing the chicken dance.
"The chicken dance is so clichéd. Do something else embarrasing."
"Uhh... Follow the yellow brick road!" he started singing from The Wizard of Oz as he skipped down a mysterious brick road.
"Dad, that's a blue brick road," the swordsman pointed out, causing Kratos to stop into place. Or perhaps it was the fact that a beanstalk-like guy was standing in the way.
"Would you like to buy a pear?" Both father and son stared before running again. (Well, Lloyd was trying his best on the crutches...) "Wait! I want a lemooooon!" He fell over and died.
"Limes are better anyway," Kratos pouted. Then he pulled out a bottle of coke and lime. "You put the lime in the coconut, and drink it all up!--"
"Dad, I'm sure that they'll never make that crap," Lloyd sighed. Kratos pouted some more and threw down the soda and fruit. "You know, we would've gotten to the North Pole by now if you hadn't destroyed the car--"
"Kratos Speedy Car!" his father corrected.
"Yeah, whatever," he huffed. "There must be a way to get there..." His eyes turned to the sky. "Hm, I wonder what the others are doing right now..."
Meanwhile, in a land not far away...
Well... maybe all little far away...
Whatever, let's move on.
"So... I lost, did I?" None other than Mithos was spinning in a chair in a room filled with television screens. Reflected on the screens were images of children of all ages... all but one screen. And this particular screen was the one Mithos watched over and over again: the image of that annoying girl (Genki) announcing his pathetic defeat and keychain. "Disguisting. Everyone knows I am evil, which only adds to my supreme hotness. Carl!" He snapped his fingers as the bunny hopped into the room.
"Yes, sir?" he replied, his voice imitating Egore's.
"Stop acting like you're in a clichéd Frankenstein moment and get my minions!"
"Right away, sir!" In a few moments, little gnomelettes dressed in green as elves rushed into the room. "Here they are, sir."
"I can see them, dumbass." He shooed Carl away as he leaned down to the gnomelettes. "I've finally found a way to plot my revenge." The gnomelettes nodded. "You see these girls?" He pointed to the screen he had stared at moments ago, and pointed out the girls running the QFTUH! contest. "I want you to fetch the capturing gnomes and tell them to bring these girls to me! Alive, of course."
"Then, why didn't you just bring them here, sir?" one brave gnomelette asked. Mithos' eyebrow twitched in annoyance.
"Because... THEY'D BREAK THE TOP OF THE DOOR OFF AND THEY WOULDN'T FIT IN HERE, YOU FREAKIN'--"
"Please excuse him, sir, he didn't get enough sleep--"
"THE TWO OF YOU ARE FIRED FOR BEING COMPLETE LOSERS!"
"Yeah, you losers!"
"THE REST OF YOU, GET OUT! OUT NOW!" They squealed and ran off all scared-like. "First Santa... next the fiends who destroyed my dream... last, the pudding in the fridge. ALL WILL BE MINE! BOOHAHA--"
"Did you say something about my pudding, sir?" One gnomelette peeked his head in.
"No... not at all, Francis... not at all... BWAHAHA!" He started to sing in his recent victory. "I took over the Yellow Submarine... Yellow Submarine... 'cause I am so mean..." (1)
And the gnomes marched their way over to the place that the girls were...
"Pass me the suntan lotion, would ya, Colette?" Sheena asked, as Colette reached down for the bottle, but tripped over and landed face first into the sand. "...You really need to go to a smarter school, Colette."
"Are you calling my school stupid?" Raine put the book she had been reading firmly in her lap, pulled up her sunglasses, and glared at Sheena, who looked over for a moment, then closed her eyes.
"Maybe..."
"Okay, that's it!" Raine pulled out a pair of cat ears and put them on, tagged a tail to the back of her bathingsuit, and lashed out at Sheena. The summoner, who had been sitting in a chair that was now toppled over, pulled out her own ears and tail and started to scratch at the pissed teacher, and they were sprawled out on the sand, clawing and screaching at each other. (2)
Presea walked stiffly over and sighed. "This would happen to be the worst pun I've seen yet this week... well, maybe..." She remembered a couple others, but she only shrugged. "Whatever. ...What would that be?" Her arm reached up and pointed to the giant... creature... that soon overshadowed the brawl. Colette looked up and waved happily, and the two older women stopped to look up and scream.
"You have been summoned by the all-sexy one."
"And when was the last time you looked in a mirror?" Sheena furrowed her eyebrows, but they lifted as more giant gnomes surrounded the group of ladies. "W-well, I only say that because you're much more--"
"The one that is full of masculineness is not here. We have come to pick up the delivery."
"The... huh-- WAIT!" The half-elf rose on her feet awkwardly. "We are not objects to be handled with care! You most certainly will not-- ACK! NOO! LET ME GO! BASTARD! AUGH!"
"This would be a difficult predicament... correct?"
"WHEE! YAY, WE GET TO SEE HIS HIGHNESS!"
"And for the crap we're going through now, he had better have one sexy hiney...ness..." Sheena twitched as her pun didn't work so well. (3)
And all the while, Yuan was enjoying himself at the Sugar Factory...
"WHOO! SUGAR!" Yuan was once again hyper, rampaging the factory.
"Sir, I believe you've had enough sugar..."
"B-but-I-didn't-even-get-to-spend-my-money-yet!" He was replied with a boot out the door. "Oww... meanies!" He started to cry while rubbing his head in pain. "Lessee-how-Kratos-and-Lloyd-are-doing-with-their-trip-to-the-Yellow-Submarine-with-my-handy-dandy...NOTEBOOK!-- oh-wait-Aurion/Irving-Tracker-Device, SAMEDIFF!" He pulled out a little remote with a small screen that showed the two fighting at the edge of a beach. "I-see-they've-lost-their-car-and-they're-unable-to-travel-any-further-well-this-calls-for..." He whipped his cape around to reveal his new costume. "THE-MUFFIN-MAN!" Little children started to sing The Muffin Man as his theme music. "That's-right-little-children-sing-the-song-of-your-favorite-hero-cause-I'm-here-to-save-the-day-oh-YEAH! Now-it's-time-to-find-my-associates-in-justice!" And he ran and flew away as the children started to walk away.
"Aw... no muffins? That bites. We thought for sure we'd get one this time..."
Hunh... I wonder where the other two judges of QFTUH! went...
"And you take the toilet brush and scrub the insides of the toilet well like this..."
Oh yeah, they got jobs. Hehe. (4)
"I'm going to SHOOT this lady," Genis thought.
"I'm going to THROW A BRICK at this lady," Regal thought.
"I'm going to eat a sandwich when I get home," the lady thought as she continued the two's bathroom training. "Now, we-- ...what are children doing here? The golf course isn't open yet!" She tossed the toilet brush in the sink and ran off for the children who magically appeared and started singing The Muffin Man's theme song.
"Remind me to not wash my hands in that sink," Regal pointed to the brush.
"This is the girl's bathroom."
"More the reason to remind me."
"ITS-THE-MUFFIN-MAN!" Yuan made a crash landing into a bush and then looked around. "I'm-looking-for-Cookie-Lad!" Genis groaned and Regal stared.
"Cookie Lad?..."
"Don't tell him I'm here Regal."
"YUAN! GENIS IS IN THE GIRLS' BATHROOM, BEING A PERVERT!"
"You're in the bathroom too, you big oaf!"
"..." The blue-haired man started to sob.
"Um, I'm sorry?"
"COOKIE-LAD!" Yuan aka "The Muffin Man" flew in and glomped Genis. "What-are-you-doing-with-a-job-it's-time-to-save-your-pals!"
"I'm not a lad!"
"Quick-put-on-this-costume!"
"No way in hell! Regal stop snickering!"
"Sorry, can't help it."
"Come-on-Cookie-Lad-AWAAAAAAYYYYYYY!" Yuan grabbed Genis by the collar (which by the way, was pink) and carried him away.
"Hey, what about me?" The man only sobbed more as the children departed and the lady continued from where she left off. "Stupid... manager... lady..."
At da spa...
"Ahh... nothing better than a day at da spa," the Chosen sighed, currently sitting a hotspring. "I wonder if spas exist now... well, cars don't either, but you get what I mean. ...hold it, I'm talking to nothing again. Whatever." Some of the girls hanging around him were insulted by this and swam away. Zelos had many groupies of all ages, sizes, and genders, so he simply shrugged it off.
And soon, the children were... singing. Again. "Eh?" His ears perked like a dog's as Yuan (The Muffin Man) and Genis (Cookie Lad) flew down at his side. "AHAHA! GENIS, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING!" Zelos pointed at the boy's costume: a green girl scout uniform.
"...the Cookie Lad costume. And my name is Cookie Lad. I wear this to hide my identity."
"You should hide your identity with THAT thing! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..." Then Zelos sucked in a whole lotta air. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"SHUT-UP!" Genis used his awesome cookie power to summon a raisin cookie and chucked it in the the full locks of red hair.
"AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH EEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLL BOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYY!"
"Enough-fighting-you-two-Super-Gel-Guy-it's-time-to-fight-against-evil-once-again!"
"I retired as 'Super Gel Guy' and now I reside secretly in my Comb Cave."
"If you reside in a cave, then what are you doing here?"
"Claiming my prize from the Quest for the Ultimate Hottie! contest, DUUUUHHHH." And Zelos sunk lower into the hotspring.
"I've got cookies..."
"SUPER GEL GUY NOW FIGHTS ONCE AGAIN!" In the speed of slipping on some hair gel on the floor, Zelos became... SUPER GEL GUY! WHOOO! Fully changed in his costume of a hair stylist person... he ... was... a superhero. I guess.
"Sweet-now-to-help-our-dear-friends!" Yuan tugged on Genis' sash and flew away beside Zelos, who was riding on a flying comb surfboard.
Finally, back to where we first began...
"There was no freakin' hosanna. The end." Lloyd tossed a rock into the ocean as Kratos began to cry.
"Oh, son, why did you tell me such a sad story! Th-the silent dream, a-and NO DANCERS TWIRLING! OMAGOD, IT'S SO UPSETTING!" Cue Kratos' dramatic sobbing. (5)
"I got bored."
"WWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"STUPID-HEROES-TO-THE-RESCUE!" The trio of heroes landed. Lloyd blinked, and Kratos' eyes shone brightly. "We've-come-to-the-rescue!"
"OMAGOD THE STUPID HEROES HAS REJOINED! IT'S TIME FOR ME TO ONCE AGAIN BECOME..." He rolled in the grass a couple times until he had grass and mud all over him. "GRASSHOPPER MAN!" Children dressed as hard rockers soon appeared and started to sing:
"Grasshopper Man was a man!
A grasshopper man!
He can fly like no one else can!
He's faster than a bee
He lands on trees
And he makes funny sounds with his knees!
Ya, that's because!..
HE CAN."
"...okay." Lloyd blinked.
"OH MY SON, DON'T DIE!" (6)
"...I wasn't planning to."
"You've gotta join the Stupid Heroes, Lloyd!" Zelos nodded. For the first time, the swordsman saw Genis, and started to snicker.
"Oh, HAHA. Yes, I'm a frickin' Girl Scout."
"Okay, I'll join, just because it's so funny to see Genis as a Girl Scout!" Genis huffed as both he and Zelos continued to point and laugh. "Okay, enough laughing Zelos."
"Right." He started to gel and comb his hair.
"I shall be..." He spun around slowly. "I Do Not Care Boy."
"Lloyd, that was lame! Even for a fanfic as stupid as this!" Zelos crossed his arms. "Try again or I'll beat the crap out of you with brushes."
"So?"
"HARD-TO-USE, SHARP AND POINTY BRUSHES. MADE WITH NAILS."
"Oh! In that case, I am..." He spun around to become a hero that you will find about...
IN THE NEXT CHAPTER! HO-LY CRAP!
A/N: SOOooooOOOoo... yeah. I realised that was LONG. It won't be so long in later chapters, but I felt as if the story needed to be built. (Although, I'd like for them to be longer. ;.;) Anyway, numbers:
(1) He's singing the tune Yellow Submarine by the Beatles just in case ya didn't know.
(2) "Cat fight" was the pun here.
(3) Ever hear that stupid joke about "Your Hineyness" or whatever? She's trying to make a pun to say that he'd better have a sexy ass.
(4) The place that Regal and Genis got jobs at is a spoof of the place that I got a job. Yeah, yeah, the uniform shirt is pink... XD;
(5) Oh, yeah... the weird random lines were taken from a song we're singing in chorus, The Awakening. "There was no hosanna, no lullaby, no song of love... yaddayadda... no choir sang to change the world, no pipers played, no dancers twirled... more yadda."
(6) Did anyone else notice how many times Kratos tells Lloyd not to die during the game? Anyone?
Yeah, long chapter, long author notes. PLEASE REVIEW. .O.O.