A/N: ;.; Um, yeah, I ran out of ideas. But I shall continue! WHOO!
Thanks to meh reviewers! n.n
Disclaimer: Okay, look, I don't own Tales of Symphonia. I know you're upset that I don't own it, but what can I say? Just... stop crying. Please. You're making me sad.
Hotties Gone Amuck
Chapter 2
"Oh, in that case, I am..." He spun around and became... "The Ultimate Hottie!" Even though, technically, he was already.
"Hey, no fair! I should be The Ultimate Hottie!" Zelos whined.
"But I won the contest!"
"And you can't be, you're Super Gel Guy!" Kratos pointed out. "If you're The Ultimate Hottie, who will be the guy of hair?" Zelos pointed to a rock. "Sounds good to me. Except, Lloyd's already The Ultimate Hottie. Sorry, your interview was denied."
"Why the heck are we here in the first place?" Genis was getting more irritated as time ticked on by. Tick tick tick... it's raining ticks!
"Oh-no-we're-under-attack-come-on-everyone-fight-back!" Yuan started chucking muffins everywhere, while Kratos made funny noises with his knees. In the meanwhile, Lloyd was figdety and so, trying to get them off. Genis was standing completely still, believing that their sight was based on movement.
Zelos, apparently the only intelligent one at the time, pulled out a giant bottle of... bugspray! "Fear it, for it has that stuff to read these things away!" He started to spray it everywhere, and everyone started to choke from the smell.
"Augh! Retreat, retreat!" The ticks ran, er, crawled away, and the rest of the Stupid Heroes were trying to find clean, breathable hair. They ran to Zelos and started to breathe through his hair.
"Wait, breathable hair? I thought it was air..." Genis only shrugged at his observation.
Where Regal was...
"I... want... a better job." He was getting beaten over the head with many golf clubs by Muslim children as the heavens seemed to open up.
"Come here... and I shall give you a better job."
"Oh my god, God just offered me a job! Go to hell, ya suckers!" Regal was floated graciously into the hair, er, air to start his new job.
The girls...
"He was a squirrel, sittin' on the road, waitin' to be, a car a-la mode, waitin' for a car, comin' from afar, to squish him flat! Like a doormat!" The capturing gnomes decided they were bored and they started to sing Car A-la Mode written by their all-mighty leader. "Then the squirrel started to run, as you can tell, this wasn't very fun--"
"Wait, go back a few lines," Sheena observed. "A-la mode means "with ice cream." You're saying that the squirrel was waiting to be a car with ice cream?"
"I guess," the one carrying her replied. "It rhymes."
"True dat, true dat..."
"Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" Colette kept repeating herself, as the intellectual of the capturing gnomes, whom was stuck carrying her, got very annoyed. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there--"
"Are we there yet? If you say that one more time..."
Pause. "Have we arrived at the designated area?" The gnome shouted some unmentionable obscenities as he chucked the oblivious angel far ahead.
"We'll catch up with her when we get there," he grunted as the others stared at him. They shrugged and continued to walk.
"Ooh! A ruin! I wanna stop!" The hyper-history freak was as frantic as an ant as she tried oh-so-desperately to escape.
"Ants are not frantic," Presea corrected. She received confused stares from the others. "Can you not hear the authoress?" You're not supposed to hear me! GEEZ! "Oh."
So, the giant gnomes continued to walk, wondering what the all-mighty one had in store for the females...
Back to the Stupid Heroes...
"Okay, so, now that we've accomplished breathing through Zelos' hair for goddess knows how long, what were were doing again?" Lloyd asked.
"Yeah, anyway!" Genis yelled.
"We're helping you get to the Yellow Submarine, remember?" Zelos pointed out.
"WHOO! I LOVE YOU GUYS! GROUP HUG!" Kratos tried to lure everyone into a hug, but ended up hugging the rock that failed to become the new Super Gel Guy. "I love you rock..."
"NO-MY-ROCK!" Yuan stole the rock from Kratos, which made Kratos cry. A lot.
"Okay, I never saw that before, nor did I ever want to," the former Chosen said. The two youngest heroes nodded their head in agreement.
After finishing his long hug with the rock and tossing it at Kratos' head, Yuan suggested, "Let's-call-a-taxi-to-the-Submarine!" He smiled.
"...A taxi?" Zelos, Lloyd, and Genis were confuzzled.
"DUH!" Yuan waved his hand in the hair. "TAXIIII!"
"Why didn't I think of that?" Kratos pondered his stupidity as blood gushed out of his head from the rock wound. Hmm... maybe he lost more than blood?
"Um, Kratos, won't you die if you let that go?" Genis pointed to the spot where the red liquid was gushing like Niagra Falls. Niagra Falls! Maybe they were in Canada! Possibly.
"I can't die! I'm a hero in this story, remember? Oh, and I'm an angel. I can't die because of that, either."
"Isn't there mana in your blood?"
"That's iron, dear."
"Oh. Wait, dear!"
"TAAAAAAAAAXI!"
"Yuan, stop calling out for that damned taxi! It's not ever gonna come!" Lloyd couldn't stand the constant yelling much longer.
"TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAXI!"
Meanwhile...
"The time. 2:47- no, 2:48 PM. The place. Middle of the ocean. Today's show stars. A floating piece of wood, a bunch of seaweed, and a shark-- THAT'S EATING MY FREAKING LEG! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!" A random giant gnome started to screech like a lady as he plucked the shark off of his leg and threw that far, far away, similar to what had happened to Colette.
"You know sharks hate reality television. Man, George, have you been drinking again?"
"...maybe..."
"For shame!"
"What's television?" Colette asked, and randomly got thrown in the ocean again. Can angels swim? Who knows.
"Why did you throw her?" Raine asked.
"I dunno." Patrick, the intellectual, shrugged.
"Is she dead?"
"No, Raine. She was ejaculated about four hundred miles. For some reason, she has survived. Perhaps her ignorance for death is the cause of her still... living, crud, I ran out of intellictual words." The pink-haired girl-lady thing snapped her finger in frustration.
"Haha, ejaculate," one of the gnomes snickered.
"SHUT IT FOO'" Presea grunted. The gnome tried to talk ghetto back, but then blew up like a balloon and died, because gnomes can't be ghetto.
About ten-thousand somethings ago...
"Okay, gnomelettes, keep making those cookies!" the boss gnomelette shouted. Another tiny (for being a gnomelette) gnomelette approached him. "Yes? What do you want?"
"Boss, if we happen to explode and die, who will run Keebler?"
"Elves, but that isn't happening."
A couple seconds later...
"All right! We're not appealing to all audiences! So, we're selling ghetto Keebler cookies!" The gnomelettes quickly put on ghetto clothes and all dat bling-bling stuff. In a minute, they all exploded. And that's why gay elves now run Keebler.
Back to the capturing gnomes and their dates...
"Why did you tell us that, Frank?" Sheena asked.
"Because that's why people who eat Keebler cookies can possibly become gay. Especially the cookies with the rainbow on the package, ya know?"
"Or the fact of why that gnome just died?"
"Yeah, that too."
"Aw, man..." Patrick sighed. "We found her again. Da-- what the?" Colette was riding the shark that had attacked George previously. "Oh my god! She's having an affair with that shark!"
"What?" The teacher stared at him blankly.
"Sharks love soap operas! Don't you see? She's cheating on her lover, who was previously a fireman and has eleven bastard children!"
"No, ten, remember? The woman who was having his eleventh died in a plane crash before she decided against the abortion!"
"Really? I must've missed that episode."
"I hate soap operas," Presea cut in. "I fail to learn enough vocabulary to confuse the public with."
"WHEE! Thanks Senor Bites-Me-Too-Much!" Colette jumped off the shark and climbed back onto Patrick's back.
"Stop coming on to me, bitch!"
"...okay!"
The capturing gnome with a random phone punched in some numbers and was apparently calling someone. "Bring it up," he demanded. Within seconds, the Yellow Submarine hit the surface. It was as big as a shopping mall, if not bigger.
"Whee! Oh! Is this a party? I love parties!"
"DA PARTY IS ON!" Everyone got party hats as they ran inside.
A/N: D-did I write that? Wow. o.o
I tried to make it long... so, how was it? Was it good? Funny at all? REVIEW! DUUUUUUHHH!