A/N: UPDATE-JUTSU! O.O Yeah... I'm a Naruto fan now. X3 (rants about pointless things... had to erase it... (sweatdrop).)
Disclaimer: ShimaGenki don't own it, bi-otches.
This final chapter is inspired by The Aquabats, only thee funniest band to live.
WARNING LABEL: ANYTHING SAID IN THIS FANFIC WAS NOT MEANT TO OFFEND, HARM, BLAHBLAHBLAH ETC. ANYBODIES. There... now don't get mad at me...
Hotties Gone Amuck
Chapter 5
"Wait, where did Kratos and Yuan go?" Zelos piped up, causing the rest to look around. "I... don't hear their annoying voices..." A few uncaring shrugs were given in response, and the ex-Chosen replied with his own shrug.
"Let's enter this door here..." Regal said. His voice suddenly changed into an Australian accent. "We've got to be very quiet... there could be funny animals here."
"Animals?..." Sheena asked.
"Santa's a very strange person. You have to be to go around, delivering presents all around the world in one night--"
"That can't be true!" Lloyd interjected. "The world goes through different seasons at one time... therefore, only a fourth of the world has to be covered at a time. Plus because of time zones, the number of houses that need to be visited at a certain time is also lowered."
Stare. "Umm... Lloyd... you said something smart?" Genis looked at him funny. "That's..."
"That's just what Raine yelled at me when I mentioned it before..." He received a nice whack to the back of the head.
"BE VERY QUIET, YOU BASTARDS!" Their voices fell to silence, and they entered to find themselves in the middle of a show. A tap-dancing show.
"Now may I introduce to you, Benji, the tap-dancing mutant boy."
"Hi! I'm Benji. Ima tap-dancing mutant." The mutant continued to dance on the stage. "I wasn't always like this. I was born a normal..." Everyone immediately stepped out. (1)
"What the hell was that?" Lloydyelled after the door closed.
"I believe radiation caused such a disturbance that will be forever burned in our minds forever," Presea responded.
"I... understood that..." Pause. "I think."
"You said 'forever' twice," Sheena pointed out.
"That was the director's typo on the script..." I don't exist! GOD! SCREW THIS! I QUIT!
Silence.
"Ms. Shima, where are you going?..." Colette asked.
"Oh no! Hunny, come back! You haven't finished writing our story yet!" The redhead's kind whining went unanswered.
"We... we can do this!" Genis imitated Colette's "bob-yer-hands-up-and-down" thing, as previously mentioned with Kratos a few chapters ago. "We'll do improv... like Who's Line is it Anyway?"
"ShimaGenki doesn't own!" Lloyd piped up. He received some odd looks. "She's... got me trained like a dog. Dammit."
"And now it's time for Who's Line is it Anyway? The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter! That's right, the points don't matter, just like Oprah Winfrey!"
Somewhere in a far city, Oprah turned into Oprahzilla and destroyed random cities, making sure to hand out freebies as she left the once busy streets full of destruction.
"Regal... why are you Drew Carey?" Lloyd asked, pointing to his funny-looking glasses and the desk he sat at. "And... where did the studio come from?"
"Your imagination..." Regal made a pretty rainbow with his hands. "But it's time to play a game! This game is for--"
"I didn't mean to do the show!" Genis grimaced. "Just do improv! We're supposed to look for Mithos, 'member?"
"You're passing the opportunity to be on television?" Everyone glared at him fiercely, giving him no choice but just play along... so to speak.
"I give up." He sat down in a random chair towards the back of the studio.
"This first game is for Lloyd, Zelos, and Raine. The three of you, come over by the desk and grab these item thingers here. Each of you gets one." They did as told, Lloyd ending up with a book, Zelos holding a fake cellphone, and Raine clutching a broom. "Now, depending on what item you hold, you have to impersonate that person. Who's got the cellphone? Zelos, you are... Tru from Tru Calling." (2)
"Who?" Genis asked.
"A girl who relives her days to keep people from dying," Regal explained. "The person with the broom is Mr. Clean."
"WHAAAAAAAAT?"
"And Lloyd, left with the book, is Kakashi from Naruto."
"Uhhhh... greeeeeaaaat."
"You're situation is that you're stuck on an island when natives come to attack. And... start whenever you're ready."
Raine flatly began to sweep the floor, while Zelos flipped the cellphone, walking in circles. "No, I was here at 10:23... and then there was that guy--" He looked at Lloyd. "LOOK OUT!" He randomly jumped on poor Lloyd, confused on what he was supposed to do.
"E-er... you're making me lose concentration in my book! And I'm almost at the climax too!" The audience members laughed as Lloyd clocked Zelos in the face.
"You're not supposed to actually hit people!"
"You guys are making a mess let me clean it with my lemony fresh scent with a broom." The humiliated teacher strolled by, sweeping the broom as she passed.
Meanwhile...
"I love this show!" Mithos sat in a chair, watching the Who's Line is it Anyway? that was currently being filmed live just a few hallways down.
"U-um, Sir..."
"I DID NOT GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO SPEAK!"
"B-but... they're going to find us if we don't--"
"SHUSH! Talk to me during commercials, Baka Usagi!" (3)
Carl sobbed and just hopped away. All he ever wanted was friends! He ran away to find the director, who was currently found in her family room, playing DDR. "Which she does own!" Carl exclaimed. She had her muses trained well...
"That sucked. No one gets points, and the show gets cancelled!"
"Hey, I Iiked Zelos' line!..." Lloyd shouted.
"You liked it because I 'rescued you' and didn't get off, even after you punched me. You... flaming queen." There were some 'ooooohs' from the audience, but the brunette chose to ignore them.
"Onto Mithos' hiding place!" Lloyd shouted. Some fun background j-pop played as the Tales of Symphonia crew popped in and out of doors. Finally, all of them appeared in Mithos' screening room.
"WHAAAAAT? IT WAS CANCELLED?"
"Just like your plan!" The chair spun around suddenly, to reveal a blonde man, wearing boxers and a white t-shirt, eating popcorn.
"Ohh... snap. You caught me at a bad time--"
"Dwarven Vow #148: LIVER RAWKS." And as if on cue, a huge load of liver flooded the screening room. The evil Mithos disappeared into the sea of disguisting meat. "Wow... that year's supply of liver came in handy..."
"Way to use that hottiness... hottie!" Genis commented. It was no more than three seconds when he realized what he had just said. "...I didn't mean it the way you're thinking it... perverts. He is The Ultimate Hottie."
"There he goes, with his godliness again! I can't take this anymore, I quit!" Zelos stormed off the submarine. Researchers for years have been trying to figure out the secret of just how Zelos managed to leave the submarine entirely at that point in time, but it remains a mystery, just like the mystery of what the universe truly is. Some believe God created it, while others believe it's a cardboard box in some guy's attic... (4)
"I wonder where Santa is then?" Sheena asked, looking around the room for responses... that is, until her eyes fell on Regal. He was found in the corner of the room, dressed in a long plaid jacket and wearing a hat, blowing bubbles from a fake pipe. "Err... Regal?"
"So... this Santa guy is still missing, huh? I'll take the case!" Regal pointed a finger in the air.
"Dwarven Vow #4587: Video game music must be played when adventuring ina dungeon!"
And so, they began the search. After a many of unlocking doors and solving puzzles...
"Okay, Lloyd, turn the music off," Regal said, and Lloyd nodded, pushing "Stop" on the CD Player he had been holding. "This... is where Santa is." He opened the door and they found themselves looking at...
"BOTTA?" They gawked.
"Help." He stared.
"MONKEY!" A spazzing gnomelette sped by.
"Let's just get outta here." Lloyd turned on his heel and walked straight out.
"Er... shouldn't we untie him?" Colette asked, but she followed her best friend anyway.
"Wait for me!" Sheena called. Regal, Raine and Presea left silently, leaving Genis alone. He was about to depart when Botta said quietly...
"If you leave, Cookie Lad, you'll pay. Remember, you are the boy of cookies... and I'm the fatty who eats EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM." Genis' eyes suddenly looked like two giant blue pies, and he quickly ran in and untied Botta. "Sweet! Now... you're the only one who doesn't get coal."
"You never get me anything," Genis cried.
"That's Raine's job, you loser..."
"SANTA CALLED ME A LOSER!" Sob, sob.
"Shut-up!" Something made contact with Genis' head, knocking him straight to the flooring. "We have killer headaches..." Behind the boy had been standing two seemingly unstable angels.
"Kratos? Yuan?"
"Okay... Santa, what happened? I remember going to your party... and then everything goes blurry..." Kratos eyes were shooting daggers, and Botta twitched.
"You went for the brownies? Heh?"
"YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN HE EATS THOSE!" Yuan shouted. "AND YOU GAVE ME COOKIES! YOU DAMNED FOOL!"
"I can't be a fool! I'm Santa Claus!"
"Well... soon you'll be dead." Horror movie music began to play, the two in the doorway with mad looks on their faces and daggers in their hands. Botta began to inch towards the wall... knowing doom was coming.
And... where did everyone else go?
"Hey, want to take a vacation in Antartica?"
"YAY ANTARTICA!"
"What's Antartica? DOES IT HAVE ARTIFACTS? The name sounds like artifacts... antartifacts... teehee!"
Okay... Raine's stupid...
The knives fell, and Botta could only twitch. The pain... the sight of red was just killing him...
Kratos licked the ruby substance from the blade. "Hmm... the frosting's not half bad..."
"DON'T YOU DARE!"
"Mmm... hey, Kratos, Botta's favorite kind is Angel's Food Cake, ne?"
"ANYTHING BUT CAKE! NOOOOOO!" Before Botta could react, the sugary substance was force fed down his throat.
The next Christmas Eve...
"Hey... what was that?" Lloyd rubbed his eyes and made his way to the roof. Dirk sure knew how to build a stable roof... "...GENIS?"
"Don't... say... anything..." He was dressed entirely in an elf suit.
"Oh my god..."
"Lloyd..."
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA! YOU LOOK SO STUPID! HA- Ow!" A huge chunk of coal bounced off his skull.
"HEEHEEHEE MERRY CHRISTMAS TO THE MONKEYS!" Botta was throwing confetti, and then shoving presents down the chimney. Of course, smoke began to rise thicker and thicker...
"You're... BURNING CHRISTMAS!" Lloyd gasped in horror. He opened his mouth to speak again, but a cracking underneath their footing brought almost complete silence. Then the supports broke, and all went crashing straight down. "Ow... you ruined Christmas... bastard."
Dirk sure knew how to build a stable roof... not.
THE END! FOREVER! YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT! SO SHADDUP!
S/N: (1) Benji - The dialogue lines of the mutants is actually lines in a song called Radiation Song by The Aquabats.
(2) Tru Calling - It's a great show if you've never seen it. They don't show it any longer on television to my personal knowledge. (Fox frickin' cancelled it.) You can go buy the first season set... it's funny and emotional... and cool.
(3) Baka Usagi - translates to "stupid rabbit." X3 I find this really funny for personal reasons...
(4) Universe - Last year, me and my friend decided that the universe was a cardboard box in some guys attic... the stars were holes in the box, and the people are all made of clay... etc etc.
A/N: Yup. FOREVER. No more sequels... nada. I'm retiring from straight humor fics like this for a while... just to make room for other projects. Like... for some, it might be easy to write humor. I always get humor spazzes, and then it just crashes and burns... as you can see.
Anyway, THANKS FOR READING! Basically please review... you can even flame. But remember, flames are sent to the Hall of Flame. And yes, people will laugh. I've gotten several comments regarding to it...