This is a very stupid history, and it basically makes fun of many characters and places of Fire Emblem: Rekka No Ken, and the amazing movie Troy. Wich is based in the Iliad (I think that's the correct English name)
Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Fire Emblem, or the movie Troy... I thought that you all already knew it. Shame on you!
Chapter one: A not-so-nice Swordmaster.
It was a beautiful day in Caelin. Except for the big, bloody war that was fought between the armies of Bern and Caelin, near to the Caelin castle (Woah. I used the word Caelin three times already?)
The King of Bern, Desmond, somehow stood face to face with Marquess Hause (a.k.a. Caelin's ruler)
"My, it's a pretty country the one you have here," Desmond joked.
"Well, thanks for the compliment," answered Haussen.
After thirty seconds, Lord Haussen remembered that they both were in a war. See, kids? That's what senility does.
"Hey! Aren't we in a war?"
"Yes... but I have no desire on killing you now"
"Why?" asked the old man.
"First than nothing, you have no pants," mumbled the ruler of Bern.
"Blast my senility! I knew that I had forgotten something..."
"And second, I have an interesting proposition"
"Tell me"
"My best warrior against yours. One to one. Like in a boxing match, only with more sharp and shiny metal pieces," explained Mr. Blondy.
" Nice. I approve it"
Haussen turned around and yelled to a familiar bold knight
"WALLACE!"
"Yes, my Lord?" politely asked his champion.
"You're my finest knight. Fight for me! Fight for Caelin! Fight for our children! For our families! Our freedom!"
"..."
"Just kick some ass," added the Marquess.
"Alright..."
"And I summon my swiftest warrior. Karel!" announced King Desmond
Insert awkward silence here
"KAREL! WHERE THE FLUX ARE THOU?"
"I'll find him, Milord!" exclaimed Nils, who now was running back to the camp.
Nils entered to the Swordmaster's tent, and found him playing Pyro Emblem (Dedicated to Ms. Lack Therof!) (Cause she rocks!) (She does, so shut the peep up!) on his Gba SP.
"Lord... Karel! The king... asks for thou!" Nils managed to say, despite his lack of air (I mean, the battle was at a fluxing distance!)
"I know," was the answer.
"...How?"
"I read it just a few lines ago."
"Huh?"
"Nevermind. I'll go, then"
Karel turned off his gaming machine, and ran to the battlefields.
Suddenly, he stopped.
"Flux. Nils?"
"Of course, sir."
The little boy played his flute, and Karel moved again.
"So there you are! Bring your sorry arse over here!" demanded Desmond.
"Humm... I don't feel like it."
"I warn you! If you don't-"
"I SAID THAT I DO NOT FEEL LIKE IT," exclaimed Karel, drawing his Wo Dao.
Everyone cried and ran in circles like little girls who just watched a horror film (Or a documental. Brrr.)
"...It looks like that I'll have to kill him from a safe distance," mumbled Wallace, throwing a Spear at our hero.
MISS!
"...You are Doomed," whispered Karel.
"Eep!"
MISS!
"...Ok, now you are fluxin' Doomed!" shouted the Swordmaster, while attacking the General.
CRITICAL!
"So, I'm to die in battle, am I? I regret nothing! Ha ha ha... ha ha..." said Wallace, before disappearing in a very strange and weird way.
"YAY!" shouted the Bern army.
"Crap," Caelin's former Marquess managed to say
"We won!" laughed Desmond "I knew that you'll never-"
Karel gived his King a not so friendly stare.
"Eep."
"Excuse me, young lad... who are you," asked an impressed Lord Haussen.
"Karel, an eastern Swordmaster. I seek for worthy oponents," answered our protagonist.
"Well, Karel, your name shall not be forgotten in Caelin. Please, accept this Hammerne Staff. It has been with the Marquess of Caelin since a long time ago. Give it to your king"
"...I have no king."
The Swordmaster turned around and walked back to his tent. After all, he had to finish the chapter 10 of Splenda's journey.
"...He shivers my skin" mumbled Lord Haussen.
"Wathever. Give the damn stafff! And please, use pants next time."
Hey! It wasn't THAT bad, right?
Well, read and review. In case you wondered, I thought of the whole cast!
Paris: Eliwood.
Hector: Hector (Duh)
Helen: Lyndis (Ok, MAYBE Ninian, I'lll decide that later)
The Guy That is Married to Helen (I think that his name is Mene-something): Fargus! Or... Geitz? I mean, he's creepy, and all, but... I need help on this one.
Ajax: Bartre.
Odysseus: Matthew. 'Cause he rocks!
Briss... something. Achilles's girlfriend: Humm... Karla? Or Priscilla? Well, if I use Karla, believe me, there will be no incest.
Patroclus: Guy!
...Well, plenty more characters will be addeded.
And I speak English like a second language; that's why I have terrible orthography.
So, If any of you notices incorrect phrases, senseless sentences, typos, etc., feel free to tell me via review.
See Ya!