The Night Before Last
Disclaimer: I do not possess YYH. Or for the dimwits::cough: ROS (Hey! That's me! The editor and co-writer of her fics! She does an amazing job so please read them!) :cough: I don't own YYH.
Warning: This is what happens after a math test. So I've been sitting for 15 minutes in complete quiet and I began writing this outrageous fic. If you don't like it, oh well! I personally don't care.
Yusuke: You're so full of crap… AHAHAHAHAHAHA… I don't caaaaaaaaaare… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Author: 'Scuse me. :Attacks Yusuke: DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!
Ten minutes later
Author: Sorry, now on with the fic::Pokes unconscious Yusuke with stick:
"I can not believe you talked me into this, Kurama!" Hiei was being dragged to a bar by his foxy friend Kurama. The bar? The Blue Phoenix. The reason? Yusuke Urameshi's bachelor party.
"Well believe it buddy," Kurama opened the door to the bar and tossed Hiei into one of the many female bartenders (yes that's what their called) working there. Kurama giggled as Hiei attempted to look at her face but ended up looking at her chest.
"Uhh…" Hiei's face turned bright red when the bartender looked at him.
"Hey Hiei! Already getting friendly with the ladies?" Yusuke was sitting at a table near the back with Koenma (in human form, of course) and Kuwabara.
"No detective." Hiei looked back at him.
"I pitched him into her." Kurama walked over to the table, still laughing at Hiei's ordeal.
"Not funny Kurama!" Hiei hopped up on to the sill of a near by window. "Now remind me why I'm here?"
"Because," Yusuke said taking a sip from the beer bottle in front of him. "I'm marrying Keiko 3 months from now and it's tradition to have a bachelor party before I become a married man." He looked around at his friends and teammates.
"You guys are coming to the wedding right?" Kuwabara asked.
"Perhaps," Hiei muttered.
"I'm going Hiei." Kurama waved a bartender over and ordered a bloody Mary and a shot of their strongest whiskey.
"You drink whiskey, Kurama?" Yusuke asked as he sipped his own drink. Kurama lent forward and motioned for Kuwabara, Yusuke and Koenma to do the same.
"It's not for me," he said. "It's for Hiei."
"And is he going to drink it?" Koenma stirred his martini.
"Oh, he'll drink it," Kurama said slyly. "I'll make sure he does." He cast a glance at Hiei.
"Now that's something I'd pay to see!" Kuwabara laughed stupidly.
"Good, then you can pay for the drink." Yusuke chuckled when Kuwabara looked at him. "You offered!"
"Here you are sir." The drinks Kurama ordered had been placed on the table. "Will there be any thing else?"
"Not right now, thanks." Yusuke eyed the woman hungrily.
"Now, now Yusuke, you are about to become a married man after all." Koenma scolded.
"Yeah, what would Yukimura say about that?" Kuwabara smiled at the surprised look on Yusuke's face.
"Are you sayin' you'd tell her!" (Anyone with Shonen Jump #23 November 2004 issue would know this!) Yusuke grabbed Kuwabara's collar.
"Well there's this CD I've coveted…" Kuwabara smiled. Then Yusuke smiled and began laughing his head off.
"All right, where are the Toguro brothers?" Yusuke wiped a tear away from his eye.
"Ah, so you remember! Good, keep those memories while you're getting hitched." Kuwabara smirked, downing a beer bottle.
"Careful Kuwabara," Kurama cautioned. "You don't want to get tipsy so soon. There are still more people coming and I'm sure you wouldn't want to make yourself look like a fool in front of so many beautiful young ladies."
Hiei chuckled. "He could do that without the booze."
"Are you saying I'm a fool?" Kuwabara yelled.
"What's it to ya?" Hiei said, cocking his head to the side.
His face turned red. "Why you little punk!" Koenma held out his arm and grabbed Kuwabara in mid-lunge.
The Ruler of Reikai had a faint smile on his lips (not that you could actually see it, with the pacifier and all). Finishing his first glass he called another woman. "Miss?" A bartender came over to their table and smiled cutely. "I'll have a martini please. Shaken, not stirred."
"Thank you, Mr. Bond," Yusuke said with a terrible British accent.
"Of course sir!" the blue-haired girl said.
"And may I say you look lovely tonight!" the Spirit Detective said, smacking her ass before she left.
Kurama sighed. Now he was wondering how he got himself into this mess.
"Just remember Yusuke, you owe me big time."
He waved his hand. "Thanks for the tip old man."
"You ninny!"
"Pacifier breath."
"Moron!"
"Little baby Ko-chan! I'm an icky widdle toddler who needs his diaper changed and gets a lap dance from my pretty assistants! Tee hee!"
"Why you - "
Smack!
Smack!
"Hey!" they both screamed. "What was that for?"
"Shut up."
"Genkai?"
The old biddy (who is currently not an old biddy but in her young form because all those demons aren't fainting for no reason) grinned and tipped her hat . . . thing . . . "I can't see how you can put up with these two dimwits, Kurama."
"I try," he replied.
Genkai slid next to Koenma. "How's the party Yusuke?"
"Good, I can't wait till everyone else comes!"
"There's more?" she asked, raising a pink eyebrow.
"Yeah! Koenma did me a big favour and let some guys out for tonight!" he said happily.
Genkai sweat dropped. "You don't mean?"
"You bet! Toguro and his older brother and Sensui and -"
"Whoa!" Koenma interrupted. "Who the hell said anything about Sensui!" He temporarily let go of (the kicking and screaming) Kuwabara. He crashed right into Hiei - the poor, unsuspecting darling - and they both fell out the window. Kurama winced when the two landed with a thump. The idiot was probably squashing Hiei now.
Yusuke looked innocently at the Ruler, "He told me he was coming."
"But Sensui isn't locked up."
"I know!" Yusuke chirped (eerily like Botan o0) and drained his beer mug full of vodka. (RoS: 40 alcohol, special demon brew . . . Wait a sec, why is vodka in a beer mug? SEL: You wrote this part… And 40 alcohol really ain't that much! I've drunk spirits with more alcohol in them then that!)
Kurama suddenly remembered his drink and sipped thoughtfully, cooking a plan to trick Hiei (and possibly everyone else) into drinking a whole lot more booze than they bargain for. Koenma called a waitress over. "Ma'am, where's my martini?"
"I'm sorry sir," the girl apologized. "I'm afraid that a young man up front has disturbed us quite a bit."
"Eh? Who?"
She shrugged. "I'm sorry, I can't tell you, but he had fantastic hair. Silky, long black tresses." She sighed. "What I wouldn't do to be cuddled beside that hunk, and his gorgeous locks."
Kurama choked on his Bloody Mary. "Black? Yusuke, did Karasu say he was coming?"
Yusuke lent back in his chair and listened to the brawl between Hiei and Kuwabara. "Yup! I can't wait for the rest of them to show up either! Everyone from Team Toguro and Team Uraotogi!"
"You invited Toguro and Shishi Wakamaru? Do you know how much trouble you're going to get me into?" Genkai slapped the Spirit Detective again.
"Why would that get you in trouble?" Yusuke rubbed the back of his head.
"Because, the youngest Toguro brother was going to marry her and Shishi is in love with her you big ninny!" Koenma also smacked Yusuke upside his head.
"Oh right!"
"And what's this?" A black figure giggled and sat on Kurama's lap. Karasu smiled at the person he tried to beat to death. "Hi sugar, what's your name?" Kurama's eye twitched as Karasu stroked his leg.
"Umm…" Kurama lent back as Karasu attempted to kiss him. "I'm…"
"No need to explain Kurama," The elder Toguro smiled from his brother's shoulder.
"Karasu get off him!" Toguro pulled Karasu off the flabbergasted fox.
"Nonsense dude! That fine young women-" Kurama shoved a fist in his mouth.
"- NOT A WOMAN!" Kurama seemed about to slap Karasu from the bar to kingdom come that is until Hiei tapped his shoulder and looked at him.
"Calm down, let me deal with him." Hiei smirked and drew his katana.
"And why would you do that Hiei?" Posed Kuwabara giving him a sly look.
"Because he's not as stupid as you. And he's my friend." Hiei muttered as he looked at Kurama.
"Or is it something else?" Genkai grabbed the whisky on the table and downed it.
"What?" Toguro asked looking at his former fiancée.
"Just something you've experienced Toguro…" She ordered another shot of whiskey and sat back.
"Huh? What did you experience brother?" The elder Toguro sat down at the table with the rest of the YYH gang.
"I wish she would give me a few more clues…" He sat down beside Genkai and put his head on the table.
"With me stupid!" Genkai hit him upside his head.
"Do you mean that night, when we were all alone at your place and we-"
"SHUT UP!" Genkai turned about as pink as her hair as she shoved an empty glass in his mouth.
Karasu stopped trying to hit on Kurama whilst this was going on and stared at the old couple. "You what?"
"Genkai! It's wonderful to see you again!" Shishi rushed over and grabbed Genkai's hand.
"Hm, whatever boy…" She downed another shot then waved over a girl who seemed to be eyeing Shishi.
"Is that Shishi!" A female voice said from the back of the bar.
"It is!" Shouted another girl.
The girl Genkai had waved over was now on top of Shishi glomping him and attempting to steal his pants! (SEL: Dude… do you get it?)
"I still don't get it!" Toguro looked at Genkai then at his brother then to the mob of women attacking Shishi.
"I still don't understand why men are so stupid!" Genkai put her head down on the table next to her fiancé's
"Excuse me?" Kurama shifted his gaze from Karasu to Genkai. "What do you mean by 'men are so stupid'?" Hiei looked up from pulverizing Karasu.
"What do you mean? Are you saying that all males, in both the human realm and the Makai are stupid?" Hiei pointed his katana at Genkai.
"No, I'm saying most men are stupid." Genkai then pointed to Hiei. "But you're still an idiot."
"Hey that's not nice!" The blue haired girl laid a martini on the table and smiled. Hiei turned to face her.
"I don't need your sympathy." He snapped. She had her hair down, though unfortunately for her Kuwabara recognized her.
"Yukina!" The blubbering idiot rushed over to her and took her hands in his. "Wait a minute!" He turned to Yusuke. "You smacked her butt!" Kuwabara rolled up his sleeves as though he thought he could actually beat our beloved Spirit Detective. Yukina placed her hand on Kuwabara's arm.
"Kazuma, it's ok." She smiled. "I'm used to it now."
"Hey Yukina!" A woman with long brown hair walked over to said girl. "Your shift's not over yet, you can't socialize! What the hell is Karasu trying to do to Kurama?"
"Sis?" Kuwabara gawked at his sister as Kurama yelled at Karasu (Poor Karasu… He should beat Kurama up!).
"Yeah?" The elder Kuwabara walked over to Karasu and pulled him of the spirit fox. "Listen if you're going to do that, then rent a room." She tossed Karasu away. "Now, how many drinks have you had baby brother?"
"Gosh darn it Shizuru, do you always have to embarrass me in front of my friends!" Kuwabara whined.
"I don't care, now tell me how many drinks you've had!" She cracked her knuckles getting prepared to hit her annoying little brother. (I feel her pain! Both RoS and I have little brothers! I know, the horror!)
"Only two sis!"
"Only two!" Shizuru gasped. "That's no where near enough for a bachelor party! Yukina, why don't you get these gentlemen some more booze?" Yukina nodded, smiled at Hiei then walked away from the gang.
Genkai cleared her throat.
"Yukina! And some more whiskey for Genkai!"
"Thank you, now where were we?" She turned to Toguro and shook her head. "You're hopeless!" He began hitting his head on the table.
"I-still-don't-know-what-you're-talking-about!" The youngest Toguro hit his head on the table after each word, while his older brother followed his head with his eyes.
"You're going to give yourself a concussion if you keep doing that brother." He grabbed his brother's head and held it in his hands. "I'll let go if you stop."
"Why! Why should I stop!" The youngest Toguro stood up knocking Genkai on her butt in the process; he looked around wildly then ran into the ladies washroom.
"Shizuru, don't you think you should go get him?" Yukina placed a tray of beer bottles on the table followed by a girl (this one with ears, red hair and a cat tail) who placed a tray with a bottle of whiskey and several shot glasses on it.
"Well Koto, still not getting paid enough?" Yusuke tipped his chair back and smirked. Koto just rolled her eyes and walked away.
"That's five dollars extra," she breathed. Yusuke stiffened. The Reikai Tentai didn't like money jokes. Kuwabara, Kurama and Hiei had to chip in a good-sized amount of money so he could reserve half of the non-smoking area of the bar. Not that he wanted to (God knows he can smoke like a chimney despite his age), but when you have a health freak moron, an irate fox and a mini king of Hell, one tends to sway towards the majority. The Jaganshi couldn't care less. Then again, the non-smoking may disturb some like Sakyo.
'Where did he go anyways?' Yusuke wondered. Said black-clad, smooth talker broker was invited. At least, that's what Yusuke suspected. Toguro was told to alert everyone that was involved in the Dark Tournament. The whole Ichigaki team declined but most of the Jolly Devil Six said okay. Same with some of team Macho. Then there was Sensui's seven and Sensui himself (with his other seven) and then Yomi. The only Makai ruler to come. Whoopee!
"Oh, Genkai! I love you, join me." Shishi said passion layered in his voice. "Make me, complete me." Before his speech could last any longer another fan girl decided to steal a kiss. "Mrph!"
The other youkai girls glared daggers at her. "Get off my man!"
"You hussy!"
"Whore! Git off meh Shi-kun!"
A blonde-haired girl was pulled from Waka-kun's body.
Yusuke quirked an eyebrow. "Oh…" He muttered. "This guy…"
"Let go of me, you impertinent fools," she hissed, her voice high pitched like an air pumps without a plug. Or a chipmunk who just sucked in some helium. Genkai stared at the girl as did the rest of them.
"Ok, I'm confused." Kuwabara crossed his arms. "Some one explain who the hell this guy is!" This remark got him a glare from every demon in the room, including the newly retrieved Toguro. But the most prominent glare was the one from Hiei and from the girl herself. Well Hiei's glare could kill a full-grown boar. And the girl's, Whew! Don't get me started! She could give even Hiei a run for his money. But of course the 'she' wasn't a she at all. She was the nefarious Sazuka master of a thousand faces and a thousand tricks. (author sees Sazuka approaching with rather large weapon of mass destruction SEL: Jeez I get it!) Sorry, the beautiful Sazuka master of a thousand faces and a thousand tricks… Though why he wanted to kiss Shishi I'm sure Kuwabara would like to know so let's return to the bachelor party.
"Are you always this stupid?" Karasu asked taking the seat closest to Kurama. Kurama scooted his chair towards the person sitting on his other side, which was the wall… actually the person he was sitting beside was Hiei on the windowsill.
"Unfortunately he is." Hiei cracked his eye open a tad. "But Yusuke's known him longer then any one." At this a bottle of beer flew out from behind the bar and smashed on Hiei's head and there's nothing worse then getting beer in your eyes. It's probably much worse if you have three of them. Hiei trying to rub the beer out of his eyes (which only makes it worse…), succeeded in falling out the window for the second time.
Shizuru walked over to the window with a towel to clean up the mess left from the bottle. "I've known him the longest and I can tell you that there are very few times when he's done the smart thing." She continued talking while she picked up the glass on the floor. "He may be stupid and a big joke to you all but he still has feelings and if you can't respect that then I'll have to ask you to leave." At this she turned around and placed her hands on her hips. "So is any one going to poke fun at my brother?" Hiei now walked up to the table his eyes closed and his hands out in front of him.
"Alright where is she?" He moved around the spot where Shizuru was standing, his hands groping around and finally landing on a chair on the other side of the table.
"Um… Hiei?" Kurama asked over the rim of his Bloody Mary. "Why don't you use your nose?"
"Because all I can smell is beer!" Hiei's groping hands finally landed on something human. "Got ya!" There was a sharp intake of breath followed by several shouts and growl from Toguro.
"Git your hands off me pervert!" Was followed by a slap. You see Hiei had not grabbed any part of Shizuru but Genkai's breasts. Jeez he's as good as dead… (SEL: Poor Hiei! What a girl has to do to please her editor… RoS:Writing is humor, editors are divine. Consider it sacrifice.)
Hiei fell on his ass, blinked a couple times then looked up at a very pissed off Toguro. "What or who did I grab?" Hiei asked staring up at the tall, dead guy with his mouth open. Kurama took advantage of the opportunity and grabbed the bottle of whisky from the table. He then stuffed the open bottle down Hiei's throat, making all the liquid in the bottle pour into Hiei's mouth.
"Kurama, I appreciate your retaliation, but that'll probably only make him do it again." Genkai said shaking her head. "That and now we need more whisky." Kurama giggled and soon everyone at the table was laughing hysterically. A crash that sounded like glass breaking brought them out of their giggle fit. All turned towards the sound.
Hiei had stood up and was now standing shakily by the edge of the table. "What- what happened?" Hiei said accidentally sitting on Karasu's lap.
"Well, well…" Karasu whispered in Hiei's ear. "Anxious are we?" Hiei just stared at the ceiling then looked at the window he had fallen through earlier.
"OH MY GOD!" Hiei yelled pressing his nose against the window.
"What is it Hiei? Who's out there?" Yusuke asked his smallest friend. He knew all that alcohol wasn't good for one person, but he wasn't quite sure about one demon.
"I can see THROUGH windows!" Kurama sweatdropped.
"No shit." Karasu stated flatly, he then turned back to Kurama. "Drink up my love." He nuzzled the fox's neck and put his arm around his waist.
"HEY!" Karasu turned to find an obviously drunk Hiei. "Hands off MY fox!" Kurama blushed as Hiei pulled Karasu's hair from behind and made him and the chair flip backwards. He then stole the chair and sat beside Kurama, snuggling into his shoulder.
Kurama just looked down at the small fire demon. "I need more booze for this!" He downed his Bloody Mary and grabbed a bottle of beer.
So, this is the first chapter… tell me what ya think! R+R! Thanks for reading!