Eomer and his Horsey Squad were riding around, looking for Eomer's cousin Theodred. "Hey, has anybody seen Theodred?" Eomer yelled.
A member of the Horsey Squad shrugged his shoulders. "Nope. He's probably dead."
"Oh who cares!" said Eomer cheerfully. "He was just stealing all of the love and attention from my uncle anyway! Now let's get out of here!"
"Hey! Don't leave me, you good-for-nothing codfish!" yelled a voice that sounded suspiciously like Theodred's.
Eomer looked disturbed. "Did somebody just call me a codfish?"
"Yes! I did!" said the voice.
"Hey look, it's Theodred!" said a member of the Horsey Squad, pointing.
"Oh darn it!" Eomer then threw a huge fit, acting like a bratty, undisciplined child. Theodred remained where he was on the ground, being unable to move. "Well come and pick me up!" he whined. "You don't love me, do you?"
Eomer sighed and snapped his fingers. Two members of the Horsey Squad appeared and carried Theodred onto Eomer's horse, and everybody rode away.
They soon arrived at the capital and Eomer walked into the Not-A-Single-Speck-of-Gold Hall. King Theoden sat in his throne, looking as if he had taken an aging potion.
Eowyn stood in front of him, trying to make some sort of communication, and failing miserably. "Theodred's been mortally wounded!"
Theoden did not reply.
"Why are you ignoring me?"
Theoden remained silent.
Eowyn was getting frustrated. "He's about ready to kick the bucket! Do something!"
Theoden did say a word, or even move, for that matter.
Sam suddenly appeared out of nowhere. "You have reached Theoden. He is unable to answer your calls right now, as he is being possessed by an evil wizard. If you would like to leave a message, please do so after the beep."
Eowyn gasped. "It's a little short man!"
"I'm a Magical Hob!" Sam said.
"What's that?"
"It's what I am!"
"Why in the world are you here anyway?"
Sam shrugged. "I don't really know. I'm kind of supposed to be somewhere else right now. Bye!" He snapped his fingers and vanished.
Eomer walked into the hall looking cheerful. "Hello uncle! I killed a Spork today! Five points for me!" Theoden made no replies. "Why isn't he talking?" Eomer asked.
"I don't know. But maybe this will work!" Eowyn grabbed a goblet from off one of tables and gave Theoden a whack in the head with it. Theoden blinked and moaned several times.
"Hello?" Eowyn said. "Uncle, can you answer me?"
"What are you doing in here, you filthy pony?" the king said. "Get back in the stables where you belong!"
Eowyn looked confused. "What are you talking about?"
"GRIMA! THERE'S A PONY IN THE HALL! CHASE IT OUT!"
"I'm not a pony!" Eowyn cried.
"You lie!" said Grima Wormtongue.
Eomer pointed at his sister and started to laugh like crazy. "Haha! Theoden thinks that you're a pony!" He laughed so hard that he fell over backwards. "Ow!"
"You lie!" Grima told Eomer.
"No I didn't."
"You lie!"
"That's not true!"
"You lie!"
"I did not!"
"You lie!"
"Would you quit saying that?"
"You lie!"
"Would you two just be quiet?" Eowyn pleaded. "Now somebody needs to look after Theodred and make sure that he doesn't get any worse."
"Well why don't you look after him if you want him to recover so badly?" Eomer asked.
"You lie!" snarled Grima. Eomer kicked him. "Shut up!" Grima kicked Eomer back and approached Eowyn. For once in his dimwitted life, his brain had actually created thoughts, and he had actually gotten an actual idea. "I'll look after Theodred."
Eowyn looked shocked. "Wow! And I thought the only words in your vocabulary were 'you' and 'lie'. Um, I guess you could look after Theodred."
Theoden picked up a pillow and threw it at Eowyn. He missed by several feet. "I thought I told you to get back to your stable, you blasted pony! This is no place for animals!"
Eowyn finally lost her temper. "WHY CAN'T YOU GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD, OLD MAN? I AM NOT A PONY!"
Theoden blinked several times. "Since when did ponies talk?"
Eowyn, being too frustrated to remain where she was, promptly fled from the room. Theoden rubbed his head. "It's about time that animal left."
"Well, I guess I'll go 'look after' Theodred," said Grima.
Eomer grabbed him. "Not so fast! You're not going to help Theodred! You'll do the opposite!"
"You lie!"
"I do not!"
"You lie!"
Eomer sighed. "Not this again!"
"You lie!"
Eomer gripped Grima by the throat and roughly shook him several times. "IF YOU DON'T STOP SAYING THAT, I'LL KILL YOU!"
Grima pretended to cry. "Ooh, you're threatening me! I'm telling!" He ran over to Theoden. "Your nephew is being mean to me!" He let out a fake sob.
Theoden made a growling sound. "I will not tolerate bullies! Give him time-out!"
"Let me make a suggestion," Grima offered. "I think that banishment would be even better! It's almost like time-out, but it's Super Time-Out!"
"Eh, whatever." The king slumped down in his seat and started snoring.
Grima grinned at Eomer. "Well, it looks like you're banished!"
"WHAT?"
"You heard me! Now go!" Grima snapped his fingers, and a group of thugs crowded around Eomer and dragged him outside. One of the thugs kicked Eomer in the buttocks and he went flying.
Grima laughed triumphantly. Theoden joined in the laughter. "Haha, down with bullies!" Grima glared at him. "Be quiet! I call the shots around here!" Theoden promptly shut his mouth.
This is following the movies more than I would like it to, but oh well. Fellowship of the Ring and Return of the King have tons of things from the books that can be in a parody, but The Two Towers kind of doesn't.