Title: Light
Author: Amber Dawn
Fandom: Digital Devil Saga: Avatar Tuner
Theme: #1, Five shades of white
Disclaimer: Don't own, never will, events did not happen, so on.
Summary: Argilla muses in Muladhara after Jinana's death. Written for the 52 flavours challenge on livejournal.

Crying about it does not change what happened. I know this. It's logical, it's normal, it's everything I've ever known. But for some reason, I cannot help but lie awake at night now, thinking of it. Thinking of her.

Comrades. The word echoes in my mind, twists itself around and tries so desperately to make me break. That was her last word, the last thing she ever said to me. I can so clearly see her face in my mind, even as I close my eyes, even as I stand and begin to pace around. I cannot stay in this room, I cannot sleep. Every time I close my eyes, she is there to haunt me again. Though I am sure what upsets me more is the remembrance of Heat, telling me to devour her...

A shudder, and I walk out of the barracks, climbing the stairs. Muladhara is always so quiet now. It scares me. I never noticed before, how very bland everything was. Coated in a sickening orange glow, the night watchman slumped against the elevator; I can't help but wonder why I felt this was home. Why, for so many years, have I felt that this place is where I belong.

We've all changed lately. Since the battle with the Vanguards, since that odd white light pierced our bodies. I can never describe that light, so many shades of white twisted and tangled together, shimmering as the Demonic power invaded our bodies. It was a feeling remarkably similar to what I must imagine dying to be, a cold feeling, a blank feeling. Everything slowed down in that moment, and I could feel my rifle falling from my hands. I thought I had been shot. I was sure of it... five shades of white slashing through my body and searing my flesh.

When that bastard, Mick the Slug, tossed Jinana about like a little rag doll, I felt it again. That sensation of time all but stopping. The thud of her body against the rock, the rock shattering... none of it was as loud as my heartbeat thudding against my chest.

I had finally found a friend, a confidant. Someone to whom I could relate... and she died in my arms.

Even as I take the elevator to the top level of Muladhara, looking out over a landscape of white and gray, I cannot help but think of her, and wonder how she felt when the light, that accursed light, sliced through her body so easily. White light, white-hot pain, searing white rage... I shook my head and leaned against a rock, my eyes glazed over as they traveled the landscape.

Nirvana had to exist, for surely, we live in the deepest pits of Hell.