Since the last chapter wasn't quite as great as the rest, here's an extra good chapter! (At least I hope it's extra good)

Chapter Eight: Return of the Bleached Wizard

Legolas woke up in the morning feeling stiff and sore. "Did you have a nice rest last night, Legolas?" Aragorn asked cheerfully.

"No." The elf pulled a few twigs and pieces of grass out of his hair. "Look at what's happened to my beautiful golden locks!" He pulled a hand-mirror out his pocket and inspected himself. Aragorn and Gimli sighed. Mr. Personal Grooming was going to delay their journey.

Suddenly, Legolas let out a long, loud, tortured scream.

"What's the matter?" Gimli asked.

"MY FACE! THERE'S SOMETHING ON MY FACE!"

Aragorn went over to have a look. "Where is it?" Legolas pointed. "Hmm... looks like a spider bite to me. And it's a really big one." He shared a grin with Gimli.

Legolas started to have a nervous spasm. "I-I can't go into public with this thing on my face!" He curled up in a ball and started to whimper.

Aragorn whacked him with the hilt of his sword. "Get up! We have to go look for Merry and Pippin!"

"You guys can go. I'm going to stay behind in my shame."

"Well, you heard him. Let's go, Aragorn!" said Gimli.

"No, Gimli. Legolas is going whether he likes it or not. Listen, Legolas. If you don't cooperate, I'll take your shampoo and conditioner away!"

"You wouldn't!"

"I would!"

Legolas hastily got to his feet. "Alright, alright. I'm coming along."

"You'd better," Aragorn muttered. He covered up the remains of his and Gimli's campfire and packed up his belongings.

The three companions then went inside the Incredibly Old, Astoundingly Creepy, Impossibly Foreboding, Exceedingly Disturbing Forest. "I wish this stupid forest had a shorter name," Gimli complained.

Aragorn started to tremble. "This forest is really scary! I want my mommy!"

"I don't even know if I have a mother," Gimli said. "I might have two fathers. You can never be sure with those dwarf woman and their beards."

"That's just plain scary," said Legolas. "I don't know if I have a mother either."

"At least she's clean-shaven."

Aragorn held out his sword for protection. "I think the evil trees want to eat me!"

"I'm not scared!" cried Legolas. "I love trees!" He ran up to one of the trees and gave it a big hug. The tree smacked Legolas with one of its branches. "Back off, elfie!"

"Well that was mean," the elf muttered. He self-consciously touched his face. "Do you think my spider bite has gotten bigger?"

"Possibly," said Gimli. Legolas whimpered to himself.

"Let's get out of here," Aragorn suggested.

"Wait, I hear something!" Legolas said.

Aragorn started dancing around like an excited little girl. "Ooh, is it the ice cream man? Is it?"

"Maybe! Let's go see!"

"Ice cream! Ice cream! Ice cream!" Aragorn dashed off farther into the forest, wild with excitement. He suddenly ran right smack into a wizard dressed in white.

"Hello!" said the wizard. "I just let off some flatulence, so it would be a good idea if you backed up a little to escape the smell."

"Hey, farting's bad for the environment!" Aragorn cried. "You could kill something!"

Gimli got a dreamy look on his face. "Oh yeah, you can say that again. One time I let one blast and killed a flock of pigeons, and then my father roasted them for dinner."

"Gimli, none of us wanted to know that!" Legolas yelled.

"Well I wanted to know it!" the dwarf argued.

"That didn't make any sense. You already knew it!"

"Hey, has everybody forgotten about me?" the wizard asked.

Aragorn screamed. "Eek! It's Skittleman the Many Colored, come to destroy us! Let's hurry up and kill him before he throws multi-colored candy at us!"

"Hey, I like multi-colored candy!" Gimli said.

"Shut up and kill it!"

"I'm a he, not an it!" the wizard said indignantly.

"How can you be sure?" Aragorn asked.

"I'm pretty sure I know exactly which gender I am, thank you very much."

Aragorn unsheathed his sword. "Well, kill him!"

"I'll do that gladly!" said Legolas. He strung an arrow in his bow and shot at the wizard. He missed horribly by about ten feet.

"Ha, you missed!" laughed the wizard.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! For once in my life I wasn't perfect! Oh, the pain inflicting agony!" He fell down and started rolling and twitching like an upset beetle.

Suddenly, Gimli leapt at the wizard and gave him a hug. "IT'S WONDERFUL TO SEE YOU, GANDALF!"

"Finally someone has recognized me!" Gandalf said.

Legolas stopped twitching. "Gandalf? It really is you!"

Aragorn started to throw a tantrum. "You mean you're not the ice cream man?"

"Um... no."

"Waaah! I hate you!" Aragorn kicked Gandalf in the shins and ran off to pout. Gandalf shook his fist at him. "That's the welcome I get? You ungrateful little..."

"Hey Gandalf?" Gimli asked. "Why are you all dressed up in white now?"

"Well, after falling into the chasm with that evil Teletubby, I fell down and down and down until I ended up in a vat of bleach! Then I distracted the Teletubby with tubby custard and repetitive phrases. It wasn't easy. The stupid creature kept wanting to me to say 'The custard is pink' again and again and again!"

Legolas and Gimli gasped. "What torture that must have been!"

"Yes, but I managed to defeat it. As it was absorbed in riding its scooter, I shoved my sword deep into its soft, overweight body, and my enemy was no more!"

Legolas and Gimli clapped. "Hooray!"

A few minutes later, Aragorn came back. "I'm sorry, Gandalf." He stared at Gandalf and did a double-take. "Whoa, did you go overboard on the bleach or something?"

"It wasn't my fault!" the wizard protested. "Well, let's get our sorry buttocks out of here. Merry and Pippin are safe, so it's okay to completely forget all about them! Now let's go pay a visit to King Theoden!"

The wizard, elf, dwarf, and man all left the forest and were in open land and fresh air once more. Suddenly, there was a sound of hooves thundering.

Shadowfax the horse came galloping towards them over-excitedly. In fact, he was so excited that he sprinted at top speed and ended up running right into a tree.

Gandalf laughed. "Silly horsey, trees are for kids!" He climbed up a tree and fell off. "Ow... I'm too old for this..."