Regrets and Confessions
"W-where am I?" Kurama mumbled as he opened his eyes.
"You're with me. Can you walk…?" Hiei asked quietly, helping the kitsune to his feet.
"Yes."
"Good, then we can get you home," Hiei said, leading Kurama towards a portal to Ningenkai.
But…what about Karasu? I hope he'll be fine…at least until… Kurama thought, but was cut short when he went through the portal.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
"You mean he's coming home?" Shiori asked tearfully.
"Yeah, he should be here soon, you don't have to cry, everything's fine," Yusuke said, trying to calm her down before Kurama returned. Within 10 minutes the two entered through the doorway.
"Oh, Shuichi, you're okay!" Shiori cried out at the sight of her son. As he walked in, she gave him a warm and weepy embrace, which he returned, but…only half-heartedly. "Is something wrong?"
"Yes, I'm afraid there is… Could you guys leave? It's…personal…" Kurama asked, looking away from everyone.
"Yeah sure, we'll see ya around," Yusuke replied, nearly having to drag Kuwabara and Hiei out as he left. Closing the door behind them, Kurama spoke.
"Mother, you might want to sit down…there's something very important that I have to tell and show you…" he murmured, his hand closing around the small vial in his pocket.
"What is it Shuichi…? Are you in trouble of some kind?" Shiori asked.
"Not exactly… I-I've been hiding something from you, and I've decided that it's time that you should know. I'm…not really your son."
"W-what? Why are you talking such nonsense? How could you not be my son? I don't understand. If you're not, then who could you be…?" Shiori questioned, fear starting to seep into her voice.
"You may not believe what I'm about to tell you, but it's the truth. My truest name and form is Yoko Kurama, a fox demon. I was a famous bandit of a world filled with demons, but I was betrayed and was nearly killed by a strong pursuer who shot me. I escaped in a soul form and took the body of your soulless son to recover myself.
"In all reality, I should have left by now, being the cold-blooded youkai that I am, but you changed me, in a good way. You taught me how to love, and over the years, I became your son, because I finally realized that I loved you as any son would his mother…" Kurama explained, his throat tightening more, making his already difficult confession harder.
"If…that's really the truth…then, what do you look like in your true form, if this isn't it?" Shiori asked, puzzled.
"I will show you, but please don't be alarmed. The sight may shock you, just as a warning…" Kurama advised, taking the vial out and drinking the purple fluid it contained. After the transformation had taken place he opened his golden eyes and gazed at his mother cautiously, hoping she wouldn't scream out in terror as she had in his nightmare.
"S-so this is, r-really you?" she asked quietly, returning his gaze evenly.
Dropping his stare and slightly bowing his head he answered softly, "Yes, it is…"
"When you warned me, I thought you were going to be something hideous, but you're the exact opposite… I never knew a demon could be so, well, beautiful…" Shiori breathed in awe, taking a small step forward towards Yoko, who flinched at the gesture. "Is it all right if I come closer to you?"
"If you're comfortable doing that, go ahead…" Yoko replied quietly, avoiding Shiori's gaze.
"This is all so strange; you were gone for nearly a week and now this. I knew you seemed different from other children, but I never thought, never dreamed, you would be this, different…" she murmured, looking over Yoko fully, trying to understand it all.
"If you want me to leave, don't hesitate to ask. I'm surprised you've acted so calmly about all of this…" Yoko admitted softly.
"Why would I ever want you to leave? You'll always be my son, no matter what," she said, walking to his see the back of him and was surprised to find his tail. "Oh my, you even have a tail to go with those adorable ears… Speaking of, would you mind if I…" Shiori asked leaving her question hanging, hoping Kurama would understand her request.
"Of course," he replied, kneeling down so that she could reach them.
"They're so soft…" she murmured, petting him as he knelt demurely, not sure what to think. "You know, for being a fox, you sure are relaxed and calm. I always had the impression that foxes never liked being around others…that it made them uneasy…and if you get too close, you'd better watch out."
"I used to be as you say, but I've changed because of the love you showed me. No matter how arrogant or disobedient I was, you stuck with me and never gave up. Something no one before you has ever done, obviously," Yoko mentioned.
"How could I give up on you? As I said before, you are my son, despite your differences, it'll never change…" she stated, pulling him up and hugging him tightly.
Never in a million years would I ever have expected her to take it like this… Yoko thought as he returned her embrace with the same warmth that she gave. When she finally pulled away, they both noticed that it was fairly late.
"You should probably go to bed…I know you probably have to work in the morning, right?" Yoko asked, glancing at the clock.
"Yeah, I do…really early actually…"
"All the more reason to get your rest. What time do you have to go in?"
"6:00, with the holidays coming up, we have to. Should I wake you up before I leave?"
"You can if you want, but I'll probably be really out of it at that hour, so it might just be a waste of your time…"
"True, I'll let you get your rest. I guess I'll see you when I get off work tomorrow then."
"Yes, sleep well mother…"
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
By one am Kurama knew that his mother was fast asleep. It meant it was safe for him to leave for the night. Checking one last time to see that his door was securely locked he jumped out his window, heading in the direction of the nearest portal to Makai.
I just hope and pray Karasu's still okay… Kurama thought, worry flooding through him as he rushed through the portal. Running as fast as he could to the cave they shared he entered breathless.
"Karasu? Are you in here?" Kurama called out. Only silence answered him. Walking in deeper, he searched every room, but found nothing.
That is, until he checked over their room one more time and found a well folded note lying on the bed. Picking it up, he opened it hesitantly; anxious of what could be written on it.
Kurama,
If you're reading this, I have to thank you. It means that you really cared.
Well, at least enough to come back for me. But I'm afraid it might already be too late when you read this. I'll get to that later though.
First off, I'd like to apologize for keeping you here against your will for so long. If I had had any intelligence at all, I would've let you go after you were healed. I mean, why would you want to stay? I did nearly kill you after all…
I know you're probably thinking, 'but I love you…' Or maybe you're not…I'm hoping it's the latter, since it wasn't love. You just felt alone and I was more than willing to help you. What I actually did was I tried to push your friends out your life so that I could have you to myself. And as you can see where that got me…
I expect that got rid of any lusty feelings you may have for me. And if you still do, get rid of them. We were never meant to be.
We…just don't belong together. You're meant to be with your friends and family. As for me…I should be dead.
With that said, I should draw this little note to a close. I wish you a long a prosperous life my beautiful fox…also, I hope you find true love…someone that truly deserves you…someone that is the complete opposite of me.
Oh, and just as a last little note, if you still want to see me, don't bother looking. By the time it would take you to find me, I'll be dead anyway.
Sayonara kitsune, aishiteru…eien ni.
Karasu
At the end of the note Kurama's heart felt complete torn to pieces.
I-it's a suicide note…Karasu you can't! Kurama thought, panicking as he rushed out. Where could he be! Taking a deep breath, he attempted to calm down. Freaking out won't help any, I need a clear head to figure out where he is…
The only problem is I have no idea where he could be…unless… he thought, an idea forming quickly in his head. If he's not there, then I don't know where he could be. I just hope I'm right and that I can get there in time…
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Well here I am, Hanging Neck Island…I just hope this is where he went… Kurama thought, running towards the ruins of the tournament stadium. When he reached his destination, he stopped. Memories of his fight came racing back, hitting him like a ton of bricks.
Starting to walk again, he paced slowly over to where he stood after his final attack. This is where it could've all ended…and none of this would've happened… Glancing up, he looked over to where Karasu had laid after the Makai mimosa hit him and let out a sigh.
This was probably the last place he would've gone…and by now… Kurama considered, depression consuming him. I screwed up again…now he really is gone… Looking around one more time before he left, a glint of something in the moonlight caught his eye.
What is that…? Could it…! Kurama thought as he rushed over. What he found was a trail of blood reflecting dully in the radiant moonlight. Eyes widening in fear he found the source of the blood and nearly cried out.
There lay Karasu against a tall tree, eyes closed, with blood still seeping out of large wounds in his side, likely caused by his own explosives.
Rushing over to his side, Kurama quickly started healing the injuries, hoping he wasn't too late. When everything was healed he checked for the crow's pulse and nearly sobbed with relief when he found a slow, but steady one.
Exhausted from the sudden loss of energy, the kitsune passed out.
Slowly opening his eyes Karasu gazed around. I-I'm alive…? But how…? Looking down, he saw why he was still among the living.
Kurama was lying fast asleep in his lap. He must've come looking for me despite what I wrote in that note… Healing me probably took all of his you-ki, no wonder he passed out. Poor thing… Karasu thought, gently picking the tired fox up so that he would lie against his chest.
I guess all I can do now is wait for him to wake up… he considered resting his head against the tree at his back, his eyes involuntarily slipping shut.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Many hours passed before either of them re-awoke. Slightly confused, Kurama looked around sleepily at the surrounding landscape. The sun was creating a blood-red picture in the western sky.
Is he…? Kurama thought with sudden alarm, but after taking a quick glance down, the fear evaporated at the sight of Karasu's arms resting around his chest.
"Finally awake I see…" Kurama nearly jumped in surprise at the sound of Karasu's voice. I thought he was asleep! "Startled, are we…?"
"A little yes…why didn't you let me know sooner that you were awake?"
"I thought the shock would have a much better effect…don't you agree?" he replied in a slightly mocking tone. The caress of his breath on Kurama's neck, which sent shivers down his spine, made him nod weakly in response.
"I can't believe you'd actually do that…"
"What do you mean?"
"You know exactly what I mean…the suicide! How could you…? Didn't you think of what it would've done to me if I hadn't gotten here in time?" Kurama demanded.
"It did pass through my mind a few times, but it was the choice I had committed to… My deepest apologizes for worrying you so much. Everything's all right now though, isn't it?"
"It is Karasu. But there is still one tiny little problem…"
"Yes? Continue."
"I want to stay with my human mother you must realize…we have to figure out a way to make this work…"
"Such a simple thing, I'm surprised you haven't already figured out a solution for it…" Karasu murmured, resting his chin on Kurama's shoulder.
"Well I obviously haven't…and since you seem to know of one, would you mind sharing?"
Karasu let out a small laugh. "Of course kitsune… What I figured we could do is, you'd stay with your mother obviously, but I'll come with you to Ningenkai. I'll share your room and whenever someone comes knocking; literally, I leave until you're alone again. Does that sound like a decent solution to you?"
"Yeah, it does. I don't know why I didn't think of that…"
"Exactly my point love…" Glancing at the horizon again, Kurama noticed that the sun had sunken further down. "Something wrong…?"
"Not really…it's just that we'll have to put that ingenious plan of yours into play. Immediately I'm afraid…"
"I see…shall we get going then?"
"Yeah," Kurama smiled, standing up.
"Let's be on our way then…we wouldn't want your mother to worry yet again, now would we?" Karasu asked.
"H-how'd you know?" Kurama asked, taken aback.
"Just call it lover's intuition…"
"Wait…didn't Yusuke blurt that out when I was still angry with them?" Kurama asked.
"So much for fooling you…"
"Aw, don't be sad, I would've figured it out eventually anyway. Besides, I'm sure over time that 'lover's intuition' will come to you for real."
"I'm sure I will."
"I hope I receive it as well…I don't want something like this to happen again…"
"Trust me Kurama, it won't. And I think you already have it, how else would you have known to come here?"
"That's a good point."
The two lovers then ventured back to Kurama's house where he greeted his mother home just in time. And so things went just as their plan suggested. Kurama continued with his human life and assistance to Yusuke and the others. But whenever Kurama was alone, whether it is while he was working on homework, or late at night, or whenever, Karasu was there with him…for forever, fornever.
-Owari-
-sniff- It's such a beautiful ending... I'm very happy with how this turned out, I'm really glad I decided to re-write this little fic. Ah yes, again, for those who don't know Japanese very well, the last sentence in Karasu's note read: Good bye fox, I love you, for eternity. How romantic, ne? lol. Well, I guess this is goodbye, I certainly hope you enjoyed the ride! Please review one last time, Sayonara!