Well, here's the next chapter. Reviews are much appreciated!

Chapter Ten: Theoden Becomes All Happy Inside

In Horseyland, things weren't looking very good for the royal family. Eowyn stood by Theodred's bed, pounding on his chest. "Wake up, you fool!" Theodred made several weird gurgling sounds and then lay still.

"Looks like he's Theodead now!" laughed Grima.

"No! He can't be!"

"You lie!"

"How was that a lie?"

"I don't know, but you lie anyway."

Eowyn moved away from Theodred's body, as it was dead and was already starting to smell a bit weird. "Okay, well I'd better go break the news to my uncle."

Grima pounced in front of the doorway. "Wait, don't go! I lust after you!"

"How disturbing. Now let me pass!"

"Never! Not until you be my woman!"

"I don't think so." Eowyn easily pushed past Grima and walked away outside. "Hey, I see strangers approaching! I'd better hide!" She flew back inside and stood cowering beside Theoden's chair.

"Eh?" said Theoden. "Go back to the stable, pony."

Outside, Gandalf, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli had arrived. Groups of peasants clustered around, staring at them unblinkingly. "What are you freaks looking at?" Gandalf yelled at the peasants. "Get back to work!"

The four travelers approached the Not-A-Single-Speck-Of-Gold Hall. The door-ward jumped out in front of them. "BOO! You... shall not... pass!"

"Why?" Aragorn asked. "I'm future king of Gone-Door, and I demand that you let me pass!"

"Well this isn't Gone-Door, so ha!" said the man, whose name was Hama. "Go away, strangers! We don't like weirdos!"

"Ah, come on, let us in!" whined Gandalf. "I'll give you a penny!"

"No!"

"A goldfish?"

"No!"

"An Elf Princess doll?"

"No!"

"A woman?"

"Hmm... No!"

"Darn, I thought I had him," Gandalf muttered. "Well, how about a sport utility vehicle?"

Hama thought for a moment. "Uh... sure."

"Gimli, get the SUV!" Gimli disappeared for a moment and then came back hauling an old, splintered, peasant cart. "Hey, give that back!" shouted a peasant in the background.

Hama gave the trashy little cart a hug. "It's beautiful! I'll love it forever! You guys can enter the hall. But first I have to take your weapons away. Theoden has recently developed a highly irrational phobia of weapons."

Legolas took out his bows and knives. "Watch as I spin my weapons around skillfully, making the fangirls admire me more than ever!"

"Darn, I want fangirls," said Hama.

"Show-off," Aragorn muttered as Legolas spun his weapons around and handed them to Hama.

"Here's my axe," Gimli grumbled. Hama grabbed the axe and stuck it against the wall. "Hey you, with the greasy hair and body odor that can be smelled a kilometer away! Give me your sword!"

Aragorn hugged his sword protectively. "I don't want to!"

"Just give it here."

"NO! It's my precious and you can't touch it!"

"Aragorn, you're acting extremely childish!" said Gandalf. "Now just give up your sword!"

"Nope, I'm not doing it."

"Um... I think we could use a little help here," said Hama.

Suddenly, Samwise Gamgee materialized out of nowhere, snatched Aragorn's sword, and gave it to Hama. He then snapped his fingers and disappeared.

"Was that Sam, or were my elderly eyes playing tricks on me?" said Gandalf.

"I think it was Sam," said Legolas.

Hama pointed at Gandalf. "Give me your staff, old man!"

"Now way! I'm old and if I don't have my staff I'll fall over and break my back! Do you want that to happen?" Hama shook his head. "I didn't think so. Now let's go inside."

"Wait," said Hama. He pointed at Aragorn. "Sir, you must wash before entering. We do not allow people as filthy as you to enter our hall."

"No way!" Aragorn protested. "You can take my sword away but you can't make me wash!"

"Fine, we'll do this the easy way." Hama took a can of air freshener out of his pocket and sprayed Aragorn with it.

"AAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH!" Aragorn screamed. "IT BURNS ME!"

Legolas pointed and laughed very loudly until Gandalf grabbed him and shoved him inside the hall. "Come on, Aragorn! Be quiet and get inside!" He shoved Aragorn inside and followed him with Gimli.

Legolas was standing in a corner, still laughing hysterically to himself. Gandalf hit him with his staff. "Stop that, you stupid elf!" The elf finally stopped his giggling and went over to join his companions. The four of them approached Theoden's throne, Legolas holding Gandalf by the arm.

"Ah, thanks for the support, Legolas, my arthritis has been acting up lately," said the wizard.

"No problem."

"Suck up!" Aragorn mouthed at Legolas.

Grima suddenly walked up to them, folded his arms, and said in a cute, high voice, "You're late!"

"A wizard is never late, Grima Wormtongue, nor is he early, he-"

"Oh shuddup, you old man!" Grima yelled. "Go away, you're not welcome here!"

"Why do I have to listen to you?" Gandalf asked. "You're not the king."

"He has a point, you know," moaned Theoden.

"No opinions, Theoden!" Grima snapped. "Now go back to being mindless!"

"Alright..." Theoden leaned back in his chair and started drooling and murmuring incomprehensibly to himself like a crazy old man.

Gandalf walked up to Theoden. "Get out of there, Skittleman!"

"But Horseyland is mine!" protested Skittleman's voice. "We found it, we did. It's OURS!" There was a sound of hysterical, maniacal laughter.

"Well that was bizarre," said Aragorn.

"You can't have Horseyland!" Gandalf yelled. "Now go away or I'll make you break a nail!"

"No! Not my precious, freakishly long nails! Alright, I'm done controlling this loser!" Skittleman's voice faded away. Theoden gave a moan and keeled over in his seat.

Eowyn ran up to him. "Uncle, I'll save you!" Aragorn grabbed her. "No, leave this up to the professionals!"

"Ooh, he touched me!" Eowyn fainted.

"Hmm... I see you've finally gotten yourself a fangirl," said Legolas. "And it isn't really a very good one." Aragorn kicked him.

Theoden stood up. "Hey, I feel all better now and happy inside! Thank you, Prozac!"

"No, you fool!" said Gandalf. "You're supposed to thank me! Stupid Prozac never did anything for your life. You're now happy again because of me!"

"Well you're quite a bragger, aren't you? Well, thanks anyway."

Eowyn revived from her fainting spell and got up. "Uncle! You're okay!" She stood in front of him. "Do you still think I'm a pony?"

Theoden looked at her. "Hey, I finally know your face, sister-daughter!"

"Sister-daughter?" said Legolas in shock. "Does that mean she's your sister and your daughter? How the heck is that possible?"

"No, you sicko!" yelled Theoden. "It means she's the daughter of my sister! Gosh, Elves don't know anything."

"Hey Theoden, I suggest you grab your sword," Gandalf said. "It will give you motivation!"

"Okay! Wait, where is my sword?"

"Grima took it," said Hama.

"Stupid Grima! Make him give me back my sword!" Hama disappeared with Grima. "Alright, where is the king's sword?"

"You lie," Grima replied.

"Huh? What would I be lying about? Give up the sword!"

"I don't want to. It's shiny and pretty and it's mine now. And you lie."

"Give me the sword or I'll... I'll force you to grow eyebrows!"

"No!" Grima clamped his hands protectively over his bare forehead. "Anything but eyebrows! Okay, the sword is in that trunk over there." He unlocked the trunk and handed over the sword. Hama brought it to Theoden. "Here you go."

Theoden took the sword. "Thanks! Now I feel motivated to do various things of little importance! Hurray for me!" He applauded himself and sat back down in his chair.