Chapter Eleven: Strange Funeral

Theoden sighed a happy sigh of contentment. "This is the greatest day of my life! As my first act of New and Improved Theoden, I will now go outside and make the peasants bow down to me!" He got off of his chair and stepped outside. "BOW! BOW DOWN TO ME, YOU FOOLS!"

Various peasants all got down on their knees. "Yippee! Theoden, King of the Mark! We love you!"

"Yeah, now get to work, you slave-driven parasites."

"Okay! We love working!" The peasants all scattered away.

Grima popped out of the shadows. "And now, I uh... will try to blend in with the crowd and then make a quick run for it!"

"I don't think so!" Theoden raised his sword over Grima's head.

"No! Don't kill him!" Aragorn said. "If you kill him, then his blood will get all over the place and it will infect everybody and we'll all die from the horrible Wormtongue Disease!"

"I have no idea what in the world you're talking about, Aragorn, but I will listen to you." He lowered his sword. "Shoo, Grima! Never show your ugly, eyebrowless face here again!"

"YOU LIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!" were Grima's last words as he ran away and disappeared.

"That guy really had issues with all those lying accusations," said Theoden. He looked around. "Hey, where's Theodred?"

"We don't know," said the peasants.

"I don't know," said Gandalf.

"I don't know," said Gimli.

"I don't know," said Aragorn.

Legolas stood on top of a chair and proudly announced, "Theodred is missing!"

"Theodred is dead, remember?" said Eowyn.

"No, I don't remember," said Theoden. "I had my mind temporarily butchered, okay! Hey wait a minute, did you just say that he's dead?"

Eowyn nodded. "I tried to tell you but you kept ignoring me and calling me a pony!"

"Well this isn't good! Now I have no son! All I've got left is my worthless, disobedient nephew and my psychopathic, rather violent niece."

"Can we have a funeral?" begged the peasants. "With lots of flowers and free food?"

"Sure, why not?"

"YIPPEE! FREE FOOD!"

Everyone gathered outside and formed a circle around Theodred's body. Everyone droned on and on about how wonderful Theodred was when he was alive. Eowyn was starting to get rather bored, and decided to make things more interesting by singing.

"Listen to me sing! Don't I sound terrible?"

"AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!" Aragorn screamed. "Make her stop singing!"

But Eowyn refused Aragorn's pleas and continued singing. Hopefully, if she kept at it long enough, everyone would soon leave and the boring funeral would end.

"Eowyn, please stop!" Aragorn begged, his hands clamped over his ears.

"May I be of assistance?" said Sam, who had popped up out of nowhere using his teleporting abilities. He took a cotton ball out of his pocket, shoved it down Eowyn's throat, and disappeared.

Eowyn immediately stopped singing and starting hacking and coughing. "Water! Somebody get water!"

"Make Gimli get it," said Legolas.

"Make Aragorn get it," said Gimli.

"Make Theodred get it," said Aragorn.

"Theodred is dead! Have you all forgotten?" said Eowyn, who had managed to find a glass of water in her shoe and was now all better.

"Nooo!" Theoden cried. "No parent should have to bury their child!"

"Yes we should!" said the peasants.

"Okay, who's next to have their child buried?" asked the undertaker.

"Us! Us!" said a peasant couple.

"Um, okay. That was a little bit disturbing," said Theoden. "Well, this funeral is done and over with. Now where's my horse?"

"Look! There's a pretty horsey over there!" said Gandalf, pointing at the two village children who had arrived riding on an old man's back.

"That not a horse! That's an old man! Hello, deprived peasant kiddies! Want a bread roll?" Theoden threw a bread roll at the boy and ended up knocking him off of the back of the old man. "Ow! I broke my back!" the boy cried.

Theoden shifted around uncomfortably. "Um... Gandalf did it! Now come inside, children. My niece will assist you."

"No way, I detest children!" said Eowyn.

"You do?"

"Haven't you ever seen my child-shaped dart board?" She threw a dart at the child-shaped dart board and hit it dead center. "Bull's-eye!"

"I'll take the kiddies inside," Gandalf offered. "Come, children! Come with old Gandalf! I haven't got any fireworks, but that's okay, because my friend Gimli always has a built-in blaster!"

"I can't walk, my back is broken!" whined the boy. "Did everyone forget about that?"

"Hama! Get the boy a stretcher! That's going to be your new job, since you're such a lousy door-warden!"

"Yes, my lord!" said Hama.

I didn't get many reviews for the last chapter, so I'd really like to have some reviews. Elijah Wood would also be nice, but I'll settle for just a review.