A/N: Hmmm, hi guys. Some of you may know me as BubblyBlondie, changed my name and decided to start writing on this site again. That's beside the point, though. This is a short one-shot and it was originally intended to be about Shigure, but as I started writing things changed and well, please just read it and if you hated it or loved it, leave a review and let me know, kay? Thank you very much, and hope you enjoy. (This is first person pov, by the way. )
Disclaimer: No, I unfortunately own nothing of Fruits Basket except for this little plot I thought up randomly in the night.
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I didn't go to school this morning. I couldn't bring myself to muster up enough strength for the long walk after that ordeal. I was dressed in my uniform and everything, messenger bag slung over my shoulder and my hand on the doorknob; my mom just a few feet away by the kitchen counter washing some dishes. My mother had turned the faucet off at the exact time I had dropped my bag, and when she looked over to see what happened I was already gone. The nausea came quick and swift, and eventually lead me straight for my bathroom. I was throwing up for at least twenty minutes or so, watching the breakfast I had actually eaten that morning all come back up.
I assured my mom that she could leave for work, after all I was already eighteen and could take care of myself without her watching over me. Besides, she couldn't afford to miss work. So she left, kissing me on the forehead as I lay plopped on the living room sofa. After the door quietly closed shut, and I was assured of her departed presence, I let out a sigh of relief. I don't know why I did that, it just came natural, as though I had a sense of foreboding. It was an odd thing to do, but now I understand why I did it.
A half hour or so after she left I had finally forced myself to stand on my wobbly legs, directing my body towards my bedroom to change out of my uniform, constantly reminding myself that there were walls needed to be avoided so I didn't crash right into them. Sometimes I often wondered if I should remind myself to breathe for fear of not doing that either. In any case, I slinked my skirt down and over my waist, peeled my shirt off and slipped into comfortable pajamas. That's when I thought of something I hoped never to think of at my age, in my position.
At first I thought my unsettled stomach had been aroused by the fact that I ate breakfast this morning when in actuality I never ate my morning meals. Then I allowed my mind to drift to what should have been forbidden thoughts for a girl my age, and began to ponder some other, more unthinkable reasons for my queasy stomach.
I still felt dazed from the morning odd enough, I never took vomiting as bad I had been, but this was different, as though it sucked all life out of me; as though it stole my soul and only left my material being behind. Shakily reaching my hand over the arm of the sofa for the phone, I tried hard to get my week fingers to press with enough force upon the buttons and call the only person I could call in my situation, and after I did so, Hatori was pounding on my door in what seemed like only seconds.
That's how I found myself in the bathroom with the door shut, knowing that Hatori was probably leaning against it on the other side anxiously waiting for me to tell him what we've both been dreading. I couldn't though, I simply couldn't tell him the results of what I was looking at. Hell, I couldn't even convince myself that what I was reading was real! My hand was practically convulsing at this point, and I kept tapping that damn stick to see if the sign would miraculously change, but it wouldn't, and my hopes were a wasted effort. I had almost forgot Hatori was out there until I heard his voice penetrate through the wood of the door, he sounded so loud I thought for sure some of the oak had cracked. I had flinched when he shouted my name and shuddered when he jingled the doorknob back and forth.
I was never close with Hatori, I don't think we ever spoke more than two words to each other if we didn't have to, but when that thought dawned on me, Hatori was the only person I could think of. He was the only person I knew would help, even if he didn't like me, I knew, something was telling me, he would help.
His balled fists meeting a bloody death against my bathroom door again startled me, shouting at me to forget my isolated relationship with Hatori-san and open up. I finally freed myself from the windowless prison and eventually found myself staring up into the very attractive face of Hatori. He looked so much like Shigure that I felt as though I were betraying Shigure by just thinking of the resemblance. I felt bad knowing that I was in the same room as Hatori-san all alone, without Shigure knowing, which is why I may have never given Hatori-san a chance to know me; to know that I did admire him and what he did. I never did anything to show him how highly I thought of him, how much I sympathized with him, and over all, how good of a person I judged his character. This was a new thing for the two of us, being with each other without being forced to. I was half expecting him to question me on the phone as to how I obtained his number and why I had it, but I suppose the panic in my voice told his more moral and righteous self to discard that inquiry and just come over.
"What did it say?" He asked me as though we had been very close for the most part of our lives, he talked to me as though he didn't hate me; as though he didn't only put up with me because I was Tohru's friend who hung around Shigure's house way too much. No, the way his voice eloquently poured from his lips was in the kindest of tones, as though he actually cared and hoped for what I had been hoping for. My eyes met his, and for a very brief second, we knew each other; we were happy to be with each other even though it was under such morose circumstances, and after they wandered off of his own, though I wouldn't admit it, I was still happy to have him here for me. Shaking my head no, as I knew he would immediately know what I meant, I felt the sudden urge to cry, and I thought, for some bizarre reason, maybe Hatori-san felt it as well.
I listened to him sigh in grievance and wondered, could Hatori-san really being grieving for me? Could it be possible that he was just as troubled as I was? I brought my teary-eyed orbs back up and struck them against his own again, and before I knew it I buried my face into his shirt and sobbed as though it were my first time and hadn't a clue as to how to shut myself off.
I wasn't expecting anything in return from Hatori-san, at the most I thought maybe he would attempt to politely push me away, but what I received thoroughly shook me up to the point where I almost detached from his embrace. Yes, Hatori-san had actually willed himself to embrace me back, and as I felt his hands roam round my back, awkwardly trying to soothe me when it was clear he hadn't comforted anyone in quite some time, I smiled into his chest. Throughout the midst of all that was going on, Hatori-san had achieved a genuine smile from me, he could honestly say he got me to smile, a girl he never paid anymore mind to than he would a bum on the street smiled because of his presence.
"Thank you, Hatori-san." I whispered into his shirt which was absorbing more and more of my tears.
"For what?"
"Being here… when no one else was." I can't tell you how I knew this, but I just did, I knew at that moment I had, as well, managed to make him smile, and I couldn't prevent myself from thinking,
Hatori-san smiled because of me.
He begged me to stop crying once he lead me back to the sofa, covering me with a blanket and not leaving my side even when I told him it was okay. He was sitting next to me, holding my hand, and making me feel like no else has made me feel, and again a thought I couldn't help but think came to me, why was I feeling like this? Why was Hatori-san, a man I never dared utter a word to, making me feel as though the world could end tomorrow, and as long as he was with me, everything would be okay? It wasn't supposed to be him that made me tremble, that made me feel weak. If he left my side I wasn't supposed to feel as though I would wilt and die, it was supposed to be someone else who did that to me; it was supposed to be the father of the baby I was carrying.
"I can't watch you cry anymore." I laughed when he said that, he was either a bad actor or very bad at conveying emotions.
"You're too kind. Please Hatori-san, go home, I hate doing this to you." He stubbornly shook his head and I was increasingly beginning to believe that maybe I was the one with the problem, maybe I was just blind to what he was really feeling.
"I hate it when you cry. You never cry, you're always so… happy. I hate it when you hurt because… I hurt. It's hard to watch someone I've only seen smile give up like this. I won't abandon you, you have good friends, Tohru will be there right alongside of you as well. Everyone will be… I understand if you don't want to tell me who the father is, but even if he won't support you, all of us will."
Yes, that's what it was I found out this morning, that's why I beckoned Hatori-san to come over. I knew he didn't treat patients outside the Sohma family, but I didn't call him as a patient this morning. Even if I hadn't realized at the time I was making the call, I subconsciously was calling him as my friend, as someone I trusted. I knew he would help, and the more I think about it, the more I think he was happy to help.
Of course though, with the discovery of a baby on the way, one can't help themselves but wonder who could be the one that would father this baby, and I knew he was burning to ask not only because he was here at the time I, myself, found out, but because I was so young. He, of course, couldn't bring himself to intrude like that, though I wish he did; I wish he felt comfortable enough to ask after going through this with me, but in any case, I was going to answer his unasked question as much as it pained me.
"Hatori-san," I rasped out, as now my voice was hoarse from silently crying, squeezing his hand I hadn't realized he slipped into mine.
"I know the father will help me because… I know that he's a good person. You do too, everyone does. He's… such a kind person," I continued, though I became slightly more emotional towards the end, choking on a few tears as I tried to convince him of Shigure's taking care of me and the baby. I knew Shigure would, without question he would plead with me to move into his house. He would never turn a cold cheek to me, I knew him too well, I just hoped Hatori-san did too, I hoped he wouldn't doubt him.
"Hatori-san… Shigure can do this… I know he can. Please have some faith in him." I don't know what he was thinking after I dropped such a bomb on him. His own flesh and blood was the father of my baby, was acquainted with me in such an intimate way. Shigure was my lover for a little over a year now, and no one knew about it, not even Hatori-san or Ayame-san. Me, some stupid little eighteen-year old girl actually managed to come between the great Mabudachi Trio. I can't help but hate myself for causing such trouble for Shigure, I can't help but resent myself for loving him so much that I had to go and force him to keep me secret because of the age I was when we met. If only I hadn't made it so obvious to him that I was attracted to him, if only he didn't feel the same way, if only we never met at all, life would have been less complicated…. life would have been devoid of love.
Hatori-san didn't say anything for a while after discovering that Shigure was the father. He actually looked… hurt? I couldn't place what it was he was feeling, as he remained all too stoic for any deciphering. His eyes, though locked on to mine, seemed to lack any life and when I returned his gaze it appeared to me that I wasn't staring into his eyes, but into an abyss of nothing. There was no emotion left, it was like he was gone, and for a very quick second it was like there never was anyone with me in my apartment, it was as though I were alone, visited by a ghost who had only just left.
Removing my hand from out of his lost grip must have jogged his mind and pulled him back to reality, as his eyes now held substance and his face contorted to a wall of isolation again. I couldn't let him slip back into that old habit of silence, I wouldn't permit him to allow things to go back to the way they were between us. All of those walls preventing us from knowing each other the way we seemed to know each other now had been knocked down with just the coming of today, I couldn't let him rebuild them in just the blink of an eye.
"Hatori-san, no one knows about me and Shigure, no one. You're… the first, and I'm glad that you were the first. I couldn't imagine it being anyone else sitting next to me… I could only imagine you. I can only-"
"Shigure will make a very good father. You have nothing to worry to about." He cut me, refusing to meet my eye and detaching his soul from my presence yet again. The walls had gone back up as more indestructible than ever now. The short lived equilibrium the two of us found within each other had died, he was Hatori-san again, the man who didn't know me, the man who never would know me as well as he did this day, and I was just some girl who tagged along with Tohru and her friends.
He left soon afterward, making sure I had everything I needed and telling me he would stay with me to tell my mom if I wanted him to, but I refused the offer and begged him to go attend to things he needed to attend to. Before he walked away though, he left me with a kiss to the forehead and I couldn't help myself from thinking that Hatori-san, in the deepest part of his being, in the darkest part of his essence, didn't want anyone to step up and claim the baby as theirs. I think, and maybe I'm being too self centered as I say this, but I think he wanted to help me raise it, maybe he wanted to help me love it, and just maybe, he wanted to try and love me, as I know I wouldn't have minded loving him. It's funny how life works out, when you think you know something, you find out, you never knew anything.
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A/N: Well, what did you all think? I can't stress enough that I'd LOVE it if you guys reviewed. It wouldn't kill me if you didn't, but it would just make me that happy. Anyway, I do hope you like, and if any of you have a request for another Fruits Basket one-shot, I'd be happy to do it. (By the way, I didn't mean to give this story such a depressing undertone, it just sorta happened. ) Love ya all lots, it's good to be back writing here!