Thanks for your reviews:D Even though there weren't a ton, hint hint every review is appreciated.

Alright, I know this takes place during their 4th year, which is, obviously, the year before Harry looked at them through Snape's memory. I'm pretending that either that never happened, or they broke up and James realized the error of his ways and tried to get Lily to go out with him again. You can choose, whichever you prefer, because unless I completely lose my mind and choose to go from October of 4th to about June of 5th or later, I'm not going to fill in the blanks there.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Diary of Lily Evans

October 21, 1974

Thank goodness it's Friday. I love Fridays. Well, actually, no, I don't. I love the end of Fridays. I can stay up until the wee hours of the morning and not having to worry about getting up to attend classes. I could sleep until 3 in the afternoon on Saturday if I was so inclined.

Also, today is great so far. You know why? It is an absolutely, 100 Potter-free day. Hallelujah and praise the Lord!

So far I've had Herbology and Charms. Herbology is great. Very relaxing. Except for when the plants are trying to maim you. But, as far as people go, there's no one to annoy me or distract me, and even if there was, everyone's so busy with their own plant that they haven't got any time to piss you off.

Then, there's Charms, which, of course, is my best subject. And Sirius is in there, but he doesn't really bother me much. He's too busy purposely exploding things for kicks, and blaming it on his ineptitude. And hitting on girls. Basically he's preoccupied.

And Amy has pretty much left me alone today, which is good and bad at the same time. Good, in the sense that she doesn't pester me. Bad, in the sense that I'm by myself. No one likes being alone. Well, maybe some people do. But I don't. Pretty much the only way to keep myself preoccupied at breaks is to read. Ugh. I like reading, but reading for an HOUR on a Defense Against the Dark Arts textbook! Yeah, DADA. I have it in the next block, so I was carrying around it with me. It was either that or Arithmancy.

Anyways, I'm going to wander around for awhile and try and consider what I'm going to do about this whole Remus situation.

Later

I know I've said this about 10 million times, but I really will kill James Potter someday.

"What did he do now", you may be asking. Or, at least you WOULD be, if you were a person and not a book filled with empty pages. Anyways.

I was outside, walking around the grounds, and people-watching. Suddenly I couldn't move, and fell over. I tried to scream but obviously, can't move. I was thinking 'Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, someone's going to kill me." I know, not the most rational thing, especially at somewhere as safe as Hogwarts, but someone has suddenly petrified me, and I assumed the worst. Well, actually, what happened next WAS the worst. Someone's shadow falls over me. I can't move my head, and I can't see who it is. Then, they speak.

"Why, fancy meeting you here, Evans."

Oh, God.

Sodding POTTER. Anyways, all I can do is growl with my mouth closed (which, by the way, sounds like some kind of funny gargling) and glare at him (luckily, my eyelids can move… otherwise my eyes would get REALLY dry). He continues on, "I really didn't want to have to resort to this, Evans, but you've made it rather difficult to correspond with you." I was thinking, being nice would've worked, you sodding arse… "So," He says, "I'm going to take this off of you. But, I'm going to petrify your legs. And tie up your hands. And we're going to talk like civilized adults." So, then he has the nerve to FLIP ME OVER, yank my hands behind my back, tie them up, and flip me back over. Then, he runs about 2 meters away (I guess so I can't immediately kill him), does the counter curse for total body bind, and then before I can struggle to get up (I was still tied up and lying down… hands are vital for getting up.), does the leg bind.

"I'M GOING TO SODDING KILL YOU, POTTER! UNBIND ME RIGHT NOW, YOU EVIL, EVIL SON OF A-" I scream at the top of my lungs.

"Language, language, Miss Evans. We wouldn't want Gryffindor to lose any precious points, would we?" He cuts me off before I can say exactly what he's the son of.

"You'll lose more than that if you don't untie and unbind me right now," I threaten. I meant it, too. I'd make sure that he never had children. Ever.

"What happened to talking like civilized adults?"

"Somehow, when I imagine a civilized, adult conversation, one person isn't tied up."

"Depends on what your definition of 'adult' is."

Ew. "Get your mind out of the gutter, Potter."

"Who said it was in it? I was just stating that being an adult doesn't necessarily mean being mature. I think if anyone's mind is in the gutter, it's yours."

"Bull."

"So, I'd like to have a little chat with you about something."

Why am I being punished with this? "Uuuurgh… Potter, please, just let me go."

"After you answer a very simple little question of mine."

"What?"

"Who do you like?"

"FOR GODS SAKE, POTTER, LEAVE IT ALONE!"

"It's not that difficult of a question!"

"WHY WON'T YOU JUST FORGET ABOUT IT!"

"Because I'm curious. Is that such a crime?"

"No, but kidnapping someone is!"

"This isn't kidnapping."

"Then let me go."

"No."

"Kidnapping."

"If you'd just tell me, I wouldn't have to kidnap you!"

"If you would just mind your own business, I wouldn't have to tell you!"

"Please, no one minds their own business."

"Well, maybe you should be the first one."

"Just tell me."

"No!"

"Is he in our year?"

"Leave me alone!"

"Is he in Gryffindor?"

"Bugger off!"

"He better not be in Slytherin."

"GO AWAY!"

"Just tell me a little hint, and I'll let you go, I swear!"

"You'd let me go if I told you a hint?

"Yes."

"On your life?"

"Cross my heart and hope to die."

"I hope you would, too."

"Love you too, Lils."

"Bugger off."

"So are you gonna tell me the hint or what?"

"Yes."

"…I'm waiting."

"Alright. The hint is… You know him."

"Define know."

"You know him."

"Know as in see occasionally, or talk to sometimes, or are friends with, or are best buds with, or what?"

"You know him."

"Well, that's hardly a hint."

"Let me go."

"That wasn't a hint!"

"Yes, it was!"

"It was a shoddy hint!"

"It was still a hint!"

"Fine! Christ…"

He untied my hands and darted away before I could strangle him. And started walking away.

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DOING!" I shrieked after him.

"I'm not stupid! I'm getting a head start. I don't want to die, you see," He called back, and waved his wand. Suddenly my legs could move again. I darted up and started running faster than I ever have run after him. He's fast, but I'm just as fast, and seeing as how I was seething mad, I was faster. Right now, he's in the hospital wing. I kneed him so hard in the groin that he nearly passed out. And then slapped his face. I got 50 points taken away from Gryffindor, but it was bloody worth it.

Later

Potter appeared in the middle of DADA, my last class of the day (walking bowlegged, I might add). Unfortunately, Amy had ditched me to sit with Sirius, hoping that Remus might sit beside me, but she forgot about the Peter factor. This meant that there was only one empty seat in the entire class, and it was next to me.

He sat down next to me stiffly, and I got ready for a half hour of ceaseless tormenting. I thought for sure he was going to piss me off more than he had ever, but he just ignored me for the entire class. It was rather odd. I felt kind of… unfulfilled. Usually I walk out of that class angry and full of unspent energy, but this time I just walked out normally. It was a really odd change.

For the rest of the day, at supper, in the common room, even when I had to share a table with him in the library, he ignored me. Didn't even look at me. I felt like screaming at him for not acting normal.

Also, I started to feel guilty. Really, really guilty. By the time I went to bed, I felt like the lowest piece of scum to ever roam the face of the Earth.

Augh. I hate my conscience.

October 22, 1974

Alright, this is killing me. I can't stand this guilt anymore. I have to go apologize to him.

Later

I apologized. He just stared at me with this kind of haunted look in his eye, and left. I felt like crying. And not because of what he did. It was what I did.

Later

I talked with Remus about it. Purely un-crush related. He seemed like the most sound-headed of James' troupe, and the most likely to not tell James that I had talked to Remus unless I asked him to.

He said that he was worried about James, too. He hadn't ever acted like this before, according to Remus. He seemed frustrated, irrational, and fidgety until the… encounter with me, and then he had just seemed… empty. I told Remus that I had tried apologizing to him, and he just stared at me. Remus said that yeah, that was the empty thing he was talking about.

He had this… theory… but… I don't want to think about it, or I might start believing it.

I asked him to tell James that I was really sorry, and that I was worried about him. I figure the 'worried about him' thing should snap James out of his funk. I mean, we're supposed to hate each other. You don't worry about people you hate unless it's really serious.

Aren't Saturdays supposed to be relaxing? Today has been more stressful than ANY weekday has ever been.

REVIIIIIIIEW