Library

Chapter 3

A/N: Holy Cabooses, I updated! Yes it has been over a year since my previous chapters but what can I say my muse decided to take off without prior authorization. It's been a nasty battle trying to find said muse. I even offered a bounty with the result that I wrote a Remus/Hermione one shot. That being said, yes I am going to finish this story. I'm still trying to come up with something for the final trick of Bob's to hook up Draco and Hermione. If you have an idea please let me know!

Review Answers: Yes, Bob is alive. Run for your lives, ack! The other thing about Bob being a perv and all isn't my fault really. He said he needed some action and I sympathized with the poor bloke, eh bien.

Disclaimer: Now boys and girls repeat after me, Legessa does not in any way, shape, or form own the wonderful world of Harry Potter. Okay stop repeating me now…I mean it, no stop it. If you don't stop repeating me I will not share my humongous poster of the oh so hot Will Turner OR the poster I have of a very broody Legolas. Haha, I knew it would work. The song belongs to Looking Glass and Ron's er poem is from Jill Barnett's A Knight in Tarnished Armor.

'It's already three in the afternoon this fine Thursday and neither Draco nor Hermione have come close to the library what to do, what to do? Must use others to help complete my evil plan…hello, if it isn't my two favorite stoners. They could definitely come in handy, oh yes this should be very amusing, a special treat for my soon-to-be love bunnies, commence evil laugh – Mwahahahahaha.'

"Hey Ron, I just had a rather wicked thought!"

"What's that mate?"

"We haven't had any brownies for awhile now, how about we go down to the kitchens and make some, yum special brownies."

"Harry that's brilliant! Now let us sally forth… to the kitchens!"

"Harry Potter, Dobby is so happy to be seeing you sir! And Harry Potter's friend, good afternoon sir!"

"Hi Dobby, well Ron and me were thinking, and you house elves have been seriously overworked; so, why don't you let us make the dessert for dinner tonight, ay?"

"Harry Potter is too kind sir, thank you Harry Potter."

"Well Ron, let's get to work. Do we have enough of the special ingredient? Ron?" When Harry didn't receive a response he looked over to see Ron, his eyes slightly glazed over with a joint in one hand and a Twinkie in the other. "Ron there isn't time for a doobie now, besides we need the weed for the brownies…well maybe a little hit."

XxXxXxXx

Hermione was calmly eating her buttered noodles in the Great Hall that evening when she and everyone in the Hall went silent as they head the slam of the doors, only to have her ears assailed with the rather off-key singing of her best friend Harry and a giggling Ron. Sad to say this wasn't an uncommon occurrence.

"The sailors say Brandi, you're a fine girl. What a good wife you would be, but my life, my love, and my lady is the seeeeaaaa…" Hello ladies and gents, how are you this fine evening?" However, Harry soon lost all interest in potential responses when he spotted a massive Honeydukes chocolate bar at the end of the Gryffindor table and promptly made a beeline to it. Meanwhile, Ron had meandered over to the Ravenclaw table and was kneeling in front of a spaced out Luna Lovegood.

"Luna my love, your breasts are pink as pigs and they taste like honeyed figs. As sure as I can fart, you will always have my heart." Pffffttttt. Luna merely gave Ron her dream-like stare. "Well Luna, let us be off to the lake but bring some of those brownies, can't forget the brownies – lovely brownies, chocolatey specialness. Ummmmm."

It was at this time Hermione noticed some of the odd behavior going on around the Hall, other than her friends that is. There were mock fork duels, couples snogging under tables, but all this paled in comparison to the horrific sight of the Headmaster and Snape doing a striptease on the head table while singing the words to Hot Stuff. The Hufflepuffs stared on in disgusted fascination, the Slytherins were trying to gouge out their eyes with forks when Snape's not-so-white tighty whities landed on their table, the Ravenclaws contemplated obliviate, the Gryffindor males decided to join in on the impromptu strip, while the Gryffindor girls sat at the table merely bored –after the Men of Gryffindor calendar came out there was no longer any need to view the boys' assets or lack thereof in most cases. Hermione only snorted as she left to find sanctuary at her beloved library.

'Ack! Snape and grimy undies…ewww. Eyes have been violated, must poke out.' Draco was in a panic looking for something sharp with which to gouge. In the midst of his tug of war with Zabini for a fork he saw Granger leaving the Great Hall, he promptly let go of the fork. Zabini didn't even question his good fortune he merely gave a cry of rapture as he clutched his prize. Draco decided now would be a good time to show Granger that his lusting gaze was a thing of the past and things would now go back to normal, and if as he followed her through the halls he happened to gaze at her ass who was to know.

XxXxXxXx

'Ahh exxxxxcellent. My two victims have arrived. I can tell though they plan to be difficult. Aha, I have it. Hermione I'm going to count backwards from five and when I say sleep you will fall into a trance and do my bidding. sleep! Now, Hermione I wish you to go into Draco's arms and give him a good snogging.'

Draco saw Hermione going down one of the Charms aisles and made quick to follow.

"Hey Granger, I have something to say to you. Now I may have seemed a bit off the other day but that's..." Draco stopped mid-sentence when he noticed a strange haze in Granger's eyes. He was bewildered as she walked up to him and slammed him into the bookshelf. "Granger, what" However Draco soon forgot his question as he felt Hermione swirl her tongue into his mouth. He was quick to return the embrace as he felt her hands start to slide up his chest to tangle in his hair. When she gasped he trailed kisses down neck impatiently tugging at her shirt that was hindering his progress.

'Wake.'

Draco had his hands fisted in Hermione's shirt and was back to kissing her sweet mouth when he noticed a distinct lack of participation. Looking up he noticed a look of complete shock on Hermione's face which was slowly being replaced by anger.

"Malfoy what do you think you're doing? Get your hands off of me."

"What do you mean what am I doing, you started it."

"Did I really, I don't remember."

"Absolutely you did. You shoved me into a bookcase like this" from whence he pinned her to the bookcase and trapped her in between his arms "and then you up and kissed me." Which he proceeded to do. When he stopped kissing her to see her reaction he saw her eyes were ablaze. Leaning in to kiss her again he was amazed when she smacked him across the face. As she slipped away from him he began to pursue her. Hermione stopped, turned around and smacked him again, gave him a fiery kiss, and one more smack for good measure before stalking out of the library. Draco just stood there rubbing his cheek with a dazed grin on his face.

So that's it for Chapter 3. Hopefully the last chapter will be posted by the weekend. Don't expect it to be too long though unless I'm struck with inspiration or I get a sugar buzz from massive amounts of chocolate. Anywho, review and let me know what you think. If there's any last thing you want Bob to do or my little stoners for that matter just let me know.

Oh and remember my darlings, "evil will always triumph because good is dumb."

Legessa

Creator of chaos and destruction since 1982