Downfall
By: Rogue Fox
A/N: Well, sorry it took so long. I've been busy. I won't whine about reviews any more, I'm just going to see this through till the end for the people that have reviewed. So the POV switches toward the end, but it's marked, so there shouldn't be a problem. The song this time is "Until the Day I Die," by Story of the Year. It's a little harder than the past ones, but I figured something a little heavier and harder is due when one is writing in the POV if Yami Bakura. The next chapter is going to be back to soft, like normal. I don't own YGO – if I did, duels would few and far between, and all these couples would be the main focus, and Pegasus J. Crawford would die a horrific, gory death. Perhaps I should take over YGO, ne? Much love, and be a darling and review, if you would!
Oh, yeah, this chapter gets a little lime-ish, and the whole story is yaoi. Just so you know.
The sun was setting.
I love the sunsets. It doesn't matter how many times you see them, they're never the same. An Egyptian sunset is glorious, a Parisian sunset is romantic, a Greek sunset is philosophical, an Italian sunset means bring on the food. Every single time the sun sets you know that there won't be another like it, ever, ever again, and neither was there ever one like it before. I love sunsets. They remind me that no matter how many times I live and die, the sun will always set just as it always has and yet still manage to be different than all the times I've seen it before.
Change is an inevitable part of life. No matter how actively it is resisted, change comes. Nothing is ever the same as it was. So the few things that never do change, I adore. Like the color of Ryou's hair, or Yugi's eyes. Or how Malik laughs. Those things don't change, and I draw comfort from that.
Yami never changed either. Till Amsterdam. Everything changed after Amsterdam…
I pushed those thoughts away. Next to me, Marik sighed softly, his deep violet eyes glowing oddly in the late-afternoon golden glow, casting weird shadows on him. I stopped to watch him. Marik had changed, a little. When I'd first encountered him in this life, I had no idea we'd ever met before. He was an angry, vengeful, bitter, violent, homicidal maniac. The look on his face as he remembered things he'd forgotten, things like Malik playing as a child with Ryou and Yugi in a gorgeous oasis in some forgotten desert in some time long past, or things like fast-paced games of cat and mouse with me and Yami in the streets of Berlin back when Berlin was still a pleasant place to be, or lounging around a mountain lake and watching contentedly while the hikaris played on the shore. That look of utter rapture that had never left his face since, every time he looked at me or Yami or one of the hikaris. The look of joy that flitted through his eyes when Malik shrieked in laughter. That soft, contented look he got when one of the hikaris snuggled against him and he would pet them, coo at them and soothe them into a deep, happy sleep. I loved that look. Marik was never meant to be angry. He used to be happy. Malik's rage was what drove Marik over the edge, the final straw. Watching Malik die screaming in Amsterdam scarred Marik, but waking again to Malik's all-consuming bitterness, pain, and rage was the final blow. And it was Malik's smile and laughter that brought the torn fragments of the man I'd known and respected and loved as a friend and brother back from the edge of sanity. Slowly, he was clawing his way back to becoming what he was once before, just as I was. And that Marik could come back to me was a glimmer of hope that I was almost scared to hold for fear it would shatter and fade away. Because if Marik could come back, then maybe Yami could too…
I lied to Ryou, and I hate that. I hate my own weakness that kept me from admitting my pain to him, and I hated that I was willing to lie to him rather than face that weakness, because Yami was the one weakness I'd never been able to overcome. Yami had always been my weakness in one way or another… The only one I was second to, the only one who'd ever beaten me. The only one who'd ever tamed me. The only one who'd ever had me completely at his mercy, and the only one who would never, ever abuse that knowledge. Yami knew I was his, or had known. He knew I belonged to him solely, and that no matter what the consequences, I'd never abandon him. Even now, when he had no memory of me beyond that pathetic display in Egypt and knew nothing of what had happened after that, I still couldn't abandon him. There were times when he'd counted on my inability to leave him, and now, even now, I couldn't leave him behind. I still hoped, way down in some deep dark corner of my heart, that he would come back like Marik had come back. I prayed to any god with a sympathetic ear that I'd never live through that horror again. Bad enough, what happened in Amsterdam. Horrible enough to have to watch your lover, best friend, hikari, and the only other two people you'd ever loved or trusted die horrific deaths and be unable to stop it. Bad enough to be left totally alone. But to wake up again, and find that not only the hikaris don't remember (they never do, no surprise) but your companions who share in your curse don't remember you or each other or even their hikaris! Nothing! To remember it all, all the horror and pain, and still feel a fog in your head that tells you there is more that you've forgotten as well! The forgetting was worse than the plague. Far worse.
On my other side, Yami sat unaware of my torment, my memories. Sometimes I would think maybe something was clicking in his head, but I was afraid to hope… even more afraid that he might reject those memories, those stirrings within him. I cast a small look at him from the corner of my eye, admiring his regal profile. It was almost inbred into him, that ability to look majestic no matter what. I loved that about him… I shoved that thought away also.
" Bakura?" Yami asked suddenly. I looked at him fully, but he never met my gaze. He stared, almost determinedly at the sunset.
" Yeah?" I responded after a moment.
" Was there a time before this?" he asked.
" Of course." I answered evasively, too quickly. His eyes narrowed a little. I was evading him, and he knew it. Marik turned to watch us, his kind eyes burning into my back.
" When?" Yami asked. I couldn't answer him; I didn't know how. Marik was silent as well. " Sometimes I see things…" Yami continued after a moment. " Like remembering a dream or something… I'm never sure what's real and what's not. Maybe my mind is just inventing things. Maybe it's all my imagination, but I keep seeing things. When I close my eyes or when I listen to music or when I'm just about to fall asleep. I can't explain them, but they're familiar. It scares me, how familiar they are."
" I see things too." Marik confessed after a long moment during which Yami and I stared at each other and I tried to process what he was trying to tell me. " There are the things I remember, the things I know happened because I asked Bakura and he said it was true. But there are other things… Like you said, like remembering a realistic dream. I have trouble distinguishing what's real from the dreams. Some of them, I hope they're real. I want it to be real, and I'm not sure why, but I do. Others… I pray they aren't real." Marik shuddered. " I really, really, pray they're not."
" There were times that were like dreams." I said, looking over to Marik, and then back to Yami, meeting his gaze that asked me a million questions, and yet, I couldn't understand a single one. I used to be able to know his thoughts with a glance… " There were times when everything was so perfect… It was just us and the hikaris, and we had each other, and no one could take that from us. It was just the six of us… And for some reason, the fact that we're all cursed really didn't seem so important. I remember feeling blessed, that I would be able to live this paradise over and over again… But there were times that were like nightmares too." I paused and closed my eyes, a world almost more real than Yami's face by the fading golden sunlight suddenly blooming before me… Yami's sweat-drenched face, his lips parted and panting, eyes squeezed shut in ecstasy, gasping beneath me as I watched in utter rapture… and then that look of ecstasy faded into one of pain and horror, Malik's screams and Ryou's pleas in the background of a dream that had become a nightmare… I opened my eyes and looked at Yami, who was watching me with an expression I couldn't read. His eyes looked dull… It reminded me too keenly of the pain, the horror, the gasps and blood bubbling through the lips I had worshiped with my own.
" Why can't I remember, Bakura?" Yami asked. I looked away. How do you answer that? " I know you know." He accused. Marik shifted uneasily.
" I can't answer you." I said finally, my voice quiet and flat and defeated.
" Why?" Yami snapped accusingly.
" Because some questions have no right answers, Yami." Marik answered for me. " Sometimes, the greatest sacrifice anyone can ever make for you is not giving you what you want."
" What?" Yami asked, annoyed. I turned away from his accusing glare. I couldn't bear it.
As years go by,
I race the clock with you
But if you die right now,
You know that I die too.
(I die too)
" Why'd you do that?" Yami asked, and I looked back at him. I froze when I saw his expression. That same, glazed, preoccupied look Marik got when some memory finally became clear. " Why'd you hug me like that?" he asked me, more wonder than anger in his voice.
What time? I wanted to ask. There were so many times that I held you to my chest and just thanked every god ever born that you were alive and that I could feel your heart thudding in you chest and you blood racing through you veins, so gloriously alive! You shared in my pain, and no matter how many times I died and was born again, you were there to welcome me! In the face of so much death, our own multiple deaths, in a world where the only absolute is death, where the only thing I could ever be sure of was that I would die sometime, you were my magnificent reminder of the glory of life! Oh, you would tell me "eat, drink, and be merry, lover, for tomorrow we die!" and I would answer you "and the day after, we are reborn to do it again!" Your heart beat was the most mesmerizing thing in the world, my own little pulsating treasure that just said "hold me, kiss me, make sweet, sweet love to me, because I am alive!" Just the thud of your heartbeat told me that it was no curse I was trapped in, but a blessing, to live, to love, and to learn that which most only experience once. That beat filled me with the resolve that you depended on me for so much, and that I depended on you, gods bless you, my sweet sovereign. So many, sweet, sweet memories, all torn so rudely from my heart…
You remind me of the time
When I knew who I was
But still the second hand
Will catch us
Just like it always does.
We'll make the same mistakes,
I'll take the fall for you
I hope you need this now
Cause I know I still do
And this was the part I'd feared. That day that, if it ever came, he would remember something like that and then would come the awkward silences. I was never good at things like this, but I didn't know what else to do. I just stared back at him for a long moment and then turned, and walked away. He didn't try to stop me, nor did Marik. They just watched. And I walked off, utterly alone. I hate being alone.
Until the day I die
(Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you
Until the day I die
(Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you
I didn't think. I didn't want to. If I thought, then that made it real, and if it was real… Ryou needed me still. I couldn't leave him behind. Ryou kept me real. Gods bless that little bundle of joy, the light of my life. Even now, in the midst of this nightmare, I praise the gods for the blessing of being able to watch him grow into the calm, level, wonderful man he's become, and watch him always make the same mistakes and the same decisions and learn from those mistakes. Even now, I drew comfort from the fact that Ryou's hair was still white and smelled vaguely of flowers and smiled that smile when I came into the room. Even now, I knew, I was watching the beginnings of that age-old courtship that never got old… It would be different this time, there were circumstances… Neither of them were pure and clean. It would be more complicated this time. But the result would be the same.
" Bakura!" I recognized the voice that called out to me, but I didn't stop. If there was one thing I just couldn't deal with right then, it was Yami's rejection. That was one thing I just couldn't face. Not now, not ever. " Bakura, wait up, will you!" I stopped. Couldn't help it. I tried to make my feet move again, but they wouldn't. So I just held still. I didn't turn around. I didn't move. I barely breathed. I could hear him run up behind me, double over, and gasp for a minute. " Gods, I'm so out of shape…" he muttered, then stood up. I could hear his still ragged breath, and I could feel his angry glare at my back. Gods, please, anything but this… " You…" Yami said, and why in the world was his voice shaking like that? " You… you… You stupid tomb robber!"
I didn't know why, but a pair of arms went around my torso and a face was suddenly buried against my back, making my shirt wet. I closed my eyes and sighed. Thank you… I whispered mentally, then wheeled around and grabbed that idiotic Pharaoh and pressed him as close to my chest as I could while he sobbed and hiccupped.
Should I bite my tongue
Till blood soaks my shirt
We'll never fall apart
So tell me why this hurts
So much
My hands are at your throat
And I think I hate you
But still we'll say
"Remember when"
Just like we always do
(Just like we always do)
Until the day I die
(Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you
Until the day I die
(Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you
" You're so stupid." Yami whispered to me. I ignored him, grabbing his chin and smashing my lips to his, forcing my tongue into his mouth and tasting him.
" Gods, I've missed you so much!" I moaned, burying my face against his neck and planting kisses there, licking and sucking that little sensitive patch of skin that I remembered so clearly. He gasped, threading his fingers through my hair and gripping hard.
" I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" he gasped, pushing his hands up my shirt. The feel of his bare hands meeting my skin was almost enough to make me climax right there in the street.
" It wasn't your fault, forget it… Gods… just forget it… It was a nightmare, love, just a nightmare…" I managed to groan.
" Let's go back to my place." Yami gasped as my hands drifted downwards.
" Yeah, okay." I answered almost too quickly, grasping his hand in mine and taking off down the street.
" Uh, the other way, Bakura!" Yami yelled.
" Oh, oops!" I ground to a halt and turned around, dragging a madly laughing Yami with me.
I was so happy to not be alone anymore.
My hands are at your throat,
And I think I hate you
We made the same mistakes,
Mistakes like friends do
My hands are at your throat
And I think I hate you
We made the same mistakes
(The same mistakes)
We ran back to the game shop and sped up the stairs. Before we got to the room, and I turned and pinned him to the wall, shoving a knee between his legs and pressing my body to his, earning the most delightful moan. Gods how I missed his voice, and his fingers, threading through my hair and massaging my scalp, and that sweet soft cheek that pressed to my forehead as I sucked at his neck mercilessly.
" Are you sure? What about the old man?" I asked, my voice coming out low and husky.
" He's visiting a friend in… oh gods… some other place…" my precious sovereign managed to get out, unable to stifle a moan as I grazed my teeth against his skin. My hands were practically twitching, begging to touch that lithe, writhing body beneath me.
" But are you sure?" I asked, my breath hitching in my throat as he grabbed me by the ass and ground our hips together. I exhaled slowly, feeling blood pumping down there as arousal met arousal.
" That answer your question?" he asked hoarsely.
" No. That's your body. I want to know if you, yourself, are sure." I said surprising myself. Here I was, pinning the obviously aroused object of my deepest affections to a wall, with him willing and compliant to my touch and pursuit and knowing he would willingly do whatever I wanted, and I was asking gods-damned questions!
" This has happened before, hasn't it? You've asked me this before." He whispered in my ear, his hot breath blowing over it and making me shiver. " Do you always ask me before the first time?"
" Always. Just want to be sure… Just want you to be sure…" I whispered.
" I am sure." Came his quiet response. I pressed my mouth to his, hungrily exploring the hot, wet cave that waited. Electricity seared down my spine and made my knees quiver. I wanted him so badly… I'd missed him so much…
" I need you." I whispered, pulling him as close to me as I could, relishing in the heat his body put off. " I missed you so much…"
" I missed you too, and I didn't even realize what it was I was missing!" my precious sovereign giggled, gripping me close and I nudged the side of his neck with my nose. A smile passed over my lips.
" Alright, are you sure? If we go in that room, you won't be walking out right." I asked. He nodded.
" I'm sure." He repeated. I pulled him into a searing kiss, my hand searching behind me to find the door knob. Finally, I managed to find it and push it open roughly. Yami was utterly unaware of my actions, and I kept it that way by engaging him in a battle for dominance with my tongue. I swept my hands downwards over his ass and lifted him upward, grinning wolfishly with pleasure as he instinctively wrapped his legs around my waist and his growing arousal rubbed against mine. I halfway wanted to stay right there and explore that position, but this was the first time in this life. He deserved to have it done right. So I hefted him closer to me, carrying him into the room and kicking the door shut behind me. He, in turn, wrapped his arms around my neck and hauled himself up to continue battling for dominance.
We landed on the bed with a heavy thud.
" Ow…" Yami groaned.
" Sorry." I apologized, kissing his nose before nibbling on his lower lip.
" Make it up to me." Yami growled aggressively. I grinned.
" With pleasure, my beautiful sovereign." I whispered, engaging him yet again in a passionate kiss while my hands worked nimbly at his top. I'd had it with all this clothing, I needed to feel some skin! The clothing peeled off and I worshipped his skin with my lips, reveling in the soft, creamy beauty and the sinfully beautiful sound of his breathy moans.
Gods, is it wrong to be cursed and feel so blessed?
:Ryou's POV:
Malik and I were engaged in a very heated round of Dead or Alive 3 when Marik came home, slamming the door behind him like he always did.
" Watch out Ryou! Ooh, do a high kick, a high kick! Yeah! Take that, Malik!" Isis cheered on the couch behind us.
" K.O." the TV told us in that deep voice that was a little creepy.
" Isis, I'm your brother! Shouldn't you be cheering me on!" Malik whined while I flopped on my back and rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand.
" You may be my brother, but Ryou cooks." Isis said with an air of finality, as though my cooking explained everything.
" Are you okay, hikari?" a deep, rumbly voice asked me. I looked up at Marik, who was looming over me.
" Yeah, these things just hurt my eyes after a while." I said. " Where are Yami and Bakura?"
" Probably off having fun." Marik said, grinning slyly.
" Fun? Together?" Isis asked, kicking Malik, who was attempting to lunge at her and foaming at the mouth, away from her. " Are either one of them drugged?"
" Not exactly." Marik drawled. Just then, Yugi came in. He'd been in the bathroom.
" Oh, who won?" he asked.
" Ryou did." Malik grumped.
" I knew it." Yugi said, grinning while Malik gave him a sultry glare.
" Hey, don't go home any time soon, okay, little one?" Marik said nonchalantly.
" Why?" Yugi asked. " Did I miss something?"
" Apparently, Yami and Bakura are 'having fun.'" I said, frowning. Yugi cocked his head thoughtfully.
" Sounds like one of them might get hurt." He muttered.
" Something like that." Marik said, with a snort of laughter.
" Alright, psychopath, what's going on?" Malik asked.
" I don't know." Marik said, smiling and shrugging innocently. Unfortunately for Marik, innocent is not something he can pull off very easy.
" Whatever." Malik sniffed. " Spill it."
" I really don't. Not for sure, anyway." Marik said, wincing while Malik, Yugi and I glared at him. " Geez, you three really know how to shove a guy around. Let's just say that it's gonna be interesting to see who comes back limping."
" What?" All three of us asked.
" I don't get it." I said.
" Me neither." Yugi whined.
" Me neither." Malik agreed. Marik came over to me and kissed my forehead, then repeated the motion with Malik and Yugi. Yugi blushed profusely, but neither Malik nor I were fazed. Just even more perplexed.
" That's okay. You'll get it someday. Someday soon." He promised us.
" Oh!" Isis suddenly gasped, slapping a hand over her mouth and turning bright red. " Oh." She muttered. Marik laughed.
" Yeah. Oh." He agreed.
" I don't get it, what's 'oh?'" Malik persisted.
" Yeah!" Yugi and I chimed in. Marik just shook his head.
" I'm taking a shower." He announced, starting towards the downstairs bathroom he and Isis shared.
" But Marik! What's 'oh!'" three voices trailed after him, making him guffaw loudly.
Until the day I die
(Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you
Until the day I die
(Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you