TITLE: The Return
AUTHOR: EruDaughter
FANDOM: Narnia
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: One of the Queen's slaves talks to the Great Lion
NOTES: Unbatad if you see something off, please let me know
WARNINGS: Don't let a 6yr. old play with white-out
DISCLAIMER: Not mine, but I can dream right?

There were rumors in Narnia that Aslan was back, I longed to see him he had been gone fore so long and I dreaded that he might look at me. He has this way of looking at you…. He knows all that goes on inside your head, even, especially the things you would rather he did not know. The beavers say he is good, but he is not safe. How can that be? I guiltily enjoyed the rule of the White Queen, I had a power, could do anything I wanted and yet I want to see Aslan more then I ever wanted to serve the queen.

He will look into my eyes, he will see all the times I lied, when I had fun seeing what I should not have seen, reading what I should not have read, thinking what I should not have thought. And I can't stop. I wanted to stop, I tried, Aslan, I tried! How can one who has eaten her food go back to berries grown from the earth? The longer I stay away the more I want to go running to her cold heartless arms and hear her call my name. She is calling, calling. But while she holds my gaze I run from her in my mind. I would run away and say your name.

Aslan I have never seen you, I have only heard about you, it is easy to pretend you aren't real. She is very real, she isn't safe eather. But they say you are good. Can I come to you? Will you have me flaws and all? Will you remove this horrid longing from my soul? Will you give me back my heart? Can you break me out of this prison of my mind?

Don't look at me, don't look at me! You won't like what you see! I am unfit for your sight, look away! Save your time for those who are not beyond redemption. Don't breath on me, save your breath for those who could benefit. I don't want to change! It hurts! Make it stop! Let me go!

See! I lied, I cheated, I stole, I enjoyed causing others pain. I was one of her best informers. I would turn anyone in, anyone. I would laugh while she changed the others into stone. I would go and laugh at them in their cells and shout with glee when they realized what was about to happen. It was FUN! I liked it. Let me run away and hide or kill me. You can't love me, nobeast can love me. I am alone, frozen in the winter, no spring, no Christmas. I can't even cry, Aslan, I can't even cry.

Aslan, Aslan…. Great Lion. Save me from myself. Aslan….