This time I'm going to do it...Cloud told himself firmly as he drove into Sector Seven. His Geostigma had gotten worse in the two weeks he had been away. It was getting harder and harder to hide it from Tifa. He was just lucky that no one had questioned his new sleeve that hid his Geostigma, just the way no one had questioned Tifa when she cut her long hair to the middle of her back. Apparently they just accepted his sleeve as a new addition to his wardrobe.
Funny isn't it?...Cloud mused glumly. My conflict changed from telling Tifa I'm in love with her...to telling her that I'm dying...Cloud grimaced and gripped his handlebars tightly. You could still tell her how you feel...a sly little voice inside him voiced. But Cloud just shook his head. Not now...that's one thing I can never tell her. I'm not going to be that selfish...Besides, what kind of future could we have? All it could end in is pain for Tifa...He gave a ragged sigh as Seventh Heaven came into his sightline.
Don't let yourself get caught up in Tifa, Marlene, and Denzel like last time...he commanded himself. If you keep letting yourself have fun with them...you'll never be able to let them go. He braced himself before opening the door. Cloud sighed in relief when no one came running. He stood in the doorway for another moment, needing a second to pull himself together. Finally he stood up straight and looked around. Now, where's Tifa?
He checked his watch. Tifa was probably shepherding the kids into bed. Cloud began walking up the stairs. The house was silent. When he reached the second floor hallway, he peeked into Marlene's room, only to find it empty. Strange...he thought idly, reaching over to check the spare room where Denzel slept, along with the occasional orphan that stayed with them. A furrow appeared in Cloud's brow when he felt that the room was locked. Why would Tifa lock that door? he wondered, beginning to feel uneasy. Something strange is going on here...Cloud walked down to Tifa's door, which was opened a crack. He peered in.
There they are...he thought with relief. But he was still slightly confused and uneasy. Both Marlene and Denzel were tucked into Tifa's bed, and she was sitting on the edge, talking to them softly. Marlene and Denzel were both sniffling slightly, their faces distressed. Tifa reached out every now and then to smooth their hair.
"Just for tonight then, okay?" she said softly, pulling a blanket over the two of them. "I know today was...hard...but we're going to be alright. Try to fall asleep now..."
She paused a minute to kiss them goodnight.
"I'll be in a little while, alright? Everything is going to be okay..." she whispered softly as she stood up from the bed.
Cloud backed away from the door quickly. Tifa's eyes were lowered as she slipped through it. He cleared his throat quickly, so Tifa wouldn't walk straight into him.
"Hello..." he said quietly.
Tifa's eyes jumped up, but they lacked the usual sparkle they usually had when she looked at him. She didn't return his greeting, but stood in front of him, face blank of a smile, or any emotion for that matter. The uneasiness returned to Cloud full force.
"Tifa?" he asked warily, reaching out to her.
His hands closed on her shoulders, but she turned her head away, still not responding to him.
"Tifa..." he said anxiously. "Talk to me...what's wrong?"
She just squeezed her eyes shut and took a step away from him. His hands fell from her shoulders. Her arms wrapped around herself tightly, as though she were holding herself together.
"Did something bad happen?" he asked breathlessly.
Finally, Tifa looked at him directly. She nodded slowly. Cloud immediately forgot about his own problems for a minute. Tifa didn't move as he stepped forward and placed his arms lightly around her shoulders, ushering her forward.
"Come on Tifa..." he said quietly. "We'll go talk in my room."
They walked into Cloud's room silently, and he shut the door behind him. When he turned around, Tifa had her back turned. Cloud stared at her back for a minute, unsure and a little aprehensive. He put his hand on her shoulder gently. She turned around so quickly, it made him jump. He took an unsteady step backwards. Her arms were still wrapped tightly around herself, her eyes frightfully blank.
"Tifa...please talk to me..." he said, his voice low and anxious. "What happened?"
Tifa turned her back to him again, and he was about to reach out to her again when she spoke.
"A child came to stay with us a couple days ago..." she whispered so softly Cloud took a step forward to hear her.
"And?" he prompty quietly.
"He had Geostigma...must have been about Marlene and Denzels age..." she continued blankly. "And everything was fine until...today..."
Her voice died.
"Tifa?" Cloud whispered. "What happened today?"
She turned around quickly, and for the first time, Cloud could see the anguish in her face.
"Cloud, he died!" she bursted out, before facing her back to him again.
Cloud watched her back, speechless for a minute. A child died...he thought painfully. We all knew Geostigma was fatal but...I guess this is a reality check. He gripped his left arm tightly for a minute. When Tifa turned back around her face was blank again.
"Tifa..." he said softly. "I'm sorry..."
He reached a hand out to her, but she backed away shaking her head. Cloud could see her jaw quivering. She clenched it shut. Her eyes were squeezed shut too. She seemed to be struggling against tears. Cloud took a step towards her. She seemed frozen to the spot.
"Tifa...It's okay to cry..." he whispered.
A single tear trailed down her cheek, but she swatted it away angrily. She opened her eyes and glared at Cloud, hands curled into fists at her side.
"No, it's not okay!" she snapped. "How am I supposed to cry, when Marlene and Denzel are already so scared? They need me to be strong for them, I can't go around wearing my fear and pain out on my sleeve for them to see! I can't..."
She stopped talking and pressed her hands firmly against her eyes, breathing heavily. Cloud took another step towards her, heart painfully heavy. He gently placed his hands on her arms.
"Tifa..." he said quietly. "You don't have to hide your pain from me..."
Tifa's hand dropped from her eyes, and in an instant, she dropped all her walls. Cloud was forced to fall back a step as she threw her arms around his neck, crying so heartwrenchingly that it hurt Cloud's insides. He wrapped his arms tightly around her back, head burried into her dark hair. Cloud could feel the wetness of her tears seeping through his shirt.
"Cloud..." she bawled, clinging to him tightly.
He sat them both down on the edge of his bed, stroking her back and hair, trying to soothe her pain.
"It's okay Tifa..." he whispered, rocking her gently back and forth. "I'm here..."
She pulled back slightly, and it pained Cloud to see the grief in her eyes. He gently wiped the tears off her cheeks, but new ones soon replaced them. Her face crinkled up and she ducked her face into her chest again. Cloud rubbed her back gently, and she began talking, her voice muffled by his shirt and by her sobs.
"He was just a child Cloud..." she sobbed, pressing her face into his shirt. "It was horrible...and Marlene and Denzel were there...they saw it too..."
She stopped for a minute to catch her breath, choking slightly over her tears.
"And Denzel has Geostigma..." she whispered, another sob ripping from her chest. "And he saw...he knows...Marlene knows..."
Cloud couldn't do anything, but pull her closer. There's nothing I can say...he thought painfully, holding Tifa against him. He let her cry herself out, running soothing hands through her hair and gently over her quaking back. Slowly, her sobs quieted, and her breathing deepened. He knew she was asleep, but he held her still, not ready to pull away yet.
Finally, he shifted Tifa in his arms slightly, so he could pick her up. She remained asleep, nuzzling her face into his shoulder; her pain had wore her out. Cloud carried her down the hall and into her dark room. The children were both sound asleep in her bed. One-handedly, he flicked the covers down and laid Tifa down in the bed next to them. Slowly, he knelt next to her.
"Tifa..." he whispered, pushing her hair gently off her face.
Light from the moon crept through the window, and the tears on Tifa's face shone brightly. Cloud wiped them away. Even when the tears were gone, Cloud couldn't bring himself to pull his hands away from the soft skin of her cheek. Pain shot through his heart.
"I love you Tifa..." he breathed, so quietly he could barely hear himself. "But I can't tell you that."
He smiled painfully, running a hand through her silky hair.
"And I have Geostigma...but I can't tell you that either." he whispered, watching her beautiful face as she slept, unaware of his confessions. "I never want to be the cause of your tears Tifa..."
Cloud pulled the covers up over her. He gently caressed her cheek, and pressed a feather-light kiss to her forehead. He pulled away slightly, and then bent back down, kissing her gently on her lips. When he pulled up, Tifa had new tears on her cheeks, but this time they were his. Cloud wiped them off her face with shaking fingers. She slept on, face peaceful.
"Goodnight Tifa..." he whispered.
He walked out of the room, closing the door gently. That night, he tossed and turned in his own bed. He wasn't sure what hurt more, the Geostigma in his arm, or the pain in his heart.